Cheating boyfriend that I could see myself marrying soon!

[Anonymous]

So I've been dating my boyfriend for almost 6 years now. We were high School sweethearts and I love him dearly. Through our relationship, he was lightly cheated on me twice and one time completely full blown cheated and broke my heart, and worse with a immature younger girl Anyway, this time he cheated and the only reason I am still with him is because I am guilty of making him think I was no longer interested in the relationship but I only did that because he knew I was going through a really hard time and wasn't supporting me. Now things are better and I once and for all need advice on if I should take the chance with him on possibly breaking my heart or possibly working out in the long run. If we work I know we would be happily married and If it doesn't I would hate him forever, it's just two extremes and I don't know what way to go.

[Stacyzee]

"Once a cheater always a cheater".
Some people will say that line.
But I will not... because I do believe EVERYONE has the ability to change.

However, your boyfriend seems to be showing no indication of wanting to be different.
You making excuses for why it's okay that he cheated doesn't make things any better.
For someone that DOES NOT want to change... that's exactly what they want to hear.

I do not think you should jump into marriage.
I know you're thinking..."jump into?" but we've been together for 6 whole years.
Time means nothing when it needs repair.

Take even more time.
Give yourself another year or two together before considering marriage.
You still haven't healed from the hurt... you need to give yourself more time to do so.
You have to see if he can be trusted.
If he can in a relationship, then he can in marriage as well.

Why upgrade your status with each other? When he isn't deserving of such?
Saying, "I have changed..." is very different if than actually showing that change.
Good luck!

If it doesn't work out.
Understand, that is okay.
There's plenty of men out there that will treat you right if given the opportunity.

[myTake Owner]

Yours really made me see what everyone's saying. Thank you

[Stacyzee]

No problem. <3

[Rcjh1987]

this completely

[theccanyon]

Perfect, @Stacyzee.

[diarrhea]

He cheated on you FOUR TIMES. He cheated on you four times, THAT YOU KNOW OF. He made the conscious decision to break your trust, to allow himself to hurt you deeply, to treat you like replaceable trash, SO HE COULD FOOL AROUND WITH OTHER GIRLS. Ok? Then he blames you for cheating, and he didn't support you when you were having a rough time (isn't it 'through better or worse'?), and there's no way you can possibly ever trust him again.

Just please... be strong and accept that it's over. It will absolutely never work between you two, I guarantee you that, and every minute you spend with him will be another minute wasted on top of those 6 years.

[NovaLS]

*Claps from the audience in agreement"

[fauchelevent]

This guy knows what he's talking about :) Your boyfriend blaming you for what he did is a classic abuse and side-stepping tactic. By placing the blame on you, your boyfriend manages to make you feel guilty and doubt yourself whilst resolving him of any fault of his own. It's a win-win situation for him, and, unfortunately, it seems to have worked. You deserve someone who respects you and you're not going to get that from him, I'm sorry. <3

[theccanyon]

t. Some may think premarital counseling is an oxymoron but it is absolutely necessary. I wish I had done it myself (emphasis on my past tense usage).

Marriage out of love is a beautiful thing. Marriage under law is a business deal. I have been married and let me tell you, I cannot stress enough how important it is that you get any fundamental issues ironed out before you tie the knot. If your husband is unwilling to change his wily ways, you will not just be unhappy - you will be trapped, morally and/or financially. Whatever you decide, proceed with the knowledge that, if he does not change, it will only get worse upon marriage.

When I was young, I said that I would leave a man if he cheated on me, regardless of circumstances. Now, I realize there are different levels to it. I'd much rather he was blackout drunk at a party than carrying on an emotional, non-physical affair where he fell in love with another woman. There are grey areas and I do encourage you to work it out but, either way, p

So let him assure you and hear him out fairly. Then go with your gut - deep down inside, every woman knows her man. And she also knows what he's capable of.

I wish you both the best.

[theccanyon]

Submitted mid-smart phone malfunction. Hopefully you can decipher the word jumble.

If you think my experience may be useful for your situation, feel free to pm me. Take care!

