My girlfriend likes another guy... Should I break up with her?

Question

Hey guys, I could really use some advice.

I have been with my girlfriend for 7 months now. This is our second time together, since we first broke up after a year and a half and, after a year, got back together. For about a month now, she's been liking this other guy. She told me not to worry, to trust her. Yet, when we are together, she is constantly texting him, and she gets to see him everyday in college (Im not in the same college as her).

Yesterday, she told me she thought it wasn't convenient to keep this relationship. I immediately thought about her liking this other guy, and I asked her about it. She said that her feelings for this guy do get in the way, but also that she doesn't feel that we are compatible, since we are very different (like in personalities and tastes and stuff). But she says that she doesn't want to break up with me, since she labels me as "what every girl wants" and she doesn't want to lose me.

So now, I'm in a crossroad. On one hand, I want to break up with her, because I don't feel I'm appreciated, respected or being returned all the love that I give. Yet, I have hope that she will finally decide to stay with me and work out all our issues.

I don't know what to do! It's so difficult to try to say goodbye after all we've been through, yet I don't know if I'm missing out on another opportunity.

HELP PLEASE!

Thanks!

kaorirecreation · Accepted Answer

Ok, well she sounds like a nice girl who is just afraid of having both of her hands empty. On one hand she has you, who loves her already, plus you guys also have a history together, so there's not much work for her to do. On the other hand, there is this new guy that she sees everyday whom she seems to be falling for. This guy is something new and exciting to her and she even admitted she has feelings for him that may be getting in the way of your relationship.

So here's the thing. As mush as she wants this new guy, there may be pieces that hasn't quite fallen into place for her yet, like he knows she's not single or she just can't quite tell if he's as into her as she is into him. But the thing is, she likes him. So, she's starting to slowly push you away (in the nicest way possible) by saying things like "oh we just don't have very much in common" even when she knows deep down that she wants someone else and it never mattered before. She doesn't want to seem like a bitch for breaking up with you to get with another guy.

Of course she's not going to want to lose you. You love her for crying out loud, and that's not something a girl can just easily throw away, because at the end of the day, if the new guy doesn't like her back she'll still have you as that great guy who "every girl will want".

What you have to do is ask yourself if you trust her enough to be OK with her being around this guy everyday that you know she likes. If not, then you need to bow out of the relationship, because even if she starts appreciating you, if you can't trust her, there IS no relationship. Plus you also don't want to feel like you have to fight for the attention of a girl who you are already in a relationship with because she likes another guy.

But if you can trust her, and want to keep the relationship, you would have to ask her to chose your relationship and make it number one to her. And that may mean getting rid of anything that may be getting in the way of you guys having a healthy relationship (aka the other guy). If you mean that much to her, and she wants to keep you, that shouldn't be a hard thing to do. But if she can't to that for you. Cut her ass loose because no one should be anyone's "plan B".

Blondie6 · Accepted Answer

Ooooh boy I hear you. The same thing happened to me, but obviously the genders are switche.

I would say just call it off with her. There are going to be those times when one of them is "lonely" and they have each other to turn too. It is likely that she is gonna go running for the other guy because she isn't able to see you.

I had the same thing happen, was with my ex for 3 1/2 years. Graduated high school together went to different colleges, only an hour away but we didn't see each other everyday like we used too. So he found someone else at his school not once but twice. Twice I left. I knew I couldn't trust him because of the loneliness . I tell myself its their loss and move on with my life.

After breaking up with him I realized that my type of guy has drastically changed from who I find attractive. If it weren't for the breakup would I have realized this? Id never have known because I was with him for so long. So in a way it wasn't a bad decision as it made me realize what I like.

Best of luck

why-makoto-kun · Accepted Answer

She is probably emotionally cheating on you with him. Don't listen to her B.S. ("I like him but trust me") and dump her.

" she doesn't feel that we are compatible, since we are very different (like in personalities and tastes and stuff). But she says that she doesn't want to break up with me, since she labels me as "what every girl wants""

She is only staying with you because you are her Plan B, and if you really were her only plan, she wouldn't have feelings for this guy.

"On one hand, I want to break up with her, because I don't feel I'm appreciated, respected or being returned all the love that I give."

You're not. Dump time.

