Boundaries for an ex-boyfriend? Hanging out, messaging, gifts, etc?

I'll start off with some background.

I broke up with my ex about 7 months ago. It was a fairly mutual break, and we said the usual "let's still be friends."

We both moved on and shortly after, my ex got a girlfriend and then I got together with my current boyfriend. At that time we hardly talked. Then a few months later my ex broke up with his girlfriend and started talking to me more often, and finally told me he still had feelings for me and regretted ever breaking up. I told him I was dating someone else now, and was very happy. He said he hoped we could at least remain friends, and I said that was fine. I agreed because I really don't have any romantic feelings for him, and I am madly in love with my bf.

Now onto our current situation: My ex messages me daily, and multiple times throughout the day. He calls me, and he also makes plans for us to hangout next time he's in the city. He constantly compliments and flirts with me. And now the final straw, he purchased an expensive leather jacket for me (which he plans to give next time he's in town, but I plan to reject).

How much of this behavior should I allow? Should I bring it up with my bf? I have not yet because I didn't want to make it a big deal out of it. I wish I could find a happy medium where I could still be friends with my ex, but he's really overdoing it.

I'm confused and my head hurts when I think about. If you made it through my rambling I would greatly appreciate your thoughts and comments on my situation! Thank you~ <3


Most Helpful Guy

  • If you can remain friends with your exes without it getting complicated then I usually condone it. But in your situation, it would probably be better for everyone if you just cut ties with him. It looks as though he's not trying to move on anymore. He's just waiting to see what you do. I know he still means something to you as you guys have some good memories together, but for his sake, you should stop all communication for now. He obviously is still acting as if your dating because it's what he knows. After breaking up with his girlfriend, he probably felt lost and needed a place to put all of his effort and he went back to you, because you're familiar. He most likely doesn't see anything wrong with what he's doing because he's so used to it and thinks that he just being a nice guy and that you might somehow grow feelings for him again if he continues to act this way. It might sound hard, but it's something both of you need in my opinion. Let him down easy. He'll probably fight and argue and try to refuse to let you go, hopefully he'll man up and realize he's not your boyfriend and can't act this way anymore and let you go without a fight. You have a new great guy and don't need to babysit your ex too.