Ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why you're single!

[GingerBear]

The most common question I see on here is 'I'm (insert age) and have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend. Why not?'. Now, I think I have some pretty good insights into this, that I've decided to share.

Please note, these are, of course, based on generalisations. They may not all apply to everyone, but chances are, at least one will.

Ladies first...

Girls, you're too clingy

I get that you want someone to talk to all the time, someone to rely on, who makes you feel safe. That's what we all want, really. But I see so many girls dropping every interest and hobby they have, and expecting their boyfriend to be the same. This isn't healthy, and is going to drive him away, and make you both miserable.

You don't need to text him every hour. You don't need to see him every day (especially early in the relationship; it's different if you live together). Take care of yourself, and keep your own social life going. Be reasonable, and let him have his own, too.

Don't go through his phone or social media. Ever.

Unless he has specifically asked you to check something for him, do not go through his messages. This is something I cannot stress enough. Doing this is probably one of the biggest breaches of privacy and trust there is. It's enough to end a relationship. It doesn't matter if you think he might be cheating or not; if you no longer trust him, you need to talk to him, or end it. Don't be that girl.

Don't expect him to pay for everything

This especially counts if you're a young couple, or if neither of you earn much. Share costs of dates, outings, movies, etc. Split the bill at dinner. Even if he insists on paying, ALWAYS offer. Don't rely on him to pay every time. I've seen girls deliberately leave their wallet at home before going on a date. Just don't.

Accept him for who he is

Don't try to change him. Whether this is about what he likes, his appearance, his hobbies... If you don't like something, either don't get together, or talk to him about it. If anything is going to change, he needs to want it to change. If he doesn't, reassess your situation. Maybe it's not as big of an issue as you thought. Maybe you need to chill out. If not, and he still refuses, well, don't be in a relationship that makes you unhappy.

Don't expect everyone to find you attractive

This is for the single ladies, who are looking for a guy. It especially applies to women who are overweight/obese. I'm sorry to say this, and I wish I didn't have to, but it's true. If you carry too much weight, less people are going to find you attractive. Getting offended by this only makes it worse. If you're happy how you are, that's great. But you can't expect everyone else to like it.

Now, for the gentlemen...

Fellas, don't be such chickens

Commitment is scary. I get it. When your girlfriend approaches you, and wants to talk about your relationship, don't avoid the topic. If you need some time to think, tell her that. If she demands an answer right then and there, she doesn't care about you, only the label. But you do need to give her an answer eventually.
Ask yourself a few things:

• Do you love her? If it's too early to know, do you think you could one day?


• How do you feel when you're with her? Is conversation easy? Or is it strained?


• Can you imagine your life without her around?

It won't take you long to know what you want.

Let her have male friends

Chances are, your girlfriend is going to want/have male friends. If you can't trust her with that, you shouldn't be together. I've seen many a relationship end because a guy has repeatedly accused his girlfriend of sleeping with her friend. If you're uncomfortable, why not meet her friends, and get to know them? I can almost guarantee it'll assauge your fears.

Stand up for yourself

I know this may seem opposite to what I've just said, but I mean it. While sometimes you need to give some slack, if you're upset, angry, or confused, tell her. If there's a problem, you need to talk about it. Otherwise she'll never know, and you'll stay upset.

Be active

This is superficial, I know. But it's true. In general, women are attracted to fit, sporty guys. Not always, but usually. It's not hard, really. Just running for a few miles a few times a week will make a huge difference.

Dress well

This is important, guys. If you wear the same hoodie day after day, if your clothes are stained or ill-fitting, or you simply dress inappropriately (think sweatpants at a smart-casual event), you are going to find yourself single. Take pride in your appearance.

Don't be Captain Sweatpants

And this is for all of you:

Jealousy isn't good, no matter what you think

If you're protective of each other, that's great. But there's a limit. Don't try to make your partner jealous. Just don't. And don't go around assuming that your partner is with someone else whenever you're not together. If you have any concerns, just talk to each other. A relationship based on jealousy is going to fail.

[normalice]

I just wanted to clear something up about commitment: men aren't afraid of commitment - rather they just take it very seriously. If a guy commits to something he is saying "I will always do this thing that I'm committing to, no matter what does or doesn't change, no matter what else I discover I don't know about it now, no matter... what."

but when a girl commits to something, the first thing she tends to do is try to change it. That doesn't register as true commitment to men.

