Found my boyfriend on a swingers website and don't know what to do?

[Anonymous]

Hello

After some advice please - I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years we have lived together for 7 months, we are happy and I thought we were totally in love with one another - our sex life is still great. However, I just found out that he is on a swingers website, I got his password and read loads of emails to different couples telling them his is straight and wanted some nsa fun. He had posted pictures of himself (explicit ones) the emails are all dirty telling girls exactly what he would like to do to them, telling them what great bodies they have etc... He was also asking if they would like to meet up for some dogging fun or anything else they might like. I also checked his email and it turns out that he has been emailing another woman telling her how much she turns him on and can she send him some photos of her and where she would like some action. Think you get the idea

I have confronted him about all this and he tells me he is sorry, embarrassed and he doesn't know why he did it and has promised not to do it again. He tells me he loves me and wants to put this behind us and move on.

I'm really struggling with all this and I just do not know what to do - how am I supposed to trust him after this - he tells me that he has never actually met anyone from the website, however, from what I read its not through want of trying - also not sure I believe him.

Any advice gratefully received

[Anonymous]

wow... found myself in the same situation. he admitted being on sls.com after i confronted him with a few things (he was hiding condoms in his car). My gosh, i didn't see this coming. i went onto the site, found his profile and was so shocked. he posted several pics, some were private so you can guess what they were!! he was looking for women or couples who were into MMF. Double vaginal penetration... sadly, he has been a member for almost the entire time we have been together. became a paid member 2 months after we started dating. he claims he only wanted attention and he only went on the site during our 'ups and downs'... he claims he never met anyone but from the way he talked, it surely wasn't for a lack of effort on his part. bottom line, he solicited sex from strangers and had every intention of meeting people on his business trips. all those red flags are now making sense. Trust? yeah, that's gone. this has nothing to do with me, it has to do with a need or desire on his part and clearly, that will never go away. i know i will always be looking over my shoulder, wondering, feeling doubt and uncertainty. i deserver better and plan to leave. i'm not judging, or labeling... your choice of lifestyle is your own and your own choice. what i resent is to hear this man tell me i'm everything he has ever wanted in a woman. well, clearly if that were true, he wouldn't be trolling swinger sites... i wonder... what would he do if the shoe was on the other foot?

[Allieshmallz]

I know this post is old, but I’m currently going through this exact situation. It’s involved a lot of tears, hard talks and some major trust issues on my end. He claims it’s not something he actually wants in “real life” yet he is always finding his way back to this website even if things are amazing for months. As soon as a personal problem comes up ex) car, family issue, etc. he goes back on. Almost instantly. I know this has nothing to do with me, and it’s a total him problem. I also know he doesn’t meet up with anyone because we spend almost 24/7 together. I don’t want him to keep getting away with it because I will always follow my intuition. We’ve already exhausted the topic we’ve talked about it so much. When I found this for the 6th time in the span of a year and half time frame and lots of lies, should I just accept that this is his thing? I’ve suggested therapy and I think that’s the only way I would let it slide again.

[annmarie1807]

Found out my boyfriend is on fab swingers. I opened a fake profile and found him. He’s met with couple and there’s a video of him in shower with a woman. To make it worse he won’t admit he’s done it. Says it’s not him. It’s 100% him. He’s got pics of his face and bits as well as the video. Says his bi curious. He’s into all sorts but won’t admit it’s him. I’m heart broken. All Iv got is this image of him in the shower . It’s not fair he’s done this to me

[SuzieJ]

Found mine on fabs too 🤣 fabulous isn't it 🙄

[BoobMan]

If you read all of his emails you should know what he did or what he just wanted to do. I'm pretty sure if he met and f*cked any of these women they'd have emailed about it afterward. Once you're sure you know all the facts you have to make an honest assessment of if you can repair your trust with this guy to an acceptable level. If not, just cut bait now.

Incidentally, how did you manage to find him on a swingers site? If you were browsing it yourself and recognized him, well. . . that would raise some other questions.

[yopyopyop]

You have no idea how simple it is to get caught; a friend of mine left for a few days and didn't take his laptop with him. His girlfriend browsed, saw sex sites bookmarks, then browsed the hard drive, and dumped him.

[BoobMan]

Ha! No, I figured she probably just went through his history. Just thought it'd be amusing if she were browsing a swingers sight herself and recognized him.

[Asker]

he uses same password for everything - saw the link to the swingers website on his email - I'm so not into anything like that - just wish he could of talked to me about it

[BoobMan]

Fair enough. Yeah, it sucks. But I'd imagine most people would have a tough time broaching the subject of "hey, I'd kind of like to see if any of these strangers would like to have sex even though we're together." On the other hand, I suppose the swingers have managed to do that openly. . .

[Asker]

tried talking to him and asked him to be really honest with me if he is in to all that stuff - but he keeps saying that he isn't and only went on their for a bit of fun - he says he set it all up before he met me - but his profile was live and the emails he had sent and recieved were recent - who knows

[yopyopyop]

My guess is that it's something that is deeply inside his head, so it will happen sooner or later.

Maybe it's the time to reconsider your relationship, if you refuse that option.

[Dragan]

The fact that something is watching, does not mean that they will do it. I do not approve his actions. Maybe your sex life has become routine. Change something. Buy the sexy lingerie surprise him

[SuzieJ]

Sounds identical to my ex!!! He's not from Newcastle is he 🤣

[Cantremember]

How did you get his password?

[Asker]

I knew is email password as I just watched him type it into his laptop one day - the stupied sod uses the same password for everything. I checked his email and saw the links to the swingers website

[Cantremember]

Wow, what a deal breaker. Illegal too I think.