Is Feminism the Enemy of Romance?

Since I was a little girl, my mother told me I could do anything I wanted to do and she taught me to outdo my brother who was 4 years my senior. While this killed my relationship with my brother due to the sibling rivalry that ensued, I considered myself a feminist. I was a female who could do anything a man could however this was within reason.

I am a feminist however I consider myself a lady. So at what point does feminism become too much? Is it when a woman decides she can act like a man just because she is capable? It may be true that we can do everything a man can (again within reason, peeing against a tree is not so much our fortay as their's!) but the question is should we?

More and more women feel they can treat a man in a 'treat em mean and keep em keen' way while claiming this is because they are independant woman. The next you know, the same woman wants to swig beer with her man and get him to pay for it. They want a household where he cooks and cleans for her and she gets to be queen while he is extorted. These women are ruining the lives of women who like to act like a lady. Who believe in old fashioned (or maybe just correct?) values.

My partner is a few years younger than me and he has had more to do with these new age 'feminist' women. It meant that he didn't know how to treat me, I can do anything I set my mind to and my mind is set to giving him a good life with benefits in return. Old fashioned benefits. I will cook, clean and look after him but I expect to be treated well too. Give me some romance in return and woo me to keep me in your life because I (unlike the super feminist monkeys) deserve it.

Is Feminism the Enemy of Romance?

So this brings me on to another area of this subject... Seduction. When I am in a nightclub and I am wearing my Armani dress and carrying my Versace tote (which I worked very hard for by the way and I am not a princess) do I want some lager lout coming up to me saying 'alright darlin? wanna pint?' errr no. How about complimenting me on my smile which earned me the nickname of Miss Colgate during my modelling career or maybe giving me a nice compliment. Grabbing my glutes is not complimentary, it is an insult. However here comes the feminist monkey tripping in her sky high heels with her skirt around her waist falling in to the arms of the gorilla who i not so long ago sent packing. No surprise she will be going home with him tonight because 'why should it be ok for men but not women to sleep around?' Just because we could never means that we should!!!!

This is where 'feminism' has killed romance. Men have lost respect for women so they dont try the romance thing any more. There is no chase so they lose respect, the feminist monkeys make sex so easy to acquire that they dont go after the good women who have the old fashioned values until they realise that if the feminist went home with them, they were most likely at the end of a very long string of men and one nighters. So they eventually come back to the hard to get lady as lets face it, if you want to reproduce, you want to with someone worth having... so do yourself and us ladies a favour feminist monkey... BECOME EXTINCT!


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What Guys Said 52

  • I think romance died with the Armani dresses and the Versace tote. And it died with the notion that just because something is traditional, it is also unconditionally correct. I am more into people who I can respect as a person and enjoys being respected as a person, rather than as a "lady". Ladies have their noses up too high. It just isn't attractive to me.

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  • Oh yes, i avoid all feminists like the plaque.
    This also transfers overt to regular females because us men know that there are a lot of feminists.
    We can't trust any of you.
    Let's not forget about millions of men all over america and Europe just giving up on relationships and marriage.
    Good luck with all of that, ladies. cause your pickings are either in prison, in war, committing suicide or just simply deciding to not ever be in a relationship.
    You ladies that are under 29 are screwed.

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  • This whole thing really irks me. This was completely about you getting things you want. Absolutely none of this addressed how men feel and what men want. Do you realise that? You seem condescending; a trait just as capable of killing romance and banishing respect.

    People romanticise things in different ways, often very true when comparing men and women. I think you need to stipulate a definition for "romance." I'm bracing for a very narrow and gynocentric view of romance...

    "The chase" is terrible. If sex is easy to acquire that doesn't make it bad and this idea that playing hard to get is going to revive your definition of romance (whatever it is) seems absurd and offensive. Again, no taking in account of how men feel.

    Playing hard to get makes me respect you less. Expecting me to chase makes me respect you less. Trying to convince me that you "deserve it" means you probably don't, and telling me you're "worth it" makes me doubtful you are.

