The Friend Zone is as real of a place as Narnia!!!

At least 10 times a day there is a post of 'She Friend Zoned me! What do I do?' It always bugs me because there is no such place.

So what is it? Well, most people think this:The Friend Zone is as real of a place as Narnia!!!

Which I will say is partly true. The concept of a friend zone is actually not a thing for her, it is somewhere you have put yourself.

BUT HOW?!

One of 2 ways:

1) So you met her and she was beautiful, she smiled at you back and you somehow made contact and started talking... You didn't build up the nerve to ask her out and then you missed out. Most men keep on looking for another opportunity but it's never going to happen. She has stopped seeing you as someone she can fall for so she moved on after giving up waiting.

2) You get talking to a girl you like who doesn't like you back, you never had a chance and you were never going to be more than just a friend.

So what can we do to fix it?!

In most cases, not a lot... I'm sorry to tell you that as I know it hurts but its true. For number 1 you have the best case of redemption, I suggest simply backing away and re-approaching. Its kinda like parallel parking in that respect. You screw up, you start again. If she asks you why you have backed away, this is your cue to tell her you like her and make your move.

For Number 2 however I am afraid you are pretty much doomed and for your own health I beg you to tell her you like her and you cannot be friends otherwise you are torturing yourself and probably her too with all the unsaid stuff between you.

Just know that while you think we heartlessly do this to you, we don't. We know fairly soon if we want to go out with a guy on a date or be his friend. I suggest you ask quickly and await a response, the one you get will be your answer. It will either be a yes or a 'sorry I don't like you that way, I hope we can be friends?' which means you will only ever just be that.

Also, in reference to the above I would like to add that as a girl who had a lot of male friends growing up (most were my brother's friends who adopted me when he stopped hanging out with them when he moved away) I never led anyone on. I did know that most of them liked me and it killed me with all the unspoken words as I knew I was hurting them by not being more than friends and I was petrified I would lose them as friends. We don't do it maliciously and we are scared to talk to you in a way which may take the sting out in case it makes you hope for more.

Please excuse this myTake as it is hastily written but I felt it needed saying...


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Either she is interested or she isn't. There's no zone that you put yourself in, and realistically looks and physical traits are 90 percent of it.

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    • But there are ways to make yourself looking interesting again. If its looks, you can always make yourself look better and make yourself a better character and a person. Plenty of girls have given guys a second chance for guys who they saw as initially just friends.

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    • Yesssss đź‘Ť

    • As someone who used to be overweight I can say without a doubt, you can make people who weren't attravted to you attravted, lol but if you have self worth, you won't try...

Most Helpful Girl

  • I've never been able to be friends with someone who was not on the same page as me. It's too awkward. If there's an attraction I either date them or not at all.

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Join the discussion

What Guys Said 41

  • All the friendzone means is ''Your nice but ugly''...

    The friendzone is very real, Its just a place for girls to put guys who they like personality wise (As a friend) but aren't attracted to physically (Because they are ugly).

    So yeah... I'll just leave this picture here for ya...

    cf.chucklesnetwork.agj.co/.../...the-dead-zone.jpg

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    • It isn't though because there was never an option to be more than friends... That's why it's not real. It's a place that has been created to make guys feel better about rejection

    • '' there was never an option to be more than friends''

      You're completely missing the point. The reason why guys call it the Friendzone, Is because they dont want to be friends.
      You say there was never an option too, The thing is, he WANTED to be in a relationship, NOT a friendship, And she didn't like him, So she made him a friend, Even though he didn't want to be a friend. Thus, Friendzoned.
      It works both ways, If a girl likes a guy (Relationship wise), Yet he only sees her and wants her as a friend, Then she just got friendzoned.

    • lol no both got rejected and the one doing the rejecting is trying to be nice by saying they want to be friends. The friend zone by definition is what is in the pic. That's where the term originated, from that film :)

  • People seem to use the " I was friend zoned by___" #excuse way too often for my likings. Ya know as a way to save their face after they've been rejected by ___.

