Why I don't date single mothers

[Kiran04]

I haven't received enough flak this week, so I think I'll dabble into some taboo territory. You can find articles all over the internet on virtually every dating website on "Why you should date single mothers" or "Why single mothers are awesome" or "Why single mothers will rock your world", but I call bullshit on every single one of them. Why? I thought you'd never ask.

Let's start with priorities. Whenever I enter a relationship, I make my lover or significant other the top priority in my life. This is a person I'm considering sharing the rest of my life with, my family with, and possibly starting a new family with. I have to act like they're going to be part of the family. Well, virtually every single mom writes this on her dating profile: "My kinds will always be the top priority in my life and that will never change." Well, right off the bat, I'm getting a raw deal. So do I get to make her not my top priority in my life as well? So that's totally cool if I make her lower on the list than tennis, or golf, or football, or video games? My dog? My cats?

Now don't get me wrong, I understand the dilemma single mothers have to face. They have kids to feed, take care of, and raise. That takes time, lots of it. Add a job on top of that and there aren't enough hours in the day. The problem is, men who date single mothers get absolutely no credit for the turmoils they go through. I'm already rearranging my entire schedule to fit yours so that we can spend time together. Your free time is extremely limited, so I've rejumbled all of my arrangements and other engagements so that your free time and mine coincide.

That is one humongous pain and requires a fair amount of sacrifice. What acknowledgment do I get for that? "DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO BE A SINGLE MOTHER DATE?! SINGLE MOMS ARE SO STRONG YOU SHOULD APPRECIATE HOW STRONG A WOMAN YOU'RE GETTING!" Riiiiiiiiiiiiight. It's not like a man who does all of this for a single mom is strong or anything. Fuck that guy. He clearly doesn't know how lucky he is.

So already I'm a creditless, low priority, chump who sees his girlfriend just enough to still count as being in a relationship. What's next?

Well, dating single mothers isn't cheap. They don't have a ton of cash to spend, so the guy usually ends up paying for everything. So much for the modern day, where men and women split the check. And again, zero credit. Chivalry isn't dead, but it's definitely on its last breath because chivalry used to at least come with the satisifcation of recognition. Now it's just something that's either expected or ridicouled, neither of which come with any respect. "SINGLE MOMS WORK SO HARD FOR THEIR MONEY YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!" Right, I didn't work at all for my money. It just fell out of the sky onto my straight, male lap. Surely more would have fallen if I was also white.

Let's talk baby daddy drama. Every single mother has a baby daddy out there somewhere unless he up and died somewhere along the way. Even if he left out of the blue without a letter, there's ALWAYS a chance baby daddy will come back, and he most likely will not welcome your presence. I'm sorry, it's not my fault that it didn't work out between you two and you went your separate ways, but I still have to deal with the mess. That's taking time away from our already precious little time together, or making part of said time together way less enjoyable that it ought to be. That's just not how any person, man or woman, wants a relationship to be.

Lastly, many single mothers have no interest in having more kids. Understandable, they've already got their hands full with the kids already present, but this presents a problem for me. I want my own kids. MY kids. I want to start a family. If a woman can't or won't provide that, then I'll jump ship every time, constant as gravity. I have the right to have children and a family of my own just as much as she does. And I won't leave my baby mama single with a kid in tow.

Add that all up, and you've got a recipe for unhappiness. Sure, sometimes it works out and sometimes it's great, but let's calculate the odds on that one. I'm not a gambler, and I want my relationships to have every possible chance of success, and single mothers just don't seem to be a safe bet. The margins for error are just too slim. The odds of success too low, and the risk associated with the undertaking too high. Doesn't seem like smart math to me.

[Anonymous]

I don't have a problem with single mothers, per se. When you are in your 30s and still dating, you should expect to see some single moms your age around.

As a 24 year old, I do have a problem with young single moms. I'm talking about single moms who are 18-24. I always get bitched at and yelled at when I voice my opinion about this, so I'm going anonymous for this one.

It's sad that we live in a society where young moms are no longer "taboo" but are "celebrated". Hell... they even have shows dedicated to being a young, single mom. It's now not uncommon to see 18-24 single moms with 1-3 kids with 1-3 baby daddies. I see this happen all the time, and it puts a lot of strain on dating for me.

Everything you said above, OP, you are correct... but when I talk to single moms (I sometimes TRY to give them a chance), they always tell me they are celibate... but they weren't celibate when they had sex with their last 2-3 men -_-.

My parent's told me a few things growing up (especially my mom who had my older half sister and half brother when she was a teen... with 2 different men before meeting my dad):

-Finish school

-Get a career

-Build up financially

-Meet a good woman who is educated and shares the same ideals as you

-Get to know her and spend a lot of time with her

-When you have all of that down and you've known the woman for a while, talk about having kids and make sure you are both ready.

That is what my parents taught me, and I don't plan on having kids until those requirements are met and until I am in my early 30s.

These days, these young kids (people my age) are get into these relationships, think its forever and they wonder why their men leave after they find out they are pregnant.

Ladies... men don't want to be young fathers, that's why he left. Men at these young ages don't want to settle down with a family at such a young age. They just want to fuck and have kids at a later age. This is what women don't understand.

[CandyandPinkCats]

Yeah, I think most divorces happen before age 30, if I'm remembering the info correctly.

[SexyTexas]

Your mom gave you excellent advice. Pretty much the same game plan my parents gave me. Unfortunately, so many other people's parents missed the mark or their children didn't adhere to their advice, because its hard to find like minded individuals. This YOLO Lifestyle needs to die immediately.

