The "Distant" Woman


After a pretty messed up situation invovling an ex friend of mine I wanted to let some people know what it's like to be a woman who just does not seem to know how to handle having someone genuinely interested in them.

1. When someone we like seems to like us back, we really do not know how to react

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Again, women who are not all that experienced in relationships are a little shocked when someone actually wants to be around us.

2. When we do hang out with you, we want to make sure that its going to actually be worth our time.

Most of us have gotten used to being alone. As sad as it sounds we are expecting you to get bored of us within a couple weeks.

3. If you say you like us, but there is some other girl that you are "just talking to" that's a red flag instantly.

This is a big thing. Not only that, but that's shady, you cannot expect us to believe that you're only talking to this "other girl". If you like this other girl more than us, save us the time and agitation of wondering how we are going to compete with this other girl.

4. If you are STILL hanging around us, kissing us, telling us that you care about us, hanging out with us alone, and doing the things most women and men would consider to be a "couple thing", we are going to think that we are well on our way to being a couple and we will be on cloud nine thinking "Oh my god, I actually might be able to have a relationship.." its the most bizzare and scary feeling in the world to think that somone out there can see through our tough exterior and see that we do indeed have some love that we can give.



5. If by any chance you are really not that into us after hanging out: TELL US!!!

It does not matter if you think it might hurt us, chances are, we already experienced some pretty nasty things coming from the very few relationships we had, so nothing you say as long as its truthful will hurt us. We can respect honesty believe it or not.

What you do not do is assume we know that we are not what you are looking for and then go back to "the other girl" and suddenly form a relationship with her and not at least tell us about it. If we have to find out that you are in a relationship with another girl after you had just hung out with us days or hours prior, we are not going to think that you just stepped out on us. Finding out that things are not working out would be a lot better coming from you, not a friend, not through some social media website, from you and you only.



6. If we do find out through someone else that you are now dating some other girl when you had been giving us signals a couple days before, then its going to piss us off, big time. We will not be too happy to know that we were played out and did not even know it. Again, if things are not working or we are doing something that is throwing you off, then tell us, we are not love experts we do not know what to say or do. We like to take things one step at a time so do not think that we are going to be clinging to you. It does not matter how close we were as friends before, if you do this, you not just ruined a potential romantic relationship, our friendship could be destroyed with it.

If the girl is one of the distant closed off types that you normally do not see showing much emotion, you will see it then, and its not going to be a trip to fun land if you try to approach her about what happened.

Chances are, like me, the girl will be pissed off enough to verbally just go at you with everything we have, because us putting ourselves out there is risky, and feeling like we got cheated may make us a little sad, but anger will outweigh it.

7. If you decide to try and say that you thought we knew about this other girl, then you really need to think back.

If you are hanging out and talking to us and doing the things couples do mere days before you get with this new girl, then we obviously had no idea that we were being kicked to the curb. Do not think we are magicians and we know about everything that goes on in the universe. And if we go out of our way to show you and tell you that we like you then clearly we did want something, your excuses suck, and we do not want to hear it.

8. Now, here's the sign that your friendship could possibly be over. If you two text often and have real conversations this could change drastically. She might just text you for info that she needs or when you text her, her answers will be blunt, and quite possibly rude. We are still fuming over what happened and want you to know just how angry we are, and nowadays people can seemingly sense emotion over texting, so the overall tone of her texts can be a signal of how she's feeling. If she gives you one or two word answers and those couple words leave a sting...she's probably to the point where she no longer cares for you and she wants you to know that. We had feelings and they got crushed, so we want to make you feel the same way no matter what it takes.

Your sad face emojis will not make us feel sympathy either, that acutally might make us smile.

If you did not want to talk to us before, why would you bother now. You do not just get to come back to us just because we are mad, talking to us about the direction of our possible relationship would have been better from the beginning.

If we decide to cut you out of our lives, then that's your fault for not being honest with us.

9. If by some miracle all we needed to do was take a step back and calm down before we became friends again, then that's a good person.

When we admitt our feelings, its tough, its not every day we let ourselves become vulernable to emotions, love being the biggest one so the worst thing in the world for us is to have someone we do love take our feelings and just smash them into the ground. What you are doing is making us believe that we cannot be loved and that any time we do feel something, its going to end badly.We withdraw more, become more resentful, we become even more pessemistic about the idea of finding someone that will one day love us. You do a lot more damage than you think, and sometimes it's irreversable.

10. Don't think you cannot be replaced or that we will wait around on you...

If you played us out then we will remember it, and if one day we do find someone its a guarentee that the man (or woman) we love is exactly what we are looking for.


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What Guys Said 8

  • One of the greatest epiphanies I've ever had is when a girl told me that if she talks forever and texts you first and dresses in mismatched clothing around you it's because she sees you as a friend.

    I now appreciate the distant woman.

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  • This girl I like is soo distant, she likes me and all but sometimes it can be hard to tell what she's even thinking or feeling. I haven't seen her in months though because it's summer and we didn't really get anywhere with "us" during the school year. It just feels so difficult trying to get somewhere with her when she's distant and shy or whatever you want to cal it. I'm used to being shutdown by the females I like so this situation is a bit hard for to grasp, I can't tell if she still likes me or what and I don't know if I should even keep trying or just wait it out.

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  • This article is wrong. If you want any relationship, you need to invest something in it. There is no other way. If you do not know how to invest and give something back, at least be honest about it and stop acting like a spoiled brat.

    Most adult people will help you and teach you how to treat them. No need to hide behind a cold shell.

    All that I see in this article is some people with fragile or big egos that can't admit they are wrong and are inventing some kind of reason or way of life to justify their crappy actions to protect their egos.

