Why He Won't Commit

From the questions I have answered in recent times, most are from ladies who have to deal with why a guy who will not commit more to a relationship. Most of my answers boil down to one of the following four reasons. In short, guys have little incentive to commit to a lady over the long-term.

1. Sex Has Become Easier to Obtain

Today, ladies have greater control over their bodies and life plan via contraceptives. So it can be concluded that contraceptives have done wonders to improve ladies' quality of life relative to the past. The only unfortunate side-effect is that guys don't value commitment as much as they did in your grandparents' day because as much as one lady is willing to hold out, another one is DTF after a few drinks and some jokes.

Why He Won't Commit

2. Ladies Don't Need a Man's Resources

There's nothing sexier than walking downtown and seeing gorgeous professional ladies in suits and scrubs. These ladies make their own money and determine their own destiny. Therefore, (unless he's oozing money) guys make the logical conclusion that, "she doesn't need my money; she has her own." It's why so many guys refuse to pick up the check on a date and creepers are mostly the only guys waiting buy a girl a drink. Guys think, "she has a job, she can afford it."

3. Ladies' Negative Responses to Domesticity

It's been my experience that ladies are very reluctant to please guys outside of the bedroom because of a fear of being subjugated in a relationship. This is hard to say, but guys still like it when ladies make sandwiches for them, and they still like it when they don't have to pick up after their lady after she walks out the door. The vast majority of the ladies I know cannot cook well (if at all) and live just as dirty as many guys I have encountered, yet refuse to cook or clean because they vehemently oppose being domestic. A lady like the ones described in the previous sentence would be viewed by a guy as (1) being unable to take care of herself (she cannot feed or pick up after herself) and as (2) a liability (now he has to feed and pick up after this her).

4. Divorce Laws

If a guy is dating a lady for an extended period of time, then the lady will inevitably want more commitment in the form of a title, usually as a wife. The lady's desires are reasonable, born out of personal and societal expectations. But a guy will be forever reluctant to submit so much control of his life over to one lady, even if he loves her at the time. He could lose half of his possessions, his children, and decades of his life simply if she changes her mind about how she feels about him. Many men figure its best not to go down that road in the first place or to ride the friends with benefits phase of the relationship until the wheels fall off.

Therefore, if a guy commits to a lady he will (1) forego sexual opportunities for which he may have needed to invest relatively little; (2) he will absorb a disproportionate chunk of the financial strain of the relationship; (3) he will take on domestic roles not only for himself, but for another person as well; and even it all works out, (4) he may lose his things, his children and his sanity over a woman's change of heart. So. . . netflix and chill?


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What Girls Said 23

  • The first reason was pretty much the reason why my ex left me. His head grew too big, he wanted to fit into a crowd and start sleeping around after he lost his virginity to me and I showed him the ropes. He then fucked his best friend and everyone in the vicinity a couple weeks after he left me heart broken. Then he ran back to his favourite ex girlfriend. He then had the audacity to spread a rumour that I had slept with more than 5 guys, but I think he slept with like 5 girls so...

    he's a knob. :)

    • I'm sorry boo boo :-(

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    • Based on the totality of your comments, I sense that someone close to you has been hurt by a crappy guy; no one defends those men in this article. In fact, #1 supports the point you make before your comment's first ellipsis. I am curious to know how this article implies that a woman shouldn't stand up for herself though. Additionally, I am curious to know why it is believed that sex is the only factor that matters for a man to commit; such a belief implies that men only care about sex. Men are much deeper than that regardless of women's assumptions.

    • He is a knob. Same thing happened to me with my first girlfriend. Although she didn't wait to leave me before she started fucking everyone in the vicinity.

  • makes sense... but... guys are only interested in playing the field too? most guys aren't interested in a committed relationship.. but are interested in having fun only

    • It's been my experience that most men just want a stable relationship, whether as a fuck-buddy or a husband. Some, but not a majority of men, feel forced into playing the field because they don't trust women to stay committed to them. . . while others are just bonafide players lol.

