What level of lack of relationship experience is a turn-off?

[Anonymous]

I'm a 24 (almost 25) year old guy who has very limited relationship experience.

How limited? Well I got my first kiss a few months back and I've only ever kissed 2 girls.

I had my first ever relationship just recently which lasted a couple of months. Though when I look back at it, it was perhaps more of a friendly dating thing as we never did anything intimate and I'm still as virgin as the day I was born.

With all the girls I've dated (including the relationship one), my lack of experience with girls has been a factor affecting my failure with them. In fact my ex-gf told me that admitting to her I was a virgin was a big turn off for her.

But that's the past, now its time to move on.

What I'm wondering is how big of a deal is the virtual lack of relationship experience (because lets be honest: at the quarter century mark, a normal person has done waaaay more than I have) for a girl dating a guy?

And secondly when my future date asks about my past experience, what are some good responses that I can use to disguise my lack of experience (I refuse to flat out lie)?

[EntropicDecay]

That's a good question, I'll try my best to give an answer that could help you.

I relate to your situation because I am in a similar one. I'm dating a 27 years old guy, with very limited experience in relationships. His most serious relationship lasted 6 months, and it had been 5 or 6 years ago (he was 22 or 23 at that time). I don't have a lot of relationship experience either, I also had only one serious relationship that lasted 5 months, two years ago.

He told me nearly right away that he wasn't really comfortable, because it had been a while since he had dated anyone. For me, it wasn't a big deal. I liked the honesty, the fact that he didn't try to overcompensate by acting too confident. I also liked the fact that I wouldn't have to think about all the girls he dated before me. It shows something about the relationship in itself, it show that it is probably not a one night stand.

Now, what to answer if your date asks you about it ?

If you're at the beginning of your relationship or during the first dates, I'd say she made a mistake asking you about it. It's not something you necessarily want to know right away. Talking about ex-gf/ex-bf is a slippery slope, and you never know how it ends.

So, if your date asks you about it on the very beginning, I'd find a way to avoid answering and letting her know it's not the moment.

Perhaps something like "Come on, no talking about ex's so soon" in a laughing tone. Use humour to put the question aside for a while, to give you time to get to know her better.

If she pushes again, you can always tease her about it with something like "Are you afraid to find out I'm a player ? I can tell you right away, I'm not. I didn't date that much, I'm more interested in serious relationships". The idea is to use humour to make her realize it's no big deal.

Anonymous guy user said something really interesting :

"If you can show that you're not nervous, if you can make her feel safe and relaxed, and look like you know what you're doing, then an admission of "I'm no manwhore, but I know what I'm doing" and "I only take a girl to bed if I'm serious about her" isn't going to turn her off."

I absolutely agree with this ! This is the perfect mix between letting her know the truth, letting her know you're the serious kind of guy, yet clearly showing you're not going to allow her to disrespect you.

Anonymous girl user also pointed out something important : you're not on a job interview. You're not here to convince you're perfect for her. You're here to know if you want to go further with her, if you two work well together.

Your lack of experiences is not a shame. Between a guy without limited or no experience and a guy that slept with more women than he can remember, I know which one I'd pick !

If the woman you want to date rejects you for lacking previous experience, she's not worth the trouble. Find someone who will respect you and like you for it :)

[Asker]

Thanks for a very thorough answer!

[EntropicDecay]

You're welcome :) I hope you'll find the right girl for you !

[Anonymous]

Personally, I find it endearing if a guy hasn't been in many relationships at 25.

Virginity never plays into my perception of a guy. But for most women, it's a huge deal. I think it's a good thing if a guy hasn't had it yet (partially because I am and I want to experience it with someone who will treasure it as much as I probably will).

And lack of relationship experience is not a problem either. I'm also kind of new to the adult dating game. I mean I've "dated" people (basically friends who ere a bit closer than normal) in the past but high school "dating" is petty and not a measure of anything. Plus, it's not like I "dated" many guys. In fact, guys always hated the fact that I didn't really want anything serious (too focused on school, friends, sports, etc.). And now that I'm in college I'm opening myself up more and focusing more on the "love?" part of my life. So, I don't mind a guy with not much relationship experience.

And you should just tell the truth. Never treat dates like a job interview (i.e. highlighting the good qualities and avoiding the bad), just go with the flow. And if she can't accept you for who you are, then she's not worth your time. Find a girl who will accept you for you.

Hope I helped :)

[Anonymous]

It's not the lack of experience that is a turn off for most girls. (There will be a few for whom it's an issue.)

It's about how relaxed you are. Yes, that dreaded c-word again, confidence.

If you're nervous as hell because it's all still new to you, if you're timidly asking her if you can touch her body while sneaking a kiss in... and she secretly wants to be dominated, and wants you to push her up against the wall and kiss her passionately... of course it's going to be an issue.

If you can show that you're not nervous, if you can make her feel safe and relaxed, and look like you know what you're doing, then an admission of "I'm no manwhore, but I know what I'm doing" and "I only take a girl to bed if I'm serious about her" isn't going to turn her off.

Just don't sit there later with your junk in your hand, wondering where her hole is.

[martyfellow]

I don't think hey'lll kow yu're not a liar or a player,and theywon't have to worry about the rampant STD's that are around these days.

This girl was just playing the field, probably, and looking for reasons to put anybody down, so she can justify jumping to some guy with a nicer car, I'd guess.

[moviedude714]

I hope not since I'm kinda like that

[biharna]

it's your choice of women.