Caught my boyfriend telling girls he is single?? help!

[surfisthedrug]

so I met this guy through a mutual friend and we hung out a couple times, he was visiting, anyways, he moved back to his state and we've been talking every single day... he even told me he was in love with me and sends me super long text messages about how much he cares...just the other day my friend found him online talking to a girl and she asked him if he was single and he said yes... after that I just completely stopped talking to him and he called me and left me voice mails ..i told him I found out he was telling people he was single and he sent me this...

"Because to me it isn't a waste of time. And you can't help who you have feelings for and who you don't. We've only been trying this a few days, Haven't talked on the phone a single time since then, haven't Skyped, or anything. You wanna make this real? How about you marry me on fb? I mean what does it take to get you to understand that this isn't a waste of time. I didn't choose to fall hard for you, and f*** yeah it's gonna be hard and f*** yeah trust is an issue because all we have is each others words. But you know what, nothing in life worth having comes easy..and I will stand by that ""

that's what he said...does this guy seem sincere at all? he keeps calling me and leaving voice mails asking me to call him back...i did fall pretty hard for him, but I don't know if I can trust him..

Updates

+1 y

i told him to just stop talking to me and he said okay, bye..then an hour later he sent me this

"I didn't apologize, and I don't want this to end. The last couple of days haven't been good and I am sorry. I like you, yeah it worries me that you're so far away and I can't see you as often , but for now id like this, and whatever we can do to keep it..whether its phone calls or videos or texting. If there were other girls then I would not be here texting this right now. but there isn't and I care

[Anonymous]

Hun, I'd just dump his ass before he decides to just drop you and move on. I was in a similar situation not long ago, we was dating though. He had asked if I was dating anyone else, I said no, he said the same, told me the website we met on was rubbish and he'd found me, next thing ya know I find him on there telling girls he's single and playing around, he was even given the choice between single, dating or in a relationship, but of course he didn't tell these girls he was dating!

I never confronted him about it, I admire you having the balls to do that, but I did mention I had seen him back on the website and wondered where it left us. I got some reply how he only goes on there to check his messages, he doesn't want to date other people, he's not on there much etc, etc, etc...followed by turning it back on me at the end saying I must still go on there to know.

I just accepted that because I didn't want to sound irrational, now I realize that there was nothing irrational about my thinking, it's logic, if someone really likes you and wants to be with you, there would be no need for them to be checking messages, right? that's logic.

Yeah, not long after he fell of the face of the earth, eventually he did dignify me with a reason, though how true that reason was I'll never know. But trust me, if he get's in there before you, you will kick yourself that you didn't get rid of him first. I kick myself every day, not just because of the issue I mentioned, but how he treated me with lack of respect. He does not sound sincere at all, a guy who likes you WOULD not behave how he is.

P.S Technically he is not your boyfriend though and if your hang out wern't dates, then of course he is still single but shouldn't be telling you he loves you and such stuff, trust me he doesn't.

[lillydon]

Just went through this same situation except we aren't long distance and i set him up online. I sent him a message basically hitting on him and asking if he wants to hook up and if he's single he said yeah and gave me his number. I confronted him and he claimed that The girl was The one trying to hook up with him. Then he later claimed it was his brother. he's lied i know cause i wasn't born yesterday ya know. So i said ur a liar go away and he seemed a little insensitive to my feelings cuz he was just like u dont believe me oh well. He didn't really apologize until two days later still sticking to his lame story and how much he cares about me and blah blah blah. I said ok i told him i just wana be friends tho. He was like i guess n kinda just ended The convo with a short response. So my point is he never cared and he still doesn't cause he still stuck to his lies even after we broke up. I know in my heart that he lied. Thats y i said lets just be friends. So yeah if he's telling girls he's single then he wanted to do things single men do. Also if a man ever denies you as his... he's definetly not The right guy. he could at least say "yeah i got a gf but we can be friends here's my number" but if he denies you... thats worse than anything.

[NoOneListens21]

you fell for him. damn girl. U_U well all I can say is that it's not his fault he fell for you but it is his fault for his own actions when telling other girls that he is single which doesn't make sense when he supposedly loves you. If he loves you so much it's not going to slip his mind of who you are and how crazy he is about you. It's up to you if you want to give him another chance but it seems like he is full of it. Of course he wants to hang on to you especially when he gets the chance to be close to you when he moves. I just wouldn't deal with someone who did that. His words seem like bs but his actions seem legitimate.

