All you need to know about texting a guy you like and where you are going wrong

So I have just recently started getting back out into the dating world after a year break from my sort-of relationship ended. Now I've never been one to be good at dating, I was always sh
y at school and held myself back because of that, however after leaving school four years ago I have learnt to love myself and grow my confidence. So it's hard to believe that after 2 dates with a truly nice guy, who I genuinely like I found myself questioning myself, was I good enough for him? Smart enough? Pretty enough? Did he like me?

It was constant questions that were swirling around in my head, I began to doubt myself for the first time in a long time and it scared me so being me I did some research on guys and dating! It had been nearly three years since I had really dated a guy and I was like a fish in open water. Well riffiling through google and a whole load of crappy girly magazine blogs I felt disgraced to be a girl. So I'm here to give some dating advice of my own.

First of all I really wanted to address the whole "texting" rules when it comes to dating and relationships as I really believe what these sites are feeding us are a lot of bull. Now when you get to my age which is your early 20's your life, believe it or not becomes very busy. I work Monday - Friday as well as attend a part time university, as well as trying to juggle my friendships, family and now dating its very hard to keep up with texting someone 24/7. So when I saw that on a magazine like cosmo or some stupid shit like that, that if a guy doesn't text you constantly, guess what? .... he's just not that into you. At first I panicked, I'm not going to lie the little voice in my head was screaming 'he doesn't like me' then I sat back and thought about my actions. Did I contact him all the time? - No. Did I respond to his messages as soon as they came through? - No. Was i interested in him? - Yes. So why was I expecting a guy to do these things?

I think us girls need to understand that in this day and age people are busy, we do not need to be in constant contact with someone for them to like us. A little space creates mystery, suspense and shows that you are not needy. So these are my tips for texting while dating.

1) Firstly you must remember just because he hasn't messaged you back after an hour, two or even three that he isn't interested.

Believe it or not he maybe busy, working, playing football or heck maybe he's engrossed in a tv series and isn't up too having a full blown conversation with you at that moment in time. So when he messages you, if your busy - stay BUSY! Don't just drop everything to respond, make him wait and let him know you have your own life and that he isn't the centre of your world. For example if a message comes in from the guy I like and my phones in my hand and I'm not doing much then yes I will reply (I'm not saying make him wait on purpose, don't be the girl to play games). However on the other hand, when he messages me and I'm busy like now for example; He sent a message about 10 minutes ago while I was writing this, but I have not replied yet because guess what? I'm busy. So whenever your worrying about a guys response don't freak out thinking, Oh my god he doesn't like me, he's lost interest, how do I get him to message me back? Which brings me to number 2.

2) I beg you please do not double text for attention!

Now there is a few exceptions to this concept, if your talking and your forgot to mention someting and then add it in afterwards, that is perfectly acceptable. Double texting because he hasn't replied to your message in a timely manner or at all. I want you to imagine this scenario: your doing something you love, be it shopping, dancing, getting ready, now at this moment in time you do not have your phone in your hand or heck maybe it even died or had no signal. Now when you go to look at it you have 50 thousand fucking texts from a guy you liked .... well thought you liked. That go something like this: Where are you? Why aren't you answering me? Do you even like me? Oh my god your just going to ignore me? Your such a bitch and screw you. Now how many girls can hold there hands up to doing this? Because I know I can. Now can you understand a guys confusing and discomfort after recieving these from coming back from doing something he loves? He's all happy then BAM a smack in the face. Girls just don't do it, control yourself and hold back, he will get to you when he has a moment and if he doesn't then he's not worth it. (Please bare in mind if your last text was nothing for him to reply too, he gets a free pass)

3) Now I want to talk about conversation starters over text because girls everywhere are doing it all wrong!

Now how many of you would simply start a conversation starter which simply states "Hey how are you? How's work been today?" Now why this is sweet and caring, guess what? About nearly every girl is using this line which in fact now becomes very boring and repetitive. Try to start a conversation by saying something funny, bring a inside joke up or heck in this day and age a funny picture that reminded you of him. It will capture his interest sooooo much more and it'll make him think, hey this girl is actually alright. Because guess what you made him laugh and smile, you came across as confident and different and it won't go unmissed. Here's an example of a message I sent the guy I liked the other day "Oi old man how was your day? You feeling better today or want me to go ahead and order your coffin now?" Now this text was personal, funny and still asked the questions for him to reply too. It also shows your confident to show your true personality and guess what girls if he doesn't like what he sees nows the time for him to walk.

4) Girls do compliment your guys, make him feel appreciated and value him as a person.

He isn't there to make you feel better about yourself, because if that is the case then you need to learn to love yourself first. Now that doesn't mean he can't compliment you and make you feel good about yourself, just dont expect it or his validation. You are your own person and no matter how much you like him don't loose yourself trying to be someone your not. I'm a very straight forward person so when I like something he does - i tell him. If I like what I see, guess what? I tell him. I compliment him because they are genuine and he also needs to know you like what you see and like what he does.

