No ones interested in me vs just the ones I want aren't interested in me

[Anonymous]

There have been plenty times where I'd struggle to find a date or relationship and I'd feel undesirable or some people would be under the impression that no one wants me but the reality is, there were women interested me during that time, I just didn't like them back. I think there's a huge difference between the two and anyone going through it should realize it so it doesn't hurt their self esteem/confidence.

Remember Harold and Kumar Go To White Castle where Harold's main issue was with getting a woman. He said the only girls like I have no interest in me and the only ones who like me, I'm not interested in. While that may be true during a specific period, you shouldn't let it deter you from trying.

Another thing about that is even if the only ones who like you, you aren't interested in then you shouldn't settle. It shows you have little self respect and it doesn't make you happier plus it's unfair to the other person as they may have genuine feelings for you. You should date someone because you like them, not to impress others or just for the sake of having someone.

All I can say is keep your chin up and keep going until you eventually find someone. Not always easy and the time can vary for when it happens but at least you're trying.

[zagor]

This happened to me in the past; there was at least three times when girls I was friends with (I liked their personalities and sense of humor) indicated (sometimes subtly, sometimes not) that they would like to be more than friends. But I just felt no physical attraction (usually due to weight issues - and not minor ones) so kind of pretended to be oblivious. Other times when I have been interested and let on that I was, sometimes they would act shocked; you would have thought I whipped it out and laid it on their desk.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah I've had that too although the girl used misleading photos on their dating profiles where I thought they were cute, somewhat attractive in their photos but then when I met them in person, I'd have no physical attraction at all. Most of the time they'd either be a lot fatter and put on their profile that they're average, "curvy" or even athletic or there was a time where a girl was too short. Usually it's a turnoff for women but this girl was so short that she had to jump 10 times to get on the booth and the high chair at the bar. I also had to bend over to hug her. I'm 6"2. Some of them wanted to keep seeing me and while it's their fault for using misleading pictures, I wasn't gonna insult them for their appearance. It's a tough position to be in and I'm gonna do a take about it.

[zagor]

Yeah I had a date last year from an online site where the girl had obviously had a very flattering professional picture taken, and not recently. Although it wound up being her personality that put me off more than her obviously inaccurate pics.

My friend had a classic incident a few years ago. He had been talking with a girl on business a lot; she worked for the same co. in NYC, he was in SF. They started calling each other personally so he asked her to send a pic. The picture was blurry, and she was standing behind a car.

Needless to say, when they met a few months later when she came west to see some friends, she turned out to be, uh, a whole lot of woman. He stopped things right there.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah there was one girl I dated off pof who used me as a rebound who only had pictures that were 4 years old. She had gained a little bit of weight but wasn't fat/obese but she was insecure and put undisclosed for her body type despite having a few full body pics. She was still very attractive despite the misleading pics.

But the main things that turned me off where how much baggage she had. She's now back with her on and off boyfriend of 6 years and she asked if I could make fun of him for his babydick if we both saw him in public which is weird and childish as fuck. She also sent me nudes to "keep my attention" and also posted some of herself on reddit. She even boasted about her sex life as if I was supposed to be impressed by her acting overly sexual and having slept with a lot if dudes. Not that I'm slut shaming but you don't talk about those kind of things, especially early on. That goes for guys and girls.

[zagor]

"Uh, if we run into my old boyfriend, could you help me make fun of his tiny penis". Yeah, I think that would have run up against my I-don't-date-psycho-women rule.

[myTake Owner]

Lol and I don't usually do things like this but because she fucked me over so much, I used that against her by taking her main picture from her dating profile and made a meme saying you should make fun of my ex for his babydick... which I plan on riding again (they're back together)

[myTake Owner]

[img]https://oi59.tinypic.com/icpd2t.jpg[/img}

[SilenRose]

Thank you! I've always felt that way and I've said that to my friends who try to hook me up with mutual friends. If I ever dated or started a temporary relationship with someone I'm not interested in I am essentially using them and wasting their time.

[myTake Owner]

Exactly, why date someone when you'd rather be with someone else? Having been rebounded, I can tell you it's a very shitty feeling which can put you in the rebounder's shoes after the rebounder leaves.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah and it's not good to be too picky where you go for the best looking ones only but it's also not good to have no standards where you'll go for anyone, especially if you have no physical attraction to them. I mean if you don't even see yourself kissing them let alone sleeping with them then it's pointless. Just like how you wouldn't be a match with someone who's very physically attractive but you have no common interests or your conversation just doesn't flow well. Gotta have a mix of both.

[myTake Owner]

Also, when people try to hook you up with their friends, it almost always never works out. Especially when they force it on you.

[SilenRose]

Yup. So true.

[muspelhem_5]

I agree with your Take.

I used to get involved with women, simply because they were attracted to me, and I was so amazed that anyone could be. But like you said it's really unfair to them, because you can only lie to yourself for so long until you break up with them and hurt them unnecessarily.

I recently rejected a lovely woman I had hooked up with because she wanted more, and although at first I felt terribly guilty and lonely, I now feel like it was the right decision and has left me free to pursue what I want for myself instead of being caught in a forlorn relationship.

