There's too many rules to dating

There's too many rules to dating

Nowadays dating is considered a game; you navigate the playing field and hope you don't mess up with the people you find interesting.

As if finding someone single and compatible isn't hard enough, then comes the "game" part. You have to apply the right techniques to make sure you don't come off as creepy or needy or too reserved or nervous or weird.

Then if you get past this stage, you have to get her number. But don't ask too quickly, might make yourself look desperate. When and if you do actually obtain the number you have to wait to text her. How long you wait is completely up to the individual. You take too long and you seem not interested, you text too quickly and you seem desperate.

If you manage to surpass that and not make yourself look like a needy fool then you have to be able to hold a conversation right. Some people say you should only text with a purpose such as a date, others say ask her on a date in person.

Let's say you manage to do all that fine and you finally arrive to the first date. You have to make your moves right and do this and that, kiss her by at least the third date... Blah blah blah.

Then comes the girl's perspective; they worry about coming off as too easy by not texting back quickly or they ignore us guys altogether. They gossip to their friends about what they talked about with the guy the night before and ask for advice. Their friends then give either partially good advice or completely stupid advice and the girl ends up cutting off the guy based on what her friends think.

In today's age we've gotten so caught up in these rules we've lost actual connection with each other; technology only blurs the lines further. It sucks hearing about how your parents fell in love and how everything went smoothly but today it seems so hard to find that. My advice to everyone is to give that person a chance and look at it from their perspective. Don't be too harsh and don't be afraid to step outside the boundaries.


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What Girls Said 13

  • When you explain it , it does come off rather silly in the dating world today.
    Thank u for taking the time out to write this. You did a great job, better than these so-called "relationship experts" .

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  • I met the love of my life 11 months ago through a dating site. We talked for maybe a week before meeting. When I met him, it was as a date. We both knew what we wanted. If we could only be friends then so be it, but we were looking for love.

    He was so shy, I initially thought it was going to be a disaster, but I didn't give up on him. Know what I did as an ice breaker? It told a piss joke. He was driving us to a retro record store and I told a piss joke so abruptly that he even swerved a little because he couldn't stop laughing. After that, we had a wonderful time once he felt more at ease. Stop treating first dates like job interviews, people. That goes for both genders!!

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  • this take is not incorrect but its sexist in particular. nothing was wrong except you said it as if it only applies to men. as if men dont play games or get badly influenced by friends or like or just judge instead of interact. then the women perspective is not a perspective from women its your perspective of women and its extremely biased.

    i dont play games and i dont act on friends advice and im directly with the guy. if he plays games and i give him a chance not to but he continues. then im out but thats the only thing i 'judge'.

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    • I understand where you're coming but as male it's a bit hard for me to not be biased towards my gender. Guys do also play games and I don't disregard that, I just don't think I could offer much insight on how women view that because I'm not one myself.

    • *coming from

  • โ€œRules are just helpful guidelines for stupid people who can't make up their own minds.โ€
    โ€•Seth Hoffman

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  • I agree. I prefer a guy who's not afraid to burp on the first date (politely) than one who acts like he never burps. There's so many things you shouldn't do and when you do get really comfortable, you wonder if it's right because it's only your second or third date. I always step out the boundaries, it's more interesting and it gets you comfortable quicker.

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  • "As if finding someone single and compatible isn't hard enough, then comes the "game" part. You have to apply the right techniques to make sure you don't come off as creepy or needy or too reserved or nervous or weird."

    But what you call the 'game' part is already part of the screening process to determine if you're compatible or not. If you do come off as one of those things you mentioned, it means she already finds you incompatible and you shall waste no more time on her.

    The truth is if she liked you, she would never think you're too creepy, too needy, too etc. She would find all the quirks about you endearing.

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    • Your right, all that needs to be changed now is all these high expectations lady's have and we would have a lot of happy couple's... that's all I've ever noticed growing up and i'm one of the quite and just sit in the corner, im one of those extremely observant type of guy's...
      (And im not a lady hater either) nuff said... ๐Ÿ˜‘

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    • Lol trying to extract more out of the simplicity of a Simon, nice try โ˜บ

    • Everyone always has a different opinion then me lol

  • Great take! I love the part about thinking of how easy it was for parents/grandparents to date and find love, when I think of it the dating and relationship world waz so much easier back then!! So what gives now? :( For sure technology and all these rules and expectations and worrying about what other people think contributes to this cut off of this communication. Then there's the annoying as hell take over of the casual relationship and fuck buddy syndrome... few people are really looking to commit now a days and its sad :/

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  • Nope. Manners - the only rules - apply to any social situation. =)

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    • There's abot more to female's then that lol

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    • I don't think just manners gets you very far these days lol

    • But it should be the most important.

