Old Dating vs Modern Dating

Soooo hello everyone! A little bit about me, I have pretty much been in long term relationships since 2004. I was engaged to a guy who I split from because his OCD and cheating habits. I then married a guy who was another cheat but to be fair we had a very bad thing tear our relatonship to pieces before he resorted to this. I then had a few months off and dated a little and met my current partner of 3 and a half years who I live with and hope to settle with.

So I am 31 (32 next week, ouch!) and I have done all sorts of dating. There was the teenage dating scene of 1997 - 2002.

Old Dating V's Modern Dating

The sort that you are on the phone to for 3 hours a time, you see each other once a week at a weekend if you lived my busy schedule (I was a bit of a track star and so dating was pretty difficult in the summer and was easier in Winter when meets were scarce however most of the guys I dated I met down the track or lived a bit of a distance away). So we spent a couple of nights talking on the phone for a couple of hours. Back then mobiles/ cells had just come out and were not in every teenagers hand until around 1999. Come then though, text messages on our PAYG phones were a must, it was a new fangled tech of back and fourth messages until your credit ran out and then you had to wait for pocket money pay day to top it up again! We would go on dates and kiss and cuddle and sneak off in our corners to make out... This was ok, the L word was common.

Then came the tweenage dating scene which changed a lot for me. Between the ages of 19-21 I count myself as a tweenager at 19 because I lost my virginity at 18 and felt that at 19 when I started dating as an adult it started a whole new age of dating.

This age was the womanizer discovery time for me.... I struggled to find a guy who wanted a relationship and not just sex, I was tricked and played and naive. These guys still texted like the teenagers, threw the L word around and tricked me on more times than I would like to admit. This is where the text games started with the odd guy, couldn;t text too much with some but could with others... Was a very confusing time!!
I actually gave up meeting guys in person and moved on to the internet...

Before the wonderful lands of dating sites and facebook was Hot Or Not... I think this concept is still going although has come a long way since the days above... On here at 20 years old I met by first serious boyfriend. He wasn't from my country and was instead military and also on deployment. He sent me flowers and called me every night and declared love before we ever met. 3 months after our HoN meeting he flew to the UK and we got together and started a long back and fourth relationship which cost $800 a flight. This was the good stuff, the good guy you meet, who wants to speak to you constantly.

He ended up treating me poorly and on my last 3 month trip over there I told him halfway through that I wanted to leave. I had actually got talking to someone on MySpace and had more in common with him after 10 minutes than the 2 years of our relationship which had started to come away at the seams about 6 months earlier. This was hard for me, I broke my heart time and time again. I flew home and within 3 hours of landing after an 18 hour journey, I was on my first date with my now ex husband.

This is the Soulmate stage. When you meet THE ONE. Now my ex was the one and unfortunately even though we had been through some terrible things together and did well we didn't last. In all honesty my immaturity tore us apart. We married at 24 and separated at 28. We didn't need to talk to know what the other was thinking we knew each other so well so we just fit together. We used jigsaw references every day but to feel complete there was a piece missing, kids. I unfortunately had a health problem that would affect my fertility for a long time (thankfully it looks like things are now fine and dandy) he was depserate for children and loving him beyond myself I pushed him away until after almost 2 years he cheated on me with another girl and left me. If I had told him my problem he would never have left but I knew he would remain incomplete. I couldn't do this to him. So this is where things got tough... I was back on the dating scene after 8 years and it had changed big time.

The rules were crazy... if you texted too much you were needy (back 8 years ago it was nice to be thought about and texting was ok). You had to wait a certain amount of times before getting intimate which made all the rules of your relatonship clear (eh?!). There was this new thing called "The Friendzone" which guys felt they could use as an excuse when I just wasn't interested to make me feel guilty like I had done something wrong?! (when did men stop acting like men and start crying in the corner like little girls?!). "I'll call you" meant "See ya round" oh and then there was the dreaded "Spark" either he felt it or he didn't but he knew after 10 seconds if it was there or not yet conveniently waited long enough to not tell you until you had put out. THEN there was the "let's see how it goes, i dont really want to be in a relationship but friends with benefits is cool" WTF!?

What happened to boyfriend and GF?!

So now the new age is that guys and girls have so many different levels they kill the romance. A guy sends a girl flowers to get her interested and woo her, he becomes too full on....

I miss the days where people said what they meant and meant what they said! Bring back the pre 2000 age of dating PLEASE!!!

I should mention my partner and I had a tough time with dating, he is 4 years younger so knew the game while I didn't like the game. Luckily he was shy so not playing the game was attractive to him. He still plays the game a little now, like questioning the seriousness of our relationship (today is our 1 year aniversary of living together). I let him play them in his own mind, I don't want to be involved :)


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What Guys Said 23

  • honestly I much prefer the old way the old way is the way I do things, plus I don't date anyway only court, and lets be honest here the social media and just society in general pretty much ruin dating.

