28 year old needs advice. I've been dating my boyfriend for five months now. Things are great. He lives down the street from me which is convenient. Unfortunately we are both divorced as of last November. We were both cheated on and didn't want the divorce so we have that in common but we know now that we are much happier because of it and neither one of us should have gotten married in the first place.We are both so happy we are out of those bad relationships. Anyway, since my divorce my 4 year old and I have been staying with my parents. I make good money but it's too expensive to pay for daycare and a mortgage. However, I'm still looking for my own place and saving up and he knows that (my boyfriend owns his own house). About a month ago he asked me if I wanted to just move in with him. It's very hard for him to afford the mortgage on his own but doesn't want to get a roommate because we wouldn't have alone time etc. I sleep there a few nights a week and he's met my daughter on numerous occasions. She doesn't have a relationship with her father and I'm not looking for him to be her "dad" but he has done more things with her in the few months that I've known him than her real father ever had. He asked me to move in and I told him we should think about it and not rush into things. Why ruin a good thing? He asked me again last week on two different occasions. I told him I don't want to live with someone without a commitment and he understood. Well, as of last week my brother is going to be staying with my parents and I too. He is also now going through a horrible divorce. My divorce wasn't bad- clean break basically. my brother has no choice but to live with us until the divorce is final and they determine what happens with his house/finances. He to has a 9 year old that will be staying with us 3 nights a week. Our house is small, everyone gets along and it's nice to be around my family and I'm grateful to be able to help my brother go through this hard time but it's getting to be too much. My boyfriend would charge me 1/4 of what the average rent is around my area. He has a decent size house and it's right near my parents which is fantastic. He has two dogs that I love and could also help with. I'm so scared to ruin a good thing but I want to move in with him so bad. Not only to get some sanity away from my family but to have a more stable environment for my daughter. Even though she loves being around her family, it stressed me out living with my entire family. I get aggravated and feel like I can't be the best Mom I can be. I'm nervous to bring it up- what if he wasn't that serious about it? If we do think it's a good idea should we slowly transition my things over there or do it all in one day? I'm so nervous to make another mistake again. I really want to do the right thing for me, my daughter and my relationship. help!
Most Helpful Guy
I wouldn't recommend it. Doesn't matter though; it is your best option. Do it.
A slow transition is the way to gobut before you move in, like everything else in the universe, get a contract for how much rent actually is and something that legally says you are splitting this and that. Why? Because humans are insanely unpredictable. It doesn't just protect you, it protects your daughter, and the fact that location is right next to home is such a plus that I'm not concerned as I would be if it were anywhere else and things do happen to go sour.
I don't think it will mind you but you plan for the worst and hope for the best, esp. if you have children involved, and the simplest way to work with this is to just cover your ass so you can move into forever happy after land.
So the checklist is simple:
1. Get an actual agreement that dictates what you will really pay.
2. Move your stuff slowly so that the transition is easy on the child.
If he resists the contract just tell him that you want to do it for your child ( because you do ) and that since both of you have been screwed in divorces and love in general it isn't so much a matter of trust as it is as matter of learning from your past mistakes. He will respect this far more than if you give an emotional answer since it makes a hell of a lot more sense AND he can relate. It's win/win0