  • i don't think anyone i know really follows these rules anymore after a certain age but that's just my experience

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  • I don't follow any of the rule while dating. I do whatever I like to do.

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  • This is why I don't date its just too overwhelming with all of these rules. I'm glad I decided to completely remove myself from the dating world. Its as if a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Modern dating is a joke and complete burden.

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    • Hmmm... then how do you find a guy?

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    • He means how are you going to find "the one" if you dont look

    • I won't. That's the point. This too many rules thing extends to relationships too. That's what I don't like and that's what I'm avoiding.

  • Why can't we just go back to when relationships were about love and just having fun together, and not having fall of these requirements.

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    • we could at anytime... I don't know who came up with these rules but they seem kinda ridiculous... I mean how does texting someone right away (or what I consider with in an hour or so) creepy or needy for one? I mean what if you are just really excited to talk to that person? I'd find that as flattering not needy. I mean for me the only thing that would matter would be how much they are texting me from time A-time B... but that tends to change with my mood and such.

    • also I don't know why I picked texting but you could see were I'm going with it I hope.

    • Exactly make your own rules and don't give a damn what anyone says. I don't know why people follow stupid crap like this, it's your life not theirs.

  • Or bad Daters deal with this

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What Guys Said 32

  • I stopped following "The Rules of Dating" a couple of years ago, and now plan on getting married next year.

    The rules you see today are just ones created by social media, and society setting standards, but it's all hog wash. What works with one girl wants. Won't exactly work with the next. Shoot... even opening the door for one girl may not work for the next. As some girls like the chivalry, and some girls love the independence of taking care of themselves. Thinking that there's a specific rule of thumb for dating. Is setting yourself up for failure.

    Now! There is a rebuttal to my response to some degree. As you should have a moral code, and an idea as to how you like to see your dates go. If you're adventurous, then try to sway your date to go try something new. If you're very athletic, then attempt to bring your date to go hiking, and then maybe a picnic. The rules themselves should be minimal, and apply to what you're looking for.

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  • That's why i say "fuck the rules! Better to fail as myself in the start, than to suceed as a lie." That way at leas i'll know that the time i suceed, she's into the REAL me.

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  • I know the older generation that were young people in the 80's, when they wanted to go on a date, they just asked. No building up friendship until you're at the point in your relationship where you're "allowed" to go on a date. No trying to follow all of these complicated dating "rituals." Honestly, I find them fairly easy to follow. However, they're completely foolish and really should stop. People should just never assume. If they don't assume, then a huge majority of problems in relationships would be solved.

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    • Sincerely wish things were still that way

    • Agreed. If I see a girl that I think I might be interested in, I'd like to be able to just go ask her out on a date to get to know her. Having to be friends for a long time is kind of silly.

  • Relationship is like a dance. There are no rules but the rhythm and the other person. If you and the other person dance however you like then at best you are just moving away from each other and at worst stepping on your toes and bump into each others. However, if you are doing it right and match each other then you will become this beautiful existence on the floor while having a blast.

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  • Maybe it's time to try going with your gut. Because if she likes the things you do when you go with your gut, that means she likes your true self.

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    • ^ This! ^

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    • EXACTLY... if u just be exactly who are... answer texts when they show up... where what u want to wear... act how u want to act and don't give a crap about what other people think.

      And if she still likes u after that then it means she like who u really are... and not what stupid society wants u to be... JUST BE URSELF

    • Exactly what @homies said. Props to you bro.

  • Dating isn't significant anymore. Woman used to complain that all men want is sex. Then one day woman started becoming more independent and hooking up because they felt since men are doing it why can't we? So now dating is useless but hookup culture is alive and well. Which unfortunately has bad ramifications. Both men and women want to hook up earlier in life. Then later on in life woman are typically the ones that want to "Settle Down" and get married. But now men do not want to marry so we continue to just hook up. Which makes women upset. However this is good for men that just want to hook up. Because, most woman are attracted to the older guy so the older we get the younger the women we can have. Not saying I'm like this but a lot of men are. Some me want to actually be in committed relationships. But most woman as a whole still want to have their fun as well. So they continue to hook up. It's what are society has come to and what it will continue to be like until good men start being with good women. But it's difficult this day and age. Great Take. Pretty sums up dating on a larger scale.

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    • I wanna marry but I think a bigger problem is that many people, men and women, seem to not want kids anymore. Well, it's actually girls and guys, cause it's mostly people under 25 who're unnaturally often starting to say they don't want kids.

