Is ignoring all communication from an ex, good? Like not answering texts or calls?

So my question is, if ignoring all communication from an ex okay. I mean I really like the guy, and I think I may even love him. We are still friends, but I was wondering if I don't text him, and call, if it would make him want me back.

he broke up with me because he is obviously afraid of relationships, and such... but I am willing to do anything to get him back... even if it breaks my heart that I don't respond to texts and calls for a while...

please help me... I miss him...

Updates:
let me make this clear! is was never abusive, if anything he was the most wonderful man I ever dating. we had soo much in common, and we always acted silly together. you know when you feel like this guy is one in a million. well this one way. he proved to
me that good guys do exist. he even came to visit me for an hour before he got on his plane to visit family! and no he didn't find anyone. I am not saying stop all communication! just for a few days! and for the guy that said he wasn't my friend. HE IS!
 

What's Your Opinion?

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Most Helpful Opinion

  • Gotta swallow the pride

    Put your heart in a blender

    Don't stop responding to calls or texts, that might just upset him more because if the relationship was like this, it's probably tearing him up just to make the decision to split. Tell him you miss him, and that you love him, that you aren't sure how to live without him.

    Something Sappy

    From a Maple Tree

    Pancakes, anyone?

    • Nikie, I agree with you. Thanks

    • It might not be what I would do, but I'm giving her advice to keep the options open (Much like you did). If she waits around for him to prove he's interested, it might be too late. Better to have tried and failed then to have never tried at all, hm? She probably doesn't have to go to the extreme of saying you aren't sure how to live without them, though. That's very true. Oh, and she said herself that she DID, in fact, miss him. That's just how she feels. It's her choice.

    • Come on now. Are you serious by telling someone who broke up with you that you miss him aren't sure how to live without him??? That's just crazY! The guy has to work hard to get her. I disagree with your advice. She does not have to ignore his calls but she does not have to say those too. He has to prove to her if he really wants her back and care for her.

What Guys Said 10

  • Thee are times when you have no choice, for your own SANITY! I wouldn't call it 'good', though. In general we don't have enough honest communication in our culture, so I try to be nice and respond even when I don't want to!

  • If you want him back then no contact is a bad idea. You only do that when you are trying to forget someone and move on with your life.

    On the same token, if you do want him back, don't incessantly contact him and make him feel smothered because then you will just come across as desperate and obsessive. You have to strike a balance. If its meant to be, he will get over his fear of relationships and go back to you. You just have to take life as it comes.

  • You know, honestly, depending on the guy, he will either miss you more, or think you hate him. It's really important that you talk to him and tell him how you feel, because it sounds like you really like him, and if he cares about you too, you guys can go out, but if he's one of those mean guys and does nothing after you tell him this, then he doesn't deserve you. Maybe you are afraid of him rejecting you if you say something to him, but don't be. It takes a lot of courage, I know. If you want, I can relate your experience to one of mine.

    There's a girl that I really like, and last summer when school got out, I started talking to her because she said she wanted to hangout sometime. I got the hint, but because she was so busy going places during the summer to figure out where she was going to college, I had to wait until school started again for her to come back, so we could start going out. I thought that while she was gone, she would think it was nice if I sent her small texts every once in a while to let her know I was thinking about her, and she liked it at first, but after me doing that a couple times, she stopped replying, and I didn't know why. It started tearing me apart that she just didn't talk to me anymore and I thought she hated me and wanted nothing to do with me, but I didn't know why. I didn't talk to her for two months until I saw her when school started again. She actually texted me a week before school and said she lost her phone and had to wait until she came back from visiting a ton of schools in California to get a new one, then I saw her a couple days later (school hadn't started yet) and she said she was sorry about not being able to talk to me and said, "I hope you don't think I hated you." to which I just said no its ok.

    So yeah, if you plan on going out with someone, don't make him miss you, it will kill him inside. It would have been nice if the girl I'm talking about would have said something to me. She could have used one of her parents phones, or her brother's or sistter's to call me and let me know what was going on because I was used to talking with her a couple times a week and then for two months straight, she just didn't say anything. Day after day I waited for her to call or send me even just a quick text saying how ya doing, but it didnt;happen, and it really just hurt so bad. This was last year and it still affects me a little.

