Why there are guys who want something real, and why it's so rare to find one

Being a college student I've seen plenty about how most guys just want sex and nothing more, how no guy wants to have a romantic relationship etc. Which while I won't defend ALL of my sex, (there are plenty of tools out there) there are good guys out there.

I grew up watching my father do a load of sweet surprising things for my mother; he always had these great ideas and treated mom like few guys treat their wives, especially 20 odd years into the marriage. I've always waited for my chance to get to do that for my girl, and I have a lot of great ideas and surprises in store for whoever that girl one day is. So you might say I'm the guy who wants something real, the "good guy" many believe doesn't exist, but there is a catch-in my only wanting one and something real with her, that means I am much more selective.

To be quite honest looks do matter, even to a guy like me (tastes do vary but there are some generalities) in fact of all the guys I know typically the guys more like me who aim for relationships/potential marriage have much higher standards than the guy after a quick hookup. It may sound shallow or bad, but physical attraction is a natural need and if a guy wants to spend his life with just one girl, she needs to attract him initially for her to be special in his eyes. Never tell a girl she's beautiful if you don't find her to look that way-just more heartache for her in the end; that's a saying I believe does have some bearing here, it may sound cold but it's an unfortunate truth of life.

I don't like a numbers scale but it's the only way to give context in text really, I'd say I'm a 6-7, I have to shave my head bald from a condition called TE but I regularly get cimplements on my eyes and face and even have had attractive girls strongly interested in me unfortunately just for sex which I've turned down. Still for me a girl really only needs to be lighter complexioned and be slender with a very pretty face for me to be interested, however this typically puts them in the 7-9 range anyway. Thise are are my standards and as I said I don't like the numbering system but on text it's the only way to give context really, and to be quite honest some of the other guys who want legit relationships only have even higher than me, and we are all pretty stubborn and unchanging on them.

My point in writing this myTake is two fold:


1. I don't think its right to villainize physical attraction and it's place in a real relationship.

2. Give honest insight based on my own mindset and knowledge of others as to why 'good' guys are hard to find.


Truth is decent guys do want to give all their heart to a girl, but unlike the movies, even the 'good' guy can't really look past his physical needs in the end, I'm not talking about sex but that initial attraction, so it's a specific type of girl to him.

Guys like me who turn down shallow sex and only pursue something lasting are rare I won't lie, and a lot of guys like me get disheartened by girls who are just as low as guys and sleep around etc (I'll admit in the kind we go for its common) so lack confidence making the chances of one approaching you even slimmer, and them factor in that when guys like me say beautiful we mean in physical and mental, out stabdards on both are typically higher from my experience with my own mindset and all the guys I know who are looking for 'wife material' crude term but you understand. It's an uphill battle for us too given how just as many girls as guys only want hookups etc, but I will not settle or lower what I am attracted too, as I said she doesn't have to be perfect but I need that attraction and I'm more honest than most on this. In the end guys like myself seem to have a mindset of only needing one- face hundreds of losses and only get one in the end? Victory, in our books, which is why I believe we typically have higher standards-we only need to win once and we're willing to wait.

Wait I will until I find my beautiful girl to spoil and give all too.


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What Girls Said 7

  • You are absolutely right, looks do matter when wanting to be with someone forever. There are a lot of people who say beauty is subjective, it is, but let's not forget ugly people have a hard time finding the one than beautiful people.

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  • "If a girl is hot enough, if do anything to be with her."

    That's not rare, chap.

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    • Where did say that? i even turned down a sexual gling no strings attached with a very hot girl because I wanted something more real, I just made the point it goes both ways, I won't be with a hot girl who doesn't take it serious and I won't be with a sweet girl who isn't ohysically very attractive to me, so I dkbt know where your quote is from

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    • Totally! I'm not saying you're shallow. I'm saying you're normal.

    • In the department of what attracts me, but few guys take it seriously is the point, guys give me shut all the time for turning down that babe of a girl who just wanted sex I can honestly say few guys would turn an offer like that down, my commitment to only wanting something real is where I differ from most guys (especially my age)

  • It's hard for both genders to find someone of substance because morals & religion are being kicked out of society. More and more people are coming from broken homes & are clueless on how to actually love someone because they were never first loved by their parents.

    Example:
    In general, people who hold degrees are usually married with a career, but don't have a lot of children. The uneducated usually have multiple children, in a single parent household, living in poverty. The children from both groups become adults & the new dating pool is created. The problem is, the children from the uneducated outnumber those from the educated household creating the conflict we have today.

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    • Although the focus of this piece was more about good guys being more selective and our mindset, you bring up very good points about how exactly decent people got so rare. Sometimes I think you should pass a test to have kids in the modern age

    • "Sometimes I think you should pass a test to have kids in the modern age"
      Agreed, I never understood why struggling people would have children. Why put your child through that? Before anyone has children, there should be a requirement to show proof they're financially, mentally & emotionally capable of caring for a child.

  • This kind of makes me sad, cause good girls are the same. I consider myself a good girl, and when it comes to relationships I'm picky. I want all the same things you do, but i feel like no one will cut me a break for feeling tired or getting lonely after looking for the right guy.