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    • I think I am interested in a serious committed relationship... But most girls want to keep things casual...

    • @singlebee ya know you can't generalize it not all gals are into that casual thing... some are looking for real relationship

  • I thought I'd do something fun with this myTake and put everything in reverse. Let me know if you think what you've just said will be the reasons men WILL commit. I'll go title and header, and work my way down:

    Why He'll Commit

    1. Sex Has Become Harder to Obtain -- I may give you this one. If women stopped giving it all away to every guy, and guys did the same, then maybe there would be some virtue in how people viewed intimacy. If we made it hard to obtain, then when getting it, we may find commitment. True?

    2. Ladies Need a Man's Resources -- you said ladies don't need men's money, because she has her own. However, the opposite of this is if she was really needy and had no job, perhaps a guy would feel she depends on him, thus making him commit to her? Would that be true?

    3. Ladies' Positive Responses to Domesticity -- if women just picked things up around the house, cooked, and made better housewives, then this would encourage men to commit? Right now with your logic, if you go back to your second point, the "career women" - you are putting a big load on women. Men would expect that since she's in a career and able to keep up with her spouse on bills that she should also turn around and cook and clean up after her husband who is also working. So who, in the end, is doing more? Once upon a time, men worked and women stayed home. Women knew their "job" was to tend to the house. But now, with double income families, men aren't really being fair to the women anymore. Both the man and woman come home from an equally long day, but he gets to crack open a beer and she has to get in the kitchen and clean everything up afterward? I have to agree with @GirlsLie - people should be willing to HELP each other in the household. Not burden one partner with everything because it was tradition, but enjoy the benefits of her extra paycheque that she brings in that Point#2 had pointed out was nothing was sexier than a career woman walking downtown. Can't have it both ways.

    4. Divorce Laws. Again, I'll give you that but as GirlsLie has also said, nothing is stopping you from drawing up a prenup. Marriage is beneficial for both sides when the relationship is good.

    Don't get me wrong, I liked your Take, and I think some of this is a good eye-opener for some women - but as I noted, there are some things that both men and women need to do to work together to prove to each other as a worthy partner if that's their goal - long term. :)

    • I'm getting tired of agreeing with women about how men also need to improve. My take is like climate change: you can disagree about what's causing it and how to fix it, but you can't deny that it exits. In the same way, we can disagree about what each sex needs to do, but the fact is that men think this way, whether women believe it is justified or not.

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    • Prenups only work before marriage. What I mean by this is whatever you make and own before the marriage you can keep but anything made after you sign a contract is split. Plus it's hard to discuss prenups without your partner thinking your not trusting them.

    • So, you would rather risk losing half your stuff then MAYBE hurtyour girlfriend feelings lmfao, definition of stupidity.

  • You forgot the last reason, he could be gay or transgender.

  • Here's the thing about the domestic thing.

    You say that men don't want to pick up after her. Okay awesome. But then does he expect her to pick up after him? 'Cause that isn't going to fly. It's the undertone that men then EXPECT the woman to do the domestic chores. Why? Because HE doesn't want to. Therefore, the assumption is presented that he feels it is beneath him and therefore must be a woman's chore. Which then leads to the thought that women's work is beneath/less important than a man's.

    Which is not true.

    Now if he picks up after himself and she picks up after herself... awesome. Setting expectations that the other performs the task that's beneath you or not work for your gender... THAT is the mentality that rubs women the wrong way.

    • You'd be surprised how many women have adopted the mentality in the second sentence in your last paragraph. For example, the mentality that I'm supposed to approach, charm, connect, plan dates, escalate the relationship and do all of the domestic tasks leaves many men thinking, "well what do you do?" I agree that both sexes need to pick up after themselves, and while men were the sex that did not want to pick up after themselves in the past, it has become increasingly prevalent that women do not pick up after themselves in today's world. This irony was my point.

