The girl that leads you on then drops you, how to deal with her?

[guv2201]

So this girl and I hit it off really well, she is 6yrs younger By the way. Serious attraction, great chemistry, I seriously thought she was the one. Having learned from past mistakes I kept the chasing on my end to a minimum and let her pursue. Things were great until she starting flaking on me, I asked her what's up and I got the "I'm not ready for a relationship, I'm damaged, I'm scared of getting hurt again" to which I was like "OK that's cool, if its not meant to be its not meant to be" and I was prepared to walk away. But then she said he was really attracted to me and loved spending time with me, yada yada yada and that she only wanted to see me, but didn't want me to wait for her to be ready for a relationship. OK that's cool, so I kept my distance, but she kept chasing me and she said she wanted to see me at least once a week because I'm so much fun to be around. She lead me to believe there was a chance she might be ready sooner than later to actually date so I went along with it. Then I wouldn't hear from her for a few days, a week, but I never chased her. She would say she wanted to make plans with me, but only sometime followed through...yes, she is flaky.

3 weeks ago she asked if I wanted to spend a day with her at the beach, then last minute she cancelled, but wanted to do something the next day instead, I said love to, then she went MIA on me, haven't heard from her since.

Now the wonderful world of Facebook leads me to believe she has meet someone else.

So if and when I run into her again, we do work in the same hospital, how do I deal with her? I'm not one to burn bridges, but how would you deal with this kind of girl?

Updates

+1 y

Well lessons learned here and I'm hoping this is the last time I get played, seems the young ones I go for are the most manipulative and immature. Time to seek some maturity. Thanks everyone for the feedback.

[thetheme]

This is a game that many girls play. NEVER talk to this girl again. In the future if a girl tells you that she isn't "ready" for a relationship or she is scared of being hurt (or anything remotely close to that), stop talking to her and move on. What many girls won't tell you is that they find joy doing this to guys. It's not that she didn't want a relationship, it's just that she didn't want one with YOU. She was spending time with you because she was using you as a filler while she was trying to figure out a way to be with the guy she really wants, it's what they do.

You were "fun" to be around, that has "friend" written all over it. Even though she said she was attracted to you but that doesn't mean she's not attracted to other guys, remember that. She flaked on you because she wanted the control. When you get excuses, it's safe to say that she isn't into you in "that way". Sure she will see you, but she wants it to be on her terms. By not communicating with her, it shows that you can live without her and you get your self respect back. Girls hate that.

If she contacts you, ignore her. Move on and hold your head high. When you don't hear from a girl for a while she's telling you to F' off. If a girl wants to be "friends" with you she's telling you to back off. If you ask to go out on a date and you get anything but a clear yes and a day or time she's telling you that there is something "wrong" with you. You may have let her pursue, but she KNEW what you wanted trust me. She just wanted to press on her advantages. She's a "tester" and she wants her ego boosted by being put on a pedestal by being asked out knowing she will turn you down. Once again, it's what they do.

Date other girls and don't put all your eggs in one basket. She burned the bridge for you as far as relationship, but the small talk bridge is still open if you are willing to wait for her to let you cross. Remember, she wants everything on her terms. If you let her get away with that, then the main thing in common that you two will have is that neither you or her has any respect for YOU. Don't stand for being played or lead on. Move on, and date until you find someone that will appreciate your worth.

[guv2201]

You see I came into this having been screwed over before and was well aware of the 'friends zone', not that I have been friends zoned before, but I know how it works. She played me so well that I was convinced it was not friends zone, she insisted that I was the only one she was seeing, but at the same time I really just backed off to the point of not caring given that she was flakey. I believed her, but had my suspicions. But she kept asking ME out, that's what gets me.

[guv2201]

But ya moving on, deleted from FB, deleted from phone...

[thetheme]

This is why I said she wanted everything on her terms. She got your attention and when she had you, she backed off. She wanted control over the situation. If you get asked out and she keeps flaking, it's to screw with you. Guys do this crap too, but the difference is that guys do it to get girls to want them more, while girls do it to screw with guys emotionally.