    But I guess on the positive side, she still wanted to go out with me, she just couldn't for the whole summer. So please don't avoid talking to him, it will only hurt him, especially since you have the option to talk to him; in my case, she couldn't really talk to me.

  • Not just good: necessary. You haven't begun to break up until you do it.



  • i agree your not a sh*tty human being.

    But you sure in the hell aren't the smartest person.

    What do I mean by that?

    How do you get someone to see what they are missing out on?

    Why not make him jealous?have a guy pretend you and him are dating.

    that's more effective than just ignoring someone.

    In that case I don't think any guy would miss a chick.

    They'd be out with their buddies at the Strip Club.

    geeez just because some women are drop dead good-looking.

    don't mean they have the brains

  • The "no contact" policy is to help you heal.

    No contact is *not* to make an ex come crawling back.

    • ;(

    • Yes. I suggest you move on without him, and assume it's over. It can be difficult, but will save you a lot of heartache in the long run.

    • So I am assuming he won't come crawling back at all?

  • try to talk to him via txt if its ok for you, ignoring deosn't solve anything.

  • it might make him want you back but you can't risk it.. especially if you love him

  • Are you serious? Even if you didn't like him ignoring all text and calls from your ex makes you a pretty sh*ty human being. Once when a girlfriend broke up with me she just disappeared. Just left and never talked to me again, ignored all communication I attempted. After a few weeks I just gave up and moved on but it was pointless! If she had wanted to end the relationship she should have just told me and I would have without any fuss; but this made her seem like she just fell off the Earth into nonexistence, and it was rude. If I had broken up with her I would have had the respect to say it to her face--or at least over the phone. This just demonstrated what little character she had. A year later she called to apologize, which was nice, I guess. All good things come to an end, but the only time it makes sense to ignore everything from a guy is when he is persistently annoying AFTER (did you see the after part?) you've officially broken up with him, or if he's and abusive asshole. In the case of the latter you still might want to leave him with your take on the relationship so hopefully if he ever hooks up with someone else he will grow up or change so another girl doesn't have to deal with the crap you did. I can't belive you would even consider this, it will only make him angry.

    • Excuse me, but calling me a sh*tty human being is utterly mean. especially when you don't even know me.

      he texts and calls me once every few days, and I was wondering, if by ignoring him for a few days would relieze what he did wrong

  • Whoa. You are seriously about to make a mistake. Your question is loaded full of emotion and completely lacks logic.

    Problem number one is that you are not a friend with this guy. There is no such thing as a friendship when one person is seriously falling for the other, but the other doesn't feel the same in return. It is called unreciprocated love and it hurts like heck.

    I happened to be in your situation, only the girl I fell for didn't care for me as anything more than a friend. No matter what I tried, be it giving her constant attention, ignoring her, expressing my feelings for her---nothing worked. The problem is, sometimes people just don't fall for you. It is a blow to your ego, but true.

    Think about it for a moment. You, by your own admission, told us that he is "obviously afraid of relationships". That means he's either immature, is not over one of his ex's, fears commitment, doesn't know how to love or a combination of all of the above. Wowzers! Does that sound like someone you can be happy with in the long run? Of course not!

    You need read the words you typed above. Emotions are all fine and dandy in a healthy relationship, but you don't have one of those. You're on feelings overdrive and he isn't going to meet you even half way. That doesn't work. Trust me, when I finally gave up chasing my unrequited love, it took me over four months to finally be over her.

    You must stop talking nonsense about wanting to get your heart broken. I KNOW WHAT THAT FEELS LIKE AND IT IS BRUTAL. Your best long-term approach should be to cut off all communication with them forever. Every time you'll see him in the future, you're not going to be capable of seeing him only as a friend. It doesn't work like that when you've fallen for a guy that hard.