    • To be fair, he stated accurately, that guys like it when women cook for them and they don't have to pick up after. Guess what? We don't. Does that mean we don't also like cooking for our women and don't like living in a pig sty of our own making? Of course not. It is because of the inaccurate assumption like the one made here, that because a man likes a woman doing this it MUST also mean "It's the undertone that men then EXPECT the woman to do the domestic chores. Why? Because HE doesn't want to." that women are refusing to learn basic life skills. As the take owner said many of the women he (and many others) know can't cook and don't want to clean because many simply assume that false idea.

      Cooking and cleaning are life skills everyone who has ever been left alone, or lived on their own. The truth is most men enjoy cooking for their woman and really don't want to live in a pig sty of their own making.

  • The truth about some men who can't commit is he is addicted to the "new! feeling, the adreniline pumping, the excitment, the new passion... and it makes them feel all mighty and powerfull... it enlarges their ego and validates their emotions... validate what exacty? when they are idiots who will cheat at every chance they get?, to validate the same thing everyone wants to think, that they are good people perhaps? that they aren't scum even when they are?, and they definitely do it to appease their insecurities... they think they can "fix" them by laying in between a womans legs and live jumping from 1 woman to the next...

    A lot of men like this are highly manipulative and will emotionally and psycologically manipulate you and try to make you question your own sanity to get sex, "It's not what you think, why you being so shy?" "what are you being such a bitch for?", "I thought you were a good person..." "why are you being so difficult? see other women aren't as difficult"-(translation: they want you to act submissive and give them what you want despite your own feelings towards it, just ignore it eh? lol), "It's all your fault...", "You need to change the way you act, it's so negative this way of thinking", they will say all these things to make you think your just having stupid doubts and that what you think is crazy... some men will go as far as to marry you and have children with you... but they aren't really commiting because they have been cheating on you with many other girls the whole time... then eventually they will leave you for a girl who is submssive enough for him, who he can control and give him that ego boost...

    Sex is the number 1 reason why some men can't commit and they want both long term AND that "new" feeling, they are selfish... but they know they can't have both, so some of these types of men DO back off the second they realize things are getitng more serious, they don't want that... they just want it to always be fun and new... so soonas you start to move away from that they don't like it... and then treat you like "used goods" some men are just VERY selfish.

    • This article is generally VERY manipulative... he makes women feel it's their fault that the guy leaves her.. that some how you pushed him away by NOT giving him what he wants and acting submissive, men like this HATE confrontatio with a passion... they hate women who don't give them that ego boost and can stand up to them... they want to be able to get away with it... i've been there with a guy before so i know the type... not very nice men... so remember NON of it is your fault if a guy chooses to be selfish and to not commit and wants both the new feeling AND long term... it's not your fault he chose to cheat just because you weren't appeasing his insecurities and giving him enough of an ego boost... cheating is wrong and they know it... they will say anything to weasle their way out and try to "reason" with you like what you think isn't what it is (again trying to make you qustion your sanity), but you gotta take these type of men by the balls and not give into them...

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    • Absolote tosh and you know it, end of disccusion, i will not have any woman be treated this way or change my moral beliefs for anyone... and nether should women have to as well.

  • you've made good points

    but the process is so much easier. i often find a guy's way of thinking binary:
    step 1) pretty or not
    step 2) dateable or not;
    step 3) marriageable or not

    many things can be forgiven if you're pretty enough. 3 for instance. and sure, sex is cheap but lasting attraction and connection are not. many people spend their lives chasing after that feeling.

    • I think you pretty much nailed it xD I'd add just a couple more items to the list:
      step 4) Crazy or not
      step 5) Clingy or not (independent if you wanna be politically correct)
      step 6) Fair or not (no one likes unfairness in a relationship)

  • I never understood the whole "why buy the cow if you can have the milk for free" mentality (which is based on your first point). If someone wants to commit, then they will look for someone to commit to. Whether that someone has sex with them quickly or not shouldn't matter. If you want a monogamous relationship and you really like that person, then obviously you would have a problem with someone else being with them (either just physically or in an actual relationship). Relationships aren't just based on sex, there's a lot more to relationships than that. But the "why buy the cow if you can have the milk for free" mentality totally disregards all of that and makes relationships 100% sex-based. And we all KNOW that that's not true, otherwise there wouldn't be such a thing as cheating/monogamous relationships/love for your partner. If you have feelings for the so called "cow", then you obviously wouldn't want anyone else milking it. You wouldn't want anyone else to have its milk.

