So it happened. You met that guy or girl, and you're head over heels in love. You think you two are perfect for each other: common interests, compatability, chemistry, and besides, you look nice and have a great personality. But when you finally decide to ask them out, they reject you. It must be because you don't look like a model, or because girls only date assholes/guys only date hoes, and all the nice guys/girls are always friendzoned, right? Wrong. Here's an explanation.
1. Physical appearance
It's the easiest one, so we may as well get it out of the way now. True, some people won't date you solely because of your appearance. But to be fair, most people - consciously or unconsciously - want to date someone who is on their level. For example, someone athletic probably wouldn't want to date someone overweight. And even if you think you're fine in the looks department, then well, maybe you are, but people like what they like. Find someone who appreciates you for you.
Before we proceed, here's one important fact we need to acknowledge: being in love messes with our brain. Here's what usually happens: you see someone. You think they're good-looking, so you approach them/message them/etc. You may become friends eventually or just keep chatting online, and your brain will probably manage to register a few things about them. Truth is, unless you two were friends for years, you know very little about them. A person is comprised not only of personality traits, but also of their behaviour, opinions, memories, etc. You simply might not have had enough time to get to know them. But your brain doesn't care. It sees someone it likes, so it's enough for it to know as little as 5-10% about someone to construct their whole personality based on this data. You idealize the person you like in your mind and often fall in love with that image tailored to fit your expectations, not the actual human. Now, with that in mind, let's move on to...
2. Common interests/compatibility
As we just learned, you may not, in fact, have a lot in common, you may just think that you do. For example, you like video games, he likes video games, that's a great match, right? But what if he likes multiplayer first-person shooters (which you hate), and you like RPGs (which he's not a fan of either)? I wouldn't exactly call it a "common interest" then. Or you may like her jokes and think she's funny, but when you try to watch her favourite comedian, you find yourself not even in the slightest entertained and, in fact, bored to death?
3. Personality
A common mistake people make when assessing relationship is thinking: "If I'm good enough to be their friend, I can easily be their boyfriend/girlfiend". But the thing is, just because they like you as a friend, doesn't mean you're the type of person they're looking to enter a relationship with. For example, you can be kind, and smart, and funny, and they may enjoy being around you. But what if you're childish, and they're looking for someone mature? What if you're insecure, and they're attracted to confident people?
4. Chemistry
Love messes up your brain, remember? It may look like there's something going on between us, but it may, in fact, just be your wishful thinking. Some people are naturally flirtatious or tactile, so them being playful around you doesn't neccessarily mean they like you romantically. In addition, some of us just need to feel that "spark". If there is none, you may be perfect in every way, but they still would not be attracted to you.
To conclude, if someone doesn't seem to want to date you, it's not the reason to cry "Woe is me, friendzoned again!". Remember that when in love, sometimes you can neither think straight nor stop idealizing the other person and falling for that image, delusioning yourself into thinking that your image is the same as the actual person, when it's in fact not. More often that not there is an actual reason behind the rejection, no matter how perfect for each other you think you are.
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