Single Dating Diva: “There is no ‘one size fits all’ dating advice.”

Suzie A. is an accomplished writer/blogger from Ottawa, Canada. She is the founder of Single Dating Diva, an award winning blog about being single where she shares her stories about her own dating life as well the dating lives of others. On her blog she has a feature called “Ask Single Dating Diva,” where she uses her extensive dating knowledge to answer daily questions from people who are struggling with dating and relationships.

Single Dating Diva™ also offers a number of dating services to help her readers/clients improve their dating skills, including; dating consultations, seminars, help creating your online dating profile and mock (fake) dating.

Suzie got candid with us about monogamy, what it's like to date after a divorce, how social media has changed the dating game and why you shouldn't look someone up on Facebook, Twitter (etc.) before going on a date with them.

Single Dating Diva: “There is no ‘one size fits all’ dating advice.”

1. Has social media changed dating for the better or worse?

Suzie: Social Media has certainly changed the dating landscape and has forced us to make adjustments to the way we date. Our online reputation means more than professional image, it’s also our personal image. Social Media gives people the opportunity to live out loud and touch the world in a way they couldn’t before. This means that they can meet people they might not have otherwise met because physical barriers aren’t present. Whether it’s for the better or worse depends on how people use it. There are many risks associated with Social Media with catfishing or being a venue for infidelity, however, it’s a choice people make and if you date smart then Social Media can enhance your dating life by allowing you to engage with others.

2. Is it okay to look someone up on social media (Facebook, Twitter) before going on a date with them?

S: Researching your dates online before going on a date with them is not usually a good idea. Why? Because it’s not necessary. The whole point of going on a date is getting to know someone, why take that away? Why ruin the process? Besides, when creeping someone online you’re never getting the whole picture, what’s public is what they’ve chosen to be public. Essentially, it really depends on your motivation behind your research. If it’s for “nosey” purposes, then don’t do it, but some people use it for “fact checking” before meeting the person and that’s okay but still unnecessary. Before researching someone, ask yourself why you’re doing it and what you hope to accomplish. Also, ask yourself if you’d like someone to do the same to you. You might just find that it’s really not worth it.

3. Where is the best place to meet someone?

S: The best place to meet someone is by doing your everyday activities. This is great because you are in your element and your guard is down. It’s a more natural way of meeting someone new. Sometimes it’s a matter of just opening your eyes, putting away your telephone and smiling. We have more opportunities than we think we do, we just have to be open to it. I’m of the opinion that we need to get back to basics and take dating offline … real people in real environments make for real dating.

4. Do you have any dating rules?

S: I prefer not to live by any rules in general, but I do have personal guidelines and best practices that I follow. I learn from my mistakes and try not to repeat them. I like to go with the flow and let things happen naturally when dating someone new, however, I do know from experience what I like and don’t like and what works for me and what doesn’t, so I use those as guidelines and best practices. I encourage people to do the same. No one knows you better than yourself and there is no “one size fits all” dating advice, this is why you need to be true to yourself and not overthink or analyze any dating situation. It’s good to see what others advise but then take your own decision based on your own experience and what “feels right”.

5. What topics should be avoided on a first date?

S: I really don’t think any topics should be avoided per se, but you don’t want to show your baggage or overshare in general on a first date. I always say that a first date is not a date. What this means is that you should just let go of the pressure and just enjoy getting to know someone. Don’t ask the typical boring questions and think outside the box to find out what really makes them tick. Who cares where they’ve travelled, what I care about is why they travelled there and what they got out of it. Grab a coffee and go for a walk and talk, trust me, it will make it a great date that you won’t forget.

6. Do you think it is appropriate to date someone who is significantly older or younger than you?

S: I think it’s really up to you and what your preference is. If you find someone who you click with, who’s on the same page as you and you have mad chemistry, then absolutely age doesn’t matter. However, remember that if you’re dating to seek a life partner you need to take into consideration the limitations of dating someone significantly older or younger than you such as health, aging and social life.