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    • Thank you... This is so right. I don't know why she included feminism... It has nothing to do with the crazy point she was trying to make.

  • I believe Feminism parallels Islam. In both Ideologies, the most extreme form is the authentic expression. In both ideologies, adherents are willing to employ deception to advance their cause but inevitably will shed the veneer of reasonableness and expose true character. I believe both have the earmarks of mental Illness and must be isolated and quarantined. Both are nearly uncurable. In the end, neither can be trusted.

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    • I liked your comment by accident thinking it was the reply button but anyways that is complete non sense, dammit don't use the Islam card when you don't know shit about the subject.

    • Waiting for a defence, rather than an empty admonition.

  • Most likely

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  • Feminism is not about equal rights. It's about special rights for women. It's about women who want male privileges but not male responsibilities. Egalitarianism is about true equality between genders.

    Do yourself and the world a favor and please call yourself something else than a feminist.

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    • no, feminism has been twisted by those females who want that, how about you ask those people to stop calling themselves feminists and start calling them what they are... bigots

  • The difference between you and other feminists, is you are the textbook definition (about equal rights), although I could still argue nobody needs a "label" for that and anyone who does, does it for attention-seeking purposes. But these other feminists hate men, so obviously, they have killed romance.

    I must disagree that feminists make sex easy. If anything, it's the opposite. Most of them won't have sex with a man, because they're either a Lesbian or hate men in the first place. It's made sex much harder for men.

    Luckily, women in my age group usually hate feminists (new wave feminists, not textbook definition.)

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  • woman have to release that woman and en are not equal in any factor but if we love each other then we will be fair in the relationship :-)

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  • YES!

    it is the enemy of romance and the ally of ignorance arrogance, self entitlement, and gold digging

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  • Yeah feminism sux for sure but I don't think that it influenced the romance because this problem is everywhere (even in the places where feminism doesn't even exist).

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  • I love women without male characteristics. With such a woman romance is a possible.

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    • A man has to be like a man and a woman has to be like a women. It seems like feminism is trying to turn that around

    • A man should be a man, not like a man. Woman should be woman.

    • Thank you for your comments :)

  • No, but feminazism is

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  • Well in some ways it can be if things that were once seen as romantic are no longer romantic because of an attitude shift or a shift in the way we view certain things. Some women really don't need any of that jazz of having to be wine and dined and honestly I applaud those women wholeheartedly. They've found a way to tap into a part of themselves that realizes we're all people and neither one of us should be trying to dominate the other gender in such an unfair way.

    The hardline ones that are totally nuts and almost militant with it are the ones you actually stay away from, they will destroy your soul as a man even if you don't have ill feelings toward women. It's a tough dating world out there, finding someone good is like striking gold.

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  • Yes it is. I don't open car doors anymore for women if they don't open it for me. Equality!!!

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  • Feminism is a euphemism for man-hating (and disrespecting men) under the disguise of "equality". So, most men are not interested in feminists.

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    • Unfortunately I have to agree here

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    • @basinodim You're probably looking up definitions and saying. I'm saying from my life experiences and have gone through these double standards. In my country, a lot many are feminists and too many double standards are in practice. So, if you want to know, look up details about this shitty law -- IPC 498 A -- which is still in practice (because of many feminist politicians justifying it). According to this, if a women simply complains about dowry, then without even a single evidence, the husband as well as his whole family can be arrested and put in jail for at least 5 years (and he loses job, his life gets spoiled etc.). And it becomes the responsibility of victim to prove his innocence. And more than 95% of the cases were false complaints where women misused it to threaten men and extort money. And many innocent men have committed suicides due to this and still continue to do (they probably never even knew about all these shit, otherwise, they wouldn't have married).

    • Now, where is that "equality" in feminism? Is it because we were born with a penis that we have to suffer all this? Feminism was responsible for making such unfair laws (and there are still feminists who try to justify it, and that's why it's still in practice).

