The Three Online Dating Questions That Should Make You Block That Guy Right Now

We all know that people can be jerks online. The internet troll has become a species of its own at this point. But online dating is just the worst. From POF to Tinder, it feels like an obligation to start some form of online dating, but every single one seems teeming with people who have taken trolling to another level and mixed it with a totally unhealthy dose of sexual harassment.

The Three Online Dating Questions that Should Make You Block That Guy Right Now.

Some of these messages are bland and disgusting, some of them are creative and disgusting, but for the most part they follow these three common themes and to be honest, since I'm bi and my profiles list me as such, I've gotten some form of these from both men and women and it's not less creepy from either.

1. "Do You Like To *Insert Sex Act Here*"

It's just never cool to walk up and start asking someone for the details of their fetishes, especially when you've just met, or haven't even met at all. It's super disturbing how many people will literally start conversations this way. It doesn't matter if what they're asking you is something you like or not, the fact that that's the first thing they want to know about you and they cared so little about whether or not that question would make you uncomfortable is such a red flag.

2. "Do You Want to Meet Up? How About Now? How About Now?"

I'm not saying it's bad to ask a girl out early, that's fine, whatever, but I always say I'm not comfortable meeting in person until I get to know you online. It's then that things get weird, stalkery, and harassy. They'll ask again five minutes later, and then again, and then why, and then they'll start calling you names, and it's just a big mess.

If they don't take "I'm uncomfortable" for an answer, even when it's something as small as a coffee date, that's a super bad sign. It's really a small step from pressuring someone into a date, to pressuring them into stuff they're really not comfortable with.

3. "What's Up Sexy/Beautiful/Baby?"

I'll be the first to admit, I'm the kind of person who will call everyone from her best friend to her great aunt "Hon" or "Baby" or "Boo" but there's a difference between saying "sorry, hon" when you bump into a stranger at the store and saying "Hey baby" to someone you're just meeting for the first time.

Starting off a conversation with pet names is creepy for multiple reasons. It could mean you care more about what I looked like in my pictures than what I had to say in my profile, or it could mean you're only interested in talking to me if it turns into a date or something more. It rarely means you're interested in my intellect. For this one, I usually just tell the person it makes me uncomfortable and see what their response is, but remember, if they start getting pushy about it, you're right back to #2.

Moral of the story: Make your boundaries clear and don't ever let someone sweet-type you into a date if they started off making you uncomfortable. Stay safe in the cyberverse, ladies, there's some great people out there, but sometimes you do have to dig to find them.


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What Guys Said 9

  • True.
    I would turn down a woman who calls me "hun" "boo" "sweetheart" without knowing each other well, though.

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  • The most successful online daters I know ask potential dates out in their first message, and avoid long back and forths unless things are going really well and there are plans to meet soon.

    So many people online just want to chat and flirt and can't even take the step to meet for a coffee or drink... your time is generally better spent finding people who actually want to meet.

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  • I'm not so sure about #1.

    I remember I had a first date with this Jewish girl, and as we were smoking hookah, I just asked her about a 5,000 square foot BDSM dungeon that was a few blocks away. We started talking about BDSM, and then I just asked her if she wanted to go. When? Why not right now, for shits and giggles, just to see what it's about?

    We ended up going, and that was essentially our first date. We must have been there until 2am. She was really sweet. As we were walking, I remember her saying something like, "Are you going to call me for a second date?" or "Will there be a date number two?" I honestly couldn't really comprehend what she was saying, or the fact that she was saying it. Up until that point, I was just used to girls either playing hard-to-get or with their cards close to the chest. So, I mistakenly thought, "Well, if she feels that comfortable, maybe she's not really that into me."

    Stupid, yes, I know. I was young, I was an idiot. But in retrospect, for whatever it's worth, here was a girl who took pride in and enjoyed showing a potential male interest of hers that she was "comfortable" sexually, and unlike like 70% of other girls out there, she wasn't offended, didn't suddenly feel insecure, and... (drum roll) ... wanted to show "me" that she was cool with all those things, even if only because she thought that's the kind of girl I wanted. It was thoughtful, respectful, but unfortunately, unappreciated (and unrecognized) at the time.

    I think I called her back nearly 2-3 weeks or maybe even a month later, and she didn't even want to talk to me (she was furious I didn't call sooner), understandably. Totally my bad there.

    I guess the point is, #1 is not always the case. There are girls who are uncomfortable with sex, sexuality, and basically all things men and sex. I don't know if guys realize the "why" behind the "what" they're doing, but it's essentially an unconscious (and sometimes "conscious") "test." Guys are poking around to test a girl's comfort and attitude towards sex, and determine whether they want to spend the rest of their life with a person that has that level of comfort or attitude towards men and sex. 70% of the time, the answer is "no," which is okay... that's why people "date" in the U. S., instead of automatically get lock-in to blind arranged marriages. If the conclusion is, "no thank you," you just go back out there and roll the dice again.

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    • The thing is though, I am one of those girls who isn't into talking about sex until we have established some sort of rapport. Talking about sex too soon with me will scare me away thinking that's all the guy wants from me. However, once in a relationship, I have no problem with sex. I enjoy it quite a lot. So just because a girl isn't willing to just talk about sex and stuff right away, doesn't mean she doesn't like sex at all. Everyone is different and some women like to feel safe before talking about sex.