[surfisthedrug]

i know and he left me a voice mail saying how much he needs to talk to me and he hates texting about really important things...i mean he really is putting an effort...i just don't know if I can handle being with him because of what he told that one girl online..he even gave her his Skype...

[NoOneListens21]

it doesn't surprise mi that he's doing this or putting in what you think is a lot of effort on his part. It's set up like this. He texts you. He calls you. Trying. Begging to get you to get on the phone with him. Why? To hear the sincerity in his voice so you can break down and believe him and what he is selling you. Makes you want to second guess yourself because why would he go through all that? He sounds so sincere. I do care for him. Maybe it was a mistake. I'd tell him to f*** off.

[surfisthedrug]

but why is he trying so f***ing hard...hes saying he didn't ever feel this way for a girl before...i mean what does he get out of telling me all this sh*t...if he doesn't even mean it...

[NoOneListens21]

To get you back. It's what he wants. to have you as his girlfriend. He is going to be in the same state as you soon. Why would he want to mess that up? he got caught. he's going to try to fix it.

[DanRabbit]

A general rule of thumb is that long distance relationships never work. which I'm assuming is the case since you live in different states, Also taking into account you are under 18, I don't see how a lot of travelling to meet each other regularly is likely to happen.

It seems to me he wants to have his cake and eat it too. He may string you along and write romantic messages but that takes no real effort ( a nice message before and after bed is enough to give the illusion of a relationship)

It sounds like he's living a fantasy, all these big feelings in a short amount of time with no accountability because he doesn't have to see you face to face.

[surfisthedrug]

he was really upset when he found out I was hanging out with my ex the other night...he's saying that because he got super upset it should prove that he really cares for me and that if he had other girls he wouldn't try so hard to be with me but because he's really into me he doesn't want to let me go...

i don't know whether to believe him or not...we literally talk for the entire day though..he texts me when he's with his friends too...

[DanRabbit]

...until he meets a girl in his own town

the texting makes him feels good. it would make anyone feel good

when you have a "relationship" purely through texting or email or whatever its almost like you aren't real, instant messages become instant gratification. its like when I said there was no accountability, He's saying he loves you? but how well do you guys even know each other REALLY know each other, I think he said it because its exciting! because it is, its a thrill but its not genuine

[DanRabbit]

also I know this is a really extreme example but when he said the fact he got upset you were hanging with your ex proves he cares for you?... yeah that's what wife beaters say to justify THEIR actions. its false reasoning and you shouldn't fall for it

[surfisthedrug]

and I told him that too, I made him promise me that once he finds someone else he has the slightest attraction towards to let me know so I can get over it, he sent me this,

" I like you a lot, if we break up I want it to be because our feelings for each other change. Not because of other people. I'm into you and I will not move on unless we break up. I won't find someone else while we are together because I won't be open minded, I know I have a girlfriend"

[DanRabbit]

well, listen... I can't make you do anything, no-one hear can but dollars to donuts he isn't "the one" and by his own words "you can't help who you have feelings for and who you don't" it swings both ways, who's to say he doesn't meet another girl?

The best advice I can give you is don't get too invested in this relationship, don't fall for his big talk and declarations of love, you are two young kids, you should be having fun not looking for soul mates

[surfisthedrug]

he's 21 and I'm 18...i wasn't even looking for a relationship but he was the first to ask me..if I can give this a try, I said why not...but now he's saying he's in love with me so I'm not really sure where he wants to go with this

[DanRabbit]

sorry at the top there it said you were under 18 I assumed this was more high school demographic

but he's 21 and carrying on like this? I live in Australia so the dynamics are a little different here

but to me his behavior is pretty shameful regardless of the age. I don't really know how to explain it but to me saying he loves you seems a little unfair, Its a powerful word and easily abused to manipulate people.

I don't think I can give you any more advice sadly but I wish you all the best

[snowboarder720]

I don't understand where he comes from with the "this isn't a waste of time", I mean what does that have to do with him saying he's single to other girls? it doenst make much sense to me.

No, you shouldn't trust him. He said himself "you can't hlep who you have feelings for and who you don't", does that mean it's okay to lie to girls to make them think he's single? ... then he says he wants you to marry him on Facebook?

this guy sounds like a flake. I'd suggest looking for other guys who will respect you more like a girlfriend and not just like a friend.

btw, why would he want another girl? your hella cute.