[muspelhem_5]

Also, I wish we had WhiteCastle where I live.

[myTake Owner]

Where do you live? White Castle is only good when you're high or drunk by the way lol

and there was one time a girl on okcupid who looked decent in one picture but was terrible at taking pictures, never smiled, looked like a monkey with a mustache forming, asked me If I wanted to get a drink with her literally in her first message. She'd even call me every 5 mins asking where I was and if I didn't respond right away, she'd text/call saying you there. She even asked me if I was looking for a relationship 4-5 times and then I found out she had some disability that affected her voice, she couldn't smile, etc. and she even asked me to meet up, literally 5 nights in a row when I told her I was busy. I never met up with her, but I shouldn't have responded in the first place even though she wanted to fuck. Been there done that and fucking a girl/hooking up with one you have no attraction to is awkward as fuck,

[Creole_Flavor]

Great take! It's all a part of life most people go through this. I'm against giving someone a chance just because they like you and you are lonely or can't seem to get anyone to like you back that you are interested in. That is how people end up in relationships just because someone is interested and the like the idea of just having a boyfriend or girlfriend and its unfair even if something good possibly comes out of it, that's a bad foundation.

[myTake Owner]

Thanks and I agree, it's a waste of time. There have been times where I was in a rough situation where the girl had misleading pics on her dating site and I found her pictures attractive and then when I met then in person they were either a lot fatter (and noticeably, not just a little difference) and one of them was too short (borderline midget) and they wanted to keep seeing me and while I had nothing against their personality, I just had no physical attraction at all and didn't wanna insult them.

[myTake Owner]

I don't understand the point in using misleading pictures, at least if you're wanting to meet someone in person, whether it's a girl being chubby/overweight or a guy being too short. You're not gonna be able to hide it. People will either like what you have or they won't.

[Creole_Flavor]

Same thing happened to me when a guy took pictures at the right angle wearing clothes that made him seem bigger but in person he was really really skinny his facial features even looked entirely different. I'm still trying to figure out how people think doing that works when you plan on meeting the people that you attract and they are ruining it for themselves because you never know who might actually like you for what you really look like.

[myTake Owner]

Exactly plus some people who use misleading pictures victimize themselves, unreasonably, and say their date is shallow for not liking them for what they really are when in actuality the person lured them in on something they aren't or used to be a long time ago.

[myTake Owner]

I mean let's just say a girl is overweight/chubby and admits it and doesn't use any misleading pictures then you can't complain about it when you meet up with them because you knew going in.

[Bluemax]

"... plus it's unfair to the other person as they may have genuine feelings for you."

Profoundly true, and yet so few people seem to recognize this.

[myTake Owner]

I don't think people realize it until they already do it. That's how I felt at least. Or some people feel guilty to admit to the person they're not really into the person because they don't wanna hurt their feelings.

[Bluemax]

Well, it's startling to me the number of times I hear people advise others to start dating someone they are at best lukewarm towards. I've seen it here on GAG. Since the people who are giving the advice should in theory be an uninvolved, disinterested party, you would think that their advice might be more logical. However, it isn't.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, it's just a waste of time to be dating someone when you'd rather date someone else. I mean I don't say that to be arrogant but if you feel no excitement, maybe not overly, when you date someone then you are dating for the wrong reasons.

[aficionado]

Yeah, exactly! It is VERY tough to find someone with whom feelings are mutual.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah and the one time I thought I did, I ended up being used as a rebound.

[aficionado]

I know how it feels. People can go out of their way to appear 'likeable' to someone of the opposite gender they like, and yet the other person may not give a hoot.

[DBsufc15]

I swear most of my friends have found that. On the other hand, I can't for the life of me.

[aficionado]

@DBsufc15
At your age, you still have plenty of time to find someone. It's only when someone enters their late 20s, or early 30s, that reality hits them hard.
And I'm sure most of your friends would have broken up by then with the people they are dating now, which means it was just an illusion anyway.

[myTake Owner]

Yep and I've been on the opposite end of that where someone tries to appear like able to me and may bend over backwards but I could care less. That's what I did when I dated a girl desperately because I wasn't having luck with others or the ones I thought I had a chance with, fell through. Not a good position to be in because as I said the person may develop genuine feelings for you, get attached but you're worried you might come off as a dick, but the more you prolong it, the more attached/interested they get.

[Anonymous]

This is the story of my love life. I'm more traditional & seeking a relationship not casual sex/friends with benefits/etc. so finding guys wanting the same thing has been such a challenge for me. It's partly my fault because I don't go out & socialize like I did when I was in college.

[mattduns]

Still guys out there that want that. I came from a trational upbringing. We just go through phases in life, and the right person will come around.

[Hopefuldreamer8]

Honestly, I am not sure if I have this problem or not. In my experience, I've only met men who haven't been interested in me. If any guy has been interested in me (regardless if I'd be interested back) he hasn't told me. So I usually just believe that men don't like me at all. I am just not attractive, but I know that even people who aren't attractive can get relationships.