  • Yes, it is. It's killed romance for our generation and future generations as we know it. I see it giving birth to a new form of romance and chivalry though. Women can start pursuing men and stop complaining how they never get asked out or called back.

    Men and women are equal as human beings and deserve equal rights. Feminism NOW isn't about that anymore. It is about having MORE RIGHTS THAN MEN.

    Not many guys want to commit to, let alone marry a woman who treats them like feces and expects them to still take on the traditional male gender role.

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  • Agreed. Humans all want the same things, men happened to be the stronger ones so they were in power for awhile, but women would just as happily treat men poorly given the chance. If said person can borrow the protection via titling themselves ''feminist'' and undermining the work of real feminists then that's what they'll do.

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  • I'm pretty sure you're that girl that's posing as a guy...

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  • I think you missed something here. Women like who act like football players after a game 24/7 mostly harm themselves in that less men will like them. The problem arises that there are little things they miss and you seemed to miss too like, wanting to be treated as a queen or have him always pay for the drinks or expecting to be seen as sexy. That is where men start to lose respect because Independent and self reliant means being able to take care of yourself even when it does not suit you.

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  • I can sympathize with you in regards to how hard it can be to find someone who is interested in something more meaningful than just sex. I recently went on several awesome dates with a woman and she blew me off because I wouldn't have sex with her yet, so she went back to her ex who dumped her, has two kids from a previous relationship, and who she claimed she was over. I think that's a societal issue though, and not a feminism issue.

    I think where feminism causes problems is when they women try to be the man in the relationship. Women having careers and being financially independent is great, but when their desire to be independent becomes a desire to be in control in the relationship it's a huge turn off romantically. When women expect a guy to always be calling and texting her, or when she tries to pay during dates, wants to drive herself even after the 2nd or 3rd date, etc.

    When a woman tries to pay, or wants to drive herself, or doesn't call or text for several days, us guys assume you lost interest or just view us as a friend. It's okay for a woman to play the masculine role on special occasions, but it should not be the norm. Men are attracted to femininity and women are attracted to masculinity, and if you disrupt that you will end up losing attraction for each other.

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What Girls Said 23

  • I see what you mean, although I think you can be a total feminist and still be a 'lady'. Feminism is about equality- so the men and the women have equal say and responsibilities in the relationship.
    The women you describe above may identify as feminists, but their ideas are really aligned with the true essence of feminism.
    Therefore, I can't say romance and feminism are enemies, it's just getting the balance right ot make them work.

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  • i am not a feminist but i think it’s safe to say that some men have always been rude and classless.

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  • People will sleep around just because that's what they want to do, and who are we to judge that? It gets to the point in life (some people just go straight to it) where you want to settle down. That's where the romance kicks in. Personally I've talked to guys and they've been so complimentary and don't expect 5 minutes in the bedroom for return. Certain people want certain things, it'll always be that way.

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  • no it's not...

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  • I just want people to know that there are a lot of moderate feminists out there. I identify as a feminist but I love and respect men. There are so many more respectable feminists who aren't man-haters out there.

    Think of it as the Tea Party vs. Regular Republican. There are different levels of extreme. I'm a feminist but I think it's just common courtesy to have the door opened for me and things like that. I believe in equality for the genders. Both genders have their strengths and weaknesses, and there's nothing wrong with admitting that.

    Men tend to be stronger physically, women have a lot of perseverance and multitasking ability. What's not cool is judging each other based on what we "should" be doing according to our genders, because everyone is different. Men should be allowed to be emotional. Women shouldn't be treated and seen as sex objects.

    There's nothing wrong with admitting that men tend to be taken more seriously in society than women. Women, who say they aren't feminists, I think you should educate yourself a bit more about what being a feminist really means. It's not about man-hating or having to prove anything. I used to think it was cool to say I wasn't a feminist. But after some life experience, and education I understood what it meant.