Like, say I'm completely dedicated to my computer, so I'll just switch out the motherboard, memory, graphics card, CPU, case, OS, and hard disks one at a time. So it's basically a completely new computer five years later. In retrospect, it would make no sense to any man to say I was committed to the old one. There was no loyalty driving me accept it as it was. But to a woman, this would make complete sense - all that work put into changing it into what you want, instead of just abandoning it to go out and find what you want directly! What else would you call that other than commitment? Well, men would call it unloyal, at best, and at worst manipulative.

[Anonymous]

Not every person that is single is single because they have issues. That's like saying every person in a relationship has nothing wrong with them. Some people want to take breaks from dating and stay single. You may find this hard to believe but some people who are single actually don't sit around and mope and wonder why they are single! Some people do not define their self worth by their relationship status

[GingerBear]

Alright, seriously, the first sentence in the take was this:
The most common question I see on here is 'I'm (insert age) and have never had a girlfriend/boyfriend. Why not?'.
If you bothered to read before complaining, you'd know what this take was addressing.

[Opinion Owner]

I read the entire take I'm simply stating my opinion. I'm not sure why you think I'm complaining because I'm not.

[atsizat]

I've been single since I was born. It is so nice, isn't it?

[characterdeelaa]

Now that I've finished school and gotten my full time job. Along with guitar lessons, gym, friend outings and further educational training... I don't have time for a relationship...

[heavensgift2girls]

I disagree with two points. The rest I agree with.

Don't go through his phone or social media.
I would personally leave anyone that protected their phones from their partner. That is a huge red flag that they are cheating. The issue of privacy is a crap excuse cheaters use. When I am in a relationship there is nothing on my phone that would make me upset if my girl saw it, and I am a very private person. I don't feel the need to check my girls phone, but if she ever mentioned she had a problem with it, then I would instantly know she was having an affair. Guys are more likely to use their phones to cheat and leave the evidence on there. That is why guys hate girls looking at his phone, more than the other way around.

Let her have male friends
As far as letting her have male friends that depends. There are different types of friendships. Being friends at work or on social media is fine. Hanging out alone in his apartment or going on what is basically a date with her male friends is out of line. Girls are more careful about leaving info about their cheating on their phone, and instead make arrangements to see the guy in person. So this is how women get away with cheating and not getting caught. If she isn't cheating with them yet, then she is interviewing for her man's replacement. Guys shouldn't tolerate that.

People that cheat use the excuse that you are being insecure against you all the time. Part of being secure, is not caving the moment someone calls you insecure. Trust is fine, but too much just proves a person is too dense to see what is clearly going on. Overall though it is a good take.

[Dandeus]

The fact that you have nothing to hide on your phone is not really the point, it's the fact that snooping without permission is an expression of distrust and an invasion of privacy. If you were seeing a girl (and I'm not talking about being married here, just dating for a few months) and you walked into the room to find her looking through your filing cabinet (or wherever you keep personal documents) you'd probably be pretty off-put by that invasion. Phone snooping is no different really.

[heavensgift2girls]

We aren't talking about strangers. We are talking about people in a relationship often including married couples. If you aren't open enough that they can look at your phone, you have no business being in a relationship with that person.

There is also a huge difference between what is most often in a filing cabinet, and the device most commonly used to cheat which is of course the phone. So those two things really aren't that comparable.

[GingerBear]

You missed the point completely. It has nothing to do with whether a guy is 'protecting' his phone from his girlfriend. The point it not to violate his privacy by going through it without permission. I'm highly uncomfortable with anyone going through my messages, not because I'm guilty of anything, but because there are certain things people have told me in confidence, that no one else needs to know.
Summary, it's not about a guy being untrustworthy, it's about a girl being over-suspicious.

As for the second one, it's perfectly reasonable to have platonic male friends. Most of my friends are guys, and it's mostly because the girls I know don't have the same interests as me, and the guys do.
It's ok to be a little concerned about her male friends, but trust her, and don't try to stop her seeing them. They're the sort of things that cause major resentment. Especially if they were friends before you started dating.

[heavensgift2girls]

I didn't miss the point at all. I just don't agree with the point you are trying to make. Most of the time when a guy doesn't want his phone looked at, it is because he is up to no good. While exceptions certainly exist they would be so few and far between that they aren't worth considering.

As for the male friends issue, there must be limits. At some point she could be openly dating the guy, by just claiming they are just friends and that if the guy has an issue then he is being insecure. You can take anything too far. A lot of women try to take advantage of that fact.

