I recently read and discussed an article with a few female members on this site relating to women who suddenly go cold on you, the implications, the reasoning, the way around it (if it exists) etc.
So the article itself is here:
https://hotalphafemale.com/2012/12/all-bets-are-off.html
Yes, I know 2012...what the heck am I thinking posting an article that old, but reading through it, it seems to make sense.
A short premise of the article: basically you're out dating someone, you click, everything is going fine..no it's actually going great, and you spend your time idealizing this person or just fantasizing about them. Then IT hits you. You're now becoming attached to this person! Maybe you didn't want to be attached in the first place, maybe things went faster and better than expected, maybe you thought it was just going to be a casual practice in flirtation and dating, but now you can tell this person is on your mind constantly. You check their social media accounts, you check to see if they got your text or your whatsapp etc.
You become infatuated/star struck, etc. AND now comes the doubts, the worries, the concerns, the anxiety, the undue stress of making things work or the relationship-sabotaging behavior...which ultimately leads to withdrawal.
I mean even from a male perspective I've done this.
A person shows interest in me, we go out a couple of times and then I can tell I am getting too invested/involved or even not paying attention to my priorities (my work, my masters, etc.)
Meanwhile the other person is left clueless. Are they not interested anymore? Did I do something wrong? Are they seeing someone else? Were they just using me? etc.
That said, I feel a lot of the questions on here, including my own about the ambiguity of a relationship (mostly in the early stages). That said there are two things I feel most of us on here could take away from this article:
1. It's not your fault (unless you really did do something wrong in which case your gut instinct should pick this up)
2. When you don't receive feedback or a response from someone you need to decide one of two things: are you going to passively sit by and be reactive waiting for them or are you going to try to be persistent and bust through the wall.
The following snippet definitely being the most pertinent:
"When a woman [man] puts up a wall – it doesn’t mean that it can never be broken.*** It just means that it will take a little time and persistence [in] cracking that wall*** – so that she[he] will learn to trust you again and therefore open up again."
What do you think? Have you been in this position before? Have you dealt with someone who did this and if so which route did you take?
What was the outcome?
What Girls & Guys Said
Opinion
1Opinion
See that girl in the picture? Imagine she fell in love with you and then died.
Either way, you're dealing with a cold bitch.
Kids your age put far too much stake in your early relationships. When you first find yourself confused by a woman, behave as though she were indeed dead and move on.
I mean even from a male perspective I've done this.
that was unnecessary. its a good article but both women and men can benefit from it.
:)
Sometimes I just like quiet time to think and mentally work out some challenge of the day. Partners don't always understand that:(