My ex ruined our relationship, why does he have to ruin the life I have after it too?!

[MelliMelx]

Okay, this is a long story but I'll keep it as concise as possible. Basically I was in a committed relationship with this guy for about a year. I was deeply in love with him, he said he was with me, and we were so happy. But 6 months in he cheated on me once, I forgave him, but he continued to flirt with other girls constantly. I'd catch him every time, and guess what, forgive him. I used to try to leave all the time but he would beg me to stay. Let's just call it a bit dysfunctional. So by the end of the relationship I was a mental wreck, super insecure, and paranoid. I'd always be questioning everything and he would always get super defensive, and this was a clear indication to me that my suspicions were correct. The last straw was when I caught him through text messages. He was trying to sleep with one of our mutual friends, which I had accused him of before and he denied. I told him to end the friendship or I'd leave, and he said he wouldn't end it so I broke up with him finally. The months that followed that were hell for me. I was so depressed and lonely and insecure, I felt inadequate. He started dating that girl, who is now his current girlfriend. The thing is that ever since we broke up, he hasn't left me alone. It has been almost 8 months now, and no matter how long I don't answer he will call, text, email, etc. saying that he loves me and that the biggest mistake of his life was letting me go. At first I believed him and gave him a chance, he said he'd leave her and come back. Big surprise, he backed out and say he wasn't going to leave her. This happened multiple times. Now he is back saying the same old thing he's been telling me for the last 8 months and frankly, I am sick of it. I feel like I have moved on, but his constant communication is dragging me backwards. I am admittedly still very bitter about the relationship, and what I want to do is lash out and hurt him. How do I get past this?! Why does he keep telling me he wants me, but then refuses to end his other relationship? Why does he expect me to believe a word he says? How do I get it through his thick skull that I really think my love has turned into hatred? I think he has some kind of psychological problem. Or maybe he's just a man :p In any case, I want out of this situation so I can heal myself from the inside out and be able to approach new relationships with optimism rather than the cynicism I have now. Can you guys help me out?

[akaxclusiv]

It's obviouse that your Ex is not man he just Boy (sorry to that).

Proof: it a mistake if one did somethng for the first time, but its a stupidity if he repeated it again. Its only a boy that repeated thesame mistake morethan twice.

The world holds a lot of things he can play with. But your feelings is definitely not one of them..

To think back is one of the human nature, so definitely the nature will be forcing you to give him another chance, that was your first mistake. You know why?

Cuz a person that knows you and be with you for morethan a year will definitely knows almost everythng about you..which Include your weak point.

Your thoughts will give every reason that he is the one for you and that he'll change one day but believe me, he will always take you as the way you present yourself to him...girl you deserve better than him.

Its enough reason for you to know that he is not who you think he is and that he is not good enogh and man enough tobe with you because good men stand for their words but fake doesn't so don't west your time on fake & cheap guy while there are tons good of guys out there waiting for you.

You gotto get out that fantacy shell. Try somethng new, things that you only think of but you couldn't get the chance to do. Goto new places, meet new people.

End of relationship doesn't mean end of life. Infact, its the beginning of another one...trust yourself and get yourself outta ths mess. There are lot more to enjoy as a single. I am single too and I am enjoying my life.

So don't deprive yourself of the huge pleasure out there because of one single cheap guy.

Finally, I'll love to say; Happiness is within you digit and enjoy it :)

[Rick56]

It is clear your love has not turned to hate. I say that because you still want him to break up with her.And your not taking steps to prevent him from contacting you is proof. change your number. Block E-mails from him. He will continue to do this as long as you allow it. He thinks you will believe him because you want to believe him. Its not men who do this. It is boys who have not grown up who do this. So you have to grow up and take responsibility for the situation because he sure as hell will not. And the longer you allow him to do this to you, The harder you will make it for the next guy you date. You need closure. You need to make sure he knows you are no longer interested in him. And that you want nothign to do with him. And for that to happen. You have to get there yourself. You have to stop fantasizing about what if and may. You have to stamp out any remaining feeling for him. Not try but do it. I know its easier said thaan done. But that is what you need to do.

[MelliMelx]

You read me like a book, you're completely right. I'm going to do this

[Lara90]

If he's being so bad, you can be worse! You can forward all those emails and texts to his current girlfriend. But before doing that tell him how is he making you feel and tell him what you think of him and be so rude until he cries! If he doesn't give up, send everything he's been sending you for the last 8 months to his girlfriend (not warning him what you're about to do). If he's such a d*** t ruin your life for all this time, he deserves to be treated the same way.

[MelliMelx]

I wanted to contact her, but the problem is she's a bi*ch too! While I was with him I contacted her asking if anything was going on by the way them, so I would act accordingly, and she told me it was none of my business! Lol, they deserve each other, they really do

[Rick56]

I doubt the other girl is all there.. If they were friends and she knew he was in a relationship. Two things are going on. She wanted to date him before and was willing to do whatever it took to get him. Or she doesn't like this girl. there is no way he would be getting away with this so soon after he pulled what he pulled without her knowing. He has probably told here that she is the one stalking him.