Today people act like being insecure in a relationship instantly makes you the bad guy. Which is stupid because everyone has insecurities. It is unreasonable to ask our partners to always put their insecurities aside as oppose to us helping to ease their insecurities at least some of the time. Cheaters however love this culture as they get to place the blame on the person they are betraying for not trusting them.

[GingerBear]

No, see, you're still missing the point. It doesn't matter what the guy feels about his phone. That is not the point. The point is that taking someone's phone to search through without that person knowing is a violation of privacy. End of story. If a guy won't let his girlfriend near his phone, yes, that's suspicious. But the girlfriend taking the phone to snoop through is wrong too.

You're right, anyone can take things too far. But once again, that wasn't the point. The point is that saying your girlfriend can't see her male friends is not on. If she refuses to let you meet them, or hides you, that's a red flag. But she is allowed to have them, and that was the point of that point.

[heavensgift2girls]

Again, I understand the point you are trying to make. "If a guy won't let his girlfriend near his phone, yes, that's suspicious." This is what you said, and the only thing I said that was any different was that I would leave anyone that was acting that suspicious. I didn't say women should snoop, I was saying people shouldn't tolerate someone that acts that suspicious. When they won't let you look at their phone that is a huge red flag that should not be ignored. You said don't do it ever. I am saying they need to get permission to look or end the relationship. Searching without permission isn't even a factor in this.

[Mesonfielde]

I hang out with female friends from time to time and I'm not having sex with them, nor do I intend to. So your second point, I disagree, as all you're doing is being controlling and inhibiting social connections.

The first half, if your partner is obsessively going through all your stuff on your phone, then not only do they not trust you, but they're also crazy. So I also disagree.

Whether they cheat on you or not is irrelevant. Going through your partner's stuff won't fix either. It will just make them want to get the hell out of your cray-cray even faster. People don't cheat without a reason, and adding another reason isn't very smart if you actually would have wanted to retain your relationship.

[heavensgift2girls]

"People don't cheat without a reason". That is not true. People cheat because they want to cheat. Not because their partners gave them a reason to cheat. You need to stop blaming the victim and accept that your partner cheating is entirely your partners fault. If they had a problem with you, then could talk it over, or even leave you without cheating. There is no reason to ever cheat.

If you want to ignore obvious red flags that your partner is cheating, then go ahead. Desiring a relationship where we are open with each other, instead of secretive is not unreasonable. I don't ask anything of my partner that I am unwilling to do myself.

[Mesonfielde]

Cheating just means that the cheater had a physical and/or emotional relationship before their "current" relationship was officially ended.

[heavensgift2girls]

I would hope that everyone here already knows what cheating is.

[Awesome93]

As soon as I read the 1st point, for some reason these came to mind :D
41.media.tumblr.com/.../...g3ryr1spe4pno1_1280.jpg
s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/.../...16a0ea65a6.jpg

https://youtu.be/g2GAPbznwjs

LOL whenever I hear 'clingy girls' my mind immediately flashes 'crazy b*tches' in red neon lights :D
by the way, Love this take. Good job ;)

[TheDevilInside]

Uhhhhhh how someone could think going through the other person's phone is OK, is beyond me. I would be REALLY mad if someone, even someone I trust and love, dares go through my phone without me asking them to.

And I always ins ist on paying for the second date if the guy insisted on paying for the first. I will not take no for an answer. Unless maybe he earns like 10x more than me. In that case I would let him pay most of the time, but I would occasionally still buy him coffee or ice cream or something.

[Myselfplusrespect]

I agree with the friends bit but only the right friends under the right circumstances. Honestly, in my humble opinion, I believe every single person on this planet would cheat on anybody they are with under the perfect circumstances. We all have a different situation of what that would be, but under those perfect circumstances we would all do it. (Again In my opinion)

So yes let them have their friends, just make sure you don't give them the opportunity to provide that perfect situation for your SO. Be vigilant AND trusting.

[Onyx277]

I could agree with the not being clingy and trying to make somebody jealous. As far as the weight thing goes, everybody has their own preferences. I know a ton of overweight girls who have great guys. You just end up attracting guys who like heavier girls instead of the ones that like skinny girls.

[GingerBear]

Which is why I didn't say no one finds heavy girls attractive. I said to be prepared for LESS people to find them attractive, which is statistically true.

[Albinoninja66]

Read before you complain

[fondue]

What if I hate texting a lot and prefer to be left alone for long periods of time and am quite alright with only talking once every week, would prefer to split the bills and don't like him buying me things at all, and I generally just don't care what he does. Why am I still single?
What am i doing wrong?
Am I going to die alone?
WHERE ARE MY 40 CATS AND ROCKING CHAIR?

