My girlfriend keeps gaining weight. I don't know how to help her

My girlfriend and I have a beautiful child together. We been through a lot of ups and downs on our relationship but at the end of the day always have each other. During and after her pregnancy she gain like 40 lbs all together. Lots of you probably will think that this is wrong but I don't find her as attractive as before. She always complain about her body but will never do anything about it and her bad nutrional habits I feel are getting worse and worse (sodas and fast food almost everyday). I know this is awful for your body and throw in there her cigarette smoking is a recipe for health problems at a very young age. I have try to take her to the gym with me or do some workout video but she don't take it seriously and never wants to push herself. I'm not in amazing shape or anything like that but I work out every now and then but I played soccer in a weekly basis a lot of times more than twice a week. Every time I bring the weight gain subject she tells me I'm a d*** and that I should love her no matter if she is fat or not( bs if you ask me). Is getting worse and worse and I'm getting annoyed I'm getting ready to get my summer body back on plus outdoor soccer is around the corner( hate winter pretty much hibernate but still eat good and take care of my figure lol). I'm ready to design my new workout plan and buy supplements to help me achieve my fitness goals (no peds by the way). How can I get my girlfriend to buy into this and change her habits?


Most Helpful Girl

  • I understand that this is a very delicate situation for you. Here are a few guidelines from a woman's perspective.

    Never, EVER metion her weight! Like, NEVER! This is the golden rule.

    There is only one exception to this rule, and that is that you are allowed to comment ONLY when she asks. Here is how to do it without getting your head ripped off!

    If she says something like "I'm getting fat", "I feel crappy", "My jeans don't fit anymore", etc, here's how to proceed...

    Woman: "Wow, these jeans never used to fit this snug. I'm getting fat!"

    Man: "No, you're gorgeous, babe. But you know what, I've been feeling pretty crappy myself lately. (White lie here.) Why don't we start eating a little better? It would be so much easier with your help!"

    See what MAN just did here? He convinced WOMAN to eat healthier without making her feel bad about her appearance, and made it sound like it was her idea. Here's another example.

    Woman: "I hate this dress. It makes me look fat!"

    Man: "You're not fat, honey. You're beautiful! Why, have you been feeling a little different lately?"

    Woman: "Well, sort of. I can't get all of this weight off!"

    Man: "Well frankly, I've been feeling a little crappy myself without soccer. Is there anything like that that you'd ever be interesting in taking? I hear bellydancing is pretty fun."

    Basically, you want to suggest healthy choices in a non-judgemental way. Also, condition her to feel good after doing healthy things by "rewarding" her. When she comes home from her dance class, ask her to do a sexy striptease for you. When she cooks a healthy meal, tell her how awesome it tastes. And go for walks together (or do another healthy activity) and enjoy your bonding time. This will show her that healthy lifestyle choices can be FUN!

    Good luck!

    • Beautiful answer :) You sound like an excellent communictor!

    • jan jan has this broken down to a science.

      she can read people like a book haha

    • A degree in psych opens your eyes to a lot of things! Just don't use your power for evil. :P

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What Girls Said 38

  • Losing weight after a baby is hard especially with the diet she is on. I recommend maybe getting her to do some light excercise together...something like YOGA...! You guys should do it makes you more flexible and is good for sex ;) lol

    Please help me and answer my question?

  • More than likely, she is having personal self esteem issues, which is normal after gaini g a lot of weight post pregnancy.

    The thing is, if she was never really an active person before the kids, it's not like she would suddenly become active now. Some people have always been thin and have to learn a whole new way of living when we can no longer just stuff out faces.

    This is definitely a sticky situation and I can understand her thought process that you should love her unconditionally, but if she's no longer the woman you fell in love with, then it doesn't apply does it? Life does take it toll on all of us, but we should be doing out best to put our best foot forward. Sometimes we get stuck in a rut though and need a tow truck to carefully and skillfully pull us out. Being told I no longer find you attractive only makes a bad situation worst. Dragging her along to work outs won't work either because its a mental thing. She's not feeling good about herself so it doesn't matter how much you try to motivate her. So you need a different approach.

    I know it seems counter productive, but you need to make her feel sexy. The problem probably started even before the babies, while she was pregnant. Feeling like a blimp all those months and having a hard time getting rid of the baby weight can take its toll.

    In my situation , my husband always made me feel desirable even when I was a blimp. I gained 30 pounds and he was still slapping my butt and trying to get in my pants. As soon as I could, I worked on trying to look my best for him.

    Are you making her feel sexy or are you reminding her how unattractive she is? Kids are exhausting and drains energy. The only thing that would motivate her into action would be the desire to get back to her old self. You have to remind her of that part of herself by being that supportive husband that seemingly loves her unconditionally. Start smacking her butt, give a compliment, and take her out to do fun things. That last one is crucial. When she wants to get dolled up and can't fit anything that will be a great motivator.

    So be supportive, not her personal trainer. Show her that she is still worthy of your love and she'll find her way back in time.

  • Well, in this case, I'd really say that coming at this from the angle of being a concerned parent would be a lot better received than from an angle of how her current weight is unattractive to you. Remind her that you love her and your child, and that's why you're concerned.

    For one, kids do tend to pick up their parents' habits and an unhealthy diet is likely to negatively impact a child's physical and mental development. For another, it would be fun to bond as a family over some work outs; it would reinforce health and fitness as part of your child's lifestyle, for life. Lastly, every child deserves healthy parents they can look up to. Bad diets and smoking can shorten lifespans; if not for herself, encourage her to change for your child.

    Don't forget to compliment her when she does something good, be it just eating a salad for lunch or walking instead of driving!

  • Keep being her friend and don't critize he; I'm sure she awares that she overweight. But keep encourage to lose weight if that's what's she wants to do.

  • sorry she's sloppy.. I feel like it's selfish to let yourself go in a relationship and expect your partner to see you the same way fat... I feel less attractive if I put on 5lbs granted I've never had a child but I would never want to smoke or eat fast food around a child, your setting a horrible example. Make a rule with her and tell you that these changes HAVE to happen for your child.. Tell her that you want him to have healthy habits as he grows up and that your going to sign up for a few 5k runs and maybe she can sign up to or at least support you on this.

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What Guys Said 4

  • Rather than telling her to lose weight maybe you should tell her to stop eating junk food and soda, those stuffs are baaad. Tell her that you love her and want to be with her for a long time so you don't want to see her health deteriorate and all those bad habits are bound to bring health problems sooner or later.

  • Wtf! Dude she is right, do you love her, or the meat?

    Chances are she is comfort eating (google it)

    She could also be suffering from a degree of depression (common after child birth and eating more can be a symptom, see above)

    Btw do you know you burn calories kissing?

    Try kissing her to skinniness,

  • As an unlicensed doctor (not even close) , I would recommend lots of s*x and make her do most of the work. She'll burn a lot of calories that way.

  • The girls here are going to say you should love her unconditionally.

    I would say to them, let's see your boyfriends smack you all around a bit and watch how long that "unconditional love" lasts.

    Tell her if she doesn't start making a visible effort to regain her health you're breaking up with her.

    Cold, but that's the only thing that's going to work, plain and simple.

    • I love how three people downrated me because "I'm mean" but they're unable to provide any counter argument.

    • I think it is a little cold, but I understand your point as a man. Men cannot understand what it feels like to have your body go through a complete 180 in less than a year to have a child, and then have your partner, the father of your child, to say "you're so ugly now." It's really emotional and you can't expect change over night.

    • Perhaps not. But I can expect someone to cut out soda, fast food, and cigarettes.