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  • But you should also keep in mind that u are 8 years older now. So the guys you are dating are probably 28+ and it has a reason why they aren't in a serious relationship by now.:
    1. They don't want to settle down (these friends with benefits guys you mentioned)
    2. They can't seem to get a girl (those friend zone crying guys...)
    3. And only a few of the good guys you want are single at that age coz every girl wants to settle down with them and they just were a little bit faster.
    But it's also true that dating changed I guess and I agree with your take I just wanted to add this.

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  • Nice take, very true 💚

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  • Shut the fuck up.
    Seriously, women have no right to complain about this.
    They make us try SO hard for their attention.
    They make sure you KNOW they are highly sought after by other guys (which you don't have to remind me of btw).
    They play just as many head games and have completely opaque intentions.
    It's no wonder guys just want sex, it's the only thing most of you can offer us when you don't have to develop a personality or pay for anything like we do.
    I don't want to hear about this crap. Dating has it's flaws for both genders, but your rant about men not being genuine can be countered by my rant on women only using dating apps/sites for attention to satisfy their egos.

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    • THE TRUTH HAS BEEN TOLD.

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    • You are now generalizing as well.
      "Back in the 2000's we didn't play these games".
      Yes you did.
      You just do in on dating sites now.
      I see you are offended by facts and truth, and reacting out of feelings.
      Women=feelings.
      Point proven.

    • in the year 2000 you weren't even dating you were like 14!!! not in the 2000's as I already said that there was a huge difference come 2004! and actually I was offended by your language and your bad attitude.

  • https://pbs.twimg.com/media/B5y7z_3IMAASAd_.jpg
    Ugh. I'm more for the 1994 approach. Then again, I'm in a very different kind of relationship right now.

    You'd probably relate well with this article, @asker:
    goodmenproject.com/.../

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    • This is garbage. Actually, casual sex USED to be far more common. Have you done any research on the 90's? It was one of the craziest decades in our history. I know people who were teens/young adults in the 90's and they have wild stories.

      Whoever made this meme is misinformed.

    • "The teen birth rate has declined almost continuously over the past 20 years. In 1991, the U. S. teen birth rate was 61.8 births for every 1,000 adolescent females, compared with 26.5 births for every 1,000 adolescent females in 2013." www.hhs.gov/.../trends.html

    • @EnglishArtsteacher I believe the 1960's and 1970's were the worst.

  • To be honest, yesterday I was at the library and I saw this really cute girl. I was interested in her.
    I wanted to go over there and talk to her, but there were people around and I'm 100% positive they would have been thinking something snarky. Then I thought, "wow, that would be really creepy for me to just go sit next to her and start talking to her".
    Everything today is "creepy".
    I saw her get up and leave. She walked past me and she made a quick glance over in my direction. I smiled to her and blushed. She smiled back... I saw she didn't leave for the exit so she was going to a different location or something. I got up really fast to go "do something about it". I was walking down the stairs and i see she is walking back up the stairs... I say "Hey! how are you?" ... she just kept on walking by...

    I was like, ummmm, okay.

    Today, it's "creepy" to just start talking to someone out of the blue. You either have to meet the person through friends or at some sort of gathering for it to not be creepy.

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    • I think what I needed to do was:
      "Hey I'm sorry, but I think you're really pretty. Would you like to grab some food later?"

    • Agreed every women I've ever gotten in real life and not on a dating site was when I met them through a friend or they approached me first.

  • old dating

    elders last in marriage for over 50 years. Now, people can't last long than 6 months.

    back in day kids succeed well with parents in one house... now kids live in 2 homes with 4 parents at once so that then makes their dating life complicated...

    so much more i can say... but too much typing at moment.

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  • You can't really compare dating at 15 and dating at 25. It's not just an Era change, you yourself are an entirely different human being. I can understand missing that time in your life tho. I'm partial to that part of my life as well

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  • I would rather date the old way, social media and dating sites ruin it in my opinion..

    I would rather do it the old fashioned way tbh.

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  • Old Dating :
    >Courtship
    >Romance
    >Flirting
    >Writing

    Modern Dating :
    > ''omg babe dat guy over ther luks soooo hot i won't 2 fuk him''
    > ''k baeb u fuk him first den dump him n i wil fuks him next week''
    > ''great plan bae <3xx''

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    • Looooool. 😂
      GIVE THIS MAN AN MHO!
      *VLADIMIR PUTIM MEME*

    • that reminds of of this one time when i was 15 and a friend said to me ”there's this one boy i fucked last month he's really hot i'll introduce him to you” and i thought it was gracious of her so i accepted. he was 20 and hot but also an ex-convict. he let me hold his gun. best first date ever.