[3boys4me]

He will never change and you are just being foolish to continue to communicate w him. We teach people how to treat us and you have shown him that no matter what you will tolerate him and put up w his bullsh*t behavior. No wonder he keeps coming back to you.

[MelliMelx]

I know I realized this :/ It's so hard to ignore something so persistent and something that meant a lot to you at one point, because no matter how desolate you are, you have that foolish hope you can't quite extinguish

[3boys4me]

I know how it feels girl :/ Been there done that. The longer I have been away from him the stronger I feel. It's been over a year since I've seen or heard from him and he really isn't on my radar at all anymore. It feels great. He's no good for you hon and the sooner you get away from him permanently the sooner the healing can start. Good luck:)

[kambo_trick3y]

If I were you, I would send a VERY CAREFULLY worded e-mail that conveys everything you feel about him. Don't scream or yell in the e-mail, but make sure every single word is a twisting knife that lets him know exactly the kind of creep he is, and how you never want to see him again.

You have to be really good with words though, which hopefully you are. Make sure to block him and any forms of communication he can have with you after that. Delete everything, walk away from it all girl, and don't look back.

This guy is a monster, and I hope you find a man next time, not a boy.

[MelliMelx]

Thank you I hope so too! And believe me..I've sent some downright cold hearted emails...I guess I need to be stronger against his onslaught of messages :p I avoided him for 2 months and he STILL kept going, it's ridiculous! Why can't he be content with the girlfriend he has now!

[Afonsoasl]

I was actually reading this seriously until the "maybe he's just a man" phrase, but meh moving on I suggest you to tell him how much of a f***ing a**hole he is, slap him hard so he wakes up, change number and email (if necessary) and just ignore the f*** out of him. maybe get with someone else. that'll make him feel like sh*t. (which I'm guessing you won't mind making him feel like it since all the sh*t he's cause you)

[MelliMelx]

Sorry about that comment, I did mention I was cynical :P no harm meant! But thanks for the advice

[filltheair]

He's really good at manipulating you (or just women in general) into getting what he wants. I know it's not this simple, but... don't let him. You have to cut contact with him.

Ignore whatever he's sending. He keeps trying because you keep caving. And from his perspective, it's a good strategy, because it always works. So it's up to you whether or not this ends and when.

[filltheair]

btw I don't mean to imply that it's your fault... dude is definitely a manipulative cheating narcissist. people like that don't just magically wake up and stop hurting others. cut him out of your life, and *if* you can do that healing will happen in time.

[Anonymous]

You just have to move on. It's not that common to run into this situation with a guy. If that's your profile picture you're gorgeous. Surely you've had other guys hit on you since you've broken up with him. You have to quit talking to him. He keeps bugging you because he's feeding his ego that he will always be able to get you back, especially since you've given him multiple chances before. As far as being worried about future relationships, if you have to then just tell the future guys you meet that you have an ex boyfriend that constantly bugs you and can't get over the fact that you broke up with him. They should be okay with that. Better you telling them then them thinking you have been cheating on them.

[MelliMelx]

Thanks for the advice, it's been hard because even if I get hit on etc I have this lingering doubt, I have this question, am I good enough? It's pretty terrible but he manipulated me to the point of self deprecation really :/ I'm rebuilding confidence even now

[Blobb]

Block & Ignore. Don't reply, don't get into it. Just delete everything you get from him without opening it. Put his email address on your spam list in your email, block him from Facebook, block his number or change yours.

Go on a dating spree, go out with your friends, get super busy, just do everything you can so you have no time to thik about him. Maybe a month or so down the line you'll start feeling a lot better.

Then find a guy who isn't such an a**hole. That guy is messed up.

[justmesaying]

Tell him if he loves you he will get you that new car you want! Place lots of demands on him to see how far he will go. I think you will find out real quick he feels you need to answer his demands not him answers yours. (He is a real dirt bag, wrong end of the cow)

[Settingemstraight]

Mainly... He's a creep. I really hate people like that. If I was your friend I'd kick his ass.

so find your most loyal ass kicking friend. And tell him this story.

Failing that. I totally agree with Kambo Trick3y

[Anonymous]

It should be obvious - this guy is a serial cheater. If he's dating some other girl, he will cheat on her with you.

[MelliMelx]

I know he is, it just sucks that I developed such deep rooted feeling for him before I found that out :/ And now I can't be too harsh without regretting it, and I can't forget him because he won't leave me alone

[PhilaPenn]

This guy is insecure. If I were in your shoes, it would be as simple as cutting him out of your life. Even if he kept blowing you up, just ignore. There is no reason to respond to him at all.

[Dionysos]

Block his number, and any other means he uses to contact you. If he keeps on going, report him to the cops for stalking.

[Anonymous]

Just move on and put it all behind you. Block him and then block him more

[Anonymous]

How about this cut off contact with him and move on with you're life.

[MelliMelx]

Easier said than done :(

[islands7]

Restraining court order