    If someone gets feelings for the person they're having sex with, they will want to commit. Simple as that. And that completely invalidates the "why buy the cow if you can have the milk for free" argument.

    If anything, all this does is weeds out the good guys from the "bad guys". In a scenario where 99% of the women will not have sex until in a committed relationship, a lot of those women would end up being with guys who actually only care about sex, and are only committing because of sex. A relationship like that is doomed to fail, since relationships are about more than sex. Those guys aren't worth being with in a serious relationship anyway.

    • I agree. The idea that a guy won't by the cow if he can get the milk for free indicates a woman has nothing else of value that the man would want. I doubt any woman would want to marry a guy that only valued her for sex anyway.

  • Something I want to add as a woman's perspective on number 3: Ladies' Negative Responses to Domesticity.

    I understand what you are saying, because yes there is a negative response to domesticity. However, it's not always because the woman simply does not want to do things for her guy.

    I've read a lot of advice columns and articles about finding and keeping a man and on finding a guy to marry. As I really do someday want to find a guy to marry. A lot of them discourage women who are not married from 'playing the role of the wifey'. Mainly because they say if a woman is putting herself in that position, the guy is going to lose respect for her.

    So you have to see that this type of advice has been ingrained in a lot of women to believe. So men, is there any truth to that? Do you really lose respect for a woman who will cook and clean for you?

    In my own life, this has definitely been the case. In my current relationship I have been reluctant to cook or clean for my boyfriend because I don't want him to lose respect for me. It sounds silly, but I really am serious about finding someone and I don't want to waste my time. I have no issue helping him out, but I also don't want to be taken advantage of.

    My boyfriend never comes to my house and clean. None of them have, even if I was at their house cooking dinners and cleaning, they never did that for me. Plus I drove them around and paid for stuff. So I think you need to see that side of it as well.

    Women do also get taken advantage of. And it hurts just as bad as when it happens to Men.

    • Men need to cook and clean too. Guys will do what women allow them to do. If a woman does domestic tasks to take care of her man regularly, then the guy won't put in any effort to do those same domestic tasks for her. It's important to expect him to do things for himself, but be able to show him that you're able to take care of him at the same time; a guy likes a girl who can do those domestic tasks well, not often.

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    • You shouldn't go over to his apartment and clean HIS place. That just comes across like you are either desperate to please him, or very controlling and don't approve of how he keeps up his place and need to change that. If you are living together then you can clean or cook something, and your man should appreciate what you do for him. If he doesn't then you are with the wrong guy.

    • I understand it.

  • amen... very true especially number 1

  • People are so bitter on this site lol If you don't like marriage don't get married it's pretty simple. If you want the traditional financially dependant house wife thing I'm sure if you look hard enough you can find that. And there are risks to any relationship even close friendships, it's a fact of life. Either you put yourself out there and deal with the risk factors or you stay alone and you totally get a choice which way you go about things!

    • it's no longer about old rolles, but the fact that males are loosing on all fronts in case of a divorce.

      FURTHERMORE 35% or so of all marriages end in divorce, and 75% of all divorce cases are initiate by WOMEN. So in short, women are the ones leaving, and women take the majority of the benefits.

      and men KNOW this. That's why they refuse to play by those rules.

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    • yep, men have lots of issues too, but I haven't seen a guy write a mytake about that or mention it yet.

    • because they can't own up to their own short comings most men on this site are losers though so what would we expect?

  • This is a really good take. Kind of sucks for women who wait it out; guys tend to go for the Alpha Females who are DTF and save the Betas for marriage later once they've had their fun. And that's unfortunately the pattern many women (including myself) have taken on, & I hate myself for it.

  • Giod take. Its given me a lot to think about.

