There's too many rules to dating

There's too many rules to dating

Nowadays dating is considered a game; you navigate the playing field and hope you don't mess up with the people you find interesting.

As if finding someone single and compatible isn't hard enough, then comes the "game" part. You have to apply the right techniques to make sure you don't come off as creepy or needy or too reserved or nervous or weird.

Then if you get past this stage, you have to get her number. But don't ask too quickly, might make yourself look desperate. When and if you do actually obtain the number you have to wait to text her. How long you wait is completely up to the individual. You take too long and you seem not interested, you text too quickly and you seem desperate.

If you manage to surpass that and not make yourself look like a needy fool then you have to be able to hold a conversation right. Some people say you should only text with a purpose such as a date, others say ask her on a date in person.

Let's say you manage to do all that fine and you finally arrive to the first date. You have to make your moves right and do this and that, kiss her by at least the third date... Blah blah blah.

Then comes the girl's perspective; they worry about coming off as too easy by not texting back quickly or they ignore us guys altogether. They gossip to their friends about what they talked about with the guy the night before and ask for advice. Their friends then give either partially good advice or completely stupid advice and the girl ends up cutting off the guy based on what her friends think.

In today's age we've gotten so caught up in these rules we've lost actual connection with each other; technology only blurs the lines further. It sucks hearing about how your parents fell in love and how everything went smoothly but today it seems so hard to find that. My advice to everyone is to give that person a chance and look at it from their perspective. Don't be too harsh and don't be afraid to step outside the boundaries.


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What Girls Said 13

  • I agree. I prefer a guy who's not afraid to burp on the first date (politely) than one who acts like he never burps. There's so many things you shouldn't do and when you do get really comfortable, you wonder if it's right because it's only your second or third date. I always step out the boundaries, it's more interesting and it gets you comfortable quicker.

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  • Nope. Manners - the only rules - apply to any social situation. =)

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    • There's abot more to female's then that lol

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    • I don't think just manners gets you very far these days lol

    • But it should be the most important.

  • This is why I don't date its just too overwhelming with all of these rules. I'm glad I decided to completely remove myself from the dating world. Its as if a great weight has been lifted from my shoulders. Modern dating is a joke and complete burden.

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    • Hmmm... then how do you find a guy?

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    • He means how are you going to find "the one" if you dont look

    • I won't. That's the point. This too many rules thing extends to relationships too. That's what I don't like and that's what I'm avoiding.

  • i don't think anyone i know really follows these rules anymore after a certain age but that's just my experience

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  • “Rules are just helpful guidelines for stupid people who can't make up their own minds.”
    ―Seth Hoffman

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  • Great take! I love the part about thinking of how easy it was for parents/grandparents to date and find love, when I think of it the dating and relationship world waz so much easier back then!! So what gives now? :( For sure technology and all these rules and expectations and worrying about what other people think contributes to this cut off of this communication. Then there's the annoying as hell take over of the casual relationship and fuck buddy syndrome... few people are really looking to commit now a days and its sad :/

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  • I met the love of my life 11 months ago through a dating site. We talked for maybe a week before meeting. When I met him, it was as a date. We both knew what we wanted. If we could only be friends then so be it, but we were looking for love.

    He was so shy, I initially thought it was going to be a disaster, but I didn't give up on him. Know what I did as an ice breaker? It told a piss joke. He was driving us to a retro record store and I told a piss joke so abruptly that he even swerved a little because he couldn't stop laughing. After that, we had a wonderful time once he felt more at ease. Stop treating first dates like job interviews, people. That goes for both genders!!

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  • Why can't we just go back to when relationships were about love and just having fun together, and not having fall of these requirements.

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    • we could at anytime... I don't know who came up with these rules but they seem kinda ridiculous... I mean how does texting someone right away (or what I consider with in an hour or so) creepy or needy for one? I mean what if you are just really excited to talk to that person? I'd find that as flattering not needy. I mean for me the only thing that would matter would be how much they are texting me from time A-time B... but that tends to change with my mood and such.

    • also I don't know why I picked texting but you could see were I'm going with it I hope.

    • Exactly make your own rules and don't give a damn what anyone says. I don't know why people follow stupid crap like this, it's your life not theirs.

  • Or bad Daters deal with this

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  • When you explain it , it does come off rather silly in the dating world today.
    Thank u for taking the time out to write this. You did a great job, better than these so-called "relationship experts" .

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  • "As if finding someone single and compatible isn't hard enough, then comes the "game" part. You have to apply the right techniques to make sure you don't come off as creepy or needy or too reserved or nervous or weird."

    But what you call the 'game' part is already part of the screening process to determine if you're compatible or not. If you do come off as one of those things you mentioned, it means she already finds you incompatible and you shall waste no more time on her.

    The truth is if she liked you, she would never think you're too creepy, too needy, too etc. She would find all the quirks about you endearing.

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    • Your right, all that needs to be changed now is all these high expectations lady's have and we would have a lot of happy couple's... that's all I've ever noticed growing up and i'm one of the quite and just sit in the corner, im one of those extremely observant type of guy's...
      (And im not a lady hater either) nuff said... 😑

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    • Lol trying to extract more out of the simplicity of a Simon, nice try ☺

    • Everyone always has a different opinion then me lol

  • this take is not incorrect but its sexist in particular. nothing was wrong except you said it as if it only applies to men. as if men dont play games or get badly influenced by friends or like or just judge instead of interact. then the women perspective is not a perspective from women its your perspective of women and its extremely biased.

    i dont play games and i dont act on friends advice and im directly with the guy. if he plays games and i give him a chance not to but he continues. then im out but thats the only thing i 'judge'.