5) Let him have his space.

It's as simple as that, guys pull away and sometimes it has nothing to do with you, he could be tired, stressed or just be plain busy. Instead of constantly nagging him for a conversation give him break, end the conversation and tell him you will speak to him later. Trust me he will love you for it. Go and have a break from yourself, enjoy some down time and leave him to deal with his own feelings. The more you chase him when he needs space will push him further away. There was one thing I read that I agreed with which was that when guys first start talking to a girl he will at some point pull away when he knows you like him, this is because he's scared - scared to loose his freedom, so of course when you don't give him that space and freedom his worst fears are confirmed. Cool it girls and learn to be independent! You don't need his constant contact to live.

6) Last but not least enjoy it!

Don't overthink it as hard as it might be, just act as if your casual friends and be yourself! Don't be afraid to ask him out or talk to him first! Have you ever realised that your guy friends you friendzoned always end up liking you, but the guys you actually do .... well just dont? That's because your not thinking about if he likes you back, your not seeking his approval, over thinking his texts and trying to decipher his messages - your being your confident self.

So girls I hope this helps! And guys I would love to know your opinion if you feel this is true. P.s if a guy blows you off on every occasion, is rude, disrespectful or ever makes you feel any less then he is, get your sexy ass up and walk out that door and leave. He is not worth your time, energy or effort! Oh and do not ever chase a man more then he chases you, I believe it should be equalled out.

Have a great day and remeber stay calm.


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What Guys Said 14

  • Any chance you can write a take about texting women?

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  • The number one thing women do when texting a guy they like is texting him to say they like him. Don't text us, talk to us.

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  • this is stupid how about this rule: if you like some one you talk to them and if you dont you tell them and carry on with your like.
    jeez you people are stupid.

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  • I actually agree with your take.

    It doesn't only partly work for texting guys but also for the other way around, giving him/her space, not texting when busy. Overall not texting m

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    • Uch and just telling what you think is nessesary to show interest is best. I rather have dates aka hang out cause when texting most of the time people get bored of each other

    • I couldn't agree more! Hanging out is so much better and texting all the time can become boring and repetitive

    • Yeah I could consider myself pretty awesome if I don't text much, phone also sucks dick. Being glued to that

  • And FFS if you read message then reply "Busy" when you can't reply immediately. With guys, I never have this problem. If they see message & can't reply they reply "Later/busy/TTYL" or something like that.
    Also, don't throw tantrums when a guy says "Busy, talk to you later." You're not always first priority. There are other people in world too. This happens frequently with my female friends. "You ignored me for 30 minutes. You were online. 'Busy' doesn't mean anything. You can't escape like that." - When I mentioned it was important, she says "Is that more important than your friend?" FUCK YEAH IT WAS MORE IMPORTANT! DUH! Please don't throw tantrums like the way this girl did ☺️

    Great take! I strongly agree with #3.

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    • I agree strongly, I think to many people believe that when you start talking to someone or dating that they forget about the rest of their lives and they become so fixated on this person, they tend to forget their passions, hobbies, friends etc. Go out and live your life as you normally would, my favourite saying is fit the person around your life and not fit your life around that person!

    • True. People in relationship take texting too seriously then they should. Trying to find hidden meanings & read between the lines.

      "fit the person around your life and not fit your life around that person!"

      Very true. I tried to fit my life around one person and I ended up in misery.

  • #3 I couldn't agree with it more tbh girls texts are usually generic and consist of some form of "hi" maybe because they are too shy to say something witty. But really good take!!!
    πŸ‘πŸ‘

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  • i honestly can't believe girls put this much effort into guys they care about!

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  • I hate when a girl wants a serious relationship when I just wanted a quick one

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    • You want a quicky? Go get one from a hooker. Trust me, it'll be so quick! They won't even expect you to remember their name.

    • Just be upfront about it. Some girls are looking for the same

  • I was really hoping this was going to lead to how texting overall is just stupid and it's better to talk over the phone or talk in person.

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    • Scientifically, texting is by it's own nature, the worst and sometimes the rudest way to communicate. Or should I say miscommunicate.

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    • Oh I totally agree don't get me wrong I believe seeing someone is soooo much better then texting someone, me and the guy I'm dating try and see each other twice a week... this week not so much as we've both been busy. However this article was just based on texting as it's a major part of dating now and I see so much bad advice on it that I had to give my own perspective.

    • Good job! Nice take! :-)

  • The thing some women REALLY don't do enough is compliment their guys. I can count on my fingers how many times my girl has complimented me over the past 6 months. However, I've complimented her numerous times. Sometimes she's good about it and will say thanks, but other times she doesn't even respond to to compliment and will just talk snot something else.