[jacwat25]

In my opinion as a guy only wanting to talk once a week makes me think you wouldn't like me. That's just me At least check in every day out of respect to the guy you like in your case. I know I'd think you weren't into me if you wanted to tlk once a week! But that's just me.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Standing up for myself is usually what ends relationships - and causes her to go moonbat to get "revenge on me. That's why I'm paying more attention to women my mom approves of, instead of whoever shares a common interest with me or who catches my eye. I seem to fall for future mental patients a lot, and they make for terrible partners.

[QuestionMan]

Great take. I agree with every point.
Even though I don't use social media for the very reason of privacy, I still wouldn't want anyone going through my phone. Clingyness and cheapness on a woman's part are things I cannot tolerate. Accepting me for who I am is the very reason why she should be dating me.
Now for my view on the male part. Telling someone I love them doesn't come easy to me since there are many types of love. When I say "I love that guy" it means I have the highest respect for that person's personality or that person's acting skills (e. g. NPH, John Barrowman, Bill Nye, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Nikola Tesla e. t. c) even if that person is gay it does not mean I like them the way I like women.
The rest I have no problems with. I do need to be more active though.

[Anonymous]

I agree with the whole attraction bit, especially the fat/curvy distinction. If I had a dollar for every time a girl said she was curvy/average and then ended up being fat/obese, I'd be a millionaire. If you are overweight, just be honest. You'll never know who really likes you the way you are.

Plus I think using misleading pictures, for both guys and girls, is a disservice because you can't hide what you have in person and what if the person isn't attracted to you once you meet them? Are you gonna say they're a shallow asshole despite the misleading?

[Anonymous]

This mytake is not my favorite, a lot of people are single because they want to be not because they can't find anyone because they aren't attractive. The curvy vs fat, everyone woman is curvy they all have curves!! Just because they aren't the curves your thinking of doesn't mean they aren't beautiful! That has nothing to do with being single, I know a lot of people that are married or in a relationship with people that have more curves then other women. I find it very rude to tell someone they are fat even if they are, you should help them instead of calling them fat.

[Awesome93]

1. 'Every woman is curvy' not if she's built like sponge bob. That's not called curvy, it's called straight. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, but c'mon, let's call a spade, a spade!
2. And obviously when you were reading the take, you weren't reading. She said 'If you carry too much weight, less people are going to find you attractive', she never said EVERYONE will find you unattractive. Yes some guys still find heavy girls attractive, but let's face it, not as much as a hot fit girl.
3. People are so sensitive nowadays, it's ridiculous! She's not fat shaming, she's just telling the truth. Calling it as it is! Fat people are fat, skinny people are skinny. Whether you use 'fat' or overweight or obese, people will still get offended. You can never win :/

[GingerBear]

Thanks @Awesome93
This is exactly what I was about to say.

[Albinoninja66]

This is the dumbest comment I have ever seen on this website

[atsizat]

That woman is just owerweight, not fat. Fat and overweight are different things. The Word Fat means Obese.

[Mesonfielde]

Overweight people can only help themselves, unfortunately.

[milightman]

So many catch 22s on the guys section. Besides the fashion part, the guy you described are usually in a relationship. Girls complain about a guy you described all the time and are still with him, or will still get with a guy with more than 1 of those qualities. That sounds like a list of things you wish you'd stop coming across in Men

[GingerBear]

It's the same for the girls section... Many of them are things that go wrong early, when you first meet/start seeing someone.

[VictoriousSausage]

Good take, i think it was balanced and you didn't seem to offend anyone, which is good with such a sensitive topic, i think you're right with most of your points, and i agree, talking to each other is the main part of a relationship, both parties have to get involved, thanks for the read!

[tenchu11]

Hey... Hey!! Do not be hating on Captain Sweatpants!
But very true being a chicken sucked when I was younger, never told her how I felt and she actually liked me... because I didn't do anything about it she felt like she didn't have to either and eventually it fizzeled out.

[serp777]

That girl isn't even that fat. I would still sleep with her but mainly because not many girls like me

I mean fat is like 50% on top of that. That is chubby

[Mesonfielde]

She looks fat mostly because it also goes on her face, so she is definitely above her natural weight.

[serp777]

Yeah that's what chubby means though. Fat is when the stomach goes past D boobs. Chubby is a good word for her. Fat is the next level where her abdomen would exceed past her boobs.