    If they Don't like it, they should quit being friends with them in the 1st place #ProblemSolved .i1127.photobucket.com/.../ezgif.com-add-text.gif

    Nice take

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  • I agree with this 100%! in my opinion there is no such thing as the "friendzone", you are either dateable or undateable

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    • Even friends can become more. The longest lasting and usually the happiest couples are best friends

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    • Sky1017,

      That's true. I have always had a lot of female friends. It can be done, contrary to popular belief.
      But if a girl ever tried this, I blew her off and walked away, head held high. The girls that used
      to gall my ass were the ones who would get back with their old boyfriends. I'd just say to them
      "Fuck you very much", and OUT the door I'd go. Funny thing, invariably they were broken up
      within a short time and some came squirming back. And I pumped and dumped them. I never felt
      bad about this. Or they were some guilty and humiliated that they avoided me. Because what
      predicted would happen usually did. One lesson I wish I'd learned. There's way more women in
      the world and they are like buses. One maybe leaving, but another one is on the way. It's up to
      us men to be at the bus stop.

    • @marinepilot it sounds like you kept your dignity and pride which is what I think is better than whining about being in 'the friendzone' :) x

  • Its true, the "friend zone" is no different then when a guy doesn't want to date a girl because she's not attractive enough or he doesn't want to date her personality, but guys dont call it the "friend zone" there isn't a name for it. And yes the waiting too long part causes it too. But you almost never hear of the attractive guys saying they were friend zoned or are always the "big brother" or friend she wouldn't date. It does happen, but a small percent of the time.

    Its the guys who are usually not attractive enough to date or they have a flaw in their personality thats usually really unnattractive to most women, or their really feminine and end up being another one of her girlfriends, which makes them not dateable. Or they always wait too long. Then they complain that they keep getting friendzoned or theyre always her friend and never boyfriend.

    I dont understand it, if a guy did it to a girl, a guy typically would know why he or his friends did it. But when a girl does it to him, its like "why dont they date me?" "Friendzone..." Etc.

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    • and usually it's not even a big deal. All the guy needs is some fashion advice and to get fit, most guys in theory are not truly 'ugly' just over/under weight or sloppy/low on hygiene.

  • I agree with your conclusions. Once put into that position whatever you wanna call it and however you got there... move along.

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  • This happens. I always said, "I have plenty of friends and I don't need anymore. Call me if you change your mind. Your loss. Have a nice life". Then I walked away and never looked back. Funny thing, most of these girls tried to rekindle the interest. I usually said, "if I'm good enough now , why wasn't I good enough back then? ". And watch them squirm. But it's a fair question.

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  • Couldn't agree more. Nothing could be more insulting for a man than being friendzoned by the woman he likes. But then again, he is not OBLIGED to stay in the friendzone, as much as she is not OBLIGED to date him. It is much better to walk out of the friendzone AND her life, with his head held high. No point in 'pretending' to be friends with a woman who thinks you are not good enough for her to date.

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    • I completely agree! That is always my advice to people on here, its not healthy being in a situation which is full of hope for one person and the other feels bad constantly disappointing them :(

  • THERE IS NO FRIEND ZONE!! A woman either has a romantic or lustful interest in you or she doesn’t. If she doesn’t it’s because she is not physically attracted to you and/or your personality, mannerisms and behaviors are a turn off and not attractive. It’s simply her nice way of sugar coating that she doesn’t like you. Get off the friend zone trip, there is no such thing.

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  • wait, you say it's not real, but basically listed everything a friend zone would be defined as, as a fact of life? I don't get it. Are you saying narnia is real?

