How to Increase your Confidence, Once and for all.

[Anonymous]

Alright, i have been noticing that a lot of people in here have low confidence and post questions about how to deal with it or how to solve it...etc. I noticed myself repeating my words a lot through different posts so i decided i'l finally just make a TAKE about it.

Especially when it comes to guys, i noticed many of you have confidence issues and have difficulties approaching a girl. That's normal, don't feel bad (i used to be like that as well).

(Freakin site won't let me upload my take until i put a pic).

Anyway, let's start shall we..

So, how do we increase our confidence ? especially if we have really really low self-esteem. Is it even possible ?

Now a lot of you may not realize this or are not aware of it but; you are your own medicine. Yes, really. They say the most important discussion you will ever have in your life is the discussion you have with yourself.

That being said, I will teach you HOW to become your own medicine, not just for the confidence issue but for every other problem you many encounter in your life. it all comes down to the way you think, and it's actually kinda simple.

lets take the confidence issue for example. For the people who have low confidence, all you need to do is ask yourself; why am i not confident ??

Ask that to yourself and try to answer it HONESTLY. That question can be hard to answer for some because unconsciously we tend to deny the real answer when we know we won't like it so try to be honest with yourself. Now, the most common reason why we don't have confidence is because we are not satisfied with ourselves (Which was also the case with me). Ofcourse, how can you be confident if you are not satisfied with yourself ? you really CANNOT become confident if you are not satisfied with yourself. Once you become satisfied with yourself, the confidence will come waay easier if not by itself even (i promise you).

So the real issue here is not about how to get confidence, it's really about how do we become satisfied with ourselves. The answer to that is easy, but it requires a lot of courage, effort, and determination. You see, the answer will be right infront of you, but the decision will be up to you personally whether you are going to jump that leap of faith or not.

Why are you not satisfied with yourself ? What is making you hate yourself ? Is there something you hate about yourself that is really affecting your self-esteem ? Ask yourself questions like that.

Once again, be honest with yourself when you answer your questions. once you find out what you hate about yourself, tackle that issue and fix it! they are not all easy to fix. Depending on what your problems are, some will require a lot of time and patience, some others will require you to get out of your comfort zone, and the toughest one of all is when it requires you to face your FEAR (gosh i had to do this one to solve some of my problems).

For me personally (and i noticed this is common with many guys), the reason why i had super low confidence is because i used to hate myself a lot. Why did i hate myself ? It's because i hated how weak i was (mentally and physically) and never stood up for myself. If someone would bully i would be too scared to fight and would not do anything no matter how much embarrassed or humiliated i was. I really hated the shyt out of myself because of that and it really really affected my self-esteem big time.

Another reason i hated myself, is because i was never able to speak with a girl especially if i liked her. If girls came and talked to me, i would get really nervous and have a tomato face. Many times i had a crush on a girl but never had the courage to talk to her, all i did was stare at her hoping she would look back at me. Now this used to happen because i had low self-esteem, and it all traces back to the first problem. If i never had my first problem i probably wouldn't have had such a big issue with girls.

So, those were like my 2 biggest things that i hated about myself, how did i solve them ?

First thing i did is i started working out a lot, getting myself stronger, preparing myself for any fighting situation (it really helped that i already used to play sports). Second thing i did is promise myself that i'l never ever ever allow myself to get bullied again and i will ALWAYSS stand up for myself no matter how SCARED i was. I have to face my fear no matter what!

This was the solution for my first problem, and it requires a lot of effort and courage, especially since i have to act on it. I ended up having to face one of the people who bullied me even though i knew he would kick my ass (he was reallly strong and fearful by everyone). Luckily there was a teacher nearby who stopped the fight before something serious happened (This was in high school btw). This was my first step to solve my problem and i was really proud of myself. Because of my action, my self-satisfaction increased a lot (and so did my confidence). But that doesn't mean the problem is solved yet.

For my girls problem, i decided to surround myself with more girls and interact more with them and get over the nervousness part until i feel comfortable with them, the prettier they are the better. I remember during university, i got to a point where in many of my courses, when we had to do a group project, almost my whole group would be consisted of girls and they were all pretty. Once i got used to talk to girls and felt comfortable, i decided that i need to take it to the next level which is actually asking a girl out. When i actually found someone i had a real crush on, i was like THIS IS MY CHANCE. But i was very hesitated and scared, took me 3 weeks of mental preparation and thinking what to tell her (btw this is bad never do this). I ended up facing my fear once again and forced myself to ask her out and tell her how i feel. I was extremely nervous and she ended up rejecting me, it was probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life. But i still did not regret it. I was really proud that i finally did it and actually asked my crush out.

After that, i decided that i need to ask more girls out to get over my nervousness and fear when i ask them out (especially since my first time was a nightmare). Next time i met a girl, even though i didn't really have a crush on her (she was attractive though) i asked for her number and she gave me. I didn't feel as nervous because it was more casual, we ended up hanging out a bit, i could easily asked her out but i didn't want to since i didn't have a crush on her. I just started asking more and more girls out, but only the ones i really found attractive and was really into. It was sometimes harder and sometimes easier, it gets harder the more you like a girl.

So far i approached or asked out like 20-25 women, i got rejected a lot :) but the more i got rejected the more my confidence increased and the more i didn't care about it. Now i got to a point where i really believe i can go and talk with ANY girl i want, and i won't be nervous at all. In fact, i would be so confident that when i go and talk to a girl i started noticing that they are the ones that get nervous now :p (such an amazing feeling to be confident).

So people, this was my journey with confidence and how i gained it. Now that i think of it...it's been a loong journey haha, But it's not over yet.

More importantly, i hope you all realized how we solved this problem. it was all in our mind. the answer has always been there but we just didn't think about it. Do you remember how we did it ? we asked ourselves the right questions. It's all about knowing what the question really is, and then answering it. Or in other words, it's about figuring out what the real problem is, and then fix it.

Good luck to everyone. If you have any questions feel free to ask here or message me. I hope this helps many of you (It better do, it took me 2 hrs to write this).

PS: oh one more thing worth mentioning, I've always really thought and believed i was ugly. never really was a fan of how i look (i even remember i once asked my mum why was i Ugly). Now, i kinda like how i look and find myself decently attractive when i look at the mirror. Keep in mind my face never changed, I have the same face since highschool, just a bit more facial hair. How is that possible? You know why? because i have more confidence. Yea. I noticed the more confident and self-satisfied you are, the more you accept how you look and the more you appeal. I noticed that when you have low confidence, you tend to look at yourself negatively at the mirror and be like 'my face looks wrong'.