    • Don't listen to it... it's making you think it's your fault if something happens in a relationship, that you should be submissive, not have any opinions and that in the event he should cheat on you your some how in the wrong and your the reason he left... it's an awful article... can't believe GAG would let this slide...

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    • Yup, you're good lol

    • @emmabee, no he really isn't. And being able to cook and clean isn't submissive, its a life skill.

      @espalore99 You have a good head on your shoulders, and you know what you want. It might not always be smooth sailing, but I believe you will find it.

  • Well, I'm not sure what most women's problem is about things being more traditional but I prefer it to be that way for myself. My boyfriend is pretty sloppy and a tad lazy so his room is always a mess. I don't mind picking up after him because I love him and want him to be in a clean comfortable environment. I just enjoy seeing him happy. When it comes to the sandwich thing, I think it's kind of funny. I like feeding him and whenever he asks me to make him a sandwich there's always this adoring smile I enjoy seeing on his face when I happily say yes. :) I just like caring for him, I think it's the womanly thing to do. He does other things for me like strenuous work, if I don't feel well he'll make sure I'm relaxed and he'll take care of whatever needs to be taken care of. I think women fail to realize it's important to let your man be a man, and I think traditional values make for happier lives, at least for me. :] I think my boyfriend is amazing and special, I know men don't just give their hearts out freely so I know that exposing his heart to me makes him vulnerable. It's my job as his woman to honor, love, support, nurture, and care for my man in anyway needed.

    • Exactly, just because a lady does nice things for her man outside of the bedroom doesn't mean she should be the only one doing those things in the relationship. Many men just don't feel appreciated or needed by their girl when their girl does nothing (or refuses) to try to satisfy him outside of the bedroom. It's clear that you're not one of these women.

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    • For 19 you seem to have a really good head on your shoulders already. You understand there is a difference between a man asking for something and expecting a woman to be submissive. Which I think is a huge part of the problem guys are currently having with modern women.

    • Yeah most definitely! I don't think submissiveness is bad though, I think part of a woman's beauty is being able to submit to her husband. I don't think she's weaker for it, I think it makes her stronger and more humble. When my boyfriend and I marry and have a family he will be the head of the household. Of course he'll consult me about certain things but all in all it's important to let our men lead.

  • "guys still like it when ladies make sandwiches for them, and they still like it when they don't have to pick up after their lady after she walks out the door"


    PEOPLE like it when other people make/do shit for them IRRESPECTIVE of gender. I'm sure if your parent, sibling, friend, etc made you a sandwich, you wouldn't appreciate it any less. People just like it when shit is done for them.

    Guys like it when a woman makes him a sandwich? I sure as hell like it when my man makes me a sandwich too. Why does it have to be assigned to a gender? Why can't the couple do nice things for each other just because?

    I made breakfast on Saturday, my boyfriend made breakfast on Sunday. I did the dishes all week, he did on the second. There's no "role" assignment, just two people who care about each other showing love and consideration.

    People need to stop thinking which genitals determine which acts and instead think "What nice thing can I do for my s/o because I love them?"

    • Exactly, it feels like some people are in such miserable relationships. When you don't enjoy doing nice things for someone you live with or love, then maybe you need to reconsider the relationship.

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    • And let the down votes commence...

      Good response. I preferred my own cooking to my wife's.

    • "guys still like it when ladies make sandwiches for them, and they still like it when they don't have to pick up after their lady after she walks out the door"


      "I sure as hell like it when my man makes me a sandwich too."


      Just because guys like it doesn't mean they refuse to reciprocate. However, as he stated, and this is very true of many women, "The vast majority of the ladies I know cannot cook well (if at all) and live just as dirty as many guys I have encountered, yet refuse to cook or clean because they vehemently oppose being domestic"

      You see the problem is the idea spread that if a woman does any of this, it is somehow "demeaning" because she is doing something nice for her man. There is no more wrong with that than when your man makes you a sandwich.

