Guys, We just want you to pay attention to us... mostly

I’ll admit it; I don’t go on dates very often. So maybe I don’t know what proper etiquette is for a first date.

However, I’m pretty sure it’s not proper etiquette to smoke the entire time after your date asked you not to, play a game on your phone, not ask your date about herself AND make her pay for drinks.

Guys, We just want you to pay attention to us ... mostly

Let’s break it down:

I only went on this date because my friends talked me into it. After a group Tinder session, they decided I should meet up with this guy. So I asked him if he would like to meet up for a drink on Saturday afternoon. He agreed, and we set a time and place.

At this point in 2015, I’m honestly surprised when I meet someone who isn’t my grandma and smokes cigarettes. So imagine my surprise when this guy pulled out a makeup carrier-sized case for his smoking paraphernalia. After one and a half cigarettes, he finally asks me if I mind him smoking. I tried to be as nice and easy-going (you know, “cool girl”) as possible, but I’m not giving up my health for anyone. I replied, “Well, actually, yes, I have bad allergies and don’t really like the smell”. Wouldn’t you expect any decent person to apologize and put it out? I did. My mistake. He continued to smoke for the next hour or so.

I also understand that we’re a generation that is very attached to our technology, but if I’m meeting someone for the first time, I certainly make an effort to keep my phone in my pocket or purse. THIS GUY, on the other hand was not this way. He kept pulling out his phone – probably every five minutes or so, and after about 30 minutes decides he should maybe explain himself.

“I’m not trying to be rude,” he said, “I’m in charge of a colony and I just have to make sure I keep everyone alive.”
I actually almost got up and left. Are you kidding me? Are you 30 years old and can’t look away from your phone for two hours? Do you just not know how to interact with other actual humans? Unreal.

Now, I know I said I don’t go on a ton of dates, but am I wrong in thinking that a first date is supposed to be a time to get to know the other person? Wouldn’t you think you would want to ask the other person questions in order to find out if you wanted to maybe go on a second date? I guess this tactic isn’t for everyone.

And finally: Listen. I would never expect anyone to buy me drinks. If we go on a date, I will absolutely pay for myself. No problem. But when you’ve already treated me like this guy had, I think the LEAST he could have done was paid for my one beer.

I’m not perfect, obviously I know that, but what I am is a considerate person who — I hope — deserves to be paid attention to by other humans. Am I totally out of line? Am I being too old fashioned? I honestly want to know.


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What Guys Said 8

  • The Douche-Factor was very, very high with your "date."

    Next time, do everyone a favor (especially yourself) and walk away. You staying there only makes it seem like such behavior is acceptable, and it isn't.

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  • I have no problems paying attention to women and they have no problem paying attention to me.. I think that may be because I wear a couple of garments that most do not wear.. and on all of my dates the women are told right off the bat that I wear these.. and never has it ended with her or any date rejecting me because of what I wear.. in fact it has even spiced things up.. with some role play games where she has stripped me down to what I wear and I have done same to her.. and in all cases it has been just great for the both of us.. other dates have played the same game with me... I give her as much or more attention... as at that moment she is the most important person to me

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  • No you don't. You constantly send us mixed signals so we're not gonna bother most of the time.

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  • I think dating for both sexes has become a joke. Sounds like you pulled a winner. Every date I've been on in the last couple of years has been me listening to women babble on about themselves. I've actually had a hard time getting a word in edgewise. One girl I had to stop. "Look, let me tell you something about me so you know at least one thing about me" her jaw dropped. "I like to listen more than I talk, but I do like to participate in conversation. While I still have your attention let me just say it was useless for me to have met you. Take care." And I left.
    I love to learn about someone but a conversation is supposed to flow back and forth.

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  • That "mostly" contains an extensive amount of variation from the perspectives or different girls...

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  • "He kept pulling out his phone – probably every five minutes or so, and after about 30 minutes decides he should maybe explain himself. “I’m not trying to be rude,” he said, “I’m in charge of a colony and I just have to make sure I keep everyone alive.”"

    LOL! WOW! Grade-A loser! Hope you dropped him like a sack of wet potatoes!

    And no, I don't think you're out of line or old fashioned. People need to talk to each other instead of making conversations a secondary thing and multitasking all the time... omg I'm kinda doing that right now I feel bad! :(

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  • Don't care about what women want...

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  • um no you acted like a proper adult in this situation

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What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe he didn't want to go on a date with You and wanted to make sure there was no chance of a second one.

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