    • ^ My point exactly.

  • Eh i just want a relationship. TO me dating,... esp. today is weird. just what the fuck.

    but whatever... dnt care

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  • If most men could get sex without having to court and date women, most men wouldn't date women. Be happy your sexual value is so high (batemans principle, a reproduction fitness ratio of 1000 to 1 etc.), it is by far the biggest advantage the female gender has, seriously! name something innate to women, that isn't innate to men that is a bigger advantage to women than disproportionate sexual attraction, NOTHING COMES CLOSE!

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  • I agree with you with everything here, including the friendzone part, but I disagree with this "when did men stop acting like men and start crying in the corner like little girls?"

    Men being emotionally strong is just a myth, men are built for physical strength only. The rest is just a pressure of society from old ages, so men have no choice but to pretend to be tough.

    Read the male MHO/MHG to understand more: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1699818-if-you-could-steal-a-double-standard-from-the-opposite-gender

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  • I really like your opinion about dating now a days. I may be young but I always wanted a relationship that has meaning in it. I've dated few girls in the past but never got to the point that we call our selves girlfriend or boyfriend. It's not because how I treated them, but because they were not ready for those kind of commitment. Personally speaking, I'm an ok looking guy, and I know to my self that I am kind to people. But kindness now a days seems to be rare, and girls tend to put me in Friendzone, like I could be friends with them so they can cry on my shoulder, complaining about their relationships with others. I am tired of that. I tend to cut them off, not because out of hatred, but for them to face reality, and learn from it. Although, they wouldn't notice the worth of me, and act like they don't care.

    The relationship now a days are really based on sexuality, where they start from attraction. I'm not saying it is a wrong thing, but it is a narrow minded assumption for categorizing relationships are.

    People now a days, they are more like animals, and a lot of them suffer from not finding themselves, which matters for who they are. Not only a biological creature, living for their own satisfaction.

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  • Unfortunately I never dated in my teens or 20's so everything is new to me now. The modern scene is just the "scene" in my worlds

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  • I'd like to go back to the old dating too. I'm sort of in the middle age-group-wise... I was too young for the old days of dating, but feel out of step with the new days.

    Either way though, it seemed that people were nicer back then, and that niceness was actually considered a good thing, whereas today it is considered a weakness, especially in men. Like the texting issue, back then, it seemed that it was still a good thing for someone to contact you, because it showed you were thinking about them. Today, you'd get written off as needy, weak, and "unmanly".

    Today if you are friendly, kind, and try to maintain some level of class instead of trying to be brooding and dark and confrontational and sinking to any depth just to push the boundaries of "edginess", a lot of women see you as prudish and "uncool". I would say that this is why the "friendzone" has become such a hot-button issue.

    It seems like today, you have to be a tough, foul-mouthed, dark and brooding, booze-and-drug-swilling, cocky, confrontational, excessively rebellious, hyper-macho scumbag in order to get women interested, or else you will be left behind on the shelf. There doesn't seem to be much of a place anymore for genuinely friendly, happy guys who like sweet things and just want to be themselves and follow their interests instead of living solely for the purpose of proving their masculinity.

    I'm not a teetotaler, I drink a little. And I'm not even totally anti-drug... just the hard stuff should be banned, it's gross not to mention stupid. The problem I have though is that today, unless you a business douche/Jersey Shore extra or a tattooed drugged-out thug, you aren't even given a chance to show a girl that you could have fun together.

    What if I don't feel a need to constantly prove my manhood to the world? What if I think that's dumb? I feel like women actually valued kindness and sweetness in the old days.

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  • Friendzoning was around 15 years ago when I was starting university. It's nothing new: check out The Ladder Theory to see what I mean.

    Very good Take, by the way. When I re-entered the dating pool two years ago, it was downright surreal.

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  • I actaully like the new dating. Basically the rules are anything goes and everyone can be in on it. A date can be hanging out in her room listening to music and making out. It can be just sex, a passionate real relationship, or a madly in love. I feel like the new dating game is open for everyone. So i like it.

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    • you cannot do what you want though and expect it to be taken as you want it to be. There are different meanings over everything. Its just crazy. If I like a guy I like him. he likes me back then tell me, you will get a lot more respect from me than trying to play a game

    • Only morons who want to waste other peoples time play games.

  • Hmm.. that is quite interesting.

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  • YOU say *bring me back the pre 2000 age of dating* , but at the same time , 1 million women say otherwise , so why i as a man would do it?

    Dont get me wrong , i REALLY liked the old ways of people treating each other , i really like it when a girl clings to her man like he's everything to her and it makes us feel great , but IT DOES NOT feel great - for example - if i try to lift heavy books for a girl and she says ( i did not need that , i can do it ) and it happened with me

    When that happens , the man EITHER turn to being an asshole or sex-only being , or just stay passive and avoid dating all together

    Well not to mention how many women like those assholes and bitchy-treating they get , plus the famous *game* of dating , makes it even worse for sensible and truly caring men , trust me when i say it...

