People who claim "Personality is everything" are just as shallow as people claiming "Looks are everything"

How many times have you heard someone say "Personality is everything"?. A couple times? A few times? Half a hundred times? I have heard it plenty enough, but when you think about it claiming that personality is everything is actually a very shallow statement to make.

People who claim


Consider that you are a "shallow" person if you judge someone of the opposite gender based purely on looks, because looks are apparently not who a person is. This is a false statement to make though because looks are a large part of a person. When someone says the name of your significant other, I guarentee you picture their physical being in your head to symbolize this person. You dont try to visualize their subconscious, rather you think of their physical body to represent them as a person. Therefore the body becomes the symbol of a person's personality. Even without thinking about it, you are interacting with a persons looks, and all those times when you are not directly interacting with a persons personality, you are interacting with their body. You could be sitting at a table across from them not talking. You are not interacting with their personality, but you are indeed looking up at their body, taking note on their physical quenes, their movements and subconsciously interacting with this persons pheromones. Looks do indeed matter for these reasons, you are always interacting with a persons physical body, even when you aren't interacting with their personality, you are still in contact with their body. The person might not care as much about beauty standards, but they certainly can't just cast aside looks entirely given how important they are. Why should they judge a person purely based on the way they act, and not on how they look when you interact with their body more then their person? Looks are half of a person, ignoring those in favor of the other half seems just as bad as the people who ignore the personality half for the looks.


Personality might be important in how you interact with a person, but you certainly should consider other factors other then how you get along with the person. For instance, you could get along with someone great, but if they are a high school drop out working at McDonalds for their life you are certainly setting yourself up for problems down the road. They say money is by far the biggest reason couples fight, and if you marry someone you get along with great, who has zero hope for the future you will have problems. Even some brothers who are as close as guys can get, fight from time to time, despite getting along great. Similarly even if you meet someone with a killer personality, if they are a deadbeat you will struggle, and it seems unwise to judge entirely based on the way a person acts, when that isn't the whole person.


What even is personality? I have pondered this question for quite some time, is it the way a person acts around the person they are interested in? Or is it the way they think? Is it their intelligence, or their sense of humor? Is it their confidence or character(respect, loyalty, responsibility, etc)? If you ask 100 people, you will get 100 different answers, because I have concluded personality is a made up term used to lump all of these different features of a person together. You can't possibly tell someone "Personality is everything" because that has almost no meaning. Thats the equivelent of a Zoologist saying "I only study bugs", which is extremely vague considering a massive percent of the animal kingdom is "bugs", plus they are missing out on all the other animals in the animal kingdom by just studying bugs. You can't tell someone "I only care about personality" because personality is so many different things. It encompasses all these facets of a person, but even then it isn't a whole person, you are looking "deep into a person" to see these traits, but you are looking past the shallows and not even bothering with them in favor of the deep. Its also just confusing in general to say personality is everything because each person has a different idea of what personality is, and what they are looking for when they say personality is everything.


Each person who says "personality is everything" obviously has a different idea of what personality they are looking for then someone else who says the same thing. But when asked to clarify the meaning of personality they can't describe it well, although they supposedly know what a good personality is when they see it. If you dont know what it is then how on earth can you place all your criteria for a partner on this rather vague word, if you can't describe your most important criteria, then why is it your most important?


One of the big issues people have with those who say "Looks are everything" is that you can't change the way you look, and its unreasonable of someone to judge another based on a factor they can't change. However personality is the exact same way. Ideally when looking for a relationship you want to look for someone with a personality that is compatible with your's, so that you dont change your personality. After all, why should you have to change yourself and how you act for someone else? You shouldn't, but then personality becomes just the same as looks in that you can't change it, and therefore it becomes unfair to judge someone based on traits they can't change. Of course you could change your personality and try to act differently, just like you COULD get plastic surgery to make yourself look better, but plastic surgery usually just looks worse...Therefore would it not be shallow, unfair, and cruel to judge someone entirely based off of a personality they developed from circumstances they mostly could not control(their upbringing, education, parents, etc).

