My Heart is so broken, I feel numb?
I am still so hurt. There really isn't anything that I can do I guess. I decided to end my relationship with my boyfriend after a year because he says that he isn't ready to consider being married to me. The real problem is that although we share everything together, despite our distance relationship he has not mentioned a plan to bring us closer together, he continues to visit me here but that is where it seems to end. I discussed this months ago putting my hurt aside. I assumed since he constantly says he loves me and I know he ft in school he can't whisk me away . I did expect the commitment to evolve but it hasn't. I understand a year isn't a long time but we are both 40 & so much has happened we've spent the last year talking about everything and becoming extremely intimate. Now he says we are not compatible! I am walking around like everything is okay but I am such a wreck. I know he could do more to convince me that he wants to salvage our relationship but he isn't.
I know that I should just walk away but its so difficult. Tonight my heart broke again, I looked at the website for the resort he is going to without me in a few weeks. It is so beautiful, I began to cry softly then sob and then belted out so loud I scared myself, it was from so deep down inside my heart, I couldn't stop thinking, " How could he dream of experiencing something so beautiful and not even ask me if I would join him?" He still slips up in I'm and calls me honey and he says it hurts when I call him buy his name. I am so mixed up and trying to be strong. I didn't I'm him 10 minutes tonight although I wanted to talk much longer and fix this mess. I want to see his face and it really hurts not to. Instead out of frustration I told him that I was getting ready for bed so he said he wouldn't keep me up, that he just wanted to see how I was doing.? He then told me to have a nice weekend, its only Thursday night.
I just feel like such a fool!:(
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