    You must find other things to fill in the voids that he will leave once you cut things off. It isn't easy, but trust me, I've been there and back. A broken heart is a short and narrow path to depression, which for reasons I don't think I need to explain, is extremely bad for your physical and mental health.

    Any guy that shows warning signs of not wanting to be in a relationship

    • I am making no excuse for him. and infact I wrote out a better question. with more details

    • You're making excuses for him. His ex is no reason why he can't commit to you now. In a court of law, do you judge someone based upon the actions of their mother, father, boyfriend or so on? No, you have to own up to your own behavior. He isn't doing that. If he wants you, he'll put aside the past and move on. If he's not capable, there's no chance it will work out. I'm being as blunt as I can, based upon past experiences and those of my friends.

    • First of all. he and I were doing verrrry well!!! he was an amazing guy, and soo sweet, and full of life. we loved being around each other. he even drove to see me for a half hour before he had to drive to the airport too visit his mom. in that week he was gone, we talked but not a lot. not only that but when I saw him, he seemed distant. his ex girlfriend, was so insane, and went to a metal hospital for 2 months. that's why he is afraid. I mean everyone has their problems, but he had to care for

What Girls Said 6

  • Yeah it's smart, makes him go crazy, and makes you get control. but sometimes replying grouchy and uninterested is also good

  • Hey I was wondering how you guys came about after the few months. Did you guys get back together? Did you ignore him?

    From my experience, I have ignored him and had no contact with him usually consisting of a week or a few days and he would call and text me a lot and even leave me emails. He even tried to get my attention through Facebook.

    Yes it's a bit degrading from a certain point of view, but I admit I liked it because it showed me he still thought about me and cared and we eventually talked. I know that much that he still misses me and loves me and still wants to be friends. He doesn't want to lose me. But we are still not together. That's the hard part. There's a lot of reasons behind the not getting together and break up, but I'm still wishing we could fix up those problems and our attitudes.

    Hopefully you did what was right for you. Ignoring a person can mean him thinking you're a bitch or him making the effort to do the dirty work and come back to you. That's a bit mean but it at least proves that him breaking up was his decision and now he has to prove that he wants you back in his life.

  • Flat out ignoring isn't a good suggestion, but having no contact is. Talk to him one last time and tell him you need time and space to move on. Let him know you just can't talk to him because its too difficult right now. If he is a good person he will understand. Then once he knows your not just being rude and ignoring him, that you are trying to move on you can start the no contact rule.

    I did this with my ex, I told him I needed space to heal and then didn't go online and made myself impossible to reach. Funny thing was, once he saw that I was getting space to move on, he started contacting me a lot and leaving me messages. If he wrote me a lot then I would be polite and respond, but never let him know where I was or what was going on in my life. After a few weeks he became desperate to have me back in his life. I probably could have worked things out with him and gotten back together, but being his ex made me see a different side of him so I just walked away.

    Just ignoring him is childish, but if you have no contact and are polite about it and he knows you are just trying to move on... then it could work.

  • if you want to get back with him then text him

    but I wouldn't . I just ignore everything an ex boyfriend says or texts, you don't know what is lies and it's just distracting. I just let go. especially if it was an ugly break up.

  • Well I think you should be his friend even though you guys broke up. You guys had fun together right? Well if you did then breaking up doesn't mean you have to hate each other , you can still be friends . The only thing you should ask is that can you handle being his friend when you now he will go out with other girls ?,and will you be comfortable going out with other guys when you don't now what it effects on you relationship with your ex can take?. ...

    Take it from me if you ignore him you never get that friendship back and he'll just treat you like crap and you won't like it.

    • I can't. and he is most certainly not like that. seeing how as he just came to visit me, out of the blue. but thanks for the advice!

  • Well, he might start giving up on you if you stop answering his phone calls and he might think that you are just mad at him. My suggestion would be to answer his text, but wait a little while before you answer them-make yourself seem like you are busy. Making yourself unavailable by ignoring him completely is not going to make him want you anymore, and he is just going to start questioning why he even bothers anymore.

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