7. Do you believe in monogamy?

S: I certainly believe in monogamy but I also think that it’s not for everyone. You should know yourself and be true to yourself and not waste other people’s time if you’re not on the same page with your intentions. Monogamy is a choice and that is why partner selection is so important. When you are with the right person, things just work and you naturally fit. Relationships take work and you need to keep things interesting and moving forward in a positive direction and then monogamy isn’t so hard.

8. How do you know when it’s time to get out of a relationship or marriage?

S: This is a very personal type of thing. You know your limits. When things get to a point where the relationship just isn’t viable anymore and you feel that you are losing yourself, then you have to choose your next steps. Some relationships just won’t work while others can be salvaged, but that’s up to both people to make it happen.

9. What’s is it like to re-enter the dating world after a divorce?

S: Dating after divorce should be about finally finding the right partner after being with the wrong one. Dating after divorce is a tricky business which is why I advise people to take it slow and enjoy the ride. You also need to take care of all your baggage before entering any new arrangements because of the risk of being on the rebound. You are vulnerable and needy which puts you at risk, what I advise is to take care of your emotional state and do things only when you’re ready. Also appreciate that the dating world you are entering is most likely different than the one you left so learn the landscape and have fun with it.

10. What advice would you give to someone going through a break-up or divorce?

S: When you’re going through a big transition in life you should always take it slow. What’s important is that you allow yourself to heal at your own pace. Keep looking forward and use this opportunity to grow and learn about yourself. People make the mistake of wanting to replace what they lost too quickly and end up getting hurt again or making bad choices. I advise to take things one step at a time and do things when you feel you’re completely ready. Also, don’t be afraid to take a chance even if you were hurt, just make better choices and don’t look back.


For more on Suzie listen to her weekly SexLoveChat podcast (out every Wednesday) and follow her Facebook and Twitter.


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What Guys Said 12

  • Mostly just common sense, and she avoids the difficult situations.. but it sure is refereshing to hear a professional say, 'Take dating offline.'

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  • Suzie needs teeth whitening.

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  • This wasn't really dating advice as much as 8t was common sense.

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  • Agreed. Dating is just because... thete are no rules.

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  • "Who cares where they’ve travelled, what I care about is why they travelled there and what they got out of it. Grab a coffee and go for a walk and talk, trust me, it will make it a great date that you won’t forget."

    I agree with that part strongly, any date that devolves into some kind of interview makes me feel like im some kind of tool. But I've never had a first date that was like what she describes.

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  • Thanks for your advice Suzie

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  • She sounds like she knows her stuff.
    She does have a point on social media. It's not always best to use Facebook as a way to see the one your dating. It does take away the surprise factor.

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    • Yes and no. It's one thing to see their facebook to make sure they are who they say they are, but as far as actually adding them on facebook. It's best to hold off in case things don't work out.

    • They may not even have a Facebook account either.

  • Great article!

    - I agree with the whole "don't look them up on facebook." To me it takes the joy out of meeting someone.

    - Something i'd like to add is that with social media and online dating.. all of these "tools" has created a "next best thing" type of vibe to it. I think one of the biggest mistakes people do is they date a person... and feel the date was a 5/10 the first date and then move on to the next potential dater only to have another 5/10 date.

    It takes time to develop a connection with someone, the 2nd / 3rd date will all of a sudden turn into a 7/10 --> 8/10. You've already built some common grounds and know more about each other.

    So if a date is "average" and you didn't exactly spot any red flags. Rather than write them off and go onward to the next date.. try it again. it will be better.

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  • I would like to point out the SINGLE part in single dating diva. Not happily married, not in a happy, successful relationship, but single. If you want to be alone and single forever, then her advice sounds good as that seems to be its goal.

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  • I won't lie sometimes I do search up people's Facebook before having a date with them, not for personal details but to make sure I'm not being catfishes or if their pictures aren't misleading on their dating profile.