But just as much as chicks need to stop getting pregnant, guys need to stop going in raw. It takes both genders to make a baby, so the blame is on both genders.

[FatherJack]

Have to agree , no person really , truly understands themselves whilst in their 20's , these are still really " formative years " Do not bring children into the world if you are not in a very strong relationship , it's not fair on them... I'm a single mother product myself , so can see the child's POV.

[Opinion Owner]

Also, in my last statement:
"Ladies... men don't want to be young fathers, that's why he left. Men at these young ages don't want to settle down with a family at such a young age. They just want to fuck and have kids at a later age. This is what women don't understand."

I am not trying to shame women. I was just looking at things from a male point of view. Fact of the matter is... I think that men and women should think twice before having kids so young.

Use your 20s to date around and get a career. Ue your 30s to raise children and excel in your career. Why rush to have kids?

[FakeName123]

The problem is that your fertility declines with age. The later you get kids, the more likely you become that your kids are full-out tomatoes. The best age-span for women is 18-28 and for men up to 35. Everything which is later, increases exponentially your chances of getting a potato-kid.

So while I agree with your points of waiting - don't wait for too long or else you miss it.

[Opinion Owner]

@FakeName123

You are totally right. Unfortunately, due to do societal and economic circumstances in our generation, it makes more sense to wait a while.

[Marinepilot]

You make very good sense.

[gray_sailor]

I can really appreciate where you are coming from with this take.

Speaking from my personal experience, I can offer perspectives on all sides of this dating/mating situation.

In 2005, my divorce with my first wife became final and I obtained custody of my 4 year old son. I then purchased a membership on eHarmony. I made clear in my profile that my son and I were a package deal. I required ANY prospective mate to become as invested in my son as me. My boy was not my priority... my family was my priority. In that context, my boy and me would both be protected, provided for and get our needs met.

I was matched with a number of women and was fortunate to find among them the woman who would become @GraySailorsBride . She was a package deal too, having two daughters from a previous marriage.

In 2006 we married, in a ceremony that blended our families.

This is the situation as it stands:

- my wife is my top priority, full stop.
- my three children are equally my own regardless of how they came to be.
- everyone knows that this is the case and it has been good for me, my wife and the rest of my family.
- the best thing that my wife and i can do as mother and father is to present ourselves as examples of a devoted wife and husband.
- the daily display of affection, commitment & respect, demonstrates to our children what they can expect for themselves in their future mates.
- presenting such an example is a powerful way to teach.

[Creole_Flavor]

I'm in tears man that is so beautiful :) you guys found each other and made things work

[gray_sailor]

@Creole_Flavor

Thank you for your kind words.

[crystalt70]

Absolutely beautiful and very well stated. I admire both of you.

[gray_sailor]

@crystalt70

Thank you very much.

[Marinepilot]

I'm glad it's worked for you. It never has for me.

[gray_sailor]

@Marinepilot

Thanks for your remark. I strongly believe that my success derives from two elements:

1) finding a quality woman of shared values

2) the shared perspectives that derive from the symmetry of our union (on account of us both having children from prior marriage)

[Marinepilot]

You're the exception. I'm not buying package deals. That's settling for second best in my opinion.

[EvilPimp]

But your situation is the same, both of you have kids from previous relationships same boat Single parents are for other single parents

[MermaidMotel]

@EvilPimp I was gonna say the same. Both of them were single parents... so, their situation is already different from a single parent dating someone with no kids.

[spartan55]

Wow man, that is awesome! I don't get emotional very often, but this sure as hell did.
I got divorced in 2013, and haven't had many positive things in my life since then. I have an 11 year old son who I love more than anything. I would give anything to have a happy family again. Every single day he doesn't have that I feel like a failure.
I'm truly happy for you, seeing stories like this give me hope.

[simpy3]

This isn't something to be "awwed". He's placed his wife over his kids, where any loving parent would always put their kids first. Unconditional parental love should always take presidence. It doesn't matter if they know what to expect in the future if they know they're second class in their caregivers eyes.

Your wife grown woman for god's sake, she can look after herself and doesn't need the priority.

[vishna]

Single mothers aren't all alike.

You have to understand that beyond creating this child, a single mother has more memories with her child. So, of course she is going to love her child more than you. You will love your dog more than her when you first start talking.

Not all single mothers have little money. Some make more than you. If you want to go sky diving or eat at a 50 dollar a plate restaurant then you know what, a lot of people can't afford that.

And there are plenty of single mothers who would love another child if the right man comes along.

Again, not every situation is the same. The fathers of these children may be married, in a committed relationship, or (most likely the case) absolutely not interested in his ex.

You need to treat women with children as individual's.

I could understand if you didn't want to date a woman with children because you; aren't good with kids, don't like kids, don't feel you would make them happy/couldn't form a positive relationship, there was too much responsibility to be cordial. The reasons you listed however are stereotypes and extremely unfair.

[Marinepilot]

They're completely fair in my world. Most men feel this way, but are
so worried about offending someone that they won't voice their views.
I'm right and nobody will EVER convince me that I'm not.

[Kiran04]

Single mothers may not be all alike, but the circumstances and situations surrounding them are, and no single man is obligated to have to deal with them, just like no single woman is obligated to deal with the crap dating a single father entails.

[Marinepilot]

Vishna they aren't fair. I just don't want someone else's kids to get in the
wau and invariably they do. I am constitutionally unable to accept another
man's kids. Many women have lam blasted me for this, to them I say EAT SHIT !
In my view being second in a relationship to anything or anyone is unacceptable.
Nobody will ever convince me that I'm wrong. If I am, so be it. My beliefs are right
and work for me.

