Why Self-Proclaimed "Nice Guys/Girls" Are Still Single

So you’re a nice person and you're still single. What gives? You’d do anything to make someone happy, unlike all the asshole/bitchy guys and girls who seem to so easily get dates. Why are you having no luck?


Being Nice Isn’t Good Enough

While being nice is certainly a positive trait, it doesn’t automatically guarantee you to a perfect love life, nor should it; it’s important to offer more things to the table.

Are you boring? Too agreeable? Do you not have a lot of interesting things to say? Are you socially awkward? Very reserved? Are you a pushover?

Look deep inside yourself (figuratively), and try to figure out what’s holding you back so that you can tackle it head on. This is going to take a lot of self-awareness.

Are you unemployed or don’t have a lot going on in your life? Do you spend all day on the computer?

How is your sense of style? Are you in shape?

Are your standards too high? If they are, it's important to adjust your expectations to more a realistic level in order to have dating success.

Why Self-Proclaimed

Strive to be the best version of you that you can be, and dating will be easier.


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What Guys Said 37

  • I'm not a self-proclaimed nice guy but objectively speaking I would consider myself to be 'nice' per se. But the reason I'm single is because of no social interaction, not because I have these stereotypical 'nice-guy' attributes.

    But yeah I agree, most nice-guys think that being nice is enough when they are forgetting that they lack multiple other qualities. But what I find kind of archaic is that women typically don't have the qualities they themselves demand from men - confidence, charisma and etc.

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    • Thanks for your comment. I agree that girls with archaic mindsets like you described are absolutely ridiculous. No one should just mindlessly expect what they can't even dish out, ya know? Sensible women with realistic expectations do exist, though.

    • It's very true what you're saying! A fairly decent looking woman can have the personality of a zombie ans still be widely accepted by the opposite sex!

  • It's probably because most people are nice enough, so it's not really an outstanding trait. It should be expected in the first place.

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  • Amid the straw-man arguments is the truthful admission that the prevailing code of morality, the false morality of altruism, turns women off.

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    • could you explain what you mean by "prevailing code of morality"?

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    • Ah, I see your argument now. Forgive me, I missed your explanation on morality and value. I do agree with your definitions of both, but I find that perception is the guide to morality.
      In feudal Japan, honor was more important than human life itself, and thus, practice of Seppuku arose. It is by no means in the favor of the individual's life to commit ritualistic suicide, and yet, that was moral choice when facing a moment of great dishonor. Any other society at that time period, however, would have seen that morality as bizarre and incorrect, yet it was the way of life within Japan. Such is the way of morality: it is all about perception. Thus, you may say that altruism is morally wrong, but that is merely your own subjective opinion, and it is my own subjective opinion that says that altruism is the pinnacle of morality.

    • @Nice_Guy_Last Again, I am not denying that people disagree about morality. But, the same could be said about any topic.

  • Hahahaha! That comic really tickled me!

    Yeah, I totally agree. Just being "nice" is not enough. You don't just "be nice" and suddenly get a girlfriend/boyfriend to fall out of the sky into your lap, giving you lots of warm hugs... life doesn't work like that. Being nice is good... but it does NOT entitle someone to a relationship.

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  • Are you boring?
    Too agreeable?
    Do you not have a lot of interesting things to say?
    Are you socially awkward?
    Very reserved?
    Are you a pushover?
    Are you unemployed or don’t have a lot going on in your life?
    Do you spend all day on the computer?
    How is your sense of style?
    Are you in shape?
    Are your standards too high? If they are, it's important to adjust your expectations to more a realistic level in order to have dating success.

    I shall answer these questions;
    Am I...
    • Boring?
    Not that I'm aware of.
    • Too agreeable?
    I don't know how a person can be TOO agreeable, but ya. I suppose I would be considered so if someone can be.
    • Lacking interesting things to say?
    Well, that's the opinion of the people I'm talking to. Though like I said, I never seem to bore people.
    • Socially awkward?
    I suppose I am easily paranoid about interrupting people when I want to talk to someone already talking to someone else.
    • Very reserved?
    Yes and no. I'm shy and bad at starting conversations, but when I am talking to someone I'll let them know just about anything they ask about me.
    • A pushover?
    I know I'm no "mr. tough guy", but it's been forever since I felt any "pushy" sort of feel. I've lived a very very casual life these days.
    • Unemployed?
    Yes. I have epilepsy, which can cause seizures unexpectedly and is hurting my memory's capabilities... This is why it's just been impossible, and why I'm getting plans for a brain surgery atm.
    • Lacking much going on in my life?
    As I said, my life has been very casual. Like I said, no job. No friends, to be honest. (shy and bad with names and faces) And no school. (graduated from high school, and no chance for college yet)
    • On the computer all day?
    If you include watching TV and playing video games, than ya. Pretty much.
    • How is my sense of style?
    No real clue. I've never been complimented for it, nor have I been insulted. (except for the typical grade-school insults I had for my glasses. lol)
    • In shape?
    I feel I look average. What about you?
    • Too highly standard?
    Not in the least.

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  • -shakes head- really we're beating this dead horse of a topic to death again?

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  • I'm only polite. Can't expect someone to give you a freebie. I'll be nice to family and friends because I care about them. But some random girl who thinks saying hi means I owe her something, she must be hallucinating. Just because you're nice (saying hello is polite, not nice) to me, doesn't mean I'll be your friend. Guys pass me by and greet me, and we're not friends. Being friendly to me and getting angry when I tell you to go away is akin to saying,"You're a retard and a twat and I'm the only girl that'll ever associate with you." I'm either having a bad day, overstimulated, or just want some silence, is that too much to ask? You'd get upset if I asked you to be my girlfriend and got pissed if you said no. All I ask is the same courtesy. Give me distance, and I'll give you a shot at friendship.

