6 Ways The Dating Game Can Crush You

Mind blankness is emotional impotence

6 Ways The Dating Game Can Crush You

This is one of the most painful aspects even for guys who've at one time been good with girls, but either because they've lost momentum or been in a relationship for a long time, when they're forced to meet new women they can't think of anything to say and so resort either to "hey" or "let's ****" both generally illiciting a negative response though there's always the exception. Not being able to think of anything to say feels horrible, because you know it's you who's ruined it. Not only does it make you feel frustrated and angry at yourself, it's maybe the one most universal thing that makes you unappealing to the opposite sex.

Your friends are attractive

This is true and I'd say especially for guys. Girls can't trust the same way men can not only because men are typically more prone to cheating, but also for safety factors (this is not always the case; there are men who have legitimate reasons to not trust or feel safe.) In this way, penetrating a girl's social circle is the single most effective way of getting to date her. If she's always around your friends that's a lot of close contact with her guard down. This leads to an installation of the "don't smash the homie" rule. But, let's face it, if your girl is hot then would your friends really not get with her especially if they thought you'd never find out?

Many "Cold Approaches" Don't End Well

The stereotype of a player is the guy who walks up to a random girl in a bar and gets her up to the hotel. Well, if it's a hotel bar, it's likely the girl is waiting to get picked up for such activity, however, your typical "player" constantly has drinks thrown in his face. But even if his success rate is 30 percent, with such a direct approach he can be more or less sure to get laid with only an average of 5 drinks thrown in his face before a girl is down for his blunt charms. For someone who's trying to be more brave with women getting told "eww" when they try to approach with confidence can be soul crushing. In this way, the game can be crushing unless you take small steps or have a perservent attitude.

You Can Do Everything Right And Still Be Hurt

True for both men and women. It's really decieving to call it "The Game" since even if you play everything right you can still lose. It doesn't work like a video game even in some glorious moments it can seem like it does. There will inevitably be a moment in even a "10's" life where he or she goes that **** wasn't fair!

You Can Get Pidgeon Holed

And if you get put in the friend zone it can be hard to escape. You will get paranoid that you will again be put in the friend zone and subconsciously bring it about. You will act like you deserve to be in the friend zone since you spend so much time dwelling in it. It's natural to try to see where you fit into a system, but trying to see where you fit in can imprison you in the Dating Game, which really isn't fair.

Real Girls Require Real Confidence

Your mom telling you everyday before school that all the girls have a crush on you can give you real confidence because you actually believe it even though it isn't true. What isn't real confidence is you giving yourself a pep talk before going to the club. Such confidence can work on girls who are just as nervous and insecure as you are in the inside, however, the girl that you approach is most likely the girl that a lot of other guys approach and therefore she has confidence. If nothing else she is confident that she is desired by many men. As such, you interacting with her with anything less than a relatively equal belief that she finds you attractive too with be cause for automatic blowout. Why is this unfair you ask? Well, in order to really believe you are attractive to that woman you need to believe you're attractive to beautiful women in general. In order to believe you're attractive to beautiful women in general you need to have actually been desired by beautiful women in the past and if you have been then why are you not confident in the first place? Basically, The Game is meant to crush those at the bottom and elevate those already at the top.

A lot of this is reiteration of common knowledge, but I think it's important for guys to realize they don't suck...The Game sucks. It isn't their fault. It's something external to them. They aren't victims, but they also aren't responsible for the fact that it isn't fair. Acceptance is Peace.

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What Girls Said 1

  • i've never witnessed a drink splash in the face does it really happen?

    • I ask myself the same question... is it maybe a thing of the past?

    • Show All
    • *proceed to knee*

    • Are you Asian?

What Guys Said 11

  • Yup, "The Game" absolutely HAS to be played! Female attraction is based way more on intangibles than looks. A male MUST learn how to pull these strings! :)

    • Name these intangibles

    • Show All
    • @Transigence the real thing is probably preferable, though...

    • Looks > intangibles

  • I can relate to that squirrel. I've repeatedly been told: "Don't be too pre-judging of others just because of some thing from their past."

    However... I have yet to meet a single mom who would even portend to be a friend of mine in real life - let alone a girlfriend- that would be close to me in age, that hasn't tried to stab me in the back at least once.

    In fact, these chicks that have some dead/missing guy's kid in their custody are often the most heartless backstabbers of them all. Which makes me wonder under what circumstances the guy really did leave, or if he died, if she was honest that it was an accident and that there was no foul play involved.

    Of course, I probably haven't done myself any favors by coping with hurtful betrayal by burying myself in binge watching court documentaries.

    With all the weight I've lost, my sex drive is somehow still lower than it's been since right before puberty hit when I was 11.

    So I'm thinking it might be psychological barriers that are killing my game. Some caused by the pain others have inflicted, some self-imposed through poor choice of coping strategies.