[surfisthedrug]

oh my bad, because I told him to stop wasting my time and he should stop wasting his... I ignored him and he just keeps sending me messages saying " You don't get to come into my life and just walk out like that"

he does seem like he's spending a lot of time trying to get me back but I just don't know what to do. I hate falling for guys like this...

and thank you, that was really sweet :)

[snowboarder720]

just explain to him that you feel that it's a waste of time for you to commit to a guy who's not willing to commit back. It should be self explanitory. He might have a hard time getting over it, but when he ACTUALLY thinks about what you say, he should know that it makes sense.

no prob. Really tho, your damn adoreable... *growl*

[pr3ttybr0wn]

YOu can't trust him so dump him. He's gonna run game on you and say whatever he can to soften your feelings for him, so don't even give him a chance to do that and just block his number and ignore him completely. the guy is a liar and a manipulator so don't let him continue lying to you, manipulating you and playing you for a fool because that's exactly what he's doing.

He's making an effort because he wants to keep you hanging around. doesn't mean he really cares or likes you. he wants to keep all his hoes hanging around, that's what pimps do. I'm not saying "you" are a ho at all, but guys with that mentality have a pimps/hoes mindset and they run that exact same pimp game on girls. don't fall for it! cut him off. it wasn't a damn mistake! he knows what he's doing

[XNicholex3]

LOL, well now this guy is sure to be single!

This guy is not serious about you at all. Say sayonara! You can't trust him, he already proved that to you when he said that he was single to another girl. I personally don't like the way he talks from what you said his response was. He IS a waste of time. Marriage over Facebook, what is he 15?

You can do so much better!

[surfisthedrug]

my ex was on my phone the other night and was talking to him telling him not to talk to me anymore...he got super hurt about it and told me that he doesn't want me talking to him again and that he's so completely in love with me...

Im so confused :/

[XNicholex3]

I think he is lying.

[surfisthedrug]

then why is he making such an effort to be with me? I mean what does he really get out of it...

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he's not appreciating you. He likes the attention you give him but his last line summed it up pretty well "If there were other guys then I would not be here texting this right now". You're just a distraction until something real he can touch comes into his life.

[surfisthedrug]

its because I told him to stop wasting his time and he probably has other girls anyways...he said that he's not open to any other girl and won't ever be until he breaks up with me...yet he gave a random girl his Skype...

[dan123z4]

I don't see how he addressed UR issue at all. And trust isn't an issue when you only have each others words. It's an issue when you see that he's betraying it. He never once mentioned the whole thing

[surfisthedrug]

he says that he'll make it official on his Facebook and everything...but I don't even know if he's worth my time anymore..

[dan123z4]

If someone is telling people he's single iys so he can hook up with others so he's practicaly cheating

[Moloch]

Technically, he was single. You hung out a couple times, he wasn't your boyfriend. That marriage thing he said is just ridiculous though.

[josesmaf]

Shoot, if he says he's single, then make him single. It'll keep him honest.

[NoOneListens21]

dump him

[NoOneListens21]

It honestly sounds like a bunch of sh*t. I suppose if you two weren't talking a lot then he could say that he didn't feel as though you care enough or anything but if you were together still doesn't excuse the fact that he said he was single because he could have came to you prior and said how he was feeling to avoid this whole situation. But if there were other girls he could still be texting you and them at the same time or still have other chicks on the side. which is what it sounds like.

[NoOneListens21]

sounds like he's just trying to sweet talk his way out of this and keep you because he doesn't want to loose you. There is no reason to tell someone you are single when you are not unless you are messing around or planning to. Mi friend had this guy who seemed sweet but behind her back he told her friends and sh*t not to mention that they were together. which is just about the same or worse than what your ex or w.e. is doing.

[surfisthedrug]

He said he didn't choose to fall for someone halfway across the country and that he doesn't want to lose me and he'll do anything he can to keep this relationship up until he moves down here...i don't know what to do because I'm pretty sure I already fell for him...

[XNicholex3]

I agree with what she is saying, I think that everything he is saying is a bunch of BS!

[Kokujin]

Why does she get to hang out with her ex? And at night? But she's mad he's still skyping a girl? F### you both lol.