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    • Do guys really like being complimented that much? I barely say anything because I thought they wouldn't even say anything about it

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    • @BeautifulMind59 You make a decent point, but one thing that actually keeps a guy's confidence up is when his girl gives him ego-boosts. I think most guys can agree with me if I said a lot of guys would have their confidence start to dwindle if their girl didn't compliment them or talk to them as much, it would make them feel like they aren't good enough. And yeah, I think it's a little wrong to say girls "need" compliments to keep going, but in my experience there is truth to that.

    • I strongly agree!

  • Hey! this is really good! i think it works as dealing with women too!

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  • Great take - I thought it made some good points about how girls can improve their texting skills for us guys. At least it wasn't another "everything is the guy's fault/responsibility!!" take, because those kinds of takes seem to be popular on this site. Maybe you can make for one guys next if you haven't already.

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    • Hi Thanks for the comment, it's nice to know guys agree too. I also agree that guys are made out to be pigs most of the time for stuff they most probably don't even know they're doing. I'm in the process of making one as we speak, have been a bit tied up this week to get something published but there will be one shortly.

  • As i was reading this i was like is a woman giving her interpretation of what not to do when texting and then inferring this is what guys want. Looked up at top and realize it was a female author.

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  • How about the text disguised to make it look like you are texting someone else also.. a ploy to make him jealous.

    My last girlfriend would text me things like "is Jim going to be there?" and I don't know any Jim... lol

    That shit backfired on her... now we don't text at all if you know what I mean

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What Girls Said 14

  • Thank you girly ^^
    Nice take! (:

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  • Yup! Now that's what texting is about! Great take, gurl!

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  • In my opinion if someone cares enough about you, they would text you back as soon as they can. And I don't know what the actual stat is but I'm pretty sure most people check their phone at least once every 2-3 hours or so. So if they've read your text and haven't replied in that amount of time, to me that means they're not interested OR have nothing to say to you at the moment. Like if your text to them was a "alright :)", then don't expect a text back. But if it was like a "how are you?" and they haven't replied in 3 hours, I'd take that as a they're not interested.

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  • OMG!!!
    this is so helpful.
    i was constantly kept making these stupid mistakes.
    thanks
    xx

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  • Wow... I've manage to make every little mistake that you brought up. Getting paranoid if he dosent text back directly, double text him the entire time. Im so cringeworthy its ridicilous. But thank you so mutch for a very good take. It was very help. Im definatly going to make sure i compliment him more. Could you perhaps make a take on giving compliments or do you have any advice right here to give me?

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    • I think every girl has made one or maybe all of these mistakes in the past, I know I can hold up my hand and say that I have. So there's no need to worry or feel alone it's what you do in the future that matters. With compliments I would just say if it's something you genuinely think then say it. For example some of the compliments I've given my guy is: He smells nice, I like that shirt/colour on him, that he's a nice guy and that he's a very hard worker, one of the more embarrassing ones I didn't mean to say out loud was about the size of his - you know what - which he now uses as a personal joke. Why complimenting his appearance is great don't forget about his personality and how he makes you feel, don't forget to tell him that your happy in that moment. While in bed cuddling with the guy I'm dating the other night I told him that this was nice, because it was. Don't let him feel unappreciated and don't overdo the compliments just let them come out naturally. Hope this helps!

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    • I was busy this weekend but he was free, so it didn't work. Next weekend im free but he isn't. But we are most likely neeting up the 26-27 of September cause ges visiting his friends who lives in my hometown :)

    • There you go then! Meet him and see how it goes! Seems like things are going good so far!!

  • I needed this :D

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  • Fuck this! I'm done texting his ole stupid ass! I've tried so many ways and getting nowhere!

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    • because guys care very little about texting, and no matter what you in texts it will get you nowhere unless you can back it up with real life actions!

    • Like how?

    • Maybe you should just step back and see if he pursues you. It sounds like at the moment your doing all the chasing and what I tend to do when a guy acts this way is to pull back and see if he comes to me, if he does great! If not then move on he's not worth the time and effort!

  • It is not normal to worry the person you are interested in will obstruct your freedom. If a person is worried about this they are not interested in or not ready for a relationship. And for them to assume this of a prison they supposedly like shows complete disrespect. Relationships are something you create with someone else, not something that someone else does to you.

    It's a really bad sign if someone sees you as an oppressive force in there life before having and evidence of that. This is not a guy thing it's a "person who underestimated other people and thinks their time is more important than anyone eless "thing.. Thinking its normal for guys to randomly pull away and it is a woman's place to sit passively in relation to him to the relationship ( I know orople say she should go do something else but that's a passive position in the actual relationship.)

    I think blindly waiting for him to return is how women end up getting mixed up with guys who don't actually want relationships. If someone blows you off when you're just in the beginning stated , you should walk away.