    • Men are getting more and more averse to getting married, because there's really not much of a benefit to doing so. In the past, being the respected head of the household was the reward. Mix in the chance of losing half of your income, assets, and children, just because you're male, and there's significant potential disadvantages and not a lot of advantages, given how husbands are portrayed in society and popular media: i. e., the wife is the clever and responsible one, and the husband is just the idiot who can never sacrifice enough for the family and can never do anything right.

      I know, I know. "Being married to someone you love is reward enough." But, no, clearly it isn't, since less and less men are getting married. And good luck with that. Just get a prenub, 'cause it's 60/40 whether you make it out whole or not.

      Hooking up works well with me. I'll never get married. All the advantage and none of the disadvantage.

  • I understand the purpose is to screen for compatibility but it's too much of a pain in the ass. Things need to be more relaxed at least on the first date.

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  • Lady's just press the delete button a few times on all the expectations and we all shall do just fine...

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  • This is why I hate dating. There are so many stupid stereotypes to it. "Never text the next day." Why the hell not? Isn't that how you show interest? "Be yourself, but don't be too much of yourself. Gotta leave some room for mystery." Eh? So... don't be honest and genuine? Mystery? Why, I don't want to find hidden secrets later on. I want all the cards on the table. What you see is what you get. What a load of crap.

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  • I feel the same and I think you are right, connecting with women seems so hard, even chit chatting with them isn't easy, they look suspicious at you thinking that you hit on them. With guys is much easier to have a joke...

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  • The hardest rule is not having sex until you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with, then waiting until the honeymoon.

    But it is the most important rule.

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    • you're bringing purity back
      them other virgins don't know how to act
      you think it's special, girls holding sex back
      no respect if they think the bible's wack

      take 'em to the alter

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    • Girls finding me unattractive or ugly makes me a winner? okay

    • It's a phase everyone goes through. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, work at being a better man. That means softening your heart, practicing maturity and temperance, even working out and building your self confidence. It means working at increasing your self worth, too. You have to realize that you are valuable, you are not a mistake of evolution.

  • Well in my eyes, if you get along with them in person, I see no reason why too not text them immediately after. Only those who second guess the first encounter wait until it's too late. Grow a backbone and text the person first. If they reply, great. If not any reply like days later, time too move on. Life is too short too be worry all the time.

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  • Nice take, completely agreed. Although girls have nothing to fear, no one will think they're desperate just because they text first.

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    • Exactly, there's nothing wrong about challenging the "rules" of the dating game.

    • It also depends on how much the guy and girl like each other. For example if a girl is very attractive to a guy and constantly wants attention from him then the guy might like it and think she likes him as much as he likes her. If the guy doesn't really like the girl and she keeps on chasing him, he might think she's creepy or clingy just because he doesn't like her back. Girls act the same way though.

  • You, my sir, know exactly what you're talking about. *applauds*

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  • ah.. the game of dating... i suck at that game... like... really fucking bad... fuck this game it's worse then dark souls fused with contra

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  • I find that dating is nearly impossible nowadays. Women have an long list of requirements and standards which are unrealistic for most guys. Women are often trying to look for that perfect guy and so only the best are successful. Only when women can't find the perfect guy and when they're in their late thirty is when they finally settle for a lesser guy. So that means a lot of guys have to wait a long time before they get anywhere.

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    • Sounds like you've been only going after extremely attractive high social status high ego women.

    • no, only 5s and 6s. But they're all enamored with the stud sports players or the extremely attractive men.

  • Um... how hard is it to not be needy or creepy? The only rules I've ever followed were:
    1) Have a good time with my date.
    2) Make sure she gets home safe.

    y'all just stay over complicating shit.

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    • i think he means courting
      finding a partner and such

    • It depends on if you're attractive or not. Being creepy is something that exists only in the mind of the woman thinking it.

      Two guys can do the exact same things, and one will be creepy and the other will be romantic. It comes down to whatever factors are making her mind for her, such as looks, perceived status, etc.

    • True. If you're good looking or got mad guap, you're allowed to be creepier than others. In the end, there is always a "creep factor" if you're spittin game. That's why you gotta play it cool. It's a matter of trying too hard to impress a girl. Just say what you gotta say and not what you think she wants to hear you say. That's how I roll anyways.

      Then there is legitimate creepy such as stalking and shit but that's a different ball game.

  • One thing I don't understand is when girls will initiate conversation with me but do nothing to further it and expect me to carry it all by myself. That makes it awkward and puts pressure on me to have something interesting to say or else it'll be quiet. I mean I'm not terrible with conversation necessarily but it takes effort from both people, not just one. When I talk to someone , I expect to have a conversation and not do an interview. If I wanted that, I'd be a journalist or reporter.

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  • That's why I am not interested in dating. I am not too sure why I would be interested in any girl that would see my actions that way. So much for 'being myself'.

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  • It's like everything...

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