  • I really like this take. Good job bro 😊. I saw this picture on instagram, I can't find it on safari and I don't know how to tag IG photo here, it came to mind when I read your first point, it says: 'No one wants want everyone has seen! Many females seek validation from others, they thrive on it. They do not care whether their reputation is tarnished, they simply care about the 'likes' and 'praises' / 'good comments' made by others. 'Ass on fleek' 'boobs on fleek' and vajayjay on fleek? Damn this isn't confidence! This is low self esteem. We need to get our brains, values and self-respect on fleek. No man wants a woman that everyone knows what she got. So ladies, know your self worth!'. The fact that women today can do what men can, doesn't mean they HAVE to do them. Life's not a competition between men and women. And there's nothing wrong with old fashion morals and values. Housewives have a VERY important role, in the husbands life but ESPECIALLY on the children. Sadly, not many understand that anymore.

  • This take is hilarious
    Good job 🏆

  • Sure, good points.

    From my experience, it's been much simpler than this. Guys don't commit if you aren't pretty enough to be committed to. They segregate girls into "just fuckable" and "dateable" categories.

    They also tend to have this commitment phobia because many are under the impression that they can sleep around with 1000s of different women in their 20s lmao

    • You will not get an argument from me there. I am very guilty of separating women into "fuckable" and "potential wifey" categories, along with all of my other guy friends. Good points.

    • I think its less about not committing as not seeing a woman as gf/wife material, and not committing for those reasons. Although you are right a lot of guys are commitmentphobes.

  • If sex was SOOO easy to obtain, then all of these whiny guys on GaG wouldn't be complaining so much about how they can't get any or how they're so tired of approaching women. 'It's easier for a woman to get sex from any guy, but not the other way around'... lets not forget that fight.

    • Yeah but women don't want those guys to commit, they want the guys who don't want to commit to commit.

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    • You are talking about a completely different set of guys. Women don't want relationships from the guys that are whining about it. That is why they are whining about it. Women want relationships from more attractive guys. For those guys sex is easy to obtain.

    • Because if they are anything like me they are not trying to get sex, and actually want a relationship. Silly us. It is still easier for women to get sex, it is easier than it was in the past, for men to, but compared to women, they still have it easier.

  • but why should him being committed long term be a prize? I don't want a long term relationship, because I don't want to have kids yet. and I know guys on here hate it when girls who had a lot of sex in their twenties want relationships down the road... but plenty of men are willing to have them anyway. worst case scenario I could have a man whore boyfriend, and so he can't judge me lol.

    • I never understood those guys, like seriously, your not the prince of england, your not gods gift to women. The way i see it, every guy should be taking advatage of girls right now. Im 19 but every time i see a girl who is decent or above and she likes me, i take my chance and bone her lol. Then as soon as someone who is better comes along and shows interest, i jump ship. This is what every guy should be doing. Then when it comes to marrying, pick a girl who is LOYAL, and a lot like you. Never marry for money or because your lonely.

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    • This is the problem with relationships. People want sex so much they can't be committed. They want sex a lot of it with different people. I can see why a guy wouldn't want a girl who's had sex with a lot of guy. They don't want a girls who just sleeps around. But this applies to men as well.
      If people stopped letting their lives revolve around sex maybe relationshiPs wouldn't be so bad any more.

    • @Buttercupbrownie if he's a man-whore how could he complain? I wouldn't look for a virgin guy.

  • More from Girls

What Guys Said 15

  • "It's been my experience that ladies are very reluctant to please guys outside of the bedroom because of a fear of being subjugated in a relationship"

    THIS! LADIES, if you take only one thing away from this take let it be this! I don't just mean being able to cook and clean, which should be life skills but a lot of women refuse to do because they think it makes them "doormats." I mean many don't want to do anything altruistic, because certain people put the idea in their heads that relationships are an epic struggle for power, and the more nice things you do the more power the other person has over you. No wonder why so many relationships fail!

    How many women hear have taken that comment to mean "He wants to subjugate me!" Apply that to pretty much the woman doing anything altruistic and you have what many women have come to view relationships as.

    And yes there are plenty of guys out there with messed up ideas on relationships as well.