    The problem with giving advice based on assumptions is it becomes difficult to decipher what you mean. I think it's also so obvious that everyone needs since to do their in thing that warning orople about this makes it appear as a complicated suggestion.

    If someone already understands their space is important to them and based on this infers others space is probably important to them , and they don't nag on principal, How would they interpret you telling them to back off and stop nagging when he pulls away?

    And why assume a woman getting to know a guy is nagging?

    Do you think only women nag or do you notice guys nagging? Nagging as in repeatedly pestering someone about something. Not as in communicating.

    And do you think guys should back off when women oull away?

    And how long do you think pulling away is acceptable for?

    Do you think it should be communicated first or it's ok to just take off?

    And personally if you think about it seriously do you really think women want freedom shy less than men? I'm not referring to what you think you see them putting up with. I'm talking about raw human desire... Freedom is the primary drive for humans as far as I know. It is what lifts is up from being spaces.

    Anyhow promoting the idea that women nag and don't understand space and don't deserve respect , is exactly what Cosmo doez.

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    • Why I appreciate your opinion I didn't mean in the manner or nagging him. I believe everyone needs a break in life, I do it every now and then for instance when the new series of orange is the new black came out I sat and binged on the whole series on 2 days not messaging hardly anyone or using any social media, not because I wasn't interested or liked who was texting but because I needed some ME time and it was nice to take a break from everyone and everything. It's a healthy thing to do and I believe if you can take time out and just be by yourself it's one of the most empowering things you'll do for yourself and your independence.

      I'm not saying guys should pull away for a week or two at a time, if so that's not space thats uncertainty and you might as well walk away. No what I am getting across is that if a guy doesn't message you for one or two days let him be and go about your own life enjoy the time you have to yourself. This doesn't mean a man is disrespecting you at all.

    • If a girl feels that she can't deal with the guy that needs some time to himself then maybe it's best to walk away. Everyone is different for example, my friend is someone who needs to be in constant contact with someone, she will always have her phone in her hand and can not go more then an hour without messaging someone. Where as me I can go a whole weekend without having to be on my phone and just enjoying my own company. Doesn't mean I disrespect anyone or I'm not interested.

      And I believe it applies for guys too, it's nice to take a break from technology and enjoy life as it is wether he's away for the weekend with the guys, is caught up playing football or just needs some chill time after a hard stressful day at work. If I was to abide by what you was saying my relationship with this guy wouldn't be progressing as it is, because I would have walked away from a potentially good thing because he needed some HIM time.

  • GIRL!!! I needed this so bad, like literally reading this was so on time thank you and can't wait for more :)

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  • really nice and thorough take! you wrote this very well! I <3 it.

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  • I want toii ask now how to approach in this case. I like a guy who I met 5 mos ago I dont know or never knew if he liked me. We got together once, we made out and things seem fine, we talked for hours that day. Usually my way of communicating with him so I dotn sound clingy and give him his own space was text him once each week. So far so good. We even made plans to go out again. But all of a sudden he went to a trip and stop texting me and I dont know why. He never told me he was going anyway. I found it from other sources. But maybe he did not wwant to share that with other people so I understand if tha was the case. Durig the trip I texted him like I usually did once a week, but I texted him pretending I thought he was in teh country but he stop responding. and out of the blue and unexpected he texted me while he was on the trip and told me "Whatever we have or it was is not going to work, Im sorry. I hope you are ok". He did not explain that phrase to me or why he sent it he just did and period from his trip, it could be he met another lady but it could be other reason too. I mean is not tha we were a couple we werejust getting to know each other slowly I thought. So it has been 2 mos. i stop texting him at all but he also do not text me as well. But I want like to resume texting him again but this time like starting from the beginning. like we are just meeting for the first time and I dont want to sound clingy but casual text How can I approach him in this case? What to say to sound casual and that im not pursuing him and he does not think im craving for his attention. Any ideas? I mean I dont know if he still want to talk to me or not because his odd text was awkward with no explanation.

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    • Don't text him, he broke it off with you and no matter what you say to him now, he will most likely just ignore you or tell you again that it doesn't work. You were just a fling.

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    • We talked for hours, he share with me intimate things of his family , his father, he even told me his father had a mistress some years ago and the mistress was a witch, he confide me in telling me those things. At anymoment I did not see red flag signals that I was doing something wrnng to him or viceversa.

    • The trip was the main reason why things changed and how weird he acted, cause things were fine up until the moment he took that overseas trip with my cousin.

  • I like your thoughts about this and it's true ! :)

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  • Yep I texted this guy today that I like one time and he has not responded and I called him once. After that I do not plan ok contacting him again. I don't chase men and I will never try to make a guy want me

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  • Great take! I enjoyed it. :)

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