What is the critical factor involved in why some people are able to generate dating and hookup prospects sooner and more easily than others?

We are aware of the large variance in when people have certain experiences and how much interest they receive from the opposite sex. Some people are routinely having sex since the age of 15; others are still virgins in their mid-twenties trying to figure out what's going on. Some people got to date around a lot in high school; others are going on their first date in their twenties. Some people have no problems generating interest from the opposite sex and "have options" most of the time; others can't even find one person that's potentially interested.

What is the critical factor involved in why some people are able to generate dating and hookup prospects sooner and more easily than others?

Image source: http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Asking-out-and-Being-Rejected-by-a-Girl

I am aware that for some people it's a matter of choice. A few people simply aren't interested in high school for example. Some just "don't care" and others may have had no problems generating interest from the opposite sex but never acted on it because of various reasons. This myTake, however, is discussing the issue of people, like myself, who have actually been interested in having these romantic/sexual experiences and tried [i.e. talking to/intiating conversations with members of the opposite sex, asking people out, went on dating sites (which I personally no longer like), etc], but still have been unsuccessful so far, or had very little success. In this myTake, we are attempting to identify the critical factor(s) that explain(s) such a variance where some people have no difficulties at all doing what some of us find to be impossible.

I used to get very upset over this and still do to less severe extent because I seem to be the latter in all of these cases (except my age which isn't quite in the twenties yet), but after realizing that there are countless people in the same boat, and that many have to deal with the same problems, I found some solace.

However, I am still curious (and I think many people are) about what exactly would explain this variance.

Looks? I don't think so. Many conventionally beautiful/handsome people have complained about falling into the latter category. They even complained, "Less good-looking people than me can find someone. Why can't I?" or I even heard someone say on here, "Much shorter guys with yellow teeth are bringing girls home and I can't do anything." Again, I've heard of many examples where people who got dealt quite a bad hand in this respect being tremendously successful, while others complain, "I'm 6'0, I have dark brown hair, and I've been told I am handsome. Why don't girls talk to me?" Physical attraction is important, but it's also largely subjective, and that's another reason why I think this doesn't really matter much objectively.

Social status? I actually think social status is directly related to "potential to generate interest from the opposite sex" in that I think the same factors are involved. It seems that the same things that put people in a good place socially are the same things that allow them to. In some ways, I feel like having this is what translates to romantic/sexual success, but again, what is the critical factor involved in why some people have a lot of this and others don't.

Money? Not everyone is a gold-digger. And again, I've heard of, just like with looks, poor men being successful in this respect as well. Also, look at Elliot Roger. He was rich, and ended up killing people and himself because he couldn't get a girl, so that's a counterexample.

*As a side-note, I am talking about this with respect to both genders, not just men, even though I seem to be citing more examples and anecdotes that are concerned with whether men are romantically/sexually successful.

I think figuring out what this critical factor is that allows some people to generate dating and hookup prospects much more easily than others and have romantic/sexual experiences much sooner than others is beneficial both because once we understand something, we eventually associate less negative emotions with it, and it will allow us to make critical changes in how we approach dating and sex.

What do you think is the critical factor involved in why some people are able to generate dating and hookup prospects sooner and more easily than others?


Join the discussion



What Girls Said 1

  • Two options:
    Stand out. For me smart is a huge turn on. Once I realize a guy is remarkably intelligent, he seems physical attractive and his quirks become cute. You can be funny or kind or athletic or whatever, everyone has their thing. But figure out what your good at and do it.

    Be there for her. Approach her and be friendly when she's not wearing makeup and looks like shit. You don't have to creep on her and wait for a bad day, just if you happen to notice be friendly and casual. When someone approaches me on a bad day it means more than when I look great and everyone's approaching me.


What Guys Said 3

  • I have a friend that has bedded over 100 women. Legend. I was frustrated one day because we both similar, we have similar jobs, similar lifestyles (he is in my social grp), similar body builds (I am slightly more muscular and ripped than him) and similar interests (except he loves cars and I love music), yet he gets ALL the girls and I don't get one. I asked him "how the hell do you do it?"

    • He said "treat them like shit" Swear to god that's what he said. I remember the pub and even the drink he was having when he told me that. Seriously. I could never treat anyone like shit or understand his definition of shit, but that's what he says and he gets the girls. If I understood it, I wouldn't be on gag

  • The most critical thing for guys is being confident and comfortable and putting a girl at ease by not being needy or too interested. Next most important is being successful, competent, capable (which generally ties in with confidence). After that being kind, considerate and generous, this is generally the top thing women say they want but if you aren't confident and capable it doesn't mean much. Then finally, being entertaining whether by intelligence or humor or just general liveliness.

    Of course it works equally well to have these attributes and to fake them, at least in the short term.

  • Honestly man that's a really tough question. It's probably one of the oldest in the books.
    Scientifically there are a host of factors all in those same categories you mentioned before. Perhaps it isn't one variable in particular but the combination of all the variables.
    I've also been able to understand that confidence has a huge part to play in attraction.