My ex gets mad because I'm "dating". What does this mean?

[jrodrz]

Hey everybody.

So a few months ago, I broke up with my ex girlfriend (I even posted a question here about it) telling me she needed space, when actually she wanted to be with another guy. Since it was the second time we've broken up, its easier for me to get over it. I've started to grow interest on other girls, but I'm not ready for dating yet, I like being single (and no, I'm not being a player either).

Anyway, about a month ago, I met this girl. She's really cool, and we hang out and talk occassionally. Now, this girl admitted that she likes me, but I told her I wasn't looking for a relationship right now. She took it alright, and, although it's a little awkward now, we remain friends. The thing is, my ex found out that this girl and I are friends (probably through social networks, which by the way SUCK). My ex and my friend used to know each other in high school and hated one another. My ex thinks my friend and I are dating (we are not), and she went crazy on Twitter. In fact, she even posted a tweet saying I'm dead to her, and that I'm not a gentleman. Even after she broke my heart, got a new boyfriend, and I'm not even on the dating plan right now!

So it all seems a bit weird and crazy. What does this mean? Is it possible that my ex is trying to control me? Or that she still has feelings for me?

Please people, your opinions and comments are welcome. Please share! And thanks in advance!

[MrOracle]

Both men and women do this: it's called back-burnering. She no longer wanted you as her primary relationship, because something "better" (at least, temporarily) came along that she wanted more, BUT, she wanted you on her "back burner" as a safety net, so that if the new, exciting guy turned out to be a jerk (and he probably will), then she could come back to you, and you'd have missed her so much that you'll happily take her back and feel grateful for the privilege.

What she didn't count on was you accepting the breakup and moving on successfully. You've ruined her back-up plan, and left her with no safety net, and so now she's vulnerable, and she knows it, and she blames YOU for that, because she's used to getting her way. I'm sure she also thinks she's the "more desirable one" in the relationship, so naturally she expected to have all the power. Now she realizes she doesn't, and that's not easy for her to accept.

But there's a reason for the phrase "The best revenge is LIVING WELL!" That means, if you REALLY want to get revenge on someone who dumped you and didn't value you, the best thing you can do is forget about them and work on making YOUR life great. You don't even need to flaunt your success and happiness at them; that type of person will always keep tabs on you, hoping you'll be a wreck without them, and angry (and confused/hurt/shocked) when you aren't.

But that's THEIR problem, not yours.

[jrodrz]

You're totally right. Although some time has passed since this happened, I can see that this happened many times during the relationship, and until I finally got to see what she was planning, I didn't have the courage to let her go. Now, I couldn't be any happier about the way things happened. Thanks!

[Jonny_]

Almost certainly jealous, I've had the same thing a few times... I had dated a girl who broke up with me and then decided she was lesbian, invited me on a night out, said he friend thought I was cute and that I should go for it. I went for it and later on she blanked me and eventually texted me saying how could I not know she still had some feelings for me...

I'd not worry about it, you've done nothing wrong she's just being possessive and jealous.

[missbluesky]

Your ex is being crazy. She doesn't like knowing her nice ex (and you are nice! you took her back!) might have someone nice that could talk him out of going back to her again. She may have hoped to keep you on the back burner somehow and knowing that you're getting to be good friends with someone from her past might just get on her nerves.

Ignore your ex. In fact, unfriend her on all social networks. She can't get updates on you and you don't have to see her updates, either. The best revenge on a cheater like that is to pretend they don't exist - it really ticks them off. They like being the important one.

[Anonymous]

Sounds a bit strange that she would say all of those horrible things on twitter after she broke YOUR heart. I would say that she was expecting for you to cry about it and be down in the dumps...Since she is suspecting that you are dating other women, she is taking it as if it's a way to get back at her, when it actuality it's not. You are just moving on. Okay, so you and this girl are simply friends, no need to explain that to your ex because you guys no longer have a relationship or friendship (I assume). Bottom line is, she doesn't want to see you with anyone new. Ignore her... she'll get over it.

[Darkfairie17]

Yea, sounds like she's full of drama. She probably regrets to some degree, her decision to dump you.

But I think that you are better off without her, especially if this is the second time that you two had broken up.

She's mad that you are not interested in getting back together with her. Sometimes people will dump you and think that if they leave you are going to beg them to come back. But that's not the case. Sometimes you start to see how crappy that person is and decide that you are better off without them.

Sometimes it's a better option to be single than to be with someone.

[thomasmore]

i think it's great that she is acting that way.

she is helping you to get over her without even knowing it.

[QueenBeatris]

shes got a lot of nerve, even if you WERE dating this chick, it is none of her damned business, she wants to control u..what a douche

[Prof_Don]

In short, she's butthurt because she knows her backup plan (aka, you) is gone in case things don't work out with this guy she's seeing!

[CasaNorba]

it most likely means that she is jealous and hates to see you move on and make progress in your life

[Anonymous]

Sounds like she's controlling and self centered. You're better off without her. She can't have her cake (be single) and eat it to (keep you single in case things don't work out with her fling).

[Anonymous]

That he thinks he has rights over you that he should and that he is a controlling freak

[ChristopherLosRivera]

You mean she?