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    • Lol no I'm not... I think the friend zone is something men make up to deal better with rejection however get the struggle that men face. It was hastily written while I should have been working sorry

  • Usually if I like a girl and she doesn't see me as an option I just start spending time with other woman. No reason to be her friend yes you can be friendly but don't stick around like an emotional tampon. You'd be amazed how odd girls get when you remove yourself from their equation all of a sudden your no longer around and they start seing you as a option. (Not always but works 60% of the time everytime)

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    • i will try that :D

    • I understand the down vote but I'd rather live a life without a girl than standing on the side lines watching after her and hoping some day she'd want me. I've been there and drew tired of it and started seing other girls spending my time with them and I was surprised how her attitude towards me changed. She was the one calling texting asking what I'm doing if we could hang out.

  • I gotta agree: either you're good enough or you're not. That's really how it goes.

    However I disagree with point 1: If you were good enough for her in the beginning and you guys go through smth together or a situation which makes you closer then it's still on. Even here though it's usually sexual attraction (appearance) that decides this.

    Is this shallow and pathetic? Well let me ask the GUYS a fucking question... you're blaming hot girls for only wanting rich, hot guys but you yourselves run away from girls who are slightly over weight or not a traditional definition of hot. If you are gonna judge on appearance, so can she. Case closed.

    Make your move right away or chill: decision is upto you.

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    • For men appearance means more, than for women, at least thats what they teach.

    • they teach wrong, raw attraction is based on appearance. Now if girls have been conditioned to like high status males that's a whole different topic

  • It exists. Here's why.

    In the girls eyes, he is a friend. Nothing more.
    But in reality he's not here friend. He's a guy pining for her, but will settle for whatever he can get relationship wise.

    Real friendships are when both people ONLY want friendship and nothing more. The moment either one wants more the friendship ceases tp exist.

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  • I have seen people first be friends then decide to date and it doesn't work. They are better as friends than in a relationship. It does happen but its not really a bad thing.

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  • Lol, let me guess once someone points out women are friendzoned too, you will magically soften your position.

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    • naw anyone who wines about the friendzone is a manipulative asshole even if it's a woman :)

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    • Lol yet you have no problem blasting men being in the friendzone, something you have ZERO first hand knowledge of, but that doesn't seem to stop you.

    • Lol friend zone doesn't exist...
      Lots a made up construct by ugly dudes and personality deficient idiots who want to rationalize that they're simply too good for people rather then confront and acknowledge their own issues.

  • Yeah I was reading the comments and you're right times have changed I guess. Friend zone really IS a thing now. It's just what you call it when someone has unrequited feelings and still maintains their relationship with the person they feel for.

    I just cut ties with a girl like you, she had lots of guy friends and I could tell she wasn't feeling it for me. The last straw was that she finally got another boyfriend, at that point I knew it was time to quit it. I've also had female friends before where I got the feeling they liked me but I didn't feel the same, so I began to drop subtle hints I wasn't interested and slowly stopped talking to them.

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    • I just think this whole 'lets all be friends' thing is more damaging than it is healthy... at least back in the day when girls were friends with girls and guys were friends with guys there was no confusion!

      My guy friends I actually dropped. that sounds awful and I dont mean it to but it was healthier for all of us... If I needed anything they would be on my doorstep before I even voiced it aloud and it wasn't healthy... I didn't want anything from them because i didn't want to give them false hope and it got to a stage where just going out on the town they would be hoping was a date when really I was still their friends little sister who he took places so he could keep an eye on her...

      So now I have a mix of friends, my male friends being those I have known my whole life who are like brothers as they have known me since I was born and we catch up and talk about their problems etc.. however I dont make new male friends as I dont see the point in having the drama...

      Thank you xx

  • The thing is though, its hard to find the perfect time to ask a girl out. You tell us to ask her out as soon as possible, but most women won't go out with a complete stranger. But at the same time, if we take too long getting to know her, we lose our chance just like that?

    Honestly, this doesn't make sense to me, because if a girl can move on THAT fast, i find it hard to believe that she was ever really interested in me in the first place.