[vishna]

@Kiran04 if you are referring to the situations and circumstances explained in your take, then no, it's not all the same. The only fact a guy is sure of when considering a single mother, is that she is has kids.

[Marinepilot]

They're valid to me. That's all I care about. I don't care if they are unfair.
I cannot accept kids that aren't mine. If that makes me a bad person, so be it.
Sterotypes my ass, I'm relating experiences that I've had. No single mom rejected
me. I tried being open minded and selfless and all it did was frustrate the shit out of
and I wouldn't settle. Relationships are supposed to be give and take. I gave plenty
and got nothing in return, And those single mothers I left, they ended up either being
bitter old women or they married some loser ass guys who knocked them up and left again.
My reasons are valid and make perfect sense to. A real man can accept and care for another man's kids?
No way ! A real man would politely walk away and say I want my own kids, I want my wife to have her
first kid with me and I don't want to be second best to your kids or ex's. But American men have been
beaten down by the feminists and the courts that it's expected for us to take second best. !

[watercolor_lions]

To be fair... They are also the reasons everyone avoids becoming a single parent. Nobody wants to be one on purpose. I don't think its wrong to not attach one's self to one delibetately.

[lightbulb27]

@watercolor_lions @Marinepilot I think Marinepilot and I talked on this 2 years ago. In support of all of you, but a different view... those are all valid issues one has to face. But one of the best parts of my prior relationships were her kids! I love them, allows me to be a kid again and play, they are each unique, would have been less good without them. I have a relative who took on her kids, married, and it works great all around. It may not be for every male or where he is in life. It depends on your makeup and who you are. That is rooted in your childhood and your resources, needs.

[rjroy3]

I'm actually pretty damn good with kids. I'm just not ready to play daddy. Because with single mothers, dating them comes with the understanding that eventually she's going to want you to be that father figure for her child. No matter what any single mother says here. Every, single one of them wants that eventually. And I'm just not in a place in my life right now that I WANT that or am ready to put my heart into doing that. That's my main thing.

All my other reasons are secondary to that. For example, I don't have children of my own so I will not relate to her on that level. So when she chooses her child over me (as she should) eventually it's going to be annoying/conflicting because I know she has to choose them and that they take precedence, but I'm still going to feel like I'm not getting enough of her attention and on top of that feeling guilty that i'm feeling neglected. But it's a catch 22. If she did choose me over her child, then I wouldn't respect her as a mother and wouldn't want her as the mother of my children. Because if I were the father I would want her choosing my kids over the new guy in this scenario.

So it's just a shit show. Maybe in the event if she's a single mother and the kid is 16-18, on his way to moving out. To where the child doesn't need as much of her attention. Maybe then, but a young child I'm just not on board with at this time. Not in terms of an exclusive relationship. I also think that's a fair view, because my reasons are based both in what is good for the child as well as myself. I'll be a good father one day, but I will not become a father in this way and I won't play second to someone else in a relationship, when it's not my child. I get it, but it sucks on both ends. A single father or a man ready to be a father is going to be the best bet for most single mothers.

[Anonymous]

Be it single dads or moms, i think once you have children you are undatable. If you think otherwise you should reevaluate your priorities in life because your children are supposed to be your number 1 priority...
You should have thought about dating before procreating. I can't feel much empathy for the overwhelming majority of unmarried single parents... Sorry.

[Kiran04]

I most definitely agree. I only mentioned single mothers because they are A) more common and B) affect me personally, but single fathers aren't much of a catch either. Children introduce MASSIVE complications into a relationship, and no single person is honor bound to have to deal with that, male or female.

[Sara413]

That's really judgmental to saybthey should have thought of that before procreating... a lot of single parents are divorcees, who had their children assuming they were going to be with their partner to raise them. Everyone has a story and you can't just make assumptions about them based on their status as a single parent.

I won't date a single parent either because they simply cannot fit my lifestyle or give me the relationship I want, but I am in no place to judge them as people.

[SilenRose]

@Take Owner At first I was going to disagree with you when you said single mothers are more common but you have a point that creates a bigger problem. Single fathers who keep procreating while jumping from woman to woman. Some of them you can't even consider fathers because they don't take responsibility for their children.

[Marinepilot]

I agree.

[Marinepilot]

In many ways I agree.

[jennyPuss]

i think that the only way this is untrue is if the single mother has the sense to realize that finding man and creating a stable home IS in the best interest of her kid (s) AND it is putting them first- even if on a temporary basis it seems they are being neglected a little. but really... parents just plop their kids in front of the TV most of the time anyway so what's the difference? i think this idea of 'the children first' crap is just that. if you really want to put your kids first you'll do what is BEST for them- not the most coddling. make finding a father figure and a family unit a priority. even if that means a few nights a week they have to sit at the sitter's or grandma's.

[Marinepilot]

Agreeed
.

[jennyPuss]

@Marinepilot people tend to agree with me. i'm objective- not emotional about what's right and wrong. it's more wrong to let your kid stay in a broken home. therefore- you do what you have to fix that in the short term so the rest of their childhood can be normal. i hate it when people say that single parent families are just as valid and normal as two parent families. only in extreme cases of abuse where someone's life is in danger should a family be separated. in the old days they used to have 'lover's quarrels' and people might spend some time apart but they didn't divorce. also i believe that a woman should yield to the husband's leading after she speaks her mind and he still disagrees. husbands bear 51% responsibility and they fight our wars and protect the home. that counts for something weightier than who is the bigger bread winner.