[Deezyy]

I agree with @LittleSally
He already tainted the relationship with cheating. I know you feel this attachment because he's your HS sweetheart, don't. Remind yourself, yes you may be hapy right now because he's probably doing a lot of "love bombing" as well as kissing ass. You're a very cute girl and he looks like a creep, I don't mean to offend you I'm just being honest. You can upgrade hugely, start thinking about how you're going to feel 10 years down the road when you find out he cheated AGAIN.. and this time you're trapped in a marriage with him. You're going to suffer and regret wasting your time with him, probably become bitter and resent him. I know you care about him don't mean to paint the picture negatively but you deserve some honesty. I took a cheater back although he denied it, the girl and my intuition told me it was true. I regretted it and became so resentful later... I would hate to see another female fall into the same trap. Wishing you the best, good luck girl.

[LittleSally]

He sounds like a predator to me - of younger inexperienced girls - you obviously being one of them...
Ditch that creep ASAP!

- if you want to live a happy life, that is...

If you want to cook for him, clean the house and care for the children he might expel - who knows how many he already has out there - and feel like crap all day every day while you wait for his now well established cheating ass to come home... then go ahead and get married...

I just don't think you should settle for someone like that or demean your own self worth for that wretched idiot.

[kiler1000]

i'm definitely getting those bad vibes just by looking at him.

[samsw]

'lightly' cheated? No such thing. he's cheated on you 3 times. he has no respect for you at all !!!
he will do it again!
and staying with him cos 'I am guilty of making him think I was no longer interested in the relationship but I only did that because he knew I was going through a really hard time and wasn't supporting me' WTF?
You're should marry someone cos you love them NOT cos you feel guilty... I know you said 'you love him dearly' but obviously he doesn't feel the same way or he wouldn't of cheated on you THREE times!!!
not sure why the photo... but you are a very beautiful girl... go get someone that will love and respect you back.

[RationalLioness]

What is "lightly" cheated? I'm assuming it wasn't sexual?

And it doesn't matter if you made him think you weren't interested. The common sense thing to do is to ask you flat out if you are or not instead of sticking his penis into someone else.

I wouldn't EVER go back to someone who cheated on me. He didn't respect you then. Why would you expect him to respect you later on if the same things happen? Find a man who will treat you right.

[BarbaraP]

He sounds like the type of guy who would cheat on you whenever your relationship is having a bad moment. When you get married and start a family on your own, you need to think about bills, kids... Things are going to get way more difficult. So what if you end up having a huge argument over something? What if he gets bored of you or what if sometimes you don't have time to give him what he wants because you're working and taking care of many different things? You need someone you can fully trust.

[med111]

I find it overly ridiculous that you just put a picture of this guy on the internet (ie: it will be on here forever now) and attached the cheater tag to him. That is a break up offense in my view (I am serious) and so overly childish. You better hope he doesn't find out as that is one hell of a serious breach of trust nearly on level to what you allege he did.

[xbutterflykissesx]

Clearly your forgetting that he is blaming her now I could give two shits that she posted a picture and tagged him for the low life scum that he is

[med111]

@xbutterflykissesx I am "forgetting" nothing. I live in a world of tangible and actual evidence and fact and not statements made by someone I do not/nor will ever know. Point being (in the case you fail to follow simple elementary logic), what I see is one person factually breaking trust in a relationship by their action while making claims about another that I do not have such factual basis/proof about outside of her statement. A statement, that is proven to be extremely tainted.

Are you actually making the claim that you are, without question, believing a random statement on the internet by a person who, as you said yourself, is tagging the person she is in a relationship with, as a "low life scum"? Wow... you must lead an exceedingly successful existence...

Feel free to stop in and try again as I always enjoy publicly humiliating people such as yourself.

[xbutterflykissesx]

Haha doesn't matter to me but you are highly degrading yourself and not to mention showing how childish you are. This place is for advice now seriously if it's true or false doesn't matter. God forbid if it is because this guy is a clown And I know not everything on the world wide internet is true... So why don't you go jump in the ocean and get ate by sharks LOL

[med111]

@xbutterflykissesx Oh please... dazzle me with your interpretation of what "degrading" means. I, so very much, look forward to reading your vast intellectual catalog of knowledge that you, so obviously, have put to expansive use through your wondrous life. I don't know whether I should feel pity or laugh uncontrollably that a 28 year old adult woman is... quite literally... so devoid of any form of intellectual value as if to be compared to a child throwing a temper tantrum while she insinuates a person should kill themselves (ie: as children often scream when angry). Thus I repeat my initial statement that you must live an exceedingly successful existence...

However, feel free to enlighten us all with what you see as "degrading". I so look forward to, once again, making you look foolish.