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    • If a girl likes you she will usually give you some type of sign. The signs are difficult to puck up in but try to be observant of her behavior

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    • @jokery56
      Yes, I'm aware of that. But what's the rush? I don't like going out with people without getting to know them first. But what I'm trying to say, is that if a girl really liked me, she would give me a window of oppurtunity longer than a couple weeks. And she wouldn't move on so quickly and be able to pretend like nothing was ever there.

    • @Frost_Byt3 i agree, all women are different so who knows

  • Only ugly guys get friend zoned

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  • I've been friend-zoned before, just happened recently. It's pretty much like any other situation-are you gonna let her drive? or grab the wheel? In other words, girls change their minds way, way, way too much to ever ASSUME she feels permanent about ANYTHING. So... change her mind. Talk about sex a lot (in a way that gets her interest, this kinda requires you to have good skills) and get the naked pics going back and forth over phone/fb, etc... before long... guess who she's thinking about, guess who she's playfully touching, etc... and play a little hard to get. Having girlfriends while all this is going on is also quite helpful, we're all monkeys-monkey see-monkey do.

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  • Not really a friend zone, simply
    Your a dating option or your not a dating option.
    People remove themselves from being a dating option through their behavior all the time.
    Your never an option if romantic interest is never there to begin with ealso

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  • It is needed, and correct. I've wasted all of high school bouncing between girls who never liked me, and I had no chance with. The friend zone is just a cop out for men's failure to attract women. Thank you for preaching the truth

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What Girls Said 8

  • you really can't get out of the friend zone. at least not with me but it might be possible with other women. if i dont like someone in a romantic way from the start then sadly it will never happen. you can't really "improve" on anything either. i've met lots of guys that were boyfriend material but i just wasn't attracted to them in that way. sometimes the chemistry just isn't there for some people and there isn't anything that you can really do about it. if im not into a guy then im not into him and unfortunate there's nothing that he can do to change that. i dont control my feelings. sometimes girls "friendzone" a guy because we think that he's not into us. its important to tell people how you feel about them. i've met lots of guys that i was really into. we would talk for a while and he would treat me just like a friend so i thought hey he doesn't like me and isn't into me so i ended up getting over him and friendzoning him. later on he would say hey i like you and i was like "oh well sorry but i only like you as a friend". you can't change the way people feel no matter how much you change yourself.

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  • I agree with your take. I don't believe in the friend zone. If someone has that much power to put you in some zone that you are trying to get our of then you need to get our of you feelings. If someone does not want anything to do with you romantically but wants to be friends maybe they just want to be friends its really simple also maybe you don't know if you are interested in a person romantically yet and you become friends to see what you can develop there is nothing wrong with that. If you feel like you are in this imaginary zone only you can free yourself by finding someone that is interested. I honestly don't feel sorry for people who think they have been friend zoned because I feel like people do it to themselves. If you don't show interest in being more than friends we won't assume that you do so sometimes it has a lot to do with your approach. I'm not denying that sometimes you can be led on so that is when you need to use your better judgment. If you are doing things that this person would not do for you then you are being taken advantage of. If you feel like you are in the friend zone, then don't give that person relationship benefits in hopes that you will one day be their lover. Move on to the next one before strong feelings develop for someone that is not interested.

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  • #1 happened to me. I patiently waited for my friend Nick to ask me out but after 2 months of just hanging out, I started dating my ex husband. He was so mad at me & even hated my ex hubs but then they became friends (which seemed like so he could be around me without anyone knowing the difference. After myex & I split up, Nick didn't hang around long. We haven't talked in over ayear whichsucks cause hewas my best friend

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  • Nope, the friend zone definitely exists. It's just when you get rejected but still stay friends. That's all there is to it.

    Sometimes girls like to lead guys on, and that's sometimes called the friend zone as well.

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  • I don't agree that you can't do anything with friendzone...

    romantic relations that blossom from friendship are more reliable...
    guys just lose hope and put the blame on f-zone...

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  • Did you say... NAAAAARNIAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA? <3 <3 <3

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  • The friend zone is real but you can get out of it.

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  • nice mytake

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