Guys- why do you cheat and then deny deny deny when you're caught?

My ex has been cheating on me since January. I found out and he keeps denying it and says he loves me with all his heart and only wants to be with me. If that were true he wouldn't have had an affair with this girl.

1.Why do you guys cheat if you love us O so much

2. and why deny when we find out?

Update- I found out through calls and text messages. AND I pretended that I already knew and made comments about what he had done and he admitted to it drunk and then said he never said it when he was sober again. Now he is denying lots of it again.

Not paranoia guys, I have concrete proof.
I broke up with him 2 weeks ago and found out last night that he was cheating.. I'm not with him.


Most Helpful Guy

  • Guys who cheat on their partners do so with the knowledge of possibly getting caught out, but they must think that if they deny it long enough and plead their innocence, the female will back down and start to believe them, which on its own has to be disrespectful in thinking she would be so naive, but the fact that they chose to betray the person they were suppose to be in love with, shows that they didn't really value them as much as they are trying to make you believe anyway, so to me, this kind of betrayal is an unforgivable act and should be dealt with in the harshest of ways, because infidelity is not something that has a place or an excuse within a relationship, I sympathise with you, but I say that at least you know him to be the creep he is and that you can now move on towards a man who is willing to show you his worth through out the relationship and prove that not all men are hell bent on betraying those we love so dearly, because only the weak minded idiots have the brain cell of a child who believe your that weak they can get away with it. I know what its like to have a partner cheat on you, but the best thing to do is move on quickly, don't let them aware of the pain they have filtered into your life, their not worth it, good luck,x

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    • Thanks. I'm trying to move on but its still really recent and painful

    • It will be raw for a while, but the more you fight to hide those emotions, the stronger you become quicker, have a good cry now and then, but try and get out with friends as often as possible, your be fine, its not your fault, but the pain does go away,x

What Guys Said 17

  • Don't know. I've never cheated.

  • Ever hear of the "Shaggy defense"? Shaggy made it popular. If a man does not believe that his relationship is a calling to have himself and the woman together serve a higher, greater purpose; then it soon becomes an endeavor of selfishness. Any love that does develop will soon be overshadowed by selfishness, infatuation, and lust. Initial infatuation shock only lasts about four months. Lust can last for seven years, when the body's chemistry completely changes.

    Cheating also occurs because of a response to the same negative stimuli that leads to female infidelity. Maybe she broke a few promises herself. Maybe she's abusive. Maybe she's neglectful. Or maybe he really is just a selfish a-hole.

    Those who try to apply "variety is the spice of life" as an excuse have the wrong starting attitude about the purpose of relationships. A true love is supposed to be about the common ground and comradery of another as if they're family, to the point that they are family. And then, to use the "variety" excuse would make about as much sense as selling your children after five years or getting a needless kidney transplant after five years for the sake of variety.

    The "variety" excuse is from someone who's primary motivation is lust. For the reasons I give above.

    I've not been the cheating type. But I have been neglected, and cheated on. In the case of my girl, it's because she has issues with sexual self-control. Which sounds like a nice fantasy, until you realize that she's 8,000 miles away living in another country. The temptation for her was ever-present, and I was a broke man on the other side of the world. In her defense, I never stood a chance with her being faithful to me to begin with. I just wish she would have broken it off sooner so there were fewer hard feelings, and been more upfront and honest with me about why.

    My advice...find a man who is slightly needy but not too much. Find a man without a history of cheating. And find a man whom you're willing to shower with attention now and then, so he is not left questioning your intentions with him. That will significantly reduce your odds of being cheated on.

  • 1 - Guys, human beings in general actually, tend to grow tired of repetition. Variety IS the spice of life after all. A lack of sexual activity or seeing someone more physically attractive than yourself can entice the person to cheat.

    2 - Why did you or any person deny something when you lied, either recently or when you were a kid? The answer is obvious. You want to save your own skin and save face.


    I don't know you or your situation (for all I know you could have heard about his cheating from a very flimsy source or could be paranoid), but in the event that it is true, I'm sorry, really. Guys like him give us a bad name.

    There are good guys out there (if you want proof, look at your male friends, family, police, firefighters, there are plenty of dignified and brave and strong men), but when it comes to something as uncertain as life, it's not up to him to prove his virtue to you, it's up to you to be able to read into the integrity of your romantic partner. No one opens the door for someone to our heart but us, and we need to take responsibility for who we let in.