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  • Yes, you make good points.

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  • Being a gentlemen, only works if she is YOUR lady and vice versa. Dont be a prick but dont be a push-over either. Starting to learn that the hard way.

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  • Boom boom Boom, flawless post the way I see it "nice" is a cop out for not actully having anything. I was one of those "push over" nice guys hell I stil am to an extent but now that I have some wit/ spunk pepole (girls also) are noticing me more. And overall its so mich better to have a perosnloty not just sitting in the corner pating yourself on the back.

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    • Thank you, I appreciate your comment! I completely agree.

  • lol that´s litterally the problem with some of those... chubby, unemployed but only likes big boobs perfectly in shape model-girls... so ridiculous.

    but the "girls getting with douches" is a problem too. say the guy i mentioned above and another dude exactly like him except, he´s lying about everything, bragging about himself... guess who gets the girl.

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  • this is really true. we must not forget that most guys who claim they are mr nice guys, God's gift to women, etc. are usually the real creeps. this works both ways of course

    it took me quite a while to figured that out though i admit its been under my nose all along and i'm not gonna lie when i say that visualizing a few of the behaviors of some members (males in paticular) in this site pretty much confirmed this. not gonna say no name either

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  • Don't agree. Being nice is not a plus, it's what has to be in people's minds.
    You don't remember or acknowledge it when someone is nice to you, but you instantly notice if someone's being a jerk. It's human nature. Avoiding bad is more pressing than going for good.

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  • This is so true!

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  • don't be a nice guy, be an alpha male

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  • In my case, choice

    Over relationships

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  • You make an excellent point, but as someone who can relate to some of the issues mentioned: changing is much easier said than done.

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  • Cos we don't flirt, oh a women still go for the bad boy till about 23 when they start realising they want someone to possibly settle down with

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  • Humans attract each other based on primal instincts. Modern society is a fucking illusion and a joke. Humans are still animals in the end.

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What Girls Said 14

  • Good, concise take.

    Should also add, though, that if your "niceness" is a tool that you use to try to get what you want, then you're not really "nice" at all. What I mean is, if you're only nice to people because you want something from them (a date, a relationship, sex, money, etc), then you don't get to consider yourself a nice person...

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    • And, more specifically, if you get upset at people for not giving you what you think you "deserve" because you're so "nice", then you're a fucking ass hole.

    • Good point, I agree.

  • Agree with most of this. I also think we put unrealistic expectations on relationships. No one is ever going to hand us a gift-wrapped box containing an incredibly attractive specimen of the opposite sex who is drawn to us, great in bed, intelligent, wealthy, and compliments our personality. Doesn't work that way. How about if we just go OUT into the world, make our way through life doing things that we love that hopefully also make this world a better place to be, and be content with the relationships we form as we go along? Expecting one person to transform us, complete us, and satisfy us on every level is a pretty tall order.

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  • The difference is self proclaimed "nice guys" or "nice girls" are nice with an expectation that you OWE them something (sex, a relationship etc.). Someone who is truly kind is nice just because that is their personality and they expect nothing n return except general respect. It's a very immature and selfish mindset people like that have.

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  • I am having no luck because I do things backwards

    1-sex
    2-lovers
    3-friends

    besides that i talk about sex a lot which gives off the impression that all i want is sex even though I don't have a high sex drive its lower than normal except when it comes to masturbating I enjoy having sex with myself..

    i have a boyfriend we are going to be together for two years this oct we don't have sex often rare when we do when together we are apart we don't cuddle nor compliment each other so i am single in a relationship

    over all i am a complicated person and that is why i have a non existing love life

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  • Fedora wearing friend zoned bitter men

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    • Literally LOL'd! LOL!

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    • @Minxxie @Princessofpersia On the contrary, I am selfish and proud. I utterly reject altruism. The question is, why (presumably) don't you renounce the false morality of altruism, despite the fact that you reject altruistic men?

    • Lol yeah I'm annoyed with the whole friend zone complaint. Personally I think it's better to still stay friends with someone as opposed to them not liking you when you let them know you like them more than a friend.

  • What if I'm working on my future and career? And by the way, I do really like being single, since being around people for too long makes me feel nervous - not in the nervous-nervous way, but more of a "I need some fresh air and alone time"-kinda way.

    I guess, serious relationships are simply nothing for me.😄

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  • This comic is on point.

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  • I think it's just that when you're busy with your life your not really looking to hook up or find a boyfriend. Things come in their own time, and if they don't that's okay too.

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  • Its not bitchy girls that get dates where I live. Its damsels in distress. But I agree that being nice isn't enough.

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  • couldn't have put it better myself. being nice is not enough

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  • I'm not going to try to impress anyone but myself. If you're not interested? ON TO THE NEXT ONE!

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  • I'm single because I've just not clicked with someone that way yet. I strive to be kind to people and look out for them but I don't csll myself a nice girl apart from in jest.

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  • Being nice goes for a lot more than half those other things you listed anyway. What's anything without kindness?

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  • I consider myself to be nice and I'm single but that doesn't mean that all single and nice person sits on their ass all day and wonder "why me?"

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    • I think the whole nice but is irrelevant, in my case at least. My issue is I'd have dates with girls that I'd see as relationship material and we'd hit it off on a date or two then I'd never hear back from them after. It's like I don't know if I did too much or too little and it's hard to find what the problem is when you don't see one. Being nice doesn't have anything to do with it.

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