I'm sorry, this situation really sucks for you. I would be so mad if it happened to me. :(

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

g.i.g.s...nothin you can do brah. hits everyone when they're in their 20's. sorry my friend break up with her and move on. if it was a good relationship she'll come back, you'll be over her, she'll beg, you'll have the power, you can decide whether she deserves another shot

or

you can wait it out, she might break up with you, or she might cheat while she's with you.

most likely what will happen is:

there will be a point where she says she needs a break. during this break ull get all needy and chase her, pushing her into the arms of the fun new guy that she's attracted to. eventually the break will become a breakup.

my recommendation is to go no contact if this hppns so she doesn't get to wean off you slowly and use you as a crutch. she will experience life without you and be able to make her decision...at first she will not miss you, but if the relationship was good and this guy doesn't measure up, she will regret it

keep in mind that since there is another guy, she will most likely sleep with him during the break/breakup. factor that into any decisions you make regarding taking her back

ofc everybodys different, your girl cud be that one in a million...but we're all just human...this is just my view on the situation. what kind of girlfriend tells you that they like someone else lol...i mean at least she's being honest tho I guess. but she is trying to hint at a breakup, most likely she feels too guilty to do it so she's giving you all the reasons to break up with her instead.

yopyopyop · Accepted Answer

She's not playing fairly here.

Obviously, her liking for this guy is a consequence for what she says about your compatibility.

And the "compatibility check" is more of a rational excuse that arrived once she got sure she didn't love you anymore. The fact that she texts him all the time shows that there is no trust to be given here. If she liked him but was acting so you could trust her (these things can happen), she wouldn't text him all the time.

In my opinion, she doesn't want to break up, because she would appear as the bad person, since she is already eyeing on someone else, and because of your past common history.

So I suppose she gave you enough reasons for you to initiate the break up.

This way, appearances are safe. You break up with her, she finds someone else (and by a pure coincidence, a few days later), and she can't be blamed for using you.

Anyway, you should break up. Even if I am wrong (it could be also she's playing with you, in the hope you will force yourself to change and adapt to her), it's still emotional blackmail, and you shouldn't accept such a treatment from someone who is supposed to love you.

ForeverYours39 · Answer

I understand your situation. I was in the girl's shoes in my previous relationship. However, my reasons for not breaking up with him were entirely different. I had a guy I talked to all the time and was way more compatible with... I felt really bad about it, but this guy was just more appealing to me. And you wanna know what happened to that guy? I'm dating him now. However, I did not break up with my previous boyfriend for this guy...there were so many other reasons for breaking up with him.

In my eyes, she's basically cheating on you. And she may be physically cheating, too. Yet, I don't know this girl, so I can't say what she is or isn't doing. Nonetheless, I don't think it's fair how she treats you. She's openly telling you she likes this guy and is more compatible with him and the only reason she won't leave you for him is because you're "a dream guy"? That's bullsh*t. She just wants to you to have you. She doesn't want to give up that attention or the popularity she gets from dating someone like you (assuming you are what she says you are).

"I want to break up with her, because I don't feel I'm appreciated, respected or being returned all the love that I give."

If you can say "I want yo break up with her" no matter if there are "but"s or not, you need to do it. Especially with a reason like you have. Please, for your own good, break up with this girl. She doesn't deserve you. Yes, you've been together for a long time, but things obviously aren't going down a good road. If I were in your shoes, I'd definitely break it off.

Good luck xx

ya_ya_ask_already · Answer

Dude, you should break up with her. Serouisly. If my boyfriend constantly texted and hung with a girl he had feelings for and broke up with me then changed his mind only because he thinks I'm a catch, I would dump his douche ass pretty fast. She's being selfish. She doesn't really give a sh*t about your needs or wants in this relationship. She openly admitted she is only keeping you around because she thinks you're a great guy. And by "what every girl wants" she is basically telling you she wants to keep you around so other girls can't have you. She's selfish. Take the control of this away from her and speak up for herself. Break up with her & meet a new girl. Ideally, one who wants to be with you and trears you well.

anon56789 · Answer

I think you should break up with her! If she has feelings for another guy, you have to let her go and let her figure that out herself. The things she's saying to you... if she doesn't feel that you are compatible... a break up is inevitable. Even if she feels like she can stick around now, she'll eventually realize that she wants someone else more similar to her. It's easier to let go now, then to let go further on down the line when your feelings continue to evolve.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, but I promise you will find another girl that will love you and actually respect you, and appreciate everything you do for her. She'll be similar to you, and you'll be much better off with her than you are with this girl :) Good luck!

eHeart95 · Answer

Get rid of her. There's no point in being in a relationship where someone isn't committed.

Her possibly having feelings for another guy? Nothing too bad.

But her not thinking that the two of you are compatible and yet not wanting to break up with you? In other words, she'll stay with you because she likes having a boyfriend.

Being described as "what every girl wants"? She doesn't want to lose you because you're too good for her and she realizes it.

Dating someone for the heck of dating them... she's using you. Dump her. Come out of the relationship with some pride.

