Men often comment that they would love it if girls approached them first, but I have found that the very opposite is true. More often than not, a guy is turned off by what he sees as desperation.

Just how does a woman let her crush know she is interested without appearing to be hard up? I developed several ways to let a guy in on my feelings without running him off. How? I simply realized that the human mating dance has been going on for centuries and hasn't really changed all that much. We all have the innate ability to draw the opposite sex to us; we simply have to trust our instincts. Here are a few things we do naturally, but can amp up to signal our pursuit.

Body Language

93 percent of communication is non-verbal, so there is not much one can say without words. Stand close, but be sure not to invade the 20-inch circle that most people call their personal space, as this may make him uncomfortable. Offer your body to him by keeping your arms away from your chest (crossing your arms makes you seem closed), and turning towards him. As you talk, tilt your head and make eye contact often.

Touch him, a light touch on the arm while you two are talking is a great way to let him know you are interested, especially if you do it more than once. Rub his arm with your fingertips, so it seems more like a caress. Touch your face and hair, occasionally pulling your hair close to your mouth to draw attention to your lips/smile. If your hair is short, bring attention to your lips by biting your fingertip or the end of a pen or pencil.

At Work

If you've had your eye on a mega cutie pie at work, there are ways to let him know you are interested without coming off like the office tart. If your guy strolls into the break room while you are having lunch for example, pull out a chair and invite him to sit next to you. This friendly invitation lets him know that you desire his company. If he says yes, ask him if he wants to try something you are having. This gives you an opportunity to feed him in a seductive way if he accepts.

You can also have him touch you in a way that is beyond casual, but not sexual. I knew a guy who had developed a flirtatious friendship with a woman in his office. One day, when they were in the hallway alone she leaned towards him and said, "I just got my hair done, wanna feel?" He said sure, ran his fingers through said friends hair, then promptly thanked her and walked away.

You can do other things as well, like ask him to smell your neck to give an opinion on a new fragrance, or check out your sexy new anklet - these are all opportunities that are ripe for touching, which will let the man know you are open to romance. Also, find opportunities to drop by his office, and he will eventually get that you are making special trips, as one guy did with the woman he eventually married. She worked on an entirely different floor, but was in his office nearly every day bumping into him. He finally asked her out, and they have currently been together for ten years.

At a Club, Bar, or Party

Gogus olculeri

If you see the man you've been after in a club or party, wait till a great sexy song comes on, grab him by the hand and pull him on the dance floor. While it is true a great many girls will dance seductively with someone they have no attraction to, you can reveal your interest via eye contact. This is also the perfect time to get touchy feely and close. When the music ends, give him a lingering smile and walk away. If he isn't handing you his digits by the end of that, he isn't breathing.

Of course, you can also buy the man a drink, (if you are of drinking age of course), as this is the universal sign for men to let a woman know he is interested in her. Men love this actually, and are intrigued by a woman who can show she can bend the rules just a bit, in a courteous, classy and fun manner.

If your object of affection still shows no interest, you can do one of two things:

  • Drop the matter, OR

  • Approach him with something like, "Hey, I think you are a really cool guy, and I was just wondering if you'd like to do something sometime."

He can only say no, and while we don't like rejection, most times, it isn't personal. Case in point, during my hubby's single days, he met a wonderful girl but was taking care of both his parents at the time and was between jobs. Despite his attraction, he didn't pursue a relationship with her.

Developing techniques to gain the opposite sex's attention is not a bad thing. So, if at first you don't succeed, target a brand new hottie and try again! You just might land someone better suited for you in the end.