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    • I know the feeling, believe me college age girls aren't exactly looking for anything real most of the time, and I've been called every different name under the sun about my lack of hair so young, I pull it off well but still here "fugo"'s etc just from being respectful, would it change if they knew I lost it from a body shock condition when a parent passed? Probably not, it does suck those who take it more seriously always seem the more disadvantaged, doesn't matter, all I need is one beautiful looking sweet girl to not care about hair screw the rest, you should adopt the same mindset about guys

    • Thanks, I'll try:)

  • It's rare to find those guys because the so called guys who want a relationship are banging as many females as they can and ignoring the nice girl until he feels he is getting unattractive and in his 30s and he becomes the creepy Virgin hunter

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    • ? I'm 20 and turned down a fling with a hot girl for something more real-however I do admit Id only date a girl who's very physically attractive too so while I couldn't get past looks I am a young guy who truly only wants one

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    • OK so why didn't you try to date the hot girl who wanted a fling?

    • I did try but she immediatly admitted she didn't want anything serious and just to hangout and well... you know, so that's why I turned her down on that.

      My standards are set I only need one and aiming for 7-8 maybe 9 range is "incredibly high"? She doesn't have to be drop dead gorgeous but slenderness is a must; I'm from a military family we respect our bodies and jog a shitload, we cannot stand how Humanity has become okay with the idea of overweight, and then the pretty face is a must, those two things are not ridiculous, if I said she needed a perfect butt or breasts too then yeah, but I'm not as crazy high as you think

  • Has anyone ever said that attraction was unnecessary? Even asexual people are attracted to something in their partners (attraction is relevant in platonic friendship as well - if you didn't like something about each other, you wouldn't be friends).

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    • I meant the physical attraction, and I don't know where you're from but many seem upset to hear me or friends couldn't get past looks etc, that's the only point in trying to make.

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    • That's not exactly glowing praise, darling. They let a rape manual be published.

    • At least you can tell what my point is, in all of your comments I can't exactly see where you think the problem is sweetheart.

  • It's stupid how this makes me sad. Don't get me wrong. I completely understand that attraction is needed. I'm not too picky when it comes to looks. I find most guys attractive. But I'm not that good looking myself. I hacen't veen blessed with a gorgeous face. I have darker skin. Thick thighs and. Wide shoulders.
    I know I'm a good person. I love to make others happy and laugh. I put others before myself. I'm by no means perfect but I'm a good person. I wish to make someone happy but I doubt it will happen. Nobody is willing to look past my looks and give me a chance. My looks don't please guys. It is upsetting because I'm a mind inside a body. But because this body is ugly nobody wants to date me.

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    • Why does one man's preferences automatically make you ugly? Screw him. Or rather, don't.

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    • As I said the ratings scale is subjective although there are some geeralities, I'm sorry for how you feel and respect it enough not to patronize you by saying my standards or another guys would change, but we all have something.

      I lost my hair to a stress condution when my father past when I was just 18, since then girls have mocked my shaved head and called me fugo etc, but not all, I still do my best and look decent despite the no hair, I know I won't attract every girl, in fact I may not attract most girls given the kind I go for, but in the end it's only one you need, that goes for you too, you may not attract me or guys with a similar taste but if you want something real one is all you need.

      Even in the chance is 1 in a million, there's about 3.8 billion members of each sex out there, so my girls there, as is your guy

    • If you don't love yourself, you will always feel inadequate and unworthy of love. Start there.

      Quite honestly, if Mama June can get a man, you have nothing to worry about.

What Guys Said 4

  • Great tale and U R NOT ALONE BUDDY 😛

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  • No time to read it all I like the song in the wallpaper

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    • My apologies that was really mean what I said, your Upvote made me read your entire take... And you took my romantic feeling and carved them into words... AMAZING TAKE MAKE!

  • we aren't that rare, we just don't stand out, and we don't say: "NOTICE ME!!!"

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    • Well I'm actually pretty bold and straighforward in my approaches so I do stand out there but I agree guys that do want true things tend to be shyer

  • A man does what a man has to do to get what he wants out of life. I've been the good guy and the player, and by good guy I mean good boyfriend, not just good friend. Truth of the matter is women make the good guy wait. I'm a player because I was tired of one sided relationship, and dammit I wanted to get laid. Good guys get no appreciation for any effort they put in, and the player will be up in it within a few days. I judge people by thier actions, not their words, and I have found true 90% of the time, women reward the player and put the good man in limbo, till they decide they need him later.

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    • Until they want something real you mean and not just sex, just getting laid shouldn't be a goal. If it was you werent the 'good guy' you thought you were, just cuddling is good enough for me even till marriage if that's what it takes. Buddy you're just a player who claimed the good guy monicker to help his odds

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    • I don't have problems, because of how I deal with relationships, so there is no blame on anyone. And there is no pity, as i am more succesful with women then I have ever been. But some people have problems with me.

    • I can see why given how you act towards them, I hope you straighten out sir.

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