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    • I understand where you're coming but as male it's a bit hard for me to not be biased towards my gender. Guys do also play games and I don't disregard that, I just don't think I could offer much insight on how women view that because I'm not one myself.

    • *coming from

  • I don't follow any of the rule while dating. I do whatever I like to do.

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What Guys Said 32

  • This is totally off-topic but I just wanted to know so*

    Shouldn't the title of this take be "There are" instead of "There is", since "rules" is in plural? Or is there some secret rule in the English language?

    Thanks! :D

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  • I agree...
    What can we do about it? exactly, nothing. So we keep following them hoping for it to work out.

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  • I stopped following "The Rules of Dating" a couple of years ago, and now plan on getting married next year.

    The rules you see today are just ones created by social media, and society setting standards, but it's all hog wash. What works with one girl wants. Won't exactly work with the next. Shoot... even opening the door for one girl may not work for the next. As some girls like the chivalry, and some girls love the independence of taking care of themselves. Thinking that there's a specific rule of thumb for dating. Is setting yourself up for failure.

    Now! There is a rebuttal to my response to some degree. As you should have a moral code, and an idea as to how you like to see your dates go. If you're adventurous, then try to sway your date to go try something new. If you're very athletic, then attempt to bring your date to go hiking, and then maybe a picnic. The rules themselves should be minimal, and apply to what you're looking for.

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  • I have trouble getting as far as asking if someone has a boyfriend (asking woman)

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    • You are too old for that and only getting older. Stop wasting time and just talk to them.

  • Dating is so very simple. You just overthink it and put to much pressure onto yourself in that situation.

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  • yes i give up...

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  • The only rules should be treat others fair (play fair ), be honest, if in a relationship don't cheat and be loyal, and be yourself and do things your own way. Growing up, dating was like a procedural thing, gotta do this, do that , etc etc. Now, I don't know what the case is. But, too much , society says we need to be this and do this and that. I've found I rather just be myself. It works out better for me although I've had bad luck dating. I disagree with having a lot rules to dating other than the basic ground rules I outlined above. And I'm not the playing type either. I'm the type that rather take on the challenge anf effort of dating and be with someone than single and just fooling around. Unfortunately, single is just where I'm at right now.

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  • ah.. the game of dating... i suck at that game... like... really fucking bad... fuck this game it's worse then dark souls fused with contra

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  • The hardest rule is not having sex until you know that you want to spend the rest of your life with, then waiting until the honeymoon.

    But it is the most important rule.

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    • you're bringing purity back
      them other virgins don't know how to act
      you think it's special, girls holding sex back
      no respect if they think the bible's wack

      take 'em to the alter

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    • Girls finding me unattractive or ugly makes me a winner? okay

    • It's a phase everyone goes through. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself, work at being a better man. That means softening your heart, practicing maturity and temperance, even working out and building your self confidence. It means working at increasing your self worth, too. You have to realize that you are valuable, you are not a mistake of evolution.

  • Dating rules are for teenagers and idiots.

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  • Um... how hard is it to not be needy or creepy? The only rules I've ever followed were:
    1) Have a good time with my date.
    2) Make sure she gets home safe.

    y'all just stay over complicating shit.

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    • i think he means courting
      finding a partner and such

    • It depends on if you're attractive or not. Being creepy is something that exists only in the mind of the woman thinking it.

      Two guys can do the exact same things, and one will be creepy and the other will be romantic. It comes down to whatever factors are making her mind for her, such as looks, perceived status, etc.

    • True. If you're good looking or got mad guap, you're allowed to be creepier than others. In the end, there is always a "creep factor" if you're spittin game. That's why you gotta play it cool. It's a matter of trying too hard to impress a girl. Just say what you gotta say and not what you think she wants to hear you say. That's how I roll anyways.

      Then there is legitimate creepy such as stalking and shit but that's a different ball game.

  • It's like everything...

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  • I follow no rules. Rules follow me.

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  • I find that dating is nearly impossible nowadays. Women have an long list of requirements and standards which are unrealistic for most guys. Women are often trying to look for that perfect guy and so only the best are successful. Only when women can't find the perfect guy and when they're in their late thirty is when they finally settle for a lesser guy. So that means a lot of guys have to wait a long time before they get anywhere.

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    • Sounds like you've been only going after extremely attractive high social status high ego women.

    • no, only 5s and 6s. But they're all enamored with the stud sports players or the extremely attractive men.

  • I wish girls weren't so critical of us guys, we try our best. Nowadays if you don't time it right then the girl is like "ew get away from me" why so harsh?

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  • there are no rules in life, period.

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  • I know the older generation that were young people in the 80's, when they wanted to go on a date, they just asked. No building up friendship until you're at the point in your relationship where you're "allowed" to go on a date. No trying to follow all of these complicated dating "rituals." Honestly, I find them fairly easy to follow. However, they're completely foolish and really should stop. People should just never assume. If they don't assume, then a huge majority of problems in relationships would be solved.

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    • Sincerely wish things were still that way

    • Agreed. If I see a girl that I think I might be interested in, I'd like to be able to just go ask her out on a date to get to know her. Having to be friends for a long time is kind of silly.

  • Fuck the rules and make your own is what I have always said.

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  • Yeah I agree if there were no rules it'd better awesome but it already is.
    http://i.imgur.com/p7E99Nb.jpg

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  • One thing I don't understand is when girls will initiate conversation with me but do nothing to further it and expect me to carry it all by myself. That makes it awkward and puts pressure on me to have something interesting to say or else it'll be quiet. I mean I'm not terrible with conversation necessarily but it takes effort from both people, not just one. When I talk to someone , I expect to have a conversation and not do an interview. If I wanted that, I'd be a journalist or reporter.

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