Ex-girlfriend is ignoring me?

[Anonymous]

My ex-girlfriend broke up with me last Fall, after a one year relationship. The break up was all her idea -- I didn't want to break up and made that clear to her.

Last January, we started talking again and seemed to be headed towards getting back together again. Then she met a guy in a bar, fell instantly in love with him, and after two dates announced that she was in a relationship with him. The last time we talked was in February, and she was super-friendly and insisted that she wanted us to stay friends. She told me that she was totally over me and was ready for a new relationship. I said I needed some time, but we should try and stay friends.

I'm a regular at the coffee shop where she works (that's how we met) and stayed away for a month or so until I was feeling better. When I started going back, I made a point of being very positive and upbeat whenever I go there. But what's odd is that now, whenever I see my ex at the shop, she totally ignores me. She won't look at me, won't make eye contact and won't talk to me -- she seems to visibly stiffen and get tense when she sees me. She is totally different than when she saw me in the shop in February, when she was relaxed and friendly and eager to talk to me. It's been getting to the point of being ridiculous -- I know other people in the shop, and there have been times when I'm chatting with three of her friends, we're all laughing and my ex is pretending that she can't see me.

Why is she acting like this? I've tried emailing, telling her that I'm feeling fine about our breakup and she doesn't need to feel awkward around me, but she just ignored it and, if anything, she seems to be avoiding me even more now.

I thought maybe her new boyfriend didn't want her talking to me, but I found out that her new 'relationship' lasted about a month before they broke up, so that can't be it.

Is this some kind of 'woman-thing' that we guys can't understand? It seems kind of silly to pretend that your ex-boyfriend (or anyone, for that matter) is invisible. Sometimes I feel like I should just jump in front of her and say "Can you see me now?" I suppose it's not really a big deal, but I just don't understand why she's acting like this.

[PsychMike]

My ex used to do the same thing to me. Since you stayed away for a while, she missed seeing you. If she was really completely over you she wouldn't have to say it out loud she would just be over you and act like you were a friend. After not seeing my ex for a month I finally saw her while I was talking to one of her friends, she of course ignored me and avoided eye contact just like in your case. So I just smiled the whole time and tried to be as involved in the convo as I could, while ignoring the fact that she was ignoring me. Whenever we passed each other after than I would just smile and wave and surprisingly she started to do it back. Eventually she started being able to have small conversations with me. Now we can have okay conversations with friends around and she approaches me sometimes for a convo without me even seeing her. Though there is still awkwardness on her part which just tells me that she still has lingering feelings even though she still has the boyfriend she dumped me for. As for me, I am not 100% over her, but I am above 90%, it's hard to get over someone 100% when you see them more than once a week.

What I would recommend you do is to just go on with your business and just let her figure out why she is doing what she's doing. You sending emails will just make her keep playing these little ex games, because your giving her the attention she is trying to get. If you see her just smile and wave and say Hey, but nothing more unless she initiates first.

[Xakrael]

Wow I really like this answer, helped me on my situation too, thanks :)

[Asker]

Thanks for the answers, everyone. What makes it so confusing to me is that, two months ago, right after she told me about her new 'relationship', she was very friendly, insisted that she wanted to 'stay friends' and that she had no problem with me going to the shop as often as I wanted. Now (frankly) she's acting like a b*tch. I could understand if she had just acted that way consistently from the beginning of the break up. Why the change?

[PsychMike]

She changed because she most likely still has feelings for you. And since she knows she still has feelings for you, she is trying to sort of prove to herself that she can lose those feelings for you in a weird twisted way. She is trying to make you look like the bad guy who is deliberately going to her shop as a way to keep her thinking about you. This is just a head game she is playing with herself so if you just ignore it she will eventually get over herself and grow up.

[Anonymous]

Based on my experience, I think she is insane. How can a woman fall in love with a guy after only 2 dates? It is not love it is lust, I think she will eventually figure it out, and break up with the new guy. My question is, why would you want her back? She obviously does not have good character, and is quick to jump ship when she is bored, which means she has no loyalty.

DO NOT MARRY a woman like that, she will just end up divorcing you when she meets some hot hunk of a guy, take all your possessions and sue you for child support.

[Shlei3]

There could be several reasons as to why she is doing this. She could be embarassed that she jumped so quickly in a relationship, perhaps she regrets breaking up with you, maybe she still has feelings...at any rate you have done your part by telling her how you feel. That's all you can do. I would say just leave her be. Whatever her reasons are that is that.

[asdrubal]

she's immature.