  • I have known women to marry men with future plans to divorce later from the get go and take and sue for a mess of money all for the sole purpose of getting money. That's a scary thought cause not only you get played and your feelings hurt... your money gets taken and essentially robbed from you.

    I don't expect a woman to do all the cooking and cleaning, that should be a 50/50 thing between a man and a woman. But, I do feel a woman should respect me when I hold the door for her, act chivalrous, and otherwise do nice things for her. Me spending money on a woman should be seen as a man treating her good and doing a nice thing and making her feel special. ... if it's an expectation then it's not fair.

    I would add that overboard feminism also contributes to men not committing. Many women act like they don't need men in their lives at all other than occasional sex and men aren't appreciated. In fact, to some all women are seen as pigs and that we just want sex. Okay some men are like this but not all by far. Men actually do want to be loved and needed by a woman too. We re human beings too. And some women assume or choose to neglect this area and think guys just want sex and messing around. To men, if a girl just wants sex, she is seen as a whore. For me, I haven't been willing to commit several times cause I felt the girls I were talking to weren't into it as much as they say they were. I didint feel loved really and it was all based on sex. Some guys actually do love the kind, nuturing, loving qualities that a real woman has to offer and I just don't see that in a lot of women these days. And it makes me less willing to commit. And thing is I'm the type of guy who wants to commits and rather have a successful, loving relationship rather than sleeping around and playing the field.

  • Why he won't commit

    With such beauty you possess, chances are you are already taken. How cowardice this may sound, it's likely to be true. Unless we are asking that is.

    Then again... beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

  • He might just not be that into you.

  • My girlfriend was scared of being domestic for a while. I had bad eating habits so she offered to cook for me, and I was very grateful. I made no jokes and I was very happy that she cared enough for me to make me food. Then, one day, I said, "Thanks for the sandwich " and she FLIPPED. She went off on how she doesn't NEED to make me a sandwich and how she won't get back to the kitchen all because I acknowledged that she had cooked. She has gotten better about this, but it was odd.
    Also the marriage thing is spot on. I grew up seeing marriage as a win lose situation. She gets your stuff and you get loneliness. That's the only example I saw of marriage. You are either an unhappy slave or single with nothing. I have grown a slight fear of marriage for that exact reason. It is possible that it will all work out and I won't be miserable, but it's still risky. Less and less men are down to commit because there is nothing to gain and everything to lose most of the time.
    Great take!

  • I am not trying to argue, but I would like to put how I interpret those points, and see what you think.

    1. For the most desirable men this is true. For a woman that is willing to lower her standards, there are plenty of men that would make a commitment just so he has any source of sex. Women just wouldn't be happy with those guys so fight over the few guys that do have plenty of options.

    2. The second point is that if she has no need for him, then there won't be any pride in knowing that you are directly improving her life. Guys need to feel needed, and some women try so hard to prove they are independent that the guy ends up feeling like he isn't important at all. There is a difference between having your own money, and being so bad with men that you never let him feel like a man. Just like most women want her man to make her feel like a woman, men have similar desires.

    3. I think most women aren't going to understand that men don't get the same type of romance they get, which is why guys like the third point you made. A woman cooking for her man, is the closest thing to romance most guys get. Taking care of her man makes the guy feel loved. That doesn't mean she has to cook all the time, but if she NEVER cooks, then she pretty much fails at being romantic to the guy.

    4. While some women might bring up prenups on such that doesn't erase all the memories we have of guys that were devastated by their divorces. Not long ago, prenups weren't even recognized by the courts, so there was nothing to protect the guy from being screwed. Growing up seeing these real life victims of divorce can be pretty traumatic and leave scars that prevent us from being able to trust. Even though the divorce laws are more fair than they use to be, I still know of women that don't know that are try to hurt their man by seeking lifetime alimony for only being married for a couple of years. So there is a large amount of confusion about the laws, as well as the amount of power women think they have while in the relationship. If she thinks she can destroy him in divorce court at any time she wants, then his marriage isn't going to be happy.

