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When will my ex boyfriend contact me?

We been together for about 9 years. How long does it take for a guy to know he wants you back and be with you if he regrets that we broke up? I... Show More

I have still not heard from him and it has been 16 days now. When is it "ok" to be nervous never to get him back?

Most Helpful Opinion

  • why did yall break up. If its a problem that you know is not worth fixing I say move on. Who hurt who, if you hurt him, he may wait a long time before contacting you. If he doesn't contact you I say move on as hard as it seems. I know 9 years is a long time but you can find other guy. If you feel that way about him I say contact him, someone has to be the bigger person. Call him and talk to him, let him know how you feel. If you call him and he doesn't want to talk, move on. I'm sure you are very beautiful and you have a lot going on for yourself. Don't settle for the games, find someone that will love you. Have a great day Sweetheart. Everything will be fine Trust me.

    p.s In the meantime go have fun, enjoy life with friends and family. do stuff that you never done before. Hang out at places that you enjoy doing. find guys with similar interest.

    • He broke up with me because he was confused about marrying me due to cultural differences, but I mean after almost 9 years?? I have seen him twice since we broke up, but he said that he thought it was for the best, and that I should not wait for him anymore because he thought it was best for him to marry a girl with the same cultural background than him. After I saw him the last time I haven't contacted him and he has contacted me twice with text messages. But if he really wanted me back....

    • He should do something more than that. I am having fun doing new things everyday. And I am talking to two guys with similar interests - so it is ok. But I am afraid that if I at some point agree to see my ex I will immediatly fall for his excuses and then maybe lose a great catch (maybe one of the two guys)? And my ex will hurt me again. I really liked your answer it's very positive - thank you.

    • I am in a similar situation, and it is SO very hard when my ex guy Completely Blanks me. I don't understand how he can't take responsibility for his side of it going sour, 2 to make a relationship/2 to have a relationship to go bad...

      I just wanted to thank you for your answer... it was thoughtful, helpful, honest and positive! It helped me too, in this tough time.. so THANKS! :)

What Guys Said 6

  • He'll never realize he wants you back and regret you broke up if he doesn't want you back and doesn't regret breaking up.

    If you really want him back you have to take the inititive, go talk to him, try to settle things. If you split up over cultural differences then that can often be a securely locked door. I hate to be the barer of bad news but when faced with what I'm hearing here...

    • Thank you for your answer.

      Well he has contacted me, but if he really wants me back he has to do better than just sent some text messages. I am not sure if I want him back anymore, because he broke up due to his insecureties about cultural differences, and if he is that insecure after 9 years - what can make me trust him again? Is he strong enough to stand up to his family etc? That he won't hold it against me, that I have a different culture than him?

    • - so I also have some thinking to do, but despite of that I do still love him alot

  • i'm sure he'll be back soon..sounds like he just needed some time off.

  • Hmm, If he does still care about you he is probably doing what I had done, more than likely he feels that talking to you would be a bad idea and could be beating himself up about it, your best option would to be to get a hold of him to ask "how he is doing"

    Problem solved either way :p

    • I Broken_Heart,

      I think you're right. Because I did contact him and set up a meeting twice, and both times he agreed, unfortunately he still sticks to his decision even though he says that he is confused about what he wants. I do not know what to do anymore. Should I still contact him once in a while just so that he won't forget me or should I just give up??

      Why do you feel that you are beating yourself up by having contact to an ex if you made the decision to break?

    • Because I resented it so much, it only took me a few weeks to realize how much I missed her, sadly enough I never mustered up the courage to work things out between us and nor did she, a few months later she found someone and they are still together :/ we hang out a lot now, but its really hard on me.

  • well ifr you want you can ask him back if he donsent have a girlfriend if he does then I guess that you nees to move on.

  • well me and a girl broke up and its been a month about, I think about calling her I kinda wish she would call me but if she did I'm not sure what id want to do he probably wants to call but its an ego thing, espcially if you hurt him what he may be worried about is calling and you not wanting to get back with him than you dumbed him and he came back and you rejected him. a mans pride is very valuable he may never call you call him if you really want to get back togther

    • Thank you for your answer. I've tried calling him and I have seen him twice, but he stood by his descision (it was him breaking up with me). After I saw him the last time I gave up and stopped contacting him etc. It is now him who contacts me once in a while, but never says what he wants. But I am now trying to get over him - he hurt me to much the last time I saw him.

What Girls Said 8

  • he may not want you back but everything needs time.

  • Okay, so I'm not a guy but I know a lot about them. Don't contact him under any circumstances. Don't email, don't call, don't text, don't pop up at his home or job. Then he will contact you. If you broke up under bad terms, then he may be angry with you and just being stubborn.

    If you panic of not hearing from him in 12 days, then stop. When he's ready to communicate he will contact you. If he doesn't want to be with you anymore then move on. 9 years is a long time to be together at such a young age and sometimes people grow apart. It would be worse spending 9 more years in a relationship that is really unwanted. Just take some time for yourself and get it together so that you are prepared when he does contact you. KRL

    • I have still not heard from him and it has been 16 days now. When is it "ok" to be nervous never to get him back?