[mgbeauty21]

The curvy one is a bit chubby...

[serp777]

She doesn't look chubby at all. She has big tits but that doesn't mean chubby. I mean your definition of skinny must be anorexic

[Unit1]

Outstanding take!

Great job! I agree with all of them EXCEPT dress up for males. The part with the dress I can only agree to half. My opinion: You like swag/style/looks/your favourite outfit? That's fine! Just don't brag about it to other people.
Best thing is: Try not to change your boyfriend. He will change if he want's to. Chances are he won't for years.

(Why I am single: Because I want to.)

[Jxpxtxr]

Tbh I didn't really find this take helpful at all, I'm literally NONE of the things you mention, yet I've never even been asked out! – try again.

[GingerBear]

See, if you actually read it, you'd know it was based on general observations, and wouldn't apply to everyone. I said that at the start.

[Jxpxtxr]

You also say that chances are that at least one of those things will, but well, it didn't for me.

[Albinoninja66]

"If you are none of these then you should be a perfect match for anyone!" Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds?

[Jxpxtxr]

Who said that not being any of those does make me a perfect match for everyone? I think you making assumptions of what I'm thinking is ridiculous, nothing else :) @Albinoninja66

[Scrambledagain]

I posted this. He gets no girls. He fits all your criteria except that he is a bit too nice. I am definitely team "nice guys finish last"

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a21799-seriously-gents-looks-mean-little-compared-to-personality-real-life

[Albinoninja66]

Nice guys don't finish last. It's the belief that they do that causes them to always lose.
Sincerely,
A nice guy

[Scrambledagain]

Nope, I was a nice guy (without defining myself as one) and yeah, lost out in most things, especially love and women. It's only now that when I decide to be more of a prick, that things are starting to look better.
Sincerely
Former nice guy

[when_in_rome]

I prefer a nice guy, if he's got a nice personality and a good sense of humour, I'm a goner.

But in my experience, it's the cocky idiot guys who approach women more..

[Anna_Marie]

I just don't understand, why is being "a nice guy" looked down on so much? Personally, I'd rather be with a nice guy.

[Scrambledagain]

Bwahahahaha... trust me, I was a genuine nice guy that got nowhere with women. Nice guys actually care for you and your feelings, but at the cost of not being exciting or "dangerous" (that what attracts women). The only time I picked up with women was when I thought of myself over anybody I was dating. It's makes so much sense why women are attracted to narcissists. It's like black n white for me.

[jjmarvin]

@anna_marie it isn't really. Nice guy is a compliment. "Nice guy" is an insult by women meant to say that the guy is faking, usually thrown if he's upset or venting about a crush not feeling the same or not noticing him. He'll say "but i think I'm nice, why doesn't she?" At which point others will assume he thinks niceness is like chucky cheese tokens that will entitle him to endless supplies of vagina.

Sometimes it's true, but sometimes not and they're just being mean to a guy who's sad. If anyone says "i used to be a nice guy but now I'm a douche and i gets aaaall da wumminz lel" like this guy, he's a "nice guy"

[Anonymous]

Both genders display all the behaviours you described. Men also need to realise that not everyone woman will find them attractive. Overweight is a bad look on men as well. Maybe even more as they store fat mostly in the stomach area.

[GingerBear]

Of course. I did, however, base it on which gender tends to show them more. Eg, women insist that men will find them attractive despite being overweight, a lot more than men do.

[watcher617x]

i wish it did not take me so long to figure out what you've already written

im sure this will help lots of guys not waste so much time!

[Anonymous]

I agree on everything except the overweight part. I'm overweight by twenty pounds and I had many guys flirt with me, and I even have a boyfriend who loves me. He's even helping me lose that extra twenty pounds. So, that argument is invalid.

But other then that this was pretty good.

[GingerBear]

Thanks for your opinion, but I did say in that point that it doesn't mean no one will like it, and said at the start of my take that it's based on generalisations.

So, sorry, but your opinion doesn't make that point invalid.

[Opinion Owner]

I liked your take though.

[Opinion Owner]

:) I love the downvotes because women are jealous.

[MaybeNah]

Jealous? No.

Realistic? Yes.

[Opinion Owner]

@maybenah Why are you mad? :p I'm not single and I'm "fat". I was just saying that being overweight is not always the issue. Sometimes people are single because they push people away. Or maybe their face isn't attractive. It's not always because they're fat.