Just a bit of food for thought, personality, whatever it is, seems to be something everyone demands be good, but not many people know what it is, and the definition of personality is so different from person to person that it really doesn't make sense. Its shallow to judge a person entirely based solely off of physical traits they mostly inherited from their parents, but not shallow to judge someone entirely based off of mental traits mostly inherited from their parents. That makes perfect sense...both are traits mostly inherited from parents from circumstances largely out of a persons control, but 1 is considered taboo if you favor, and the other is something everyone requires.


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What Girls Said 8

What Guys Said 20

  • you can change the way you look and you can change the way you behave towards others. Personality IS everything, I've dated women who others have called fat, ugly, etc. But they made me laugh and were sweet.

    I've dated women that after a few weeks those false faces dropped and the crazy one came out, or the argumentative, or the just plain homicidal (being stabbed in your sleep is not fun). Basically if you're relaxed and have a good sense of humor, don't get super offended at everything and can take a joke, we're good.

  • I completely agree with this take. Yes, you are absolutely right. I also believe that looks are important in a relationship. However if a person only wants looks then that is shallow thinking but if a person wants both looks and personality then that's intelligence and logical/rational thinking and that's not wrong. I am not saying that personality is not important at all, but looks are equally important and just because personality comes into the picture, doesn't mean that looks are less important or not important at all.

  • looks are not everything but that is the first thing we notice.

  • You think to much , shallow is looking at the surface only , and yes if a person is dismissed because the exterior is beautiful , that is shallow also

    Going into depth doesn't mean excluding the exterior, but its the first things we see and as a criteria for evaluating the quality of a person, it can be misleading , but it also shows a lack of effort of even caring enough to get to know someone. The person who dismisses the exterior because of believing stereo types that all beautiful people are not worth knowing, at least took enough time to get to know the person.
    Also But shallow , but with a big difference.

  • Here's the kind of people who say personality and confidence is everything.

    1. People who have experienced very little to no rejection and have had some success in the dating game and haven't been rejected to the point where it has started chewing them up and spitting them out.

    2. People who swear that its all about confidence and personality.

    3. People who think you can simply change your looks. Sure you can work out, but that won't CHANGE YOUR FACE. A woman on here earlier said that she wouldn't care if a guy was ripped, if he wasn't attractive IN THE FACE, then its a no go.

    • I say personality and confidence is everything and I have a terrible time in the dating game. I've gotten rejected lots of times. Of course, physical attraction definitely plays a part in whether or not I'd consider the guy boyfriend material, but honestly I fall for personality way harder. All of your points, when it comes to me, are invalid.

    • Sure okay.

  • Money for nothing and your chicks for free. I want my. I want my. I want my MTV

  • Agreed. You can't have someone who's at one extreme while offering nothing of the rest.

    What I mean is, there's no such thing as a perfect girl or guy but when you date someone, the person should at least have a good personality, have some common things, and at least be somewhat attractive. The good personality should be a given.

    If you're dating someone who is very physically attractive but you have nothing in common and nothing to talk about then conversations would be awkward.

    If you date someone who has a lot in common with you but you don't find them remotely attractive then it'd be awkward kissing them let alone having sex with them.

    I don't think it's too much to ask for to wanna date a person who has a good personality, some physical attractiveness, and some common interests.

  • I agree with some elements.

    Ok... "Everything"

    Since when has "____ is everything" been valid?

    Want to get in shape for a Calvin Klein shoot?
    Is diet everything? No - you need to workout and tone up. Is workout everything? No - you need to eat healthy and correctly for your personal goals.

    Why is personality usually claimed to be everything?
    Same reason diet is... because 80%-90% of a great body is diet. You will look more like you want to if you eat healthy only than if you workout only and eat Mcdonalds.

    Personality/goals is let's just say for the example 70% of it, and 30% is looks.