  • I've said some cringeworthy shit approaching random women in the past lmao, and while I'm eternally scarred with the memories I've never, ever, ever had a drink splashed in my face by a girl for going up and talking to her...

    I've had drinks spilled on me by drunk strangers that's about it...

    • lol i guess i'm the only one who's ever actually had that happen

  • What's wrong with saying hey? Only problem I see with that is perhaps online dating as every other guy will also say "hey". However, in-person if you say hey to someone they'll at least look at you.

    That's true if I was dating, but then again I have very few guy friends I never really date.

    Yeah in the fantasy world the player always gets the girl. In real life probably not for his first few tries. It's a numbers thing. If he keeps doing it then eventually a girl will say yes.

    Yeah that's why I don't like dating. Not so much that it IS a game (because it isn't), but more so that women and men see it that way. So fuck it. I'm not playing.

    As far as the friend zone if you want more than that then at some point you just gotta come out and say you want more. If she doesn't want you to have more then cut her off. She'll come around if she feels you're worth it. We always attack the friend zone though. Sometimes it's not a bad thing. Me and this one girl have kind of friend zoned each other, but that's because we don't have the time nor the distance to see each other. If we just cut each other off then it would be over and we'd never have a chance. Friend zone isn't always bad.

    That's true.

    Yeah the dating "game" does suck. So why play it?

  • It's so confusing. One of the fundamental ideas for dating as a man is that you can't be needy - but the problem is, the minute you start having preferences and desires, you automatically become needy because some outcomes are much more desirable than others because they make you happy, and others aren't because they really don't. I don't think acceptance is the way out. If you detach yourself from the outcome, from results, from what you want, then you're either most likely going to get a woman that isn't the one you want and spend the rest of your life of quiet desperation wishing you could be with the girls you wanted, or you're going to just get more nothing. Neither of those sound good to me. Fuck being put into a box, fuck someone telling you you're only worth so much, no more and never will be more, fuck learning to "know your role". That's not what I want, not who I want to be, not the life I want to live. Miss Good Enough won't do it for me. I want someone who makes me feel happy, inspired, alive.

    Oh well. At least this take acknowledges that escaping the friendzone is possible, if difficult.

    • I was in a foul mood when I wrote this, sorry. I just feel like if I don't try to steer things where I want them to go, if I just leave things up to luck, then life is just going to randomly kick me around and I won't get what I want. I'm not okay with getting just whatever. I have very specific things in mind that I want for my life, including the girls I'd want to spend time with.

    • don't apologize. You have the exact right mindset, if a little bitter for the moment. You actually want to do something and create a life of your own making and you can. You just have to reflect then put in the work which it sounds like you're ready for.

  • I believe everything you go through is 2 make you in the person you're meant 2 be

    • I agree wholeheartedly, but, of course, we have to caution ourselves away from justifying pain so that we don't think we have to have it because "that's the way it goes."

    • Very valid 😆 like the way you look at it

  • No. 1 rings so much truth. I actually feel like the one girl who changed me had drained me of all the happiness I had prior to dealing with her. I now feel half empty (or full) BECAUSE of the dating game.

  • For one thing, if you treat dating as a game then it definitely will hurt you.

  • as a man, when it comes to dating, you are entitled to the actions, but not the fruits of your actions.

    Talk and flirt with women because it's fun and enjoyable. Don't do it for the outcome (even though it's obvious why we do it). Detach yourself from the result and you'll notice that neediness fadesaway. Girls will sense your freedom of outcome, and that translate into internal abundance. Women are attracted to value, and what's value?

    We can say value is money and status, but that's just a manifestation of value, value is the feeling you get from those things. Such as a celerity. He's attractive to women because he makes them feel good, so learn to feel good on the inside (i. e. freedom of outcome and being your OWN sourcde of positive emotions), don't rely on her reactions to feel good, rather, act to make yourself feel good and you'll notice your increase in attraction and women in your life.

    • I agree. Too many men focus on impressing women. Impress yourself and women will come.

  • Fuck dating and fuck relationships.

    Men aren't getting sex on a regular basis. In fact, sex is on the decline! The man has to pay on dates, give the girl status or do all the work in bed. Relationships are full of arguments and over 90% of them end in a HORRIBLE break up. Modern marriage is just shit.

    This post is reeks of gynocentrism. Real confidence are you fucking kidding me? Guys ONLY lose their confidence because of girls and because they are forced to worship women.

    • I guess someone just got dumped?

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    • @Transigence If that was aimed at me then I was making a sarcastic remark, I'm British, it's what we do

    • "Guys ONLY lose their confidence because of girls and because they are forced to worship women."

      So don't worship women?

  • Nope, I'm pretty sure I suck. I'm simply not good-looking (and I've been told so many times), so that ruins the "game" for me before I even get to say anything.