Girl39 · Answer

Make a fast break for it NOW! It's not unheard of for one half of a couple to develop a crush on another person - it doesn't have to mean the end. It is however meaningful that she's taking action to develop that connection further by texting the guy. She's not putting your relationship first.

'Not convenient', but doesn't want to break up because she has something others are envious about - where is the love in this picture? She sounds either very selfish or she's over-intellectualising it, either way get out and find someone who can love you . You won't be able to experience that until you make the decision to free yourself from her.

Lucy7509 · Answer

Let her go she is not as emotionally invested in your relationship as you are, and she would rather be with you, than no one.

Don't settle for her, when she is clearly looking for someone else.

Ask yourself this, if this was your friend or brother dating this girl what would tell them? Would you want them to be this girl? Then I also ask you why would you want to be with this girl.

Somewhere out there is a girl waiting to meet you and just want to be with you...this is not that girl.

Betwyn · Answer

If you like her, set her free.

This current situation isn't helping either of you.

Cut her loose, nicely.. and she will either move on, or come back.

But don't just pine away waiting for her..

Live your life...

If it's meant to be, there will be a round 3...

botanica · Answer

You are definitely missing out on another opportunity. I can't stand that she said your relationship was not "convenient". You are "what every girl wants" because you give her "whatever she wants" you should try to think about yourself more and not her because you seem very wrapped up in her and she is wrapped up in her thoughts about this other guy at school. You have to let her go now! before her emotional affair with this guy passes. If you leave her now you save your self respect and once it passes she will have to come get you back, rather than you being right there waiting.

Fancygirl · Answer

So here's the dealio, that was my relationship, you've explained it to the T and its the same. I was the girl that liked another guy. I said don't worry our relationship is trustful. And the more I liked that guy the more my boyfriend got more distant. It wasn't a good feeling to like another guy. My boyfriend even knew about it because I felt I owed him. Eventually we split. I broke up with him because I felt too bad about it. And he has a new girl now because he was "a lady's man" and everyone wanted him. SO my advice to you, is to end it. Its going to be hard. I ended it almost two months ago and I still think about him. Eventually the hurt feeling will fade away. More, more, and then eventually it will be gone. And you never know, there might be a girl waiting for you. Hope I helped

Nicu11 · Answer

You shouldn't settle for someone who doesn't show you any respect!

Right now you are in the shoes of the girl who is dating a douche(more or less).. It's too unfair towards all those cute and adorable girls! Also, the relationship is, unbalanced~ and you seem to be the only one putting an effort into fixing it, while she is just looking for excuses to push you away, which probably gets her sad, so she draws you back..

Best of luck upon your choices!

Anonymous · Answer

You read your own question, right? If she likes another guy you need to step back or be open to a threesome/love triangle sort of situation.

"It's not convenient" is a shove-off sign. She's not into you. She probably only got back together with you to fill a temporary void in her life.

Snapbackchick · Answer

from reading this I can tell that she's done with you and you still have no clue. Its rime for you to break up with her because you can't make her feeling change. she already have feelings for this guy so if you don't want to get hurt then its best for you to leave now before its too late

gonyr · Answer

The fact that she didn't hide it probably means she wants you to dump her. Se wants it to end but doesn't want to feel guilty about hurting you, so now it's your decision and she doesn't have to feel bad

eveline · Answer

not difficult when you know your value  end it ..sooner or  later you will find a replacement .If you honestly are "what every girl wants"  then soon you will find an other one

yaddayaddayadda02 · Answer

Never make a person your priority who considers you an option.

itsybitsy09 · Answer

Call it off she's with you cause she knows once your single there will be plenty of girls willing to give you what you deserve a fully commited relationship

LseaRenAl · Answer

Cut her loose. She's using you, just not in the typical way. She knows your a good guy but she doesn't want you. She just doesn't want anyone else to have you. You'll end up trapped with her living her fantasies with another guy while you feel guilty for not being everything she wants.

evette · Answer

sounds like she like you and the other guy and if she break up with you the other guy may turn out to be ohoh not nice. Basically she don't know what she wants.

Wandering-Cat · Answer

You diserve better, no doubt. If she isn't all into you, she's not worth your time. It's either all you, or no you. It's the harsh truth in my eyes, and the breakup is tough, but if you're "what every girl wants" then it shouldn't be too hard to get back on track, should it? Think about the pros about being single. The freedom. You can still remain friends if goodbye is too hard. The first days will be hard, of course, but you WILL manage, and you know you will. : )

wanderer83 · Answer

I didn't even have to read this and I was gonna say,  "yes", then I actually read it and I say, "definitely!"

My girlfriend likes another guy... Should I break up with her?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

My girlfriend likes another guy... Should I break up with her?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.