    Everything is tied together. Do you date the tinder profile, or the person in it? When you meet beautiful woman, are you attracted to them all the same way? Probably not.
    Ever met someone who you weren't sexually interested in, but loved their personality and what they stood for - and no matter how much you liked THEM, the looks didn't make up for it.

    Nothing is black and white, everything is a scale, and everyone's scale is different.

    • Exactly my thoughts, she missing the point by saying everything. It never the everything, but deciding factor.

  • Personality people are full of chit. They won't want to who you are if you are ugly as chit.

  • I think that men can wear women clothing makeup and perfume what ever women wear and use if women wear pants and guy's clothing why not men.

  • You are completely right! And everyone loves to jump on the bandwagon and say that personality is all that matters when they know that it's not.

  • Don't judge a person based on single factor.

  • Honestly i think people who claim not to care about looks at all, are liars.

  • This take makes a lot of sense. I have thought about this as well. Personally I think the word shallow is over used. I think the word shallow is mainly used by three groups.

    1. Someone that has different ideas about morality and what to shame anyone that disagrees with them. That means this is very similar to the slut shaming and pervert shaming that people often use.

    2. Someone that lacks the trait you are looking for, and thinks you shouldn't care as much about the traits they don't have, or the traits that they don't care enough about to develop. This is basically just people getting their feelings hurt because you don't want them.

    3. People that are attractive to others, but aren't desired for the reasons they want to be valued for. Such as a woman that is beautiful, but has a boring personality. These people want to blame others for not seeing in them what isn't there.

    Those are the three main groups running around calling other people shallow. The fact is that anything that a person can be attracted to, are the same things that are considered shallow. We really shouldn't try to shame others and make them feel bad just because they aren't dating the people we think they should date.

    Now if someone asks us for advice and we tell them they are getting hurt because they care too much about something like looks or money then that is fine. That is trying to give helpful advice that they need to look more toward compatibly, and our advice was asked, and not forced upon them. It shouldn't however be seen as an opportunity to act like we are more moral than they are because they happen to be attracted to something different than we think they should be attracted to.

  • Good argument here. And i like your ideas.

  • Bugs are actually a distinct order of insect, all of which have two pairs of wings, a rostrum, and an incomplete metamorphosis. You lose, misogynist.

  • Claiming looks is everything is frowned upon for there are people who take offense to that and that is not good for opinion owner's image. To circumvent this problem one must simply claim the opposite. An example: fat people can talk all they want about people who are fit and healthy, but do it the other way around and it becomes offensive as if to exploit one's physique against them. Therefore to claim personality over looks is superficially accepted for there is nobody hurt in that.

    Whether one actually believes it is another matter.

    The following is true 99% of the time, you can see it everywhere:
    People who swing between two extremes are often ignorant and don't have a clue about the topic at hand. 0.99% people shut up when they have nothing meaningful to say and 0.01% of people can justify their claim.

  • Why even change from yourself to somebody else :l?

  • another thing worth noting is that your personality is in a way molded by your appearance.

    Your personality is based on your genetic predispositions and how you were treated by your parents and other children when you were younger.

    It's been shown that parents often pay more attention to attractive children. Also I think most people know that hiw you look influences how other children perceive and treat you. Studies have shown that even newborns respond more positively when looking at an attractive face.

    As far as what people mean when they say they want a good personality is they want someone who makes them happy or offers them something whether it's entertainment, intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, financial stability etc. Point is they want someone who has something to offer them.

    Like when a person says they want a partner who is intelligent, what they are really saying is "I want someone who offers me intellectual stimulation and provides me with entertaining conversations"
    Essentially it's all about what the other person has to offer you. Same with looks, if you want an attractive partner what you really want is someone who is aesthetically pleasing to look at and offers you physical pleasure.

    People are just less offended by being used for their mind than for their body. Even tho they didn't nessesarily earn their mind either. That is influenced by how you were raised and also by genetics just like looks.

  • I totally agree. I'm tired of hearing it, and it is frankly ignorant.

    Both matter.