Can I temporarily take sex off the table without my "boyfriend" thinking I'm using it against him?

I've been dating a guy for a few months but I'm not sure if he really serious about making things work or just trying to keep something sexual going and maybe we slept together too soon.

I feel like the only way to find out might be to put sex on hold for a little while.

Will he think I'm trying to use sex against him or as a bargaining tool? I'm not using sex as either of those things!

I just don't know if I feel comfortable sleeping with him right now but I don't know if I'm ready to stop seeing him.

If I try to take a break or ignore him then he will start calling and texting constantly to say that he will be better and then things go back to the way they were before and nothing changes.

 

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What Girls Said 1

What Guys Said 11

  • You need to talk to him. If you can't talk to this guy openly, then it's not really much of a relationship. You should tell him what you want and how you feel. If he gets it and can make you happy, then cool, but if not, then you will need to move on.


    It's not really about the sex in this case, but either way, you should tell him that you only want to have sex in a committed relationship (if that's the case).

  • Selected as most helpful

    this is what you say.

    tell him that the sex is great and that you really enjoy your sex life with him. However, you have been having strong feelings for him and you want to see if its just because of the sex or if there's soemthing more (so it doesn't make it all about taking sex from him)


    see how he reacts, he may tell you he has feelings for you too and wants to see where it goes.


    or he can be an immature little boy and throw a fit when he doesn't get what he wants. that should tell you a lot about who you got


    dont do a break or ignore him, that will only make it worse.

  • he's your boyfriend do whatever you want to do

  • Yeah but try to explain the situation maybe because if you take sex off the table, and not mention clearly enough the problem or reason. He might start thinking that there could be an issue in your sex life or that you are getting what you need elsewhere and therefore do not feel like having sex when you are with him.


    You don't want him to misunderstand the situation.


    That said, I don't know if it is a good solution to be honest, one of the girls I used to date was wondering as well if It was purely sex or more, I was falling in love with her for sure, but started putting distance and forcing my way out of the relationship when she for 10 days in a row didn't feel like doing it. My logic was that if she did it that one time, she was going to do it again probably later, and honestly thinking that sex will be off the table every time the girl has a doubt or a worry doesn't sound that good.


    She explained to me later that she was worried about the fact that I was still quite close to the ex before her. and we broke up little after because she assumed that I had slept the with the ex for some reason. And didn't even talk to me about it at all.


    What I mean is that a lack of communication can be risky in this situation especial if he is a very sexual person too.

    • Thanks! Something to think about

  • This is the start of your feelings for him deteriatig, I know its confusing, but you really need to listen to your instincts, and calling it quits on sex for a while is always used in every relationship, just say that your period is really heavy this month and actually quite painfull, he will back off a little, and just keep it going, if he gets the hump, just tell him that he obviously knows nothing about the female reproductive system, you can bet he will make out he does, but really knows nothing, so he will again back off, and you can keep this going for a couple of months before he suggests you see a doctor, but by then you should know if this guy really is what your talents deserve, or if better is out there, good luck,x

  • Sure, you can put the brakes on the physical part of things. But you're going to have to explain what you're trying to do pretty well. If you do that and don't tell him anything he's probably going to misunderstand you and either feel hurt and pissed off, or assume you want out of the relationship.


    If you explain things maybe it works and he's the right guy for you.


    I'm thinking he probably isn't the right guy for you and you probably do want out of the relationship - happy couples don't usually call things off in the bedroom. And you shouldn't feel the need to keep sleeping with him if you don't want to. And you must not want to for a reason...

  • You ARE using it as a bargaining tool. Why take sex off the take then?

  • I I were a friend of his and you did that, I'd urge him to break up.

  • Do what works for you, if you aren't comfortable with having sex, just don't have it... Who cares what he thinks, if he's fine with it then it's a good thing, if he isn't happy then at least you know he's being selfish and single minded as well as more interested in sex than the relationship.

  • If he's the sort to accuse you of manipulating him with the sex, then that tells you got together too quickly, before you knew his character.



    A worthwhile guy would understand why you might want to step back and think about things.

    A shallow or hustler guy will get upset..but if he does, then that tells you you were right to be uncomfortable sleeping with him.


    Yes, be prepared for him to want things back the way they were.. for him to promise you anything...


    Again, that will tell oyu something about him. Someone that predictable...you wouldn't want, right?

  • yesh you should. I think he wil leave you once you stop.

  • You are, and he will think that.

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