[winniethepoah]

"You should have thought about dating before procreating" What about divorced families. They had one chance at love, popped out a kid or 2 and now the dating game is over for them? That doesn't seem right

[Rocky1998]

Tbh its bullshit in my opinion. I know a few people who's kid (s) are number 1. But people may find other ones to love. Its really selfish to say what you said imho

[watercolor_lions]

That's a bit extreme... Being a single parent isn't desirable, but shit happens. People get divorced.

I think dating shouldn't be the priority... But I think kids also deserve a chance at another father :/ And if a guy says its too much baggage, don't make him feel bad for it. He's just being honest. Women might not like it, but it is not a man's ethical responsibility to adopt children of a woman he just met.

[CityBoy773]

"They don't have a ton of cash to spend, so the guy usually ends up paying for everything"
~While this MAY apply to some, it doesn't apply to all. You can't just assume every single mother is broke as hell. But I'd rather be with one with little money to spend, due to the fact that she's actually spending it on her children, then one with loads of cash because she rarely acknowledges them. And what's wrong with paying for everything every once in a while? Acting like it's a crime.

"Even if he left out of the blue without a letter, there's ALWAYS a chance baby daddy will come back, and he most likely will not welcome your presence. I'm sorry, it's not my fault that it didn't work out between you two and you went your separate ways, but I still have to deal with the mess."
~If she left him, or he left her, there was a reason. If he DOES come back and you are scared that she may go running back to him, you have some serious insecurity issues. If there's one thing I learned about single mothers with sense, it's that their kids come first and dad is out of the picture for a reason. And if he DOES come back, be the man in the relationship and let him know he's unwanted. If you can't handle that, you shouldn't even be in a relationship with a female. Period. Sounds like you're the type to go running away like a whinny bitch in that scenario.

"Lastly, many single mothers have no interest in having more kids. Understandable, they've already got their hands full with the kids already present, but this presents a problem for me. I want my own kids. MY kids."
~Like finances, not every single mother has no interest in having any more kids, she might have no interest in having kids with the previous guy. And what's wrong, can't accept her child as your own? That's selfish, and no wonder relationships with single mothers probably never work out with you. If the guy can't show he can accept her child as his own, what's makes her think you'll be any better with your own recreations running around? If you're distant towards her kids, anyone with a brain will see that transferring to any kids she has with YOU.

"Add that all up, and you've got a recipe for unhappiness. Sure, sometimes it works out and sometimes it's great, but let's calculate the odds on that one."
~So, what, that means EVERY relationship with a single mother is doomed to fail? What about ones with women and men without kids that fail?

These reasons, plus the whinny tone, are why I disagree with you.

[CityBoy773]

I gave my reasons since I read on other comments that you seem to want reasons as to why I disagree.

[heavensgift2girls]

It isn't selfish of someone to want a family of your own. That is a perfectly reasonable desire that men and women often have. And no guys can not just accept the woman's child as his own, because that is HER child and not his. Ultimately she has all the power over the raising of the child, and it will never be an equal relationship where the child is concerned. Unlike where the couple adopts, and both parents have the rights over the child.

Being a step parent is a lot harder than you seem to think. It is clear you have no experience being a step parent or you would understand that. Go marry a woman a woman with kids and eventually she will make it clear to you, that you aren't the father and never will be, then come back and tell us what being a step parent is really like.

[CityBoy773]

I have a step-dad I respect completely. My brothers like him a lot as well. Of course it won't be equal, considering he has a few years where my mother has birth plus all the years of raising us, but that doesn't mean we treat him and he treats us any different that he treats his own kids, who I've met and he honestly treats us the same.

And I don't know why you said, "Go marry a woman with kids" like I am just gonna up and do that. That's a big ass decision to marry someone, and I'm not a dick that marries a woman as a "test marriage" or some other stupid shit like that. If I do end up in a relationship with a single mother, I will treat the kids as my own. So what you said IS selfish, basically saying they ain't blood they ain't mine.

A fake man refuses to even respect his womans kids. A real man calls them his own. I'll accept them as my own, despite not being blood related. And if I know I'll soon be their step-father, I'll want them to at least respect me. Otherwise, it's hell.

[heavensgift2girls]

People need to stop using the phrase "real man". That is just a way to shame any guy that disagrees with you. Men don't have to do anything to prove they are men.

When I said go marry a woman with a kid, then come back her I was referring to you lacking experience to adequately judge others. It was just a comment about you needing to go out and get experience. Clearly I wasn't suggesting that you marry a woman as a test.

Once you are with a woman in an unequal relationship do to her having more power over her children, then you will understand, that men simply cannot choose to accept responsibility for another man's child. It isn't like when a man and woman adopts a child. The mother normally won't ever accept him as the true father, and the man is left feeling like an outsider in his own home. There are very real issues when dating a woman with kids.

[Kiran04]

Dude, this take is years old. I don't check the comments all that often anymore.

"If she left him, or he left her, there was a reason. If he DOES come back and you are scared that she may go running back to him, you have some serious insecurity issues."

False. Drama is drama. I'm not necessarily concerned she'll go running back as I am he's going to inject drama into the relationship. Even if he doesn't want her back doesn't mean he isn't going to object to my presence around his child. Your argument is extremely narrow minded.

"While this MAY apply to some, it doesn't apply to all. You can't just assume every single mother is broke as hell."

If I was a single father, I'd be broke as hell, so the assumption is perfectly valid.

"So, what, that means EVERY relationship with a single mother is doomed to fail? What about ones with women and men without kids that fail?"

The counterpoint to your argument was contained within the quote you are arguing against, so I don't need to restate it.