    Don't let it get you down, you're a pretty girl, you'll find someone else soon enough.

    • My firefighter ex-boyfriend cheated on me for over a year and never told me. We were together for 6 years. I found out AFTER we broke up. I truly thought he was a nice, respectable man.

  • I don't know I've never cheated.

    Don't see the point considering that would mean I don't really love you which defeats the whole purpose of being in a relationship with you in the first place.

    Your ex just seems like the type whose brain is smaller than his balls, and they obviously do the thinking for him.

  • Basically the answer is he acted selfishly on both counts.

    1) In regards to cheating in the first place, he may mean it when he said "I love you" but he may mean it in a shallow / possessive sense. Like it would be bad for him if you left and he had no more access to you. But just because he likes his access to you, does not mean he is prepared to make actual sacrifices for it, or would mind getting some action on the side if it comes his way.

    2) In regards to denying it, acting out of self-interest, he does not see any rational upside that would come with telling the truth. He probably a "what's in it for me" kind of guy as opposed to someone who would be honest on principle - even if it hurt him in the short term.

  • I think some guys aren't satisfied with one girl or maybe they feel entitled to other women because of how great they are. The other reason I'd think would be because he wasn't getting his needs met.

    He denied it because he knows your mad or you'll be mad, and because he's simply a liar.

  • I just wanted to say not ALL guys cheat.

  • Well obviously it must be working, cause your still with him

    • best answer.

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    • Guys deny it the same reason girls do, that's the best I can tell you. Anymore would be revealing man only known secrets :)

    • you're on GAG, you can't have man only known secrets. that's kinda cruel. :-/

  • May I ask how can be sure or how you know? Simply because I would only deny it if I was falsely accused.

    • I found texts/calls and he admitted to it when he was drunk only to recant later when he was sober..

  • I can proudly say of all the girls I have dated in my life, I've never cheated even once. I'm content with just one girl in my life, I don't go out of my way to mess up a good thing.

  • Wow...sorry but for you to assume all men behave like that prick you keep staying with is just insulting to yourself. I've only cheated once in my life, and it wasn't even with a woman, it was a cat. Kissing a goddamn cat was the closest I've come to cheating.

    1. Why are you still worried about him after he cheated on you and you dumped him? Isn't that kind of when you're supposed to move past him?

    2. and why are you still trying to get him to confess when you have concrete proof?

    Those are the questions you should be asking. Not manning up to his responsibilities and failed lies is unique to your ex, not all of us.

    • You're right, I shouldn't be worried about it. I'm working on moving on. I know every guy doesn't cheat, I was just wondering about the ones that have, why they lied after being caught. Thanks for your answer though. :)

  • Statistically speaking women cheat far more than men.

    They just hide it better because they have more to lose if caught.

    Source: I am a Private Detective with a specialization in both Non-Marital & Marital Affairs

    • An addendum

      *for the same reason, representational status. They don't want to get caught just as no one wants to get caught in a lie which is mental the cheating was a physical manifestation of the lie.

    • Wow, what a cool opportunity to get advice from a professional. What are the most common signs to look out for in regards to a possibly cheating mate?

    • Not sure just claiming you're a P. I. makes you a credible source, but I would omit this from the answer list because you aren't answering her question.
      Clearly, you're just another slimeball defending cheaters. Well, just Men who cheat... because you had no problem throwing the opposite sex under the bus with false "statistics".

      My name speaks for itself

  • My only question is, Why are you still with him?

    • I'm not, he wants me back.

  • We want to have our cake and eat it to. Younger guys sometimes take a while to sow their oats. Sorry you went through this.

  • "you dated 10 guys? tell me more about how you know that ALL guys cheat on their loved ones"

  • Cheat because you're not giving us everything we need (or think we need)

    Lie, because we sincerely don't want the relationship to end.

    • Contrary to popular belief, cheaters cheat because they are entitled and aren't GIVING enough to the relationship.

      Source: NOT "Just Friends" by Dr. Glass

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    • I think this is a very good answer!!!

    • I have been looking for the answer of why my husband of 10yrs still denies cheating... correction, EX~HUSBAND he still denies it but slips up on occasion and says he did it to hurt me and make me jealous... I'd just filed for divorce, then he does that? Yeah, good idea, that'll make me slam the brakes on the divorce! This is one of those few things where I can forgive but not forget!!!

What Girls Said 3

  • Because they still want you

  • I hope you found a better guy and are forgetting this loser.

  • I guess because they're just hoping they can use you more...