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    • It's not that I don't feel sexual desire until I 'feel safe'. It's that I've been lied to and used and I don't want to waste my energy on people who do not want me for anything other than an easy lay. Unfortunately not everyone is honest out there, and I've had some pretty terrible stuff done to me personally. I think as a human being, I have every right to wait until I am ready for sex with a guy.

      I shouldn't have to have sex with a guy right away to prove to him that I have desire for him. My proof is that I am actively contacting him to see him, flirting, and wanting to spend time with him.

      Plenty of people take their clothes off everyday and have sex. Sex doesn't automatically equal desire, and waiting to have sex with a person shouldn't be the determining factor. But I guess everyone is different. I would rather wait and get to know a person, because I am personally relationship-oriented. Rather than just jump in the sack and hope for the best.

    • @Darkfairie17 (1) I hear what you're saying, (2) I understand what you're saying. That is all.

  • I wonder what is going through guy's heads when they do any of the three things above. Are they thinking yeah if I send a picture of my dong, she'll totally say yes. The issue with that behavior is it makes it harder for other guys genuinely looking for a date and cause some girls to think all guys are the same.

    My biggest issues with online dating is I can't seem to get a relationship from them from all the dates I've had and if the girl is interested, it's someone I have the least amount of interest. Either that or the girls I do find physically attractive can't hold a conversation for shit and leave me to do all the work which can create a lot of pressure. Not saying all girls are like that or they're all the same but I've dealt with it a lot.

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  • Yeah, those type of questions/comments, you just can't say that stuff, come on. Have some respect for women or vice versa. Nobody wants to hear that. People should genuinely put thought and heart into getting to know a person for who they are. Relationships develop over time

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  • Whoever is a weirdo online is a weirdo in real life too. Weirdos will say weird things or ask for weird things.

    That is the rule of thumb.
    Nobody in their right mind would be willing to keep up facades online either, sooner or later their being a weirdo will shine through.

    However, proposing to meet up sometime early on is not weird, it just means they are serious about getting to know you in person and see how you actually are.

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    • I'd say it's a double standard because if a girl you like asks to text or asks you to meet up early and you like her or are attracted to her, you'll say yes. Can't say it's the other way around too.

  • I admit I stopped by because Disgust is your picture here. I teach 5th grade and Disgust is BY FAR the most popular character from Inside Out among my female students. I would have thought it would have been Joy, but nope. It's Disgust.

    Good take, by the way.

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  • When I am online on POF I have a few rules.
    1) if they don't write at least a couple of sentences I just delete the message. I have women that just write "hey". Really? if you not interested enough to tell me something about you then don't bother.
    2) I always wait at least a couple of days to ask anyone out. Just depends on how much message/texting we have done.
    3) from our beginning contact and into dating, I never even mention the word "sex" until she does. That shows her I am not just there for sex. I also think it has been the reason I have been laid quicker and more often then avg. Though I don't know what average is.

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  • What is the worst pickup line that anyone has received via online dating?

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    • I was sent "Sit on my lap and we'll talk about the first thing that pops up" as a joke from my best friend a few years ago :P then he came out and now I'm starting to wonder whether it was a joke or not (he played it off as a joke)

What Girls Said 12

  • Those questions are extremely tame! You should see the weird shit I get every day!
    Wait, let me list them.
    1) Hey baby, can you wear heels and you can walk all over me while wearing them? I want to lick your feet too.
    2) I want to tie you up and rape you.
    3) Do you like guys who shave down there?

    Yes, yes I have had them.

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  • This made me laugh but it's sadly so true.

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  • Honestly people who do this are just fishing until they catch someone. It obviously works if people keep doing it. Teens and tweens are more likely to fall for this.

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  • wish I had known #3 before falling for a fuckboy and everything went to shit

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  • I came here because I saw disgust, I got no opinion on the take, but Inside Out made me cry. Really. Ok, have a nice day.

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  • Honestly, with some of the dudes that I encountered on OKC and Tinder, I have no idea how they were still allowed in public. the creepy shit they said should have gotten them arrested long ago.

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  • This is so true & I agree completely.

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  • I always feel so uncomfortable when a guy I never spoke to before calls me sexy or baby... it's like they don't really care about me as a person but just like what they see on the outside and don't care enough to see if I'm as good looking in personality then I am in looks.

    There's a website called Tagged I go on... I'm in a relationship and tagged is pretty much something I use for entertainment and socialize. It says clearly on my profile 'in a relationship' and my profile picture is of me and and my boyfriend... clear as day that I'm taken but lads still pester me for sex... even had a few telling me that my boyfriend said this and that when they never met or spoken to him and others saying I should leave my boyfriend and I ask why and they'll be say "because I have a bigger dick" erg...
    Guys like that obviously don't respect relationships.

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  • I approve this take!

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  • Good take 👍

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  • Anything online lacks emotional content. I don't do online

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  • I totally feel you girl particularly concerning females I never knew girls could be soooo much more creepy and perverted than men. I mean at least dudes pretend to try to get to know you before asking for nudes. -_-

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    • Girls (18) can be just as nasty and perverted as guys. Im glad someone finally see it too.

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