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What Girls Said 8

  • in my case i was just too shy and literally ran from boys who approached me even attractive ones

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  • i'll be 33 soon, so don't feel too bad about your age

    luckily for me, i've barely experienced 'modern' dating. the men i've lasted longest with were quite direct and old-fashioned. that landscape might change though, as my current relationship has been falling apart :( but if push comes to shove, hopefully i'll still attract men who are into 'old dating.'

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    • I dated a 42 year old who was in to the new dating and it felt so wrong! :(

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    • he's a commitment phobe... we will never settle down, I am starting to realise :(

    • your boyfriend is a commitment phobe?

  • I think it's just an unwillingness to admit you've run into some bad or childish men. No matter how the world changes there will be some people who whine and complain and others who are able to adapt to it and get on with it. I have a professor who blames computers for every single problem in the world, the truth is the world had a hell of a lot of problems before and so did that dating scene. If you want to meet someone "the old fashion way" then stop being a hypocrite and get off the dating sites! I met my boyfriend in high school and we started flirting on graduation night. It was actually quite similar to how my grandparents got together back in the retched 50's. People can go to a drop in dance class, get involved with their community in some way or any matter of things to meet someone offline. If you hated dating sites and the idea of them you shouldn't have used them to begin with! I knew they wouldn't work for me so I didn't bother with them, if you want to date the old fashion way then date the old fashion way no one is stopping you! Sure you may have to text a bit but it's 2015 and I am personally very glad that it is, I wouldn't trade the rights I have now for the sentimentality of any other time period.

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    • one of these men is a 42 year old school teacher so not immature...

    • Oh and your rights haven't changed since 2000...

  • The horrible part about modern dating is the invention of the cell phones and social networks, and the easy access of porn.

    You have to text your "bae" constantly in a never ending text.
    You have jealousy arise over who he/she follows/likes/befriends.

    The break up is much harder to get over because you can easily stalk their accounts and see what they're up to.

    Romance is dead because guys will hardly write long letters to each other anymore.
    I have an older brother who missed the cell phone age slightly and I watched as he had long phone calls in the living room because we had no cell phones and watch him read and write long sappy letters. He still keeps a box full of said letters.

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  • I don't care about "dating rules" or anything, I always go for the straightforward route. All this "courtship", chivalry and the many rules that exist in both old and modern dating can take a hike for all I care.

    I've had great success with this method so far. No more "you can't approach him, you're a girl!", no more "wait for 3 days before texting or calling back!".

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  • What happened to the time when men used to women out dancing?
    And meet for coffee every other morning? And get women flowers and write them letters? Come back 1950 PLEASE.

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    • There are a lot of cultural forces at work trying to criminalize men who are classy, insane as that sounds. Men with class are terrified to make a move; they get treated like predators. Meanwhile, many women are encouraged by those same cultural forces to throw themselves eagerly like slabs of meat at actual predators.

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    • @pavlove i don't understand why. It shouldn't be about economy or anything else. Iy should be about you and the other person.

    • It seems that a lot of people have become selfish over the years too... My partner keeps asking me what I want for my birthday and I said nothing. I dont want for anything. So he says 'I will ask your mother' I was like 'yeah cool you do that, she got the same answer when she asked!' All I want is for him to get off his arse and put some thought in to it grrr... back in the day a guy would be excited to shop for his girl.

  • Personally, I would not date an old fashion guy. I do not find it attractive when a guy treats me as if I am handicapped or dependent. I think it is important I know how tot take and care for myself without the help of anyone else but God.
    I o not think all old fashion men are bad. However, it seems like they want to baby their girlfriends. I am not going to trust a guy with my whole life. For all I know he could leave me one day without anything but the clothes on my back. I just won't.
    However when it comes to dating modern guys, they can be just as bad as old fashion guys.
    Honestly, it depends on the guy. Although, I know I would not date an old fashion guy.

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    • This shows a very warped and distorted attitude. Opening a door for you symbolizing placing you above his own desire for self-advancement. There is also a difference between "clingy," and trying to demonstrate a willingness *not* to randomly abandon you. Many modern women can't tell the difference. In fact "women's studies" courses (a socialist indoctrination front) discourage women from making a distinction. Because if the sexes ever are united in a vision that isn't that movement's, then they become a threat. As long as there is division and mistrust between the sexes, the movement feels less threatened.

      If an "old fashioned" guy turns you off, start questioning your own priorities.

    • "However when it comes to dating modern guys, they can be just as bad as old fashion guys"

      Haha then stay alone

  • Cool story👍🏻

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