    Not to sound shallow but there is a difference between trying to look your best and flat out misleading people by having them like you for something you're not or used to be. And appearance isn't everything but there's gotta be some physical attraction. Just like how an attractive girl has to have some things in common.

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  • I'm with this chica. I hate dating rules. Nothing is taboo. Nothing is off limits. It's just a matter of how fast you want to open the tap. Starting off slow is always a good idea, but if this is the person you're considering sharing your life with, you will not benefit from hiding anything. You can take the relationship as fast or as slow as you're comfortable with. I like fast. Why? Because anything else feels like wasted time. I'm looking for someone to be intimidate with. I have plenty of platonic friends. I don't plan to spend my time and money on anymore. Get on board or go home. This ship waits for no woman.

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  • Am I the only one who is weary of taking dating advice from single people?

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    • If they are experts, then why don't they have a successful long term relationship/marriage?

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    • I was gonna comment the same thing... how's it possible that an expert in dating is single? Sure, they may not have met the partner they're looking for, but isn't it a funny coincidence that every "expert" in dating is single?
      I'd rather take advice from a married person or someone in a long term relationship, those are the ones that have succeeded in dating, and they have proof of it.

    • Lol I thought I was the only one who noticed that!

What Girls Said 7

  • Smart girl, and she's made a lot of interesting points. But I have to disagree about the Facebook snooping though. If someone chooses to blast their drug use, drinking habits, and maybe some indication that they are just out being a playboy, then it's a turn off for someone like me, and I'd rather not waste my time. Besides, if a person is dumb enough to splatter all of that publicly on their profile, then it tells me that they aren't wise to privacy issues online. I want to be with someone who is smart about what they choose to broadcast to friends, and even more smart to know how to use the privacy settings online. No one should have a public profile, yet those who still do often have no clue that they neglected some settings. What if I still went out with him, according to her suggestions, and told him I didn't want to see him again? I could very well be the next victim on his page. Why put myself in that position? No, thanks. I'll end it before it starts.

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    • Another reason I facebook snoop, is to make sure they're not using very misleading pictures. No, appearance isn't everything but there's a difference between looking your best and flat out misrepresenting yourself. If I had a dollar for every time a girl ended up being a lot fatter than her pictures, I'd be a millionaire.

      No I'm not fat shaming but there have been times where a girl used accurate pics and was a little heavy set but I knew going in. I mean it'd be like if I were a short person and said I was 6"2 or said my body type was athetlic or a body builder and then you find out I'm a twig.

    • It kinda puts me in a hard place when a girl uses misleading pictures because it's like they looked very attractive in their pictures but when I met them in person, I had no physical attraction at all. Again, appearance isn't everything but the person has to be somewhat attractive. And I'm not gonna be a dick and tell a girl I wanna end it because I don't find her physically attractive.

      All I'm saying is there's no use in using misleading pictures because you're not gonna be able to hide it if you meet someone in person and people are either gonna like what you have or they won't.

  • People read too much into the first meet aka first date and can't relax

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  • hai baby s

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  • I dont like dating. Prefer the sex instead.

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  • Just came here to say I hate how complicated you guys make dating look. Obviously, I've never dated someone, but I have a feeling it shouldn't be all dating experts, advice, tips, rules and all. Just go out there and find someone, the rest should be common sense.

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  • wow. i liked this. first time ever:)

    i dont date or anything so i wasn't looking for advice but i do notice a lot of bad or sexist or both advice being given as the 'way'. so i really absolutely appreciated this as a person:)

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  • I usually hate "dating experts", "dating books" & "dating articles" but I have to say that I enjoy reading this. The key thing she said was that there is no one size fits all dating advice. Sure, talking to others & getting their input is necessary sometimes but what's absolutely best is experience & learning from that experience.

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    • Exactly! I agree, I hate these "dating coaches/experts" myself, since they assume 100 percent of the population likes the same things.

    • I know right. "Do this & he/she will fall in love with u." It doesn't work like that. lol

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