My ex says he doesn't want to be with me because he can't make me happy and be the man I need him to be.

We've been apart 6 months, I'm still deeply in love with him and miss him very much. We've met up a few times and still text each other. But whenever I mention getting back together he either ignores me and asks me to leave him alone or says things like 'he can't make me happy'. His father died last year before we split and I know he's still grieving his loss but I want to be there for him.

I left him initially because I felt he didn't want me around. When I left I told him if he asked me to stay I would but he didn't. I've found out recently that the reason he didn't was because he 'had no fight left in him' he told me that. I'm not sure what to do, I love him so much and want him to know how much he means to me, I tell him all time in texts and letters but he ignores me, however he's ok to talk abotut trivial things like how he is etc.

He asked me to meet him for coffee last week and we did and it went really well we sat for 3 hours chatting about what we'd been doing and memories, after wards I asked if he wanted to go to the cinema. He said he didn't know cos he didn't wanna lead me on. I said ok but then got upset after thinking about it for awhile and I started texting asking for reasons that he didn't wanna be with me. That's when he said 'he can't make me happy' he's also said before 'he's afraid he can't be the man I need him to be'. I don't know what to do. I wanna be with him but I don't know what I can do to get him back, if I chase him and tell him how much I love him it pushes him away, yet he says 'he can't make me happy' so obviously I am gonna wanna show him how much he does and how much I care about him. but is that the wrong thing to do? I fear he may be taking advantage of my affection. He is not seeing anyone and always makes a point of telling me that. I'm just so lost. Why does he wanna meet up if he wants me to leave him alone. He's said it before and then asks me to meet him. I'm so confused. Please help..


Most Helpful Guy

  • Its becoming pretty clear he does need you...for an ego boost(not in a bad way). He really is down in the dumps..poor kid BUT:

    Is he the same age bracket as you (25-29)? If he is he needs to wake up and do it fast. I am not sure how long a grown woman would tolerate this no matter how much love they have for the guy.

    Eventually he is going to wear you so thin you will wind up walking away. He has a woman that really cares about him and a gorgeous woman too boot.

    I am not sure why he is pushing you away. IO am pretty sure he doesnt. I think he is in "destructive mode" and he is going to sabotage every good thing he has to the point of no return.

    Do you know his parents well? his uncles? you need to get someone in his family to persuade him into seeing a therapist.

    This is a sad situation, I have a bad feeling he may be suicidal. How many things is he trying to destroy in his life besides your relationship with him?

    • Report

      Hi Gorce, thank you, finally someone with abit of insight, instead of just the usual 'move on'. He's 23 so 3 years younger than me. Before I met him he acted it too, when he got with me he matured a lot and now it's like he's gone back to how he was before he met me. He's changed so much. The day after we split he moved out of his mums house where we both lived together with his mum. He moved in with his friend and has been there since,when I ask him if he likes it he just shrugs.