    Men, I'm sorry that there are man-haters out there who abuse the term "feminist" and that this has made it confusing and difficult for you. But not all feminists are like that. A good majority of them are not and they're usually not the ones going around saying "I'M a FEMINIST HEAR ME ROAR". I feel really sad to see the comments that have been made.

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    • I absolutely agree with you. I identify as a feminist and have made it a goal in life to continue to educate myself and others on what feminism is. This man hating, bra burning feminism confuses everyone. I wish it would stop.

  • I feel the exact same way except that I don't identify as a feminist. I will take care of my guy and he will take care of me. I have no problem cooking for him, but when I ask him to chop some lettuce, I expect him to do it out of respect for me and our relationship. I don't require him to pay for every dinner, mostly because we've been together for 3 years and I have my own money, but he is a gentleman enough to do so and I am so grateful for that. We just try and make each other happy.

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  • Old fashioned values are "correct"? I'm not gonna stay at home and cook and clean because that is not what is "correct". I think people should be able to do what they want to and consider themselves as equals to the opposite sex, I think that is what's correct. I think women should be able to do what they want just as much as men can.

    I myself am a feminist. I don't need a guy to pay the bill if we go on a date (not that I've actually gone on any lol), and I don't need him to open doors for me. Having a guy open a door for me on a date would still be nice. But it's not necessary at all. I'm not just gonna receive things though, I wanna do nice little things for the guy too. I think it should go both ways, it's not fair if the man should treat his girl as a queen if she treats him as her servant instead of her king..

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  • I think its not feminism in itself, but people's attitudes towards it. For example, a feminists view on feminism. Will he/she make it take up most of their life and use it whenever they can, ruining any relationships they get into.

    Or on the other side, the feminists partner. Will they allow their partner to let feminism control every aspect of their life? In a relationship it's all about teamwork and evening things out. People should do the same with feminism.

    I'm a feminist but I don't act like a bitch about it. I support equality and stand up to those who are misandrists and misogynists but I don't act like a bitch about it and shove it down the throats of anyone close to me.

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  • Subtle slut shaming, looking down on girls who don't share your "traditional values", thinking you DESERVE romance... yeah you don't sound like a feminist to me.

    A feminist doesn't judge people based on the sex they have. A feminist doesn't think her values are better than yours, whether those are traditional or more modern. A feminist realizes she doesn't "deserve" shit. Either she gets it or she doesn't. She's not self-entitled.

    It's fine for you to have traditional values. Feminism is all about being able to choose what's best for you. But realize that what's best for YOU might not be what's best for EVERYONE ELSE. If these girls want to sleep around, let them. Not your life, why should you care? Why do you think it's important that every girl should act like you and keep their legs crossed at all times? Why SHOULDN'T we have sex if that's what we want? So yeah, basically stop shaming other girls for having sex and mind your own business.

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  • I pretty much disagree with everything you said. You honestly sound nothing like a feminist in my opinion.

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  • You are very obviously a man posing as a woman everyone can tell :)
    All feminism want's to provide is choice nothing more, nothing less. You can chose to be traditional or you can choose not to be, as long as you are not hurting anyone you are entitled to your choice. I choose to go out and rally with my local feminist group to build a men's shelter, because I believe that to achieve equality we may as well help men too on the way to achieving that goal. I chose to pay half of my first date with my boyfriend because I wanted him to know that I am aware that he is a struggling student just as I am and I don't expect him to pull my weight for me financially. I choose to fix up the car instead of my boyfriend, because I was raised learning how to do it properly even though my gender role dictates I shouldn't. It's more practical and logical for me to fix the care because I know how. My boyfriend enjoys cooking and is very good at it even though his gender role dictates he shouldn't but he chooses to ignore that and do what he wants. I choose to believe that the constant upkeep of masculinity is an unfair burden to place on men, just as constantly keeping up the facade of femininity is a burden on women. I choose to fight against child marriages and female genital mutilation in other countries because I am not okay with letting that suffering continue. No need to call people monkeys because all that does is make YOU look un-evolved.

