We've been apart 6 months, I'm still deeply in love with him and miss him very much. We've met up a few times and still text each other. But whenever I mention getting back together he either ignores me and asks me to leave him alone or says things like 'he can't make me happy'. His father died last year before we split and I know he's still grieving his loss but I want to be there for him.
I left him initially because I felt he didn't want me around. When I left I told him if he asked me to stay I would but he didn't. I've found out recently that the reason he didn't was because he 'had no fight left in him' he told me that. I'm not sure what to do, I love him so much and want him to know how much he means to me, I tell him all time in texts and letters but he ignores me, however he's ok to talk abotut trivial things like how he is etc.
He asked me to meet him for coffee last week and we did and it went really well we sat for 3 hours chatting about what we'd been doing and memories, after wards I asked if he wanted to go to the cinema. He said he didn't know cos he didn't wanna lead me on. I said ok but then got upset after thinking about it for awhile and I started texting asking for reasons that he didn't wanna be with me. That's when he said 'he can't make me happy' he's also said before 'he's afraid he can't be the man I need him to be'. I don't know what to do. I wanna be with him but I don't know what I can do to get him back, if I chase him and tell him how much I love him it pushes him away, yet he says 'he can't make me happy' so obviously I am gonna wanna show him how much he does and how much I care about him. but is that the wrong thing to do? I fear he may be taking advantage of my affection. He is not seeing anyone and always makes a point of telling me that. I'm just so lost. Why does he wanna meet up if he wants me to leave him alone. He's said it before and then asks me to meet him. I'm so confused. Please help..
He is either afraid of opening up to someone when that love can cause so much pain (don't latch onto this one just think about it rationally).
More likely it's that he likes you but isn't that into you and you being so into him makes him feel bad about himself because he feels like he "should" love you. The problem is youare to nice to accepting and to into him. How do I know this? Because I ruined a relationship with a beautiful sexy woman who was totally in love with me by doing the same thing. It's not that people don't want people to be nice to them. They just don't want people to be week needy clingy it makes you look cheap and then after a while they say I can have better than this they feel bad about only wanting to be friends with you but the reality is that they are looking for a exiting dynamic hard to get girl/guy and even if you were that when you met you lowered his image of you through love... sucks doesn't it. As soon as I started playing all the stupid games that make me feel like a total asshole she was back into and called me 4 times today. People are crazy.
For his sake, please leave him alone. For your sake, please move on with your life and find somewhere else, somewhere positive, to focus your energies. Yours doesn't sound like a relationship that can be healthy on a "just friends" level, and trying to keep it there will be frustrating for you and aggravating for him.
Some people liketo really lead people on with their own drama. It can be hard to decipher when he is actually telling the truth about his insecurities, or maybe he just loves the way your affection and love make him feel. Maybe he wants a different girl. Who knows. You just have to find out by trying your best to make him see that he is the only one for you. The only one that will ever make you happy.
DOnt get caught up in this one anymore than that. once you tried your best and he still wants t o jerk you around, then there is something mentally wrong withthis person and YOU Can NOT change him. He will only bring hurt into your life with the way he makes things be all down and dumpy...im suprised he want like this before his dad died. Maybe it is his dad, maybe you really do need to save him. I think its a little ov everything. Just don't worry if he commits suicide. It wasn't you that killed him. It was him that killed hisself.
You notice he never breaks up with you, ehich means he wants YOU to brake up with him. To give him the though that no one cares so he CAN commit suicide!
You do care. Maybe you could iniate more talks about his life and how he feels about each and every little thing. Seems like there's a lot under that veil he wears.
ohh the reason he don't think he can make you happy is because he knows you fkd a guy with a bigger wang than his and he isn't over it yet..
People grieve in very different ways. It is possible your handling of him, his emotions or possibly his feelings towards his father were unwelcome, inappropriate or just at the wrong time and this could have offended him.