[myTake Owner]

That's another thing, some people, from a guys perspective say no one will ever date or even have sex with them and they have this self fulfilling prophecy that brings their confidence down which only makes it worse. It's really a numbers game. Sometimes you gotta go through a lot of rejection to find someone, just like my sales job. It doesn't matter how many people say no, what does matter is the ones who say yes.

[sky_is_the_limit01]

Awesome take! I go through this all the time. But I've been told that I'm too picky. Lol im not just going to date anyone. I'm pretty old school. I want a gentleman that wouldn't mind calling instead of texting. I don't want someone that takes me as a joke. I'm not the smash buddy type. its so hard to actually find that now a days. Still waiting.

[Kalibie]

Get a little older and it'll get better. Trust me many High school kids are still mostly immature and sex crazed lol

[mgbeauty21]

Haha kallibie most real shit i've ever heard...

[Anonymous]

Great take dude!! Liked the Harry and Kumar reference. Lol so true.

Could you pls help me on mine? A conundrum with girls! www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1623417-why-do-i-suddenly-feel-sexual-desire-for-this-friend-why-is-she

[Anonymous]

This is the first take I have ever liked on this site. I see men get blasted on this site for their struggles attracting women and the majority of people on here act like its totally impossible for a person to be fated to be alone for all of their lives.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah, everyone goes through life differently and unless the guy is doing something creepy or perverted to women then it's on him but if he's genuinely interested in a mate and seems to have no luck then you can't fault him for trying.

[DBsufc15]

Well, I have no idea if anyone has ever been interested in me at all. I swear one or two must have purely as a numbers game but who they are I have no idea. They probably didn't though, just me getting my hopes up.

[myTake Owner]

You never know until you try. Have you used dating sites?

[DBsufc15]

No, I'm only 20 and I didn't think people my age used them with the exception of tinder which is just for hook ups.

[myTake Owner]

Not everyone uses tinder for hookups. Some people have met their girlfriend on there.

[DBsufc15]

Yeah my friend was trying to get me to get it but I don't know if I want to. I've heard of a few people using it for meeting their boyfriend/girlfriend but not many.

[Just_Meee]

I agree that there is a huge difference between not being wanted and simply not being wanted by the people you want to want you; unfortunately I do fall into the first category.

[myTake Owner]

No you don't, I'd date you ;)

[cookienick]

Ahaha 😂😂😂😂😂 lamo made my day with Harold and Kumar 😂 Good take :)

[myTake Owner]

But Cindy Kim is kinda cute man, go for it,

[myTake Owner]

Let her touch your penis.

[zombiebabe]

great take lol!!! Harold and kumar lmao

[myTake Owner]

Thanks

[cherry_22]

I have this problem big time, but this really helped!👍

[myTake Owner]

Thanks, glad it did. You know what's funny, the same guy who say you should get with any woman who comes your way or shows interest are the same guys who will put you down if you get with a girl who they don't think is attractive.

[maxattack17]

Exactly tells me and keeping my self confidence up until I find the one.

[myTake Owner]

Right because saying no one likes me and no one ever will is a defeatist attitude and will only make it worse.

[maxattack17]

Absolutely correct! I avoid at all costs having a defeatist attitude. I always do my best with talking to the girl, regardless of the end result.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah because in the end you have nothing to lose.

[myTake Owner]

I have the same mentality with my sales job. Sometimes you gotta go through a lot of rejections to get a few yes's. It just takes will as cliche as that sounds. Only thing that's frustrating is when some people I make a pitch to act interested, tell me to come back repeatedly and then by the 4th or 5th time I come they get angry and say no, and don't come back. It's like when a girl leads you on and you show interest back then all of a sudden they think you're a creep or psycho. It's like if you're not interested fine, then don't waste my time and I can go with people who actually are.

[maxattack17]

I had a sales job as a summer job two years ago and I went through exactly what you said multiple times with clients.

[Anonymous]

For me Asians, African women , thick woman were more interested in me. I like white girls and Spanish woman mostly and Hawaiian woman. However, the types I am not into are the ones that want me but I don't want them.

[myTake Owner]

Yeah I don't have a set type I go for but I've had a lot of black women, albeit fat, into me or I just wasn't attracted to them. I think mixed, half black women are sexy though.

[Opinion Owner]

Me too just not the too white

[PT1911]

Exactly what I needed to read. Thanks man!

[myTake Owner]

Glad I can help.

[Anonymous]

It's true that nobody is interested in me. I'm so ugly that even ugly guys have told me I'm ugly. I don't think I'll ever have a boyfriend. Although I want a boyfriend.

[myTake Owner]

Got a picture?

[Clinkz]

Buy new clothes. Keep good hygiene. Go to the gym. It's very hard to look ugly if you train and take care of yourself.

[Opinion Owner]

My face is ugly though.

[Opinion Owner]

Never mind

[Anonymous]

I bet i don't have a boyfriend cause i have b cups :((((

[ruskodisco]

not true

[Clinkz]

That's definitely not a deal breaker. It would be another story if you are really heavy though.

[myTake Owner]

If that is a dealbreaker then that person isn't worth or and clearly is focused on one thing. On the flip side of that, I love when guys get overly insecure or brag about their dick size like it defines them.