I can't stand how I feel... What can I do now?
I am just so sad... I lost the person I care most about in the world, my best friend who told me he loved me, who I've been with over a year, who took me home for Christmas, who convinced me he really wanted to be with me.
He broke up with me a little over two weeks ago and said it was because he couldn't give me what I deserve... which is honestly a little true, but I don't care if he takes me out all the time and calls me all the time, I care to be with my best friend who I love very much and that's the only way I've felt happy in the past year.
We've been going on dates still and he still says he cares about me and he's so sorry for hurting me. Then the other day he invited MY best friends (I'm a bridesmaid in their wedding and he wasn't even invited) out to a work event, but didn't invite me. My best girl friend invited me, and begged me to come, so I went, which was probably not the best idea.
Before I came he gave one of those tan blond slutty and stupid 19 year old girls his phone number. I'm definitely not ugly, I'm very pretty, but I'm curvy (not fat) and light skinned with dark hair and glasses.
What I'm saying is I'm not the typical dumb p*rnstar looking slut, but an intelligent and strong beautiful woman, which I think is better, but whatever.
He then invited me back to his house and then didn't even act like he wanted me there... he sat on the other couch texting that girl (which he lied to me about, but I'm smart enough to piece it together) after two days before cuddling with me and telling me I was the best thing that ever happened to him!
I know that that was all really sh*tty of him. I know that I'm [a lot] smarter than him and more ambitious and obviously more caring and nice than him. But that doesn't ease the fact that my best friend in the world deceived me, and the man I'm in love with rejected me.
So I got drunk with my friends for the first time in a long time the day after it happened, so we obviously talked non-stop about it. That caused me to text him really dramatic and stupid things... first I said mean things like he's an idiot and never to hang out with my friends, then sappy things like I love him and just want to be happy in case I die soon (which could very well happen, I get terrible migranes and the doctors don't know what's wrong or how to fix it, which I've never told anyone) and if he ever can mature enough to see how badly he's hurt me, maybe we can be friends again.
I know that's super annoying and unattractive of me to do, but I miss him so much. How do I fix it? How do I get my best friend and boyfriend back in my life so I can be happy again?
What's Your Opinion?