[Creole_Flavor]

Single mothers don't care if guys don't want to date them trust me lol I know a lot of them as well as dads they usually go for the ones that don't mind right off the bat. Kids are supposed to be your number priority, I would not date a man who would push his kids to the side for me. I understand that I can't be number one and that is fine if you are not comfortable with but that does not mean that a single parent will never be able to have a relationship it just takes finding someone that understand that you have to fit in their life somewhere and be ok with that. There are plenty people in relationships that don't feel lit their partner is prioritizing their relationship and neither one of them have kids. Your relationship doesn't have to be number one that is never healthy when you have other aspects in your life that need attention period. What is it with guys thinking that dating a woman with kids means that you will have to play their step dad and and financially support her and her child? You many not have mentioned this but a lot of guys think this so I'm speaking on it. That is thinking too far ahead when you are just dating someone. If you were considering being serious of course you will have to accept the child and have to interact but depending on the situation that child already has a dad. I'm not even going to deny drama happens because single parents don't know how to co-parent these days without bickering but that's not all of them. The chances of the mother getting back with the father is the same as anyone with an ex. A child doesn't keep people together and it doesn't make you want someone back. Some single parents are bitter about mother/father of their kids are moving on but they will have to deal with it if you make it your problem then you will have to deal with it too. Everyone can have a preference to date or not to date parents because they don't like kids, don't want a ready made family, or will be jealous of the child whatever the reasons are nobody can force you to date them just know that they are not better than child-free people and I'm saying this as a child-free person. A person without kids can have a lot of bs, baggage, and issues just as much or less as a person without kids. Being a parent says nothing about someone's heart and their character.

[Marinepilot]

I don't want to deal with some other man's sloppy seconds. That's shitty, I know. But it's
the truth as I see it. Also no single woman in her right mind should want to do this
either. Why should she?

[crystalt70]

Completely agree with you. Great answer!

@Marinepilot kids are not sloppy seconds.

[Creole_Flavor]

@crystalt70 Thank you :)

[Sethhh]

Another persons kids are SLOPPY SECONDS. To us. They are problems, They will grow up to be problems. Single mothers should be shamed, Don't act like it's okay. Single mothers are the WORST parents.

[Creole_Flavor]

@Sethhh stop digging up old shit and commenting I stand by wtf I said and that's it there is nothing you can say to change my mind or anyone else just like I can't change yours.

[Marinepilot]

As usual this topic illicits a number of results. Being a single parent of either gender is tough. No question. I really don't want to date single mothers because of many of the reasons mentioned here. Rarely do these relationships work out. Why should a normal, single person male or female get into a relationship where clearly they will never be a top priority? And deal with psychotic ex's and ex in laws and have the
constant reminder that she or he had their first kid with someone else? I tried to date single mothers and I left them every time for whatever reason. Bottom line, I'm not playing second best to anything or anyone. And I GODDAMN sure won't play second best to anything I had no part of creating ! NO FUCKING WAY ! Too many time dates got cancelled because of something with the kid. Too many times the woman I was involved with couldn't give me proper attention because of her kid or something her ex did or didn't do to piss her off. Or when she did get around to giving me attention, she was too tired to do it properly. And I'm supposed to willingly accept this? No way Jose ! To all you single parents out there, I understand your life is tough and can be a fucked up mess. I get that I truly do. But don't be upset if a single man or woman w/o kids moves own when you don't or want make them a priority equal to your kids. Why should they drive a used car with too much baggage when there are plenty of new models ready to go with very little baggage? It's a no brainer. I know that remarks with piss some people off. Especially single mothers, of well. The group that really pisses me off are the single mothers who say "It takes a real man to accept and care for another man's kids " MY ASS ! A true man will do what is best for him and fuck what anyone else thinks. Again, why sholud single people be with someone kids when there are literally billions of potential mates w/o kids? I rest my case. Counselor, your witness.

[Anonymous]

This comment section is fascinating to me.

Most of the women on here think its perfectly cool to have kids at a young age, become single, and expect a great man to come by and treat them like they're royalty.

For what? Gluttony? You wanted sex, you got sex from one if not multiple men, had one or more kids, and you're not even near your 30s yet. Now you want a man to come by, some fabled "I don't care about your past, you and your 3 babychilds perfect the way you are, even though NONE of these kids are mine and come from the defunct genes of the douchebags you've let procreate with you".

What about what I want? Someone who isn't a single mom - No, the fact I have an opinion on that makes me the enemy. 'I should judge her by her actions and personality and not what's on the outside.' they say. Well she made one hell of a bad choice (possibly more) at a young age (action), and her demeanor screams "i deserve i want i need" (personality). No, that's too much to ask for, I'm an idiot!

fgs the bar is so low for girls
-stays a healthy weight
-no kids
-college, pref in a respectable field / job in a respectable field
-open minded
-has a hobby
-positive + bubbly
[extras / benefits / personal]
-no tattoos
-isn't super into social media
-pref to not use makeup
-shorter than me

you could knock 50% of these out by just being a decent person and act mature / don't do stupid stuff. yet 90% can't pull this off. Meanwhile what standard do I have to be held to? fgs

[Finchie40]

Awesome post , I completly understand what you are saying and Yes i agree with what you are saying. But the thing is , this happens in pretty much every relationship even Girls that dont have kids considering most Girls do not know how to make their partner a number 1 priority. A girl Will always choose her parents, her friends, and kids over her partner and thats why if you do meet a single girl with no kids she will make you her priority in the beginning but the second you get her pregnant your days of being her number 1 priority are out the window and thats when things start to crumble and why that girl ends up divorced or single in the first place and back to square one with trying to find the right man in her life. Girls brains are wired different from guys , which makes them seem very selfish to us men , not saying guys can't be selfish as well but for a man to be selfish it mainly comes down to how the girl is Treating him. A girl gets into a relationship with the thought of he is going. to take care of me and protect. me and provide for me , the second you fail at any of those things you get put on her shit list , if you lost your job you become a loser in her eyes and she will belittle you and make you feel like you aren't good enough. She will compare. you to others and make you feel like you are less of a man.