    • I don't know why most people go into marriage thinking about divorce. When I get married I plan on staying that forever and if it didn't work out I wouldn't want to make it my life's goal in destroying another person. I think a lot of women can be pretty evil about things like this, it's like they forget that this was someone they used to care about. All the time I say women don't realize they need to allow their men to be men, it is so important. I think men are so wonderful and special, I don't understand how a woman could not want to cater to his needs. My boyfriend means the world to me and I love taking care of him. If I make him food or clean up his dishes he has the most grateful and loving smile on his face. I think the more traditional idea of marriage and relationships is what makes things work, at least for me. If you're focused on making your partner happy you don't have time to focus on making yourself unhappy. Everything you've said was spot on really great explanation :)

    • Yes! Everything about this comment is spot-on. I love how you described #2 and #3 especially; I've been getting plenty of flack for those. Usually people comment by saying, "so a woman should do everything?" or "it's men's fault that they stay with women who won't do those things." The former quote is justified nowhere in the piece, and the latter is true, but doesn't change the fact that those women need to step their game up. I love this comment in so many ways. I will use this to help me defend my arguments going forward if that's cool with you?

    • And I also love your comment because you point out how the piece resonates with guys, which was the whole point of the piece: whether women want to agree or not, this is how guys are thinking. It's like climate change (it's happening whether we want to accept it or not).

  • I think most girls are lazy when it comes to cooking and cleaning

    They had their mom or someone to do it for them their whole lives and once they leave the nest... They have no clue and don't even bother

    I think it's gross and tbh I can't stand messy girls
    If her room looks like a mess I just get turned off

  • Numbers 2 and 3 have nothing to do with it. Number 1 applies only to certain guys, but its true for the ones it applies to. Number 4 would be the biggest reason. The legal system is designed to harvest money from the public, or to prevent the state from having to pay out benefits particularly for children. There are always those cases where men have to pay child support for a kid that isn't theirs. That's just straight bullshit, I have no problem with men taking care of their kids, but our courts shouldn't reward people for lying and cheating. Not only that, but if you run the risk of paying child support, why would you take the risk of having to pay alimony as well? Women can work and can take care of themselves, alimony should then be abolished. The days where women relied on a man for income is long gone. Each individual is responsible for him or herself.

  • Why do people toss the term "lady" around so casually these days? NOT every women is a lady! "Lady" is a special title that a woman has to earn the right to be called, and those women are less than half of the female population!

  • So what do you propose? A return to patriachy? Let these women live their lives and do what they want to do. If you can't handle these ladies then that's your issue.

    • Very good question. I propose that women should take a more aggressive role in approaching men. I will concede that I doubt this come to pass, however, since women will always be approached by men; thus, they don't have an incentive to learn how to approach the men they want. My point is that women have more power today than any other time in the past, so they should use that power in the dating realm to their advantage by actively, instead of passively, selecting mates.

    • I doubt this will come to pass*

  • The fact that only creepy guys buy girls drinks and stuff is spot on, I look for driven career women myself.

  • I've made up my mind, no to ever getting married.

  • Yup men don't want to marry anymore unless we are sure she's the one but you can never really tell. The divorce rate is high and marriage laws do not favor men. Women can get half of everything yet they don't want to work for it. Thanks you Frminism.

  • A female friend ask me one time, "How come I can't find a good man?" I replied her, "Are you a good woman?"
    She was stunned and pondered the question.
    Half a year later, she settled down with a good guy.

    • So using this.

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    • I agree with you. Lots of women play men and sleep around and want a guy who doesn't do any of that. Let's be real here if you ran into a guy like that what are the odds he would want you.
      Same for guys you want a good, down to earth girl, someone who's bad only for you but your a heartbreaker. Why would she want you.

      You attract the type of person you are in most cases.

    • Thankfully that worked! A lot of women, literally without missing a beat will say, "Duh" or something to that effect. Which is part of the problem, those women are so narcissistic they can't even see that they are not a good person.

      @buttercupbrownie excellent point!

  • "There's nothing sexier than walking downtown and seeing gorgeous professional ladies in suits and scrubs"

    Obviously there is, since these women aren't getting married.