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    • You do realize most modern day YOUNG women (in our age group) don't like feminists, right?

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    • You realize that's bullshit right? Feminism is nothing but a label, it no longer has any organization like first and second wave feminism. Hell, you don't even have a cause, you just do what you want and say it's feminism. Oh, scratch that, i just realized you do have a cause; making women think they're victims of everything. And for the men's shelter, you must be stupid or something because domestic violence shelters will fucking laugh in men's faces if they are victims. Anyway, you're now a minority, as you should be. Get over it and stop fooling yourself. Women who aren't interested in feminism don't go near these things because all feminists do is shame them and make them ashamed for being women. That sure as hell doesn't sound empowering to me.

    • I didn't come here for a fight :) you are obviously a very angry person and I have no time for that. You are just imposing your own biased opinions on me as if they were facts. Also there are organized causes, the men's shelter being one I personally was involved in which is meant specifically for male victims of domestic abuse and will not "Fucking laugh in their faces" as you so eloquently put, because as I said the shelter is specifically for men to avoid that happening. Other causes feminists work towards are child marriage, female genital mutilation, human trafficking, and abuse that takes place in the porn industry. You can insult me or throw a tantrum now if you wish but I think these causes are important and I'm going to continue to fight for them.

  • A feminist's dream date :D lol
    https://youtu.be/F_PTxpIjGXE

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    • Lol omg xD Hahah. Fuck that.

    • @Sex-Kitten I'm surprised a woman found it funny. I was waiting for all the down votes :D

  • Very few average people are really feminists or any other ist that really walks the walk. Much of what you're writing isn't necessarily related to feminism as causally as you're insinuating.

    People are hypocrites because they're jerks. People sleep around for a whole slew of reasons. Tons of people have sibling issues. Etc.

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  • "Look at me! I'm so much better than all those *other* girls!" <--- what you sound like

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    • Agreed. Humans all want the same things, men happened to be the stronger ones so they were in power for awhile, but women would just as happily treat men poorly given the chance. If said person can borrow the protection via titling themselves ''feminist'' and undermining the work of real feminists then that's what they'll do.

    • @e-nigma yep. All humans are terrible. Hopefully some more balanced species will take over for us. We have no idea what we're doing.

    • So much yes to this comment.

      "I'm a feminist, but I'm a GOOD feminist unlike those monkeys".

      LOL

  • I think the answer to this general question is yes and no. Any radical idea that seeks to overthrow an established norm or tradition is by definition an enemy to that norm and many products of it. Civil rights and abolition for blacks/racial minorities stood as the enemy to long standing traditions and ways of living, ways of thinking of people, ways of interacting with people, and the entire foundation of an economy. The right to gay marriage and the general acceptance of homosexuality in an increasingly liberal society is beginning to chip away at the “one male, one female” common understanding of love and relationships, of the face of what families look like. Does the love involved change? No, however what you’re seeing changes and even your ways of thinking about people and gender are undergoing transformation. (Well, not for everyone, obviously.) These calls for reform and transformation are all the enemies of once thriving (and still thriving in some cases, though to a lesser extent) ideas about people and relationships of all kinds. The relationships between the white and black people on the bus, or what a marriage can look like. Now, does “enemy” mean “bad” ? It depends on what side you’re on, and what you want the world to look like.

    The same goes for feminism and romance. Feminism may definitely call on a different idea of romance, if your idea of romance is steeped in old-fashioned, sexist ideas. (I would never call myself a lady in any serious manner, for example.) Now, obviously it depends on how deep your feminism runs. If you’re just happy with a shallower definition of feminism, the norms that are rooted in sexism may not be threatened at all. If you’re like me, however, and you analyze the intersection of racism, sexism, etc. in our cultural psychology and how that relates to our norms, and the ideas of people and relationships that support those norms, then, yeah…old-fashioned, sexist values are in danger.