[Finchie40]

Girls are attracted to high status if a guy makes a lot of money She automatically thinks he is a real man. Again i am not saying every girl but magority of them Yes. So why its best to stay single for as long as you can and date and not rush into marriage. Marriage is probably the hardest thong you will face in life , if your marriage doesn't last and you have kids and you get divorced then just stay divorced and think to yourself i already tried the marriage and. kid life , find a girl that doesn't want kids and just wants to have fun and then you will be happy lol

[Guanfei]

I wouldn't mind dating a single mom. I love kids, and even tho I want my own, like you, I have no problem taking care of hers if things get serious.
But that's the thing, before it gets serious, it's not you dating a single mom, it's you dating someone who will never be as available as you'd like her to be. Which will inevitably damage the relationship.
And IF things work out and it gets serious, I want to be involved in her child's life and not be a separated part of the family. We're together in this, and if she considers there is her family and next to it there is me, it won't work.
I can understand that women aren't very fond of letting someone enter their family, they might fear that their boyfriend and their kids won't get along, or the relationship won't last and he'll leave after bonding with the child which will pain him.
But that's how it is. When you date someone, there is a possibility that at some point, he will be more than a date, and if he has to share your life, then you'll have to share it with him completely. Or not at all.

[crystalt70]

All I see is negativity and bitterness in this take. Do you have personal experience with one or more single mothers or is all of this just what you THINK will happen? A person is a person with faults regardless of their status as a parent. If the fault isn't with them being a parent, it will be something else. You have people of every side of a spectrum as parents or not. No two people are alike. I will tell you that saying your kids are a main priority is a sort of shield. Do you realize how many people out there will treat one's child (ren) like dirt? A parent's job is to protect their child (ren) and that includes protecting them from people. Personally, I wouldn't date someone like you, whether I was a single parent or not. I prefer more open-minded men who view things from more points than just their own.

[love2run13]

The take seems pretty accurate... think about it. Your dating a single parent with kids, most of their time and energy is going towards those kids and then the possibility of the other deadbeat parent coming along and ruining things, it just isn't for some people. You gotta really be up for that shit before getting into it cuz its a hell of a lot more work than a regular relationship

[crystalt70]

@love2run13 it depends on the person. Things just aren't so black and white.

[Kiran04]

Two people may not be alike, but the circumstances surrounding them most certainly can be. Being a single mother is a circumstance, not a personality.

[love2run13]

Exactly, its a circumstance. Thats why its for some people and not for others...

[crystalt70]

It's perfectly fine to not be for everyone, but your points are not exactly accurate. You can't put all people of a category under one blanket and everyone's circumstances are different.

[Marinepilot]

Oh well, your loss.

[crystalt70]

@Marinepilot not really.

[Sara413]

This come off as really angry and judgmental. There's nothing wrong with deciding you don't want to date someone with kids - that's perfectly valid - but in this piece you basically sounded off about how guys who date Mom's get no credit and aren't appreciated and this and that and every other thing, which frankly, you're not in a place to be assuming. I know a few single Moms and believe me - they DO appreciate men who choose to make the sacrifices and deal with the stress that comes with dating a parent.

I, personally, will not date a man who has children because I myself do not want children, and especially not an "insta-family". It's a valid choice. But I'm not gonna sit here and act like single Dad's are the worst because they can't provide me with the type of relationship and life that I want. They're just not a good choice for ME.

[Kiran04]

And yet I managed to avoid stating anything about single mothers as people or about their personalities. What you choose to be offended about is your business, but your final analysis is wrong.

[Sara413]

I'm just saying that just because a single parent doesn't fit YOUR lifestyle, doesn't make anyone who chooses to date one a "chump" and that you can't just make assumptions about everyone who is a single parent and how their status as a single parent impacts their dating life. Everyone's situation is different, and this whole take just read to me as very judgmental of single parents and those who choose to date them.

All I'm saying is if you don't want to take single parents, that is OK, don't date them, but don't act like you are somehow better than them or that they are shitty people because they aren't able to offer you or I what we want out of a relationship.

[Kiran04]

My assumptions are based in fact, logical, well reasoned, and they make sense. Dating single mothers is more risk than reward, more hassle than enjoyment, and no childless single man is honor bound to date them, nor should people try to goad them into dating them with gender propaganda and sensationalism that isn't based in reality. Again, I said nothing of the kind of people they were. You are still choosing to be offended on a bad analysis.

[crystalt70]

Agreed.

[taleswapper]

Let's take your points one at a time.
Priority: You're unhappy that you aren't her top concern. Because, you claim, you'll make HER your top concern. I call bullshit. You want to get top billing? Show her what a great husband and father you'll be."i rearranged my schedule for you!" doesn't rate it. But showing up and lending a hand? Offering to watch/pick-up the kids? Even something as simple as taking out the garbage without being asked? You get top billing. You want her to think of you as part of the family, ACT like part of the family.