I lost an uncle that I was very fond of. When my girlfriend, at the time told me how to mourn I was outraged ( and this is rare for me) I never forgot how inconsiderate she was about his death.
just because he may not be seeing someONE, he could see some people and not be exclusive, I think the guy just got too comfortable and he's just used to you now. nothing exciting, and he's not trying to impress you anymore, if he can't BE THE MAN HE NEEDS TO BE, then he can't be a man at all.
what it sounds like is he is trying to justify what he is doing. he is leaving you to go after another girl and he wants to make him self feel better about it. he still might have feelings for you but he is looking to have some fun. I hate to say it but I have done the same thing to someone it made me feel like sh*t. in a way I held her back, I kept her from moving on just so I did not feel hurt. I know it was a jerk move and I feel bad every time she started to move on I pulled her back and it sounds like he is doing the same to u. if you want him back "date" someone else you don't have to like the guy but I promise he will come running back
It seems like this guy truly cares about you.I went through a similiar thing when I broke up with my bf, and we were apart for 6 months also. I always brought up the idea of getting back together, and he usually tried to change the subject, ignored it or just told me that he can't make me happy. He probably does wnat to be with you, but he's just afraid of hurting you and not making you happy .. he thinks you deserve better than him. The minute I started moving on, my boyfriend was begging for me back and I guess thast when he realized how much he really does need/want me in his life. So, the best advice I can give you is to just show him that you really are happy with him, and if nothing else works, then I guess its time to move on. You can't force someone to be in a relationship they don't awnt to be in.
hmm, my boyfriend has broken up with me because he thought he couldn't make me happy. which at the time was partially true... I was talking future stuff.. taking things to the next level and he had no interest.. which you know.. didn't make me happy. lol, so he broke up with me. however, our 'break up' only consisted of like a couple hours and not 6 months.. so I don't know exactly what to tell you. But if he is really doing it for you to make you happy.. I applaud him..
sweety you can't be there for someone when they don't want you there. The best thing to do is cut all ccontact with him he obviously still feels something for you he just doesn't know right now. you making it harder for him. Just completely stop talking to him and trust me if he wants to be with you things will turn around...i went through the exact I'm saying EXACT samething as you it took him 2 months to realize thing and now where about to get married
i am in the same situation as you are and I can truly feel the pain you are going through and trust me it has hurt me more than anything else. But with me its more complicated because he is my best friend. His father also passed away a year back and he is still confused about his feelings. I told him how I felt about him a few days back but told him I wasn't expecting a relationship if he was'nt ready but he was just adamant to make me and him happen, He was fine the first 2 days but then he just started acting weird and I kept telling him you are not ready and in the end he just told me to lets keep the things they were before and not think of a relationship at this moment as he has too much going on in his life. Now yesterday it was his dad's death anniversary and he's just not talking to me I don't understand why. I texted him that I'm here for you but he said replied I'm busy ill talk to you soon. Its just breaking me up inside waiting for him. I have true feelings for him and really want to understand what is going through his head! :(
He already knows you love himn and care about him and want to be with him, but he's showing you HIS insecutrites, which is a hard thing for a man to do. I can see he still wants to be friends, but if you really want him back - tell him you believe in him, if you think he makes you happy, tell him he makes you happier than anyone on this earth, confide in him with your problems and if he is willing to help, tell him thank you for his advice and that it made you feel so much better, and your glad that you went to him because he always knows the right things to say. Something along those lines... I can't say you will have that chance, but continuosly telling him you love him and care about him and he's hurting you is only gonna make him believe that was he is saying is true, prove him wrong :)
He's not interested in being in this relationship with you, and you should have to fight for it either. He's incapable of making you happy, which shows that you deserve someone better. Regardless of what's going on at home, you and him are completely different from what's going on. You'd think he'd want to be with you, right? Instead, he wants to have his cake and eat it too. You shouldn't be a go-to girl and definitely not an emotional punching bag. He'll realize soon enough that he's let you go and that will be something he won't stop grieving about.
You need to stop seeing him and letting him come in and out of your life like that. It's just going to kill you!