Ok right long story short, me and the ex broke up due to complications on his side, almost two years ago. I haven't seen him since then and I have no intention of seeing him ever again.
We were together for over seven years and was planning a future together. So maybe that's what is holding me back...I haven't given any other guys a chance/go as they mainly after a quick thing (and yes I know this because of the way they talk and act) or maybe it just cos the ex hurt me so badly I'm holding back cos I don't want to be hurt again...honestly I don't know what it is...
I recently been talking to a guy off some social networking thing, who sounds decent and genuine and has kind of beem hurt in the past similar to mine - in a very cold hearted way! But somehow I'm afraid he won't like me, and I'm holding back on meeting him yet, but I will probably in the new year as I know and want to move on with the right person.
But is it possible to love again? Or am I getting way ahead of myself?...
i believe it is possible, but after a relationship like the one you were in, it is not going to happen right away. people that get hurt like that after being in a long term relationship will usually talk to others with their guards up.
i know because it happened to me. after a 2 year long relationship, she ended it with me and I was completely heart broken. that was about 6 or 7 years ago. I have dated and been in one long term relationship since then but I couldn't open up for the fear of being hurt
now I've met someone new and I don't know why but it feels like I'm finally ready to open up again and trust her not to do the same. I don't know if she will but that's a risk that I have to take.
so I guess what I'm trying to say is that yes it is possible. it just takes some time and when you do you'll just feel that its right.
You'll know love when it really happens. Most people stay in relationships for one reason or another and some times its just easy to say that they are in love. In my experience, love is about compromise and wanting to make a go of things, overcoming "problems" together is part of it. How long does it take to get over someone? well only you know the answer to that. Here is an old saying for you to ponder on.. " When one door shuts another one opens, but if your too busy looking at the closed door, how will you see the open one?"
With regards to dating sites..if your after a one night stand then go for it, it depends what sort of sites you visit. Visit them with your eyes open.
I believe even as a man I've been through the same emotional stage some time ago. I don't believe you love him any more, but all you care is your own emotional structure. You don't want to be hurt again and that's clearly understandable. Your sould has been damaged. Therefore consider this as a timeframe of revitalizing your soul. Nobody is emotionally or spiritually capable of jumping into another relationship right after a finishing blow. Even ilnesses require some time to be healed even though you get the best and the fastest healing medicine in the world. Once you feel replenished, healthy and possessing enough energy to start a new relationship believe in me, you SHALL know it yourself already. It just takes time.
And yes, you will DEFINITELY fall in love again.Because your soul needs it, as any other human being.
Honestly, it's very rare to meet the right person on social networking things. Many people act differently in person and behind the computer. But I can feel your pain, being together for seven years and then breaking up can be extremely difficult and hard. Things happen for a reason though, I'm sure someone better will come into your life and will make up for those 7 seven years and more.
ugh. I'm feeling ya on the relationship thing. although my ex and I were together for only 3.5 years when we broke up in November I know how hard it is to move on. we also talked about marriage and kids and the break up came completely out of the blue. we were SO happy (or so I thought) and people looked up to our relationship.
anyway - I think you need to move on when you feel you are ready. I know 3.5 years is a long time, I can't imagine doubling that time and trying to move on.
everyone tells me time is what heals all wounds but I think you have to be able to move on in your own mind.if you keep thinking about NOT being able to move on, you wont. I would start giving people a chance and see what happens. just because you go on a date with someone doesn't mean you owe them anything or you are going to marry this person.
just start getting yourself out there. you're going to naturally compare them to your ex, but its normal. you are probably going ot come home in tears after dates, again that's normal.
i have heard many people who were in the same boat as you..as well as myself .. who ended up with the RIGHT person and now have or are starting families. they couldn't be happier.
just be grateful you didn't marry this guy and end up in divorce.
the same thing happened to me, it took me almost 3 years to get over him, and I told any guy that wanted to date me that I was in love with someone else which drove a lot of great guy away and I regret that. But that time it felt right. I recently learned that the guy I was involved with still checks me up on Facebook eventhough we aren't friends there anymore and instead of falling back to the maybe-everything-will-work-out-in-the-end mindset I laughted about it and I don't think of him, that's how I knew I was over him. give this other dude a shot if he isbt what you are looking for then at least you know and you tried, that's better then all the what could have beens later on. good luck!