"Dating single moms isn't cheap." really? Twenty bucks for a pizza and Netflix (actually watch the movie; bonus points if it's one she likes) at her place, so she doesn't have to get all gussied up and hire a babysitter is too much? Lunch at McDonald's for the whole brood stretches your wallet to the breaking point? The trick is to find dates that fit into HER life, not the club/bar/high-end restaurant that you're used to using as a date night, which only adds two hours of date prep to her already stressed life. Look for simple, cheap outings that will make her life easier, not harder.
Babydaddy drama. There's a couple of ways this can go. Again, look for ways to make it easy, rather than a problem. Maybe you two have something in common, and can hit it off. A wingman for those times you're NOT out with her can be a feature, not a flaw. And if she left him because he's an abusive asshat, having a man around when he comes to pick up the kids can make her feel safe, even cherished.
Single moms don't want more kids. Really? That's mostly because they are straining to support the kids they have. And just because a kid springs from your own loins doesn't mean he or she would be everything you want from a child. Love your potential stepkids; see them as your own, but on trial. If you're going to be a good Dad, who spawned them won't matter. If it DOES matter, you're not a good Dad. And THAT is why she doesn't want to add you.

[Kiran04]

No one is obligated to show up offering anything. Your entire response is predicated on the assumption it's my responsibility to make up for her bad choices. I call bullshit.

[taleswapper]

@Kiran04 "Your entire response is predicated on the assumption it's my responsibility to make up for her bad choices." Only if the bad choice in question is agreeing to date you. remember this line? "Whenever I enter a relationship, I make my lover or significant other the top priority in my life. " How are you making her the top priority if you expect her to conform to your ideas of what constitutes proper dating etiquette, instead of you learning how to make dating easier for her? No, I call bullshit on your claim to be anything other than a self absorbed whiner. you didn't address ANY of my point or suggestions; you just whimpered about how it's not your obligation to bother...

[Anonymous]

I'm an attractive woman with no children and I still can't find a date like my friend with two kids by two different baby fathers. Actually, she's a real catch. She owns a home and has a job as a nurse making over 70Gs at 26 years old. While I'm 24, childless with a measly job. Look, sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture. She's getting married this year while I'll probably die alone. I never for once thought that guys cared this much about dating a single mom because I never seen a single mom who didn't have a few men outside waiting for them. Even so, it's still hell for me to meet a good man.

[Marinepilot]

They're out there. I can assure you that most men don't want her for
very good reason. Wait until those ex's start causing problems. Or those
kids start being, well kids. "You're not my daddy, I don't have to mind you !" Then
see how long those guys hang around. Step families break up at a rate of 75% or
higher. So the deck is stacked against her. Good men are out there, with no kids
or ex wives.

[sedrftvgyhujik]

Don't know what "measly job" or "good man" is to you but Id date a 24 year old in the UK with a min wage job.
I agree though that your friend seriously has things together despite being a single mum. 70k dollars is really good money especially at 26!

[Deleonc88]

I am a single mother of a 3 yr old and i think you're completely wrong. Im dating an amazing guy who loves both of us and doesn't mind sharing me with my daughter. My partner is a priority just as much as my daughter is. Because i love both of them. And not only is my daughter my priority she is also my bfs priority because he loves her. And he's not selfish... Which im sure you'd know nothing about. We both make sure we prioritize our alone time.
Also, i can pay for my things my daughters things and both our meals and movie or whatever the hell it is we do on a date. Because im a women. And i know how to treat a man. Regardless of the fact that i have a child.
I have no drama with my childs father. We respect each others relationships.
And lastly, how selfish would i be if i didn't want to give my partner a child because i already have one... You're either stereo typing all single mothers... Or meeting all the wrongs ones... We're not all the same. I can assure you of that.

[Marinepilot]

I never said you were. It sounds as though you've got an exceptional relationship. Mazel tov ! But it's
never worked for me and I've had too many bad experiences to ever try one again. But I'm adamant, no women with kids for me. I won't consider it. Period.

[Kiran04]

The stars line up for you. Good for you. Not gonna be true of everyone, in fact likely not going even be remotely true for even a fraction of other single parents or single parent daters. There are exceptions to every rule, even gravity. Point still stands.

[Bonnie12I27I12]

i can never see myself marrying someone who already has kids. i want everything to be MINE and my own. im only gonna live once and i really dont wanna deal with someones baggage from their past relationships.

[Kiran04]

You deserve your kids to be your own. That is your right as a responsible adult. Don't let anyone try to rob you of that.

[Anonymous]

I respect your opinion. Having no children of my own, but dating both fathers and non fathers I can see both sides of the argument.

You do, realize, however, that choosing a partner without kids doesn't necessarily mean there aren't scheduling conflicts, financial worries, past baggage and turmoil? People sometimes have crazy jobs, tons of student loans, emotional childhood issues... their parents get sick or die, they get cancer and in car wrecks. Etc. Life is unpredictable and learning how to relate and ride out the inconveniences is definitely part of living.

[Marinepilot]

That maybe, But having a woman with kids from a previous marriage/relationship
isn't something I'll ever do again. I don't have to ! And I won't !

[LonelyLillie13]

This is why i do not date guys with no children lol.

to counter argue
You just went off on a bunch of stereotypes bashing a bunch of people you do not even know, what does that make you?

You assume you are such a great catch that no woman with a child could resist you... My kid comes first to any guy, even the thought of any guy.

You are a turn off, where do you even get the time to hate this much?

I can fully support my child on my own above and beyond, i would only want a guy for my company and to be a friend to my kid, im the parent.

Your opinion, but you are so wrong about so many things and you made a fool of yourself in the process.

[LonelyLillie13]

It is funny though, opinions change, relationships change, love can fall apart in 2 years or in 20... many of the people who objected this situation will have children or a divorce or both in the following years... life doesn't always work out as you planned.

