Cheated on my boyfriend and feel terrible, what should I do?

Me and my boyfriend have been together since we were sixteen, he's the love of my life, we lost our virginity to each other and want to stay together forever, but I've been an idiot and on a night out I had sex with one of his friends. I decided to tell my boyfriend to show him that I'm being honest with him but he broke down and started crying and looking really sad. He was asking ME not to leave HIM, when I thought he would be the one to leave me. I knew I'd broken his heart and betrayed him but I was okay to live with the guilt till I regained his trust but we were lying in bed last night holding each other before going to sleep and I could hear him crying trying to keep it silent, I feel so awful, I hate that I've hurt him like this, what should I do now that's best for him?

Updates:
Found stuff in the bathroom, really worried he might be self harming again.
He's still hurting, won't talk to his friend, neither will I, I'm doing my best guys.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Wait...you cheated on him...and he begged you not to leave him? Wow. You effed up pretty bad. If it were me, I'd kick you to the curb. But you have an exceptionally understanding guy, all you can do is try to prove yourself to him, prove that you are worthy of his trust. Usually I would ridicule the kid for crying like that, but I actually really feel bad for him. The kid actually LOVES you.

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    • I know he loves me, I feel like a terrible person.

    • Show All
    • think it was the kicking to the curb comment, some people just don't get that you don't actually physically mean kicking a girl till she falls down to the curb... this IS the internet lol

    • Wow, didn't realize I needed to explain

What Guys Said 31

  • well you took the first step you were honest and dealt with what came. Now you just have to be the best girlfriend you can be. Be extra honest, loving, patient, kind, etc, etc. You're going to have to deal with the fact that he may go through a lot of different emotions. He may be fine about it one moment, sad about it at another and mad the next.

    For me I couldn't ever get over being cheated on BUT I also didn't have girlfriends responsible enough to come tell me honestly (I always had to find out for myself through rumors and bull).

    Good luck going forward. Just try to support him regardless because he probably feels really abandoned and if you can just be there for him (in whatever way that is) it will go a long way towards mending the issue

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  • You made the mistake, imo THE biggest mistake you can do in a relationship.

    But I'm not here to grill you; I'm here to help.

    The main thing you must must MUST do is examine yourself and figure out why you made the choice to betray your commitment to your partner, and give your body sexually to another guy.

    Were you feeling neglected by your boyfriend at all? Is he "letting hinself go" and isn't as attractive to you as he used to be? Has he been distant? Have you been feeling sexually dissatisfied? Are you feeling "bored" or "trapped" in this relationship and looking for some sort of excitement?

    Were you mad at him for some reason and sleptbwith friend as some sort of "revenge"?

    Are you simply not built for a monogamous relationship at this time and want to "play the field" to explore yiur sexuality/intimacy with other guys?

    ----

    The possible reasons are endless, but my point is, blowing off your big error by just saying "I was an idiot" without addressing the deeper issue behind that action, you very well can do the same mistake AGAIN!...

    ...

    ...and I know you don't want that. Seeking your internal darkness behind said actions, I must admit, is emotionally scary. But this is the only way to learn from your mistake.

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  • Yep no recovering now. Especially at your age. You f***ed up good. You can kiss this relationship goodbye, it won't happen over night, but it will fail eventually.

    I also hate to say it but I find the both of you immature for a variety of reasons.

    Your under 18 and acting like since you've been dating since 16, you guys are sole mates. That's less than 2 years.

    You cheated on him with his friend, nuff said.

    He got cheated on and is begging YOU not to leave him.

    Your speaking about being together FOREVER when your only 17 at best.

    Immaturity. Obviously I can't speak as much for him as I can you, but it sounds like to me you are not ready to be in a relationship. You need to do some self searching and growing up before you can handle a serious relationship, otherwise you will risk screwing up and hurting more feelings again.

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    • Update: well on the bright side, I don't think you'll be cheating ever again. Some people just have to learn the hard way. They must fall before they can get up. Others just climb straight to the top. Clearly you are the former.

  • Well, you are his first and only love. Had sex with one of his "friends" ex friend now I assume.

    I guess it was such a traumatic thing to have you and a friend do this to him. Therefore he broke down this way. Sad!

    As for what you should do, see if this changes things too much for your liking. Time will tell.

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  • If you cheated on him then don't say you love him. If you loved him you would never had cheated.
    To do it with a friend of his... if it truly is a friend.. you will never have your relationship back. As soon as he gets past this hurt he is feeling he will probably finally toss you to the curb as he should have already done.
    Once a cheater always a cheater. It is the most disgusting thing you can do to a person in a relationship (obviously short of rape but that is not a relationship). you should have broken up with him if you needed another guys cock in you. what a disgusting human being.
    Do him a favor and pack your shit up and leave him alone. he can never trust you again ever. so move on to the next guy you will cheat on.

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What Girls Said 8

  • Wow okay it was wrong! But he a keeper ! Don't do it again ! Make sure you show him he the only one for you , speak to him , let him know he should not be begging for you not to leave him it should be the other way round .

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    • I know it should be, the fact that he thought I was going to leave him has made me feel worse.

  • what happened? did you two end up working it out and staying together?

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  • I got cheated on and found out 6 months ago... I am still crying myself to sleep... My partner also assures me that he loves me and wants to be with me. He is desperate since he also does not know what more to do. I can just tell you: try to re-assure your boyfriend as much as you can, that you want to be with him. Do not try to avoid the topic... he thinks about it all the time anyways... you are not reminding him of it. It just proofs that you really care about his well being if you ask him how he is etc. When I feel sad my boyfriend often can't even look at me because he knows that it is his fault and he feels bad to touch me etc. But I am trying to tell him that even though he was the one hurting me it still feels good getting hugged by him. Try to support him as much as you do and show him through small gesutres throughout the day that you think about him (texts, sending pics etc). How is everything going now?

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  • You made a big mistake. But that doesn't mean you two can't get past it. I was cheated on, and we decided to move past it. We still have our typical relationship issues, but we're happy. We moved on. Like you, we lost our virginity to each other, and that automatically creates a HUGE bond between you. I understand it sucks, but it will get better if both of you work at it. Just be aware that it won't be dropped. When he gets mad or upset, he'll probably bring it up. It's not something that goes away quickly. Give it time. If you both work together, you'll make it through. Also keep in mind that you two are young. So that could also be working against you.

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  • You're too immature to be a good girlfriend. He's too immature to have a girlfriend. If you're having sex with his friend and he's cutting himself then both of you Ned time a part for you to realize what a real relationship means and for him to straighten out his emotions and not be dependent on you.

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