[guv2201]

Well I'll let this one be a lesson, thanks for the insight.

[adamcdavis]

haha man very similar thing has just happened to me. As much as you and I want to deny it I think this guy is right. These girls are just doing it in an even more intelligent and manipulative way to really trick us even more and get us wanting them. I hate it unlike you I really want to burn this bridge lol since I don't really see her much.

[Frostie]

^ knows his sh*t

[drummerdude25]

This is one (if not the best) answer I think I've ever seen on this site...

[hiway50717]

lol this man put it down. I'm dealing with a girl like that too and am in the process of ignoring her. I have no other choice. if she wants me she will come to me and if not I guess that's it. good luck

[kholland65]

They key thing that he's got right here is the fact that this girl is using you for attention. Girls like to manipulate a guy just for the sake of their own ego. Girls more so than men have a need to feel desired, even if they don't want to give anything in return, they just want to know that guys want them. They'll find guy who they know is into them, then play him for his attention, all the while looking elsewhere for an actually Boyfriend who is most likely someone not interested in them.

[Sierramist]

i had this girl like even before her ex and she was going on a break with him and thats were we both started getting so attached to eachother and we wpuld both make eachother feel special she would lead me on and sometimes she would talk to her ex and eventually she went back with him and she left me in this position where i dont know what to do and were in that process of ignoring eachother every time we pass by and she started ignoring me first and stopped flirting with me first things have never been the same since then its been about a week that she got back with him but i still care and i get this feeling that she does also thats whats not letting me move on even though she's back woth her ex cause i know he's gonna hurt her again and i wanna be there for here again and not only that but i also had a chance with here but she told me to wait till she got over him i tried talking with her but she doesn't seem interested on even being friends

[NovemberJoseph]

@opinionOwner

Dude I had a similar experience and you helped me too, thanks man, you honestly made me feel better just by me reading your comment cx

[kholland65]

Ok I'll tell you exactly what is going on since I've been in this situation countless times.

Simply put, she's playing you. She probably does like you, but not in the way you think. Your a guy that she doesn't like enough to be serious with, but likes enough to just hang out and flirt with (more or less). You're her boy toy. She's only calling you when its convenient for her. Your the back up. When something else comes up, she blows you off.

You also have to realize that girls are far better than us guys at manipulating social situations. They are more socially intelligent. A large majority of girls are also very self aware and know the power that they have over men. A girl who bat her eye lashes (figuratively speaking) just enough times to keep you around because you think she really does like you and that you have a chance. In other words, many girls are very good at flirting and faking affection to keep you from running away.

When a girl says she's not ready for a relationship, 9/10 its bullsh*t. That's an excuse for "I just don't want to date you". If her prince charming came around, trust me, she shouldn't tell him she wasn't ready for a relationship and risk missing the opportunity.

Obviously you need to drop this girl, ignore the sh*t out of her and turn the tables. Flake and on her a few times. Quite frankly, I used to just walk away from these types of girls, but for better or for worse, this kind of behavior has really started to angry me greatly. Now any girl who pulls this sh*t gets their cussed the f*** out hardcore by me. I've made girls cry for days because of sh*t I've said to them. But the way I look at it is I'm getting even. You toyed with my emotions, wasted my time, and hurt my feelings, then I'm going to do the same to you, just in one large dose as opposed to many small doses. Don't get me wrong, I don't ever physically hit or abuse girls, I just have many less than kind words to say to them.

[oneconfusedwoman101]

My ex lead me on and dumped me. Said he would like to remain "friends". Funny how he immediately cut me off and never spoke to me again when he found someone else. Sounds as if she just wants you there as her rebound guy for when her actual relationships are on the rocks you can then be there to comfort her. If you come across her at work treat her the same as you would any other colleague nothing more or less and do not reciprocate any flirting or attempts to make you jealous of her this is an ego boost and is synonymous with narcissistic behavior .

