Often, I see people on this site that simply do not seem to respect the dangers and brutality of dating. This can range from playing games and attempting to emotionally manipulate, people not giving recently dumped people the sympathy they need, and folks who are just down regarding their dating situation being subject to even more harsh criticism and/or floccinaucinihilipilification (I honestly cannot think of a better word here). I have received it myself and I know how it feels, and I also see it with other folks and when I do, that really makes me feel for the person on the receiving end. Let's take a look.
Some people will literally ask how to play games and how they can emotionally manipulate their dating partner or their ex. This is an example because clearly, this person in question does not realize how awful their date or their ex must be feeling or will feel. Dating is a huge emotional risk and I can only imagine how he/she whoever they are must already feel. If they're dating, I can only imagine how he/she may finally hope that they will once and for all evade the brutal and nasty dating world. If they've broken up, I can only imagine how awful the pain of heartache must be on them already the basic level. Already, without any manipulation even. So please, do not play head games. Do not pull on your partner or ex-partner heartstrings, because you may not realize how much you're torturing them. And if you ever experience it yourself, I am sure you will understand the ramifications of this. If anything, you should be at least understanding and perhaps even supporting of your dating partner or ex. But at the minimum, don't hurt them any more. I don't care how awful they were. I honestly believe that no one deserves to feel the pain of heartbreak, yet it's inevitable for almost all of us sadly.
And this is coming from someone who has no dating or relationship experience. I am going to get to this later. Now I know that after hearing this, you all probably don't want to read this anymore, but see, I to my own demise, have spent an extreme amount of time over the past few years investigating these topics and spending time in dating forums. I have had no opportunities to gain experience in this department, and I've tried to be as resourceful as I could so far. I am going to get to this later, but realize that even though I have no practical experience, not by choice, I am very afraid of the ramifications and complications dating is going to bring and how brutal this stuff can be, after all I've heard in the media, on the internet, in real life. And as you read this, you'll understand why.
The other category I want to address is the outsiders who look at people that have been dumped recently and belittle their pain. This I think, is quite heartless and it really pains me when I see someone do this. It's not unheard of for people on the outside to not have enough sympathy for those that are going through a breakup and I really don't understand why. I have never even been in a breakup, and yet I can really picture and imagine the struggles the recently heartbroken must be going through. I mean these poor folks are probably crying their eyes out. I've heard of people throwing up and having all sorts of physiological side-effects just from the severity of heartbreak. That just sounds awful. For many, even other things that they have always loved are not even possible to appreciate anymore. Moreover, especially some of these folks, who if they were already at a loss of dating options and really struggled to finally just attract one person, now have to unfortunately think about the horrible possibility that they I'll never find love again. They're going to have to go back to, again, the brutal and harsh dating scene. And if there's any emotional manipulation going on, that I can imagine is only amplifying the pain. I wouldn't want to be there...so...just as a perspective. And really, it should be of no surprise why many go suicidal. It may seem trivial...uuntil you're the one who gets dumped later on...and again, I am saying this without any relationship experience...and I already respect the danger and threats of breakups and the real problems they can cause. And yet I have seen people, even people who have no experience just like me, ridicule them and say something like, "Get over it already," or, "Stop obsessing over a guy," and while the second one may be sound advicw, they'll say in a criticizing way, and I just feel bad for the person in question. Clearly he or she is already feeling so horrible and then they have to deal with the harshness of others who belittle their pain and such complications. So please, even if you do not yet understand how awful breakups must be, and really even I don't, at least don't prematurely disrespect the potency of this and belittle those who are already in so much pain. You end up almost as bad as their ex who for all we know may even be making matters worse by toying with them. Even if you have been through all the pain and think it's trivial, still. As an example, you may think dropping an ice-cream sucks but not the end of the world and yet a small child may fiercely cry. You're not going to tell that child to shut up and stop crying (maybe cruel parents might), but rather comfort him/her, even though to you as an adult it of course is nothing. Just as a side-note, I really feel for any of you that had parents who abused you for crying. That is just awful and I don't even know what to say about it. Crying? Crying is just emotional expression of a resigned or devastated state, and I hear parents abused their children further after that? That's horrible. But anyway, back to what I was talking about...
