Guys why don't you want to stay friends with an ex?

guys why don't you not want to stay friends with an ex?

so here is the other part my ex and I constantly see each other because we have to but he never really says hi or anything but when I recently hung out with his family and he was there we talked not akwardly but still after went back to the ignoring


Most Helpful Guy

  • After you cross that line, you can't go back. Some try, but most fail. Why? Because one of you is going to be conflicted. Time (and distance) may not be the best healer, but it does heal (i.e., 'out of sight, out of mind'). I'm going through that now, as she knows/hangs out with all my friends. But I'm dealing. Nothing will be gained by forcing a friendship. You may have been friends before, but now its awkward, as you don't REALLY know how the other person was affected by the breakup. Show some understanding, and respect his desire for space from you. Friendships can be repaired/re-formed. If he was such a great friend, then wait until he wants (if ever) to do that again.


What Guys Said 10

  • A. We are trying to get over you.

    B. We don't want you to think we still have feelings for you.

    C. We don't want to feel awkward around you.

    D. We broke up with you in a bad way i.e. lied about the real reason and now feel guilty about it.

    E. We are sometimes immature.

    F. We don't feel like it is worth it to attempt to be friends anymore.

    Could be any of these or maybe even more.

    • D. We broke up with you in a bad way i.e. lied about the real reason and now feel guilty about it. what is the real reason then???

    • We found another girl we like better or we just don't see the relationship going where we want. Lying to you and telling you "It's not you it's me." or "I just have too many things going on in my life right now." It is just to ease the blow, which just causes even more pain later to the other person, so being direct is the best way to go even if you have to be the bad guy for a minute.

  • too many memories, and it'd be too ez to go bacc to having sex, and the eventual relationship... and the headaches from it

  • let me ask you a question, if you lost a bag full of money, is it nice to see that bag everyday in front of you while you cannot get it back ?

    it really hurts

    so the best way to forget about what you have lost is to stay away from anything that would remind you of it.

    • I like the analogy. but how can I stay away if I absolutly have to be by him. we go to the same school, we are in band together and share the same circle of friends.

    • Well, then I will consider this as a torture

      especially if one of you still have feelings for the other.

  • From personal experience: Because you broke up for a reason and spending more time around the person you liked will not help a guy get over a girl. It will prolong the pain so he's trying to block you out.

  • some times when things don't work out people fell odd I've had xs stay friends and I've had ones I would try to hide from in a store just depends on the situation my x wife and I get along great . I talk to her three times a week and I have a live in girlfriend and she's cool with it

    • Can you enlighten me on this? I can't imagine someone being frineds with their ex-boyfriend or girlfriend. It makes no sense to me... Please, I want to be friends with my ex, but he doesn't want anything to do with me... (at least that's what he says)

    • They say time heals all wounds ,it took a little while for feelings to change and become relaxed and open to social contact give it a little time and then make a effort to talk to him

  • We don't want it to be awkward.

  • Have you read the book 'Women are from Mars and Men are from Venus", There are some traits you should be aware of about men

    a) men like to always win

    b) its a waste of time for men to put efforts into a relationship when he knows it won't work out so he sets out to conquer fresher pastures.

    c) Generally there is a big banner across their forehead saying " My ego is bigger than earth"

    Does that answer why they don't want to stay friends?

  • I don't talk to them because I might think they hate me or maybe they moved on because I am lame compared to others and it might make it weird.

  • The more important question is why do you want to stay friends with them? Be honest with yourself. I only stay friends when I still have feelings for them, or if I want to have someone lined up just in case. Never break up with someone until you are absolutely SURE that it's time to split. Staying friends is what people do when they're not sure. Unless they have been together for a very long time.

    • What about if you were friends before? Then you figure out that you two just work better as friends?

    • Yeah I've been there too. If you want to go back to being friends you need to step away from each other for a good while... give your selves time to heal. It can happen, but honestly usually once I've moved on I don't want to be friends anymore. When you break up with someone, you give up the friendship too. It's the bitter reality of it.

What Girls Said 5

  • it's not just guys, I'm a girl and I usaully aren't friends with my ex's when we breakup cause most times it ends on bad terms

  • well maybe you should stray away from his family.. if you can because that can make him annoyed.. but don't worry about him not wanting to be friends.. he will come around.. in highschool boys are weird.. I don't really remember.. but even if we didn't get a long right after.. by a years end.. things go back to being friends etc.. no biggie.. don't dwell on it.. I'm sure he will come around.

  • Anyone who avoids their ex to avoid awkwardness is a coward. People have feelings, sometimes you're responsible for that, Deal it with like an Adult. Conversely, if all of your relationships end badly (like beyond the usual hurt feelings of 'Why don't you love me anymore?" and into full-on bitterness and resentment) then you're doing relationships Wrong.

    If you like someone enough to be in a relationship, you should like them enough to take responsibility for what you did wrong and apologize, forgive them for what they did wrong (even if you stop giving them the chance to do it again by splitting up), and recognize that sometimes it's just a bad fit and nobody's fault. If every relationship ends with major heartbreak, you are not looking for a relationship, you're looking for someone to fix you and/or fulfill you. And if every partner you leave is resentful and baffled about it, it's not them, it's You.

    It's hard to be friends with an ex initially, but they can be incredibly fulfilling friendships to have. They know you really well and have seen you at your best and your worst, meaning they are uniquely qualified to both build you up and call you on your shit. Oh, and yes, sometimes its a way to cool down a relationship so that you can fix it and get back into it. But not usually, and especially not if that's your intent.

    Some of my best friends are my exes, even years and years later. But it didn't happen right out the gates. When I tried that I just ended up back in the relationship. I think you need around 3-6 months (sometimes longer depending on how long and serious the relationship was) before you can get back into that level of emotional intimacy without it being really unsettling.

    It can be hard to give it that time when you're feeling raw and lonely after a relationship and you know that this incredible person that you probably still love is out there and could make you feel better, even if they don't love you back in the same way. Or when you're worried that they're going to need you to take them back and you're worried that you'll hurt them more by keeping that boundary intact. Time and keeping busy helps with both. Sometimes those feelings never completely leave, and that can be okay, too. You just have to remind yourself you're a grown-up and every relationship you're ever in is one you choose to be in. And that that applies to the ones you're Not in, too.

  • id say 80% of my exs I'm still friends with (I have 5 exs) so the one ex I'm not friends with we broke up 2 months ago. it was my longest and deepest relationship to date and I don't feel I can be friends with him anymore. I think about him so much, if I'm bored at work ill think about us having sex. and how goddam good it was. its painful. its been 2 months and I think I'm crazy to still have so many clear memories. he's tried txtin but I havnt txted him bak. not to be mean I guess after going thru break ups and remaining friends with my exs this particular ex boyfriend would be too hard for me to stay mates with. so I just have to cut all connection with him. sometimes its just for the best!

  • Think of it this way, what reason is there to still be friends with an ex. Usually to keep them close so you can still have them if you want them or because you just feel guilty about breaking up with them. For me, when I tried to be friends with my ex it only made it harder because I still had feelings for him and was hoping he would take me back. This only put me through more pain and I never moved on until I got away from him.

    I think it is normal to want time away from an ex. It is the best way to move on. If after all the feelings are gone then maybe you can consider being friends, but for me this just isn't a good idea.