    But clearly that doesn’t stop you from living your life in a manner that you see fit. Personally, I love romance, or my idea of it. Romance for me is caring for one another, doing "special" things for one another, it’s being incredibly thoughtful and authentic in how you treat your partner. I don’t need a broom in my hand to enjoy or experience romance. If you do, then…I feel bad for you, but it’s also your life. Live it well and be happy, if that’s good enough for you.

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    • I disagree with pretty much everything you've written, which is fine. To each her own. But I want to emphasize that I don't think it's ever "too much" for a woman to act, dress, or live in any way that she pleases, simply because that doesn't fit your idea of respectability or sexist ideas of what women should be. To be quite frank, your piece had nothing to do with romance, in my opinion. Your take reads more like an "in defense of sexist ideas of womanhood and policing women's sexuality" than a take about romance. Romance, in my opinion, is between two people who already care about one another. It really has nothing to do with the guy (in a fucking night club...) who wants to buy you drinks and doesn't notice your pearly whites. I'm sorry, but no. Just no. And other peoples sex lives are none of your business. If other people are fucking without you, this is probably not a story about your issues with "romance." You haven't even gotten to that level yet.

    • I think you're problem is old fashioned ideas of courtship, not really what I understand romance to be.

      But riddle me this. If you're so old fashioned, why the hell are you trying to meet guys in night clubs and then criticizing people (or women, since you seem to criticize "feminist monkeys" in short skirts more than anyone else here) for doing what people are known to do in night clubs. Anyone seriously expecting romance or old fashioned courtship in a nightclub is delusional, I'm sorry. Go out and have fun, but be intelligent about where you are and the people around you. Most guys in a club aren't too interested in your teeth, sorry to tell you. The feminist monkey is at least smart enough to know that. Food for thought.

    • *your

  • Men don't respect women anymore because of feminism? One could argue that many men didn't repect women before feminism. Feminism wouldn't have come around if women were given the same respect a man receives.
    ~Just saying

    The rest of the take is wonderful though! Well done.

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  • Feminism isn't killing off romance, hypocrisy is.

    Also you're clearly frustrated. "the feminist monkeys make sex so easy to acquire that they dont go after the good women who have the old fashioned values until they realise that if the feminist went home with them, they were most likely at the end of a very long string of men and one nighters."

    That phrase in particular irks me a little. There is nothing wrong with having lots of sex. Your "traditional values" don't mean jack. You're just mad that you can't use sex to get guys to do what you want anymore, because it's easier to get.

    Also the "chase" is a bunch of BS mind games, and if you participate in playing hard to get, or "giving hints", then you're clearly not a likeable woman.

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    • That is the one thing I disagree with this myTake on.

      If feminists hate men, then how would they be making sex easy? It's the opposite, they're making sex HARDER. Most feminists I know aren't even ATTRACTED to men in the first place.

  • I can see where your coming from..
    I say instead of being rude to feminist, just be yourself and find a man that is meant for you..
    Forget those feminist who are rude, mean bitches...
    Be who you are and keep your head up...
    Not only that I'm the type of girl that likes a relationship that's very in tuned..
    I believe that both partners should work together in any activity that they can do together like cleaning, cooking, washing clothes etc.

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  • Nice take.

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  • What you're talking about isn't feminism, it's female chauvinism, which is what happens when women lost sight of the true meaning of feminism. Feminism itself hasn't killed romance, but the egos of some women have. It's still quite possible to have a balanced, romantic relationship these days though, just like the way you describe you're approach. My fiance and I treat each other as equals and the romance is certainly not dead. We both do what we can to take care of each other and show each other how much appreciate the other.

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    • Thanks for your comment and well said... I hastily wrote this while annoyed at something someone said to me yesterday and so it isn't written the best way! I think you are totally correct in what you said, I also believe that a couple does much better in life when they work as a team rather than try to dominate the other :)

    • I agree, semantics aside, this was a good take. :)

    • Men are still dominant

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