[Mustachekitteh]

He doesn't sound like he truly cares about you or your feelings. I wouldn't risk marrying him at all. Who knows what crappy things he might do once y'all do get married. Your in a poisonous relationship.

As the saying goes."Once a cheater. Always a cheater"

[NovaLS]

This sounds like a really crazy roller coaster that I would not want to be a part of. Do yourself a favor and leave. How easy would cheating be justified once you are married? I think it would be much difficult. With dating you can back out but with marriage I think you should head in thinking it will last. And I can't see that happening with this guy /: sorry though 6 years is a hell of a long time.

[-Zoe-]

This generalization, I think is so true: "once a cheater, always a cheater".
If you see yourself marrying him, will you tolerate and be happy having unloyal bf/husband?
You see yourself marrying him.. How about him? does he see himself marrying you? if yes, why does he cheat?
Its time for you to be smarter and wiser than him...

[FatherJack]

Please have some self respect , you have vast numbers of guys to choose from , why pick a guy that will treat you like crap? My advice & this applies to anyone regardless of gender... if you are involved with a cheater then DUMP THEM NOW !! They will NOT change.

[Veronica152]

You seem like a great girl and very pretty!
But seriously the saying "once a cheater always a cheater" isn't always truebecause I do believe people make mistakes. but
He did it 3 times what makes you think he won't do it a fourth? and you going through a hard time doesn't make it okay for him to do so. Don't ever let a man break your heart then go and marry him. I know you may think he's the only guy in the world, but that's never true.
Good luck with wherever you choose to go :)

[myTake Owner]

Thank you for the advice!

[Unit1]

So you say you MADE him cheat on you? And you caught him and accepted it?

I don't even...
Well...
Not sure who to blame. Anyway...

Please grow up first before taking ultimate decisions. There is still time.

[Octavius]

He doesn't love you so why would you want to marry him. The marriage would be "happy" for like less than a year...

[myTake Owner]

Well when he's nice I feel like he does love me :0

[Octavius]

Sorry but no that's ridiculous. Any douchebag can act nice to a girl in an attempt to get in her pants. I thought that was common sense by now. He doesn't love you. How can I say this when I don't know him? Because he cheated on you... If he actually did love you and cared about you and respected you he would never cheat on you no matter how horny he got around other attractive girls that were willing. If he really cared about you he would have gone somewhere private to jerk off instead of going with those girls. You have doubt in your mind and you will wonder whether he's cheating on you currently at various points in the future. Do you really want that? Why not find a guy that makes you feel loved and actually does love you and you'd be happy with. You can do better so stop being an idiot. I'm being harsh only for your best interest. Getting married to him is the dumbest damn thing you could possibly do...

[myTake Owner]

My problem with that is that I already know someone that if I gave the chance to, would never cheat on me I know he wouldn't but I don't have the strong feelings to that guy as I do the one who cheats. Am I supposed to settle to this guy who is not as exciting that I know will be faithful or the one I love but am never trusting him again

[Octavius]

Don't be with either. You're only 19 you have all the time in the world to find a guy who you will be head over heels in love with who will also feel the same way about you and treat you great.

[myTake Owner]

Ok thanks for the thoughts and advice

[kiler1000]

chances are that it'll be the other guy. you're living a bad romance move, question is, will he still be able to accept you.

[Hannah591]

There's no need to post a picture of you two and I don't see a point of this take, or why it was even promoted. (@menguc?)

If he cheated, don't blame yourself. Accept what he's done and find someone who will actually be loyal to you.

[Hannah591]

@menguc

[SilenRose]

Dude is a cheater. Once a cheater always a cheater. Please get rid of him now.

[DaddyRollingStone]

Yeah! Cut his body up and sell the pieces for an Italian sports car.

[SilenRose]

@DaddyRollingStone lol

[zombiebabe]

you seem to be a nice girl but seriously... once a cheater always a cheater!!! he might cheat again in the future,,, just be careful

[hellionthesage]

If he did it before what will stop him from doing it again? Do you want to take that risk, is it worth it to you to take that risk?

[Dandeus]

Once a cheater, always a cheater. He didn't do it accidentally, he did it because he doesn't respect you. After you're married he will continue to cheat.

[xbutterflykissesx]

Don't marry him he's cheated on you several times and blamed you for him cheating that's unforgivable. That's mental abuse