How to tell my ex that we need a clear cut break up?

[sarahlouise1]

My ex and I have decided to remain friends which is fine with me. The only thing is that it still feels like we are together. I have asked him when we will change our Facebook relationship status (I know its not a big deal but seeing it everyday kinda hurts), he has just said that why does it matter and "do I want to see other guys already". He gets really defensive. I feel like he is trying to hold onto our relationship even though our breakup was fairly mutual but more his decision. I want to remain friends but I don't know how to tell him that I need to see that we are really broken up. I can't live feeling like we are still together when we are not. I have also said that I will give his things back to him this week and he said don't worry about it, keep it because you might need my jumpers when its cold in winter. That confuses me too. He also thinks that I live by a rule book with relationships and I am going along with how everyone else goes through breakups, e.g. cutting off all contact. I don't want to cut of contact but I just need to know that this is real and this is what he wants.

How do I get his across to him without him getting defensive?

[BirdofParadise]

There is a reason why cutting off all contact after a break up is in the "relationship rulebook". Because the sooner you cut ties with a persons the sooner you can accept the break up and move on. It is actually really strange that he is the one who appears to be holding onto this relationship when he was the one who wanted to break up.

Whatever his reasons are for wanting to keep things the way they are don't matter. He wanted a break up, so now you have to give him one. Give him his stuff back and tell him you will need space to move on. Then cut contact and ignore any contact he makes with you.

[anony84]

i don't understand why you can't change your Facebook status by yourself? I keep mine empty so is it just a technological thing where you need the other person's consent to switch it back to single. Because if not, then just go ahead and change your's to single. You are a grown woman - you don't need his permission. And if you're worried this will hurt him, well then if it does then that's a pretty clear signal that he's not over you yet.

[cheerstar]

He's not really ready to walk away from this. If he was none of this would still be an issue...seems as if he was flirting with the idea of breaking up, and when it became reality he didn't know how to handle it. If this is really and truly what you want, then return his stuff, change the FB, and be done with it. He may get offended, but all of this wishy-washy stuff is tiresome and will inevitably lead to the conclusion that he and you will have no chance of being friends, ever.