What do you think about cutting someone out of your life completely after a break up?

[Anonymous]

I am not friends with any of my exes, they are not part of my life in any way anymore. My latest ex is still friends with all of his exes... except me now.

I used to always think that not having them in your life was for the best, helps you to move on and prevents someone from getting strung along or used for sex. But now, after yet another ex has been erased from my life... I start to feel it might be a bit of a waste to just throw people away.

From what I have heard, it doesn't sound like my ex is handling things well. He is lashing out at his friends and acting out in really immature ways. I read that sometimes guys act out after break ups because they just don't know how to handle it. I think this break up might be a bit harder on him since I told him we could never be friends, and no ex has every cut him off like this.

Sometimes I feel really bad about cutting him off, like it is just a waste.

What are your thoughts about this? Do you think its harsh and cold to cut people out like that, particularly when they didn't do anything to hurt you, things just didn't work out? Or is cutting someone out of your life a necessary part of moving on?

[Zimbo113]

It all depends on the person you are, honestly. I've been in four relationships, 3 of which I was the dumper. After I broke up with each girl, I didn't want anything to do with them anymore. I wanted to go out and live my life free of them and I dropped contact and never looked back.

Now, the 4th broke up with me after two years. I was very much in love with her, and I never planned to break-up with her. After we split, she wanted to stay friends and keep me there. I told her that wasn't how I did things, and I just couldn't be friends with someone I was so intimate with and cared about. 3 Months of no contact, she was pretty much devastated by losing me and realized it wasn't easier to just leave rather than work on our problems together and came back. I pretty much cut her out of my life as a tool. I was confident she would come back, I knew what we had and she did.

So yeah, if I really give a damn about someone I'll contact them in the future. If not, don't expect to hear from me. That's pretty much how it goes.

A relationship is a huge foundation around our life, and we are dating to test out possible candidates. So if we broke up, sorry, but I don't really have a need to be friends with you.

[martyfellow]

He, he wonders what he did 'wrong' since he doesn't understand that this is just your personal preference. This leads to frustration and anxiety and self-doubt. You should at least explain that he didn't do anything in particular 'wrong, just that you aren't compatible. And that cutting him out completely is just your way to move on.

After you do that, you can at least consider keeping him in your life, at least in a limited way, depending on how he reacts. But if he's really childish about it, maybe you were right to cut him out.

[Asker]

While we were still together, I told him that I am not friends with any of my exes because I find it easier that way. And when we broke up I told him I couldn't have contact, I had to delete him and we couldn't be friends because I needed that to move on. He knows its not about him, its my way of dealing.

[martyfellow]

If he's acting out like that, he must think you were just beng polite. He thinks he did somethng 'wrong', or he's not attractive enough, or something like that.

[Asker]

He has always been insecure... soon after the break up he started dating again and bragging about it... I think a lot of it was to make people think he wasn't hurt after the break up.

[martyfellow]

Yes, I think he's feeling like you decided he wasn't good enough.

[DrunkLove]

I beleive that if your still friends after a break up it means one of two things. One, you still have feelings for each other or, two, you never did. I don't think you can be friends with an ex, it's not healthy after a break up and I think it takes much longer to recover from the break up. I in no way speak to my ex's anymore and it helped me get over them. One of my best friends has just broke up with her ex and their still texting and calling each other, she cries to me all the time after being on the phone and hearing his voice, she's kept all his things instead of giving them back or throwing them away. I think she's just making the whole thing worse on herself. When I break up with someone I like to cut them out my life for good, it hurts thinking you'll never see or speak to them again, but it's what you need to recover.

[Nicefuture]

I'm with cutting people off and starting from zero, a new beginning without drama. cutting contact helps on living in peace. Staying in contact gets back all the bad memories, give you a headache and you might never forget the past or move on because of that.

[akanksha0503]

I think it can work both ways. You can remain friends or you can cut off completely, depends on your understanding of each other and the situation. Just stick to the decision you made.

[Cryostatic]

Cutting off your ex accomplishes two things.

1. Helps the person who was broken up with move on.

2. Prevents jealousy and drama in your next relationship.

There's plenty of people out there in the world to be friends with. Your exes do not have to count among them.

[Anonymous]

I tend to cut an ex out of my life to begin with so we can both move on and rid of any lingering feelings. Then it's entirely dependant on whether my ex contacts me again or not as to whether we become friends again. If we haven't spoken in months I tend to be the 'out of sight, out of mind' type and don't really think about an ex. But I'm more than happy to speak again if they decide to contact me.

[Anonymous]

Personally I would want to be friends. If I fall for a girl and we had a long history together in the end I'd still want to stay friends. I have no problem moving on from the sex and such but I have to admit I have a problem with attachment. Once I'm attach to something I like to have it around forever.

I wouldn't cut off all ties with my exes if they are mature. If she's immature and keep thinking we're together then I think it's best to cut off all ties.

[palek]

Why collect baggage for your next significant other to lug around?

[Anonymous]

If he didn't do anything to hurt you and you see that he's not dealing with it well, maybe you can meet him in the middle? like hang out a few more times (as friends) to show him that there are no hard feelings so he can move on. Just tell him that after that, you really need to distance yourself in order for YOU to move on... that away, he can kinda wean off lol and it's less abrupt.

[Xx_DRE_xX]

Idk I mean some people do the things they think are best for them. I mean when you break up generally it's just that way.

[Anonymous]

That's what I always do. Cut them out completely.