The other form of this is when we complain about our dating situation or lack thereof, and/or attempt to find solace by investing ourselves in a hobby, and we get hostile answers and other folks who harshly tell us to get over ourselves. I have been on the receiving end of this for many years so I can really get behind this. They'll tell us that it's our attitude holding us back, but in reality, they often fail to realize that our attitude becomes this way after a series of fail attempts. As an example, I have over the past few years tried to be resourceful as I could, initiating conversations, asking girls out, activating myself, etc. But of course, I also had to deal with familial restraints which also made things a lot harder and still continue to to some degree. I hve watched like a hawk for potentially interested girls, never failing to ask out a romantic interest. And still at 17, I am completely inexperienced. I've been on one date that came from online and that lasted 5-10 minutes of her refusing to come in and sit inside because she was too shy, even with her friends coercing her...never kissed, still a virgin, no romantic/sexual experience at all, aside from a cold 2-minute slow dance on prom. I see other people my age reflecting on their high school peers and they're already analyzing how to better attract the people they want because their past flings and relationships have not been good and I haven't even been able to start playing the game, being unwanted by girls my whole life. And I am sure there are other people lime me, but what hurt even more is when last year after repeatedly being told to stop stressing over it, I attempted to find some solace in a video game, and then I really got criticized again on this other forum for that. I am kind of doing that now with chess, and at least that's somewhat more accepted (it's also in my opinion, better than any video game). But even when we try to do that, we're still criticized, and it's like there's no way to win with this. You stress over the problem (which I still think is stress-worthy) you get sneered at by people telling you that you're worrying over nothing. You keep trying and still get nothing and then you get even more down on yourself. You attempt to find solace in a hobby, you are still looked down upon and as brutal and horrible this dating thing is, the problem is, there's nothing better. Resigning is even worse, because then you have to basically accept being alone forever and that's very difficult to do (almost impossible) naturally with all this romantic/sexual desire. As much as I try to find solace in playing chess, I still go to bed everyday aching for someone to love and love me back. So eventually, we're going to have to address our problems.
And some of us can't even get dates, but even if we do, then we have to deal with the horrible possibility of getting dumped because we were naturally and inevitably too needy/clingy and desperate after all these years of being unwanted which resultd in perprtual desperation no matter what you do and as a result, them seeing "red flag" (which I think is a petty and unjust method that people use to rule out dating prospects) I mean it's not really avoidable, unless one wants to ruin the experience by worrying about how much they emotionally invest (which people shouldn't have to do but unfortunately because of the following, end up doing), or friends/family/others criticizing us for naturally "settling"...and encouraging us to break up and date around, or the other person doing so. American society is so materialistic that we treat relationships the same way.
The other problem is how unnecessarily picky and particular people have become in the dating scene. From what I see here and on other forums, it seems that people will break up over the most trivial of things and there's all these expectations to follow arbitrary and useless dating rules. I just think, for example clinginess/neediness is a subjective trait. And many treat it as an objective thing to measure arbitrarily and will ask questions like if whether they're texting too much or if their boyfriend is too clingy. Like those questions, you shouldn't have to ask. There shouldn't be a right or wrong here. Just what the couple subjectively wants and if there's disagreement, then unfortunately there's not much option other than to break up or compromise, but the point is, people shouldn't have to change who they are at the basic level. Unfortunately, society is encouraging exactly the opposite with such arbitrary dating rules and customs and "red flags" where the slightest deviation, positive or negative, can lead to serious problems and even getting dumped and you being left wondering, "Why?" We're told to not open up or get attached, and things like this, and really it seems silly. Like it's natural to do so when dating someone you like and there have been couples that succeeded who declared exclusivity after just one date. Yet dating rules arbitrarily tell us that this is way too early. All these expectations really turn dating from what should be a naturally enjoyable experience into this horrible and brutal emotional game. To me, it just surprises me how even the average person is able to succeed in dating with all these complications and ramifications.
And yet, people just don't seem to respect the ramifications of all this. They're more than willing to break up with their partner over the most trivial reason imaginable, belittle other people's pain, emotionally manipulate, etc. I personally just wish that society would better respect these complications that can arise and have more sympathy for those suffering from these brutalities and be thankful if they ever do get into a successful relationship because they're very very hard to find, and you do not want to have to go back to the dating game if you can avoid it, because it makes one's life as we saw extremely difficult and imposes a lot of emotional pressure for a very long time.
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