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    • Actually no. I dont have an ego. I have never made an excuse for the way I behaved, not once. What I am saying in the article is if a guy I am talking to likes me then do not go behind my back and start talking to someone else and expect me to know that you lost interest. Am I used to guys being interested in me? No, I am used to flirting being only a joke and I never took it seriously. I have had a fair share of very short lived relationships due to lying when all that was needed was some honesty. That has nothing to do with ego, that's wanting to be treated like a person.

    • Well then, you teach people how to treat you and how to behave around you. This is every persons responsibility. If you start talking with a guy then explain to him that you do not mind if he talks with other girls but he should be honest and not waste your time.

      But don't be direct about it. Just say that you are a very busy person in general and that you like people to be straight and honest with you so that you avoid confusions. It doesn't even have to be that direct. Just tell a story about how you thought a guy liked you but it turned out to be a big confusion and it caused both of you more trouble.

      Usually this happens at the first date when you start to set you boundaries and what you expect of other people. But don't expect us to read your mind because we can't and we shouldn't try to guess other people. It just creates anxiety and stress.

  • Relationships are supposed to be easy, and they are all 2-way streets.

    If you don't invest enough in either kindling a relationship or within an already created relationship, I'm out.

    I don't need to read any of this take because no girl I want a relationship will be distant.

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  • Lol, don't think for a second you can't be replaced either. You can, and we will. You ain't got no swag either.

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    • this doesn't have to do with you personally omg stfu

    • I'm not saying it does, I'm saying you're equally as replaceable, and acting like anything else is true is a complete lie.

    • Yes because thats the whole point of the Take..

  • I like this take but one question if you don't want us to talk with another girl why not just straight out and say that you're interested instead of making us play your game... just a simple response would be great full because personally myself I talk with another girl because I don't know if the other girl is interested or has a boyfriend already xD

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    • in theory telling the guy your getting closer to you don't want him talking to other girls is a good idea but in reality, we either think this will appear too clingy and turn you away OR more than likely since it is going so well between us, I'd just assume that would be obvious.

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    • You say that girls should confess because you, guys, don't know if she's single or not... but: what about those guys who ask if the girl is single and still they play the way it's described above :) ? That's what makes us, girls, to fear to confess.

    • Sad thing is, in my situation he knew both me and the other girl he was speaking to were both single. He has known me for a couple years. He told me about this girl but he still hung out with me after he mentioned her. A couple days later I find out that he and this other girl are in a relationship.

      This has happened to several friends of mine as well and it's funny to think that the man (or woman ) thinks that the individual they are playing out was supposed to know about this "mystery" girl or boy

  • Lol the last one made me laugh so hard 😆😆😆😆😆

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  • I think you're spot on here.

    Everyone wants to be loved. Man or woman makes no difference.

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What Girls Said 11

  • Well that sounds like a good description of me haha. I've even had a similar situation with the "other girl" thing too. I hate when someone has "options" and will go with anyone that's open.

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  • I think this is my problem with dating. my recent ex always told me how come I never text him first. In the past with the guys I liked I always text them first and they would told me how annoying I was. sorry I can't help I like you and want to talk. so now I let the guy text me first to know if he likes me and I don't want to annoy him. I think lack of me communicating made him to break up with me idk? oops :( now my ex got buffer and looks good I sorta want him back :/

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    • Maybe you should've told him your struggle with texting after you got in a relationship with him :( ? & I'm sorry :(

    • I have. when we were discussing it he told me he didn't want to annoy me because he always texted me first but I like it when a guy text me first and I really liked him alottt. I don't know if its me or not if i seem I wasn't interested in him but I really was. my fault :(

  • This was pretty much perfect. It pretty much defined me. Good job.

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  • Very Cool Take! Describes my dating behavior, especially #4 :)

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  • Love this take! Exactly what I think... easy steps for guys, or anyone tbh, to NOT fuck up dating lol

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  • OH MY GOSH YOU HAVE A RACHAEL TICE MEME! YASSS #MPGIS <3

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  • i think this applies to anyone.,

    plus you can be inexperienced but not bc people dont like you. so you're not necessarily assuming he won't like you but this stuff still applies.

    worst thing in my opinion is treating people as if they are a bunch of steps and if you stop pff theyll know what happened and if you're at #3 yo know what they are going to do 'next'. people are different and go at their own speeds. its really demeaning to think yo know a persons next action bc you read something somewhere or someone else did it.

    just bone mindful of getting to know the person if you're interested as long as you're interested and tell them when you're not. its simple.

    i think people start off with a person but then start jumping to conclusions somewhere in the middle then skip out as if everyone is thinking the same thing. just remember you're dealing with an entirely different human being than yourself and diff than anyone else youve been with. same way im sure you'd want to be treated.

    not 'you' but 'one':)

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  • Pretty dead on! I told my husband when we were dating for about two weeks that he was going to be sick of me in a month or so... he's still here lol

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  • Love this take. Love is not to be played with whether you're a boy or girl. Simply put: be honest and don't be account/douche

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  • Exactly. I've had this time and again. We were introduced at a party or met or what not and we've talked and all and then bang! He shows up with some girl... And I feel like crap. Its horrible. And I cry and get depressed. Much easier if he'd said, sorry. I'm not into you... Always happens to me. I don't talk to guys no more. I'm almost 30 and I'm alone and probably die alone.

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  • I dont think you have to be shy or inexperienced in relationships to feel this way. I've had two loooooooong relationships and I think most people feel this way when they like someone. For example I just spilled my guts to someone who doesn't like me anymore but it felt nice to get it off my chest. I don't feel crushed, because he did a lot of what you stated and he just didn't seem like he had his shit together at all. But I still wanted him to know how I felt. Because that's what a Boss does. They own their feelings.

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