How would you feel if your boyfriend met up with his ex and didn't tell you?

[Anonymous]

I found out on Valentine's day that my boyfriend of a bit over a month had met up with his ex girl friend two days earlier. He told me they wanted to 'talk things over' and he didn't tell me because he was embarresed by the situation, as he wouldn't go back and talk to someone who he dislikes as much as he has her. They broke up around a year ago, and had been together for about a year. From the start of the realationship he: * Has baged her out numerous times saying how lazy she was and made him miserable * Compared me to her (even though telling me I'm better than her) * Told me Facebook accidently sent her a friend request from him (whilist we have been together). They had words about how he didn't want to speak to her, and deleted her as a friend. * He has a photo of her on his phone in amongst other old photos, and obviously still has her number. * Told me she called him wanting to be friends, suggesting we double date as she's now with someone else. He jokingly told me she wanted them to get back together, I believed him at first and then he told me he was just joking. This call happened the day before they met up. He said he wouldn't double date, as it would be awkward for me. Whilist he says he's embaressed by the situation, I saw the messages on his phone and he didn't sound reluctant to go. It had been planned on the phone, as she said 'still want to meet up?' It upsets me that I wasn't told. If he wantd to met her, I'd be uncomfrotable, but wouldn't complain, as he would have at least told me about it. Not having known has made me feel very suspicious. Am I unresonable in feeling suspicious about this? Would it be okay for me to voice my concerns and how I feel? I tried to explain how I felt when I found out, but he got quite mad, and would only tell me to see if from his point of view. Eventually, he broke down crying because he didn't want a bad realationship with me and tried to turn it on to me, saying I was being cynical about the realationship.

[Anonymous]

I voted A.

He still talks about her a lot, after being broken up for a year.

Facebook sent her a friend request? I don't buy that.

He still has photos of her on his phone, after all this time.

They meet up, right before Valentine's Day.

Those are all red flags. It's too much, too many happenings to suggest innocence.

You have every right to be suspicious. I would sit him down and talk this out. Tell him exactly how you feel about the situation. If he keeps up contact with her after knowing you're uncomfortable with it, get rid of him.

Best of luck!

[Opinion Owner]

Thanks for BA :-)

[kris_annethemum]

This happened to me really really recently. But instead, they had just broken up about two weeks before we started dating. The fact of the matter is that he didn't tell you that he was talking to her, and honesty is the most important thing in a relationship. Your boyfriend probably got mad at you because he didn't want you to find out anymore. If you get a bad feeling about it, trust your gut. He will probably hurt you in the end, and I'm sorry about that. My boyfriend broke up with me, because he was still talking to her. I'm sorry this is happening, but it's clearly his vendetta.

[prophecy]

it's perfectly reasonable to be upset over this.

if I were you, I'd let him know - no contact whatsoever. if he has a problem with it, dump him, he's no good.

and all those pictures on the phone and number and "accidental Facebook request"? PLEASE! gimme a break. these things needs to go. now.

[Asker]

Thank you, I appreaciate hearing this as he said I was unresonable in beng upset. I could tolerate the photo on his phone, as he has a lot of really old photos on there, and I've has the Facebook things happen to me a few times too, but...things just start to add up. Thanks again!

[emzy-89]

I'd be very upset. If I was planning to meet up with an ex (personally I would rather die) I would definitely run it by my current boyfriend. I'd be suspicious too, my take on things is, if it didn't really matter you would have told me instead of keeping it a secret.