    • Show Older
    • Your situation is different than most ladies that want2contact their X's. In your case&yours only, I would recommend letting him contact you first. Have faith, he will contact you. In the Asian as well as Muslim cultures, the men are raised2be the protectors as well as the decision makers. Your attempt2control the situation would prove that you are unable2adjust2his culture. The American in me wants2say just call or show up, but I think you need a clever way to make him call You!Patience KRL

    • He he thank you very much for your respond. I still have not contacted him. It is now been 17 days since we have talked and seen each other. I think he is a bit slow. I would think that a person would have made up their mind within a couple of weeks with no contact at all. His old work computer is still here, so I hope that he remembers that it is here, and that he has not asked for it because it is a way for him to get in contact with me again later. Hmm I just do not know :-(

  • I don't think that you should be nervous over time. Sixteen days isn't really as long as it seems, like I said, my man and I didn't get back together until 6 months after we broke up. Just try and be patient for a while.

    • I know, but as I recall you both had other "lovers" in your life. What if me and my ex are both single. He did not know if he would/could really commit to me because of different cultural backgrounds - he is/was scared of the future. We have been together for so long and neither of us have been contacting each other for the past 16 days - not even to ask you I am doing.

    • Show Older
    • They can date, but have to be very careful because of their reputation especially if you are a girl. But he will never get to know a girl like he knows me and the fact that we have been together for 9 years and we are so good together - he knows that as well (education wise as well as job wise). My family loves him and loves them.

    • It is very stressful for him that is why he has been so confused about us and his future.

  • I know that you wanted a guys opinion but I thought that I should share my experience with you since I was in your situation and my man came back to me. My man and I broke up, both dated a few rebounds because I thought that he hated me and he thought that I hated him. We both became single after 6 months and started talking again. Once we were talking he said that he never stopped thinking about me and I felt the same. About a week after we started talking again we became a couple again.

    I would say to leave it alone for about a month and then maybe shoot him a text that asks him how he's been. I think that might be long enough so that he has some time to think and short enough so that he doesn't think that you hate him. I wish you the best :).

    • Thank for your respond. I think I will contact after about a month - I just do not hope that it will be to soon - and he thinks that I am chasing him. Or to late and he has already moved on. But I really hope that he will initiate contact first and soon :-( Thank you for your story, that gives me hope.

    • As long as you keep your contact casual, he won't think that you're chasing him. If you guys start talking again just try to be friends first. If he still has feelings for you and regrets the breakup you'll notice or he'll tell you. I'm glad that I could help. I hope it all works out for you, he's gotta be crazy to someone go that obviously cares so much about him.

    • I think I will wait until 3 weeks and then I will contact him if has not contacted me yet. Yes I also think he is crazy for letting me and your relationship go.

  • Out of interest did you ever get back together?

    • He came back about two months later, but it was to late and he hadn't been very nice to me at the end of our relationsship. And therfore I wanted to date other people just to see what I was missing. And about 9 months later I got a really great boyfriend. And I stopped all contact with my ex in august of 2009.

  • dude I would call him or sumthing... guys are weird and go thru weird things me and my boyfriend broke up after 7 years I didn't hear from him for a week and was going crazy! and we have kids right... so I was like oh hell no he's not leaving me like this come to find out he just needed time to think things through and now we are back together and things are getting better ... id call him let him know ur there and still care without sounding desperate for him... once they know ur desperate for them they play it for all uve got... so be strong if he doesn't care and moves on wow ... maybe its better now then 20 years down the road you know... its hard but you can get through it be stong for yourself!

  • i know and ur right to think that because nothing can or will stop him from doing it again...that will just have to be the chance you have to take, but only if you feel like it will work this time. I'm new to this so I didn't know how to comment on just what I wrote..sorry. and yeah you will have that akward convo because it's so much that you want to say but maybe can't bring yourself to say it or ur afriad that it will make him not want to talk to u. I've been through all of that, it just takes time and its not easy, I know a lot of girls are like yeah I just got over him and blah blah its not like that at all. I know that its hard to listen to other girls because half the stuff they say they don't even do, but I am telling you this be cause I am going through it now. You will cry and feel alone but after a while it fades, you just have to tell yourself that ur not gonna cry anymore and ofcourse you will always remember the time and think of him but you have to have a strong will to not completely break down. That's what I'm doing now, going out with friends and just enjoying the life that God gave me, and one day if you don't get back together your gonna find this amazing guy that shows you why it never worked out.

    • Wow I really liked your answer. I see my friends and family every day, so that I have no time to be alone. Would you tell me your story about you and your ex - of course only if you want to?

  • i know that this is hard for you, because I am going through the same thing. Boys are stubborn though, he probably won't text you first, unless he starts to like REALLY miss you. The time b4 this when me and my ex broke up, we would talk a couple times but nothing big and then we just quit talking for like 3 mos. In the middle of the 3rd month at like 12am he was texting me saying " I love you" I don't know how your guy is, but they all have one thing in common and that's their pride. They will walk around scruffy, sad, and just like us but they will never admit it. So just give it time and he will come around, unless you want to make the first move and contact him.

    • Thank you for your respond. It is hard. I do not know if I want him back anymore, because he let me down after 9 years - what would keep him from not doing that again? He has texted me twice today and called twice, but I do not know what to say to him.

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