[CrystalMinds]

Ugh, what a bitch :/

It's because girls like her that guys think all women are like that.

I would just be friendly, but "basic friendly". Like: saying hello when you pass, smile, wave. But no "how's your new boyfriend, I thought you weren't ready", no stuff like that.

Don't flirt, don't ask about her lovelife, don't ask about her plans. Just say "hi, how are u?" and walk along after she answers. Basic friendly.

[guv2201]

The "basic friendly" ha ha I'll have to remember that one. Good plan, I'll adopt it.

[kholland65]

I will admit, I've run across so many women like this, I really am starting to think you guys are all like this.

[CrystalMinds]

Nah, it's like we think all guys are jerks, cheaters and players :-)

[Frostie]

we're 'jerks' cause we walk away from sh*t like this :L

[CrystalMinds]

Or we are bitches because we know too many jerks ;)

[Anonymous]

Yes, that happens. I was in the same situation and send you my sympathy. Just ignore her.

People in the medical/healthcare professions are usually highly stressed and "flakey" -- while it's nice to date someone who understands how crazy your schedule can get, it's best to fish outside of that arena if you can.

Don't seek her out, don't burn bridges, just move on.

Good luck with the next one, dude. :-)

[Anonymous]

Hire a really hot guy, who knows how to talk to women and make them feel like they are the most amazing women alive and he wants to marry her, etc, etc, etc. This has to go on for a few months so she falls head over heals for him. Then he dumps her for no reason.

OK It's not practical but it would be fun to watch it all go down.

[Opinion Owner]

There is your problem you are going for younger girls. I assume much younger because I would have played that game too with a guy in your age range when I was 18 to about 25. I am not proud of it but I learned the hard way how much it can hurt.

[themuzzman]

That's because you should have put her in the category as a "jump off". She was nothing more than a jump off. "I'm not ready for a relationship, I'm damaged, I'm scared of getting hurt again" is a cop out for "I'm not into you". And you work at the same hospital? Player, haven't you ever heard of that old cliche "don't sh*t where you eat?" Even dogs know better not to sh*t where they eat. What you could do is detach and move on. Keep her at a friendly distance at all times, be cordial and brief. And above all! Do not engage anything more with her. Look! It's really not that complicated. Move on, holler at the women outside of work, and keep to yourself. Most important, value yourself as a man.

[InvisibleKid]

Don't do anything. if she ask you "did I hurt you?" then you will know she is malicious kinde of type girl. as a matter of fact she gave you an opportinity to met other women.

Next time she text you or something, let it pass at least 3 times.

She is flaky, who f***ing cares. Let her be flaky. Make sure she just dosen't waste your time.

[Anonymous]

a guy did that to me, and I just cut him off. never to see him again. felt good being the one in control, I blocked him on fb deleted his number he would pass by me in person I wouldn't even look at him. people like that deserve to be alone because they don't know how to give love, they just like to take.

[bluewolf73]

don't waste your valuable time on girls like that. Read this book on scribbd it will help you, however do not use it to hurt others period. Practical female psychology for the practical man.it will help you focus on making the right choices for your romantic life and to better understand women.

[kheserthorpe]

So when she was telling you she wanted to hook up but not have a relationship, you ... kept being a fun friend?

[guv2201]

No we never hooked up, as soon as things got serious and heading to the inevitable sexy times she backed off. She did this to other guys apparently, just using guys to feel good about herself, but having no intention of doing anything serious.

[Iamnobody]

don't entertain her ever again and mean it. girls like this are toxic. there are plenty other girls out there who don't play stupid immature games.

[Anonymous]

Thanks buddy. I had similar experience. This was helpful. I am feeling much better now. Cheers!

[Anonymous]

dump her, she's playing you

[Anonymous]

with your pimp cain sir and a firm pimp hand

[llochew]

i wouldn't date her if I were you