[Kiran04]

Only I didn't say anything about the personalities of single mothers or about single mothers as people, I just laid down the logistics. The stereotypes you mention are all in your head.

[love2run13]

I don't think the take bashed anyone, nothing he said was mean or anything waz just an opinion

[LonelyLillie13]

"dating single mothers isn't cheap." wrong i have lots of money !!!
"many single mothers have no interest in having more kids" that is shit too
"baby daddy drama"
to name a few...

[Marinepilot]

I'm not wrong, I'm stating what many men feel and believe. Play second best to a kid that's
not mine. No way !

[LonelyLillie13]

ok MarineStalker That is fine, you feel so strong on this i'll just let it go... lol

[Marinepilot]

No I didn't. I simply state feeling that most men have, but don't have the guts to express.
Why should men settle for something less than what they want? Anymore than women
settling for less than they want? No chicky, no way anyone will ever convince me that I'm
wrong about this.

[Marinepilot]

I'm not wrong and EVERY situation with single mothers has been the way I described.
No way I'm ever playing second best to another man's children. I assure you that virtually
all men feel this way. Ye I am that good of a catch. The likes of which you will never have.
Or anyone like you for that matter.

[Marinepilot]

I didn't make a fool of myself. I simply stated how most men feel, but are too cowardly to
admit it or voice it. I'm not wrong, and if I am, I don't give a shit ! I'm not EVER going to
play #2 to some kid who isn't mine. Not going to happen. EVER ! I've mad that crystal
clear. Don't limp all men wthout kids into the same kettle. You're wrong with ever idiotic breath you spend on this topic.

[creepycreeper]

"Right, I didn't work at all for my money. It just fell out of the sky onto my straight, male lap. Surely more would have fallen if I was also white."

As a straight white male I have to wear a hard hat when I go outside to protect myself from all the gold nuggets falling out of the sky at me.

s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...4c11fda7ba.jpg

[Scrambled]

Dude, I loved this take. Not just the content (which is your view) but the sarcastic way you wrote it, genius. I think you should be a writer. The replies were also entertaining. I fell for a single mom (she was a 9, give me some credit here) and we hit off. Then came my personal deal breaker: religion. She became a reborn Christian and she puts God in front of me!!! At least a kid is real!! So I kindly put her into the friendship zone corner. She is becoming one of those girls that are so into their pets now. Single moms and cats, I would love to see a correlation graph.

[Marinepilot]

Scrambled, thank you. Maybe I will become a writer. The feelings I expressed are mine
and I'm not backing down or apologizing for feeling this way. You get bitten on the ass
by a King Cobra, it makes one think hard before putting yourself in a position to ne bitten
again. The notion of the one big happy stepfamily like The Brady Bunch is an illusion
that rarely exists. Blended families break up at a rate of over 75% according to what I've
read. So the deck is stacked against these relationships. No single mothers for me. I tell
the single moms I meet that I don't date women with kids. I'll be your friend or maybe even
a fuck buddy. But I'll never marry you or uncondtiionally accept you kid/kids. No one can
accuse me of not being honest. Many say this is harsh. I don't think so

[Scrambled]

Man I actually feel bummed. I thought about this single mom last night after reading this and yeah, I am young looking for my age, do gym, musician and went to Australia, while she stayed in South Africa. Im starting to think she was just using me to get that "jock' effect at her later age. Yeah she is so friendshipzoned. I am actually going to innocently tell her about some sexual conquest I do in the future and be graphic. Women always complain about their boyfriend problems to their friendshipzoned friends, I think its time I start returning the favour.

[Marinepilot]

AMEN ! Heap it on.

[Anonymous]

You make some excellent points. Also, there are a lot of songle moms who simply leave their baby daddy, use the incredibly sexist legal system to automatically get custody of the kids, and then start looking for their next victim.

Or they spend their early years partying bc "they dont need a man" and sleep around with a bunch of assholes. Then their clock start ticking and they decide to have a kid with whatever asshole they are friends with benefits with at the time. Then it doesn't work out they leave him and wonder why no nice guy wants to date and older party girl with a kid.

[love2run13]

I totally agree, for all these reasons this is why I refuse to date a single father.
I want him ALL to myself, no ex wifes or ex mothers or whatever
I want MY kids with him and not be responsible for someone elses
I want OUR time, not most of his time spend on kids that aren't even mine

[Kiran04]

That is 100% understandable. Single parenthood is not gender specific.

[Onlyinit4fun]

Same here. I have that also with men.. I don't want to date someone who has a young child or children. It's too intrusive. They're mother will also be very dominant in your life, so you have to deal with an ex that is still very much part of his life. Yet he dates me without baggage, there's no ex in my life.. I'm all yours. No no no.. that's not fair for me. I deserve someone without all that baggage.

[Kiran04]

Completely understandable. Any single parent is off the dating radar as far as I'm concerned, man or woman. You are not obligated to deal with all that crap. You don't deserve to deal with all of that crap, and you don't have to deal with it. Why walk on hot coals with no shoes when you could just take the side walk?

[Marinepilot]

You do deserve a guy with no kids. It's not wrong to feel that way.

[heavensgift2girls]

I have never seen someone describe why it is so bad to date a woman with a child, as well as a women on this site once did when she went on a rant about how great single moms are. www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a10204-the-struggles-of-being-a-single-mom

She was pretty much the poster child, for why guys don't want to have a relationship with a woman that has kids.

[Marinepilot]

She deserves to be single and die alone. No way and sane single man should
get involved with her. No way Jose !