Debunked: "I Have A Racial Preference In Dating"

There are three different types of people in the dating scene:


A) The person who is open to dating any race.

This person has no preference when it comes to dating racially. They are willing to date whoever they share a connection with.

B) The person who says,"I have a preference for my own race."

This person is unwilling to date outside of their race. Although this person is referred to as "close-minded" by some, this individual does not discriminate against others. They do not feel other races are inferior in comparison to their own. They do not associate other racial groups with the negative stigmas that are in place for them by society. They simply just share a attraction to their own phenotype or others with similar features/characteristics.

C) The person who says they have a preference but is really a closet racist.

My main discussion in this article will be Person C.

This person constantly tries to camouflage their actions. It is apparent to some that this person is racist. They often insinuate that they are better than others through their actions and words. When confronted with the fact that they are racist, they are often quick to say:

"I have a -insert race other than their own- friend"


"I have a preference, I can't be racist!"

People that are able to see past their camouflage know that isn't the truth.

Person C hides behind the words, "I have a preference" because that is what is accepted in society. The truth is, they share a deep routed hatred for the race they choose not to share a committed relationship with.

Covert racism is a form of racial discrimination that is disguised and subtle, rather than public or obvious. Concealed in the fabric of society, covert racism discriminates against individuals through often unnoticeable or seemingly passive methods. Covert, racially-biased decisions are often hidden or rationalized with an explanation that society is more willing to accept.

Person C

  • May have many friends of different racial backgrounds.
  • May even have a few sexual encounters with those outside of his/her race. (But would never seriously commit or marry someone that is not their own racial background).

Examples of comments that are made by this person:

"Black people are criminals and ghetto".

"Hispanics are dirty and loud".

"All Asians look alike. They are only good for submission."

"White people smell like wet dog. They are stuck up and snobby."

The list goes on.........

You can be any race to hold hatred to another.

Offensive comments as shown above are quickly covered up by the, "I have a racial preference in dating" line. Often times, the comments made by people like Person C are overlooked because no one ever second guesses when someone says they have a liking towards a particular type of person.

How can they? Especially, when this person seems to get along with a variety of ethnic groups.

I get it!

I am not easily fooled.

This is racism in its most subtle form.

It is often swept under the rug because it's concealed to look like something that is acceptable in the eyes of others.

People like Person C aren't always aware of their deeply routed hatred for other races. It's very common that some individuals feel this way about other races subconsiously. Societal, cultural, and environmental differences/beliefs have the ability to strongly impact ones views of others.

Some covert racists often remain in denial about the "truth" of their views and continue to portray an image they are opposite of.

We’ve got to face the fact that some people say you fight fire best with fire, but we say you put fire out best with water. We say you don’t fight racism with racism. We’re gonna fight racism with solidarity

Whether racism is overt (open and observable) or covert (hidden and disguised), it is something that will never end. Do not allow yourself to be blinded by those who say they have a preference. Those that truly do, harbor no hate or resentment. Those that do not make ignorant comments and portray an illusion that's appropriate for the world.

Stacyzee is a GirlsAskGuys Editor
Who are Editors?

Join the discussion



What Guys Said 55

  • I just prefer dating Latinas for a long list of reasons, both physically and personality wise that fit "my type" better. I mean, they are just too gorgeous as well.

  • too many contradictions and there isn't really much difference between person b and person c in your book.

    for instance,

    person b:

    'This person is unwilling to date outside of their race. Although this person is referred to as "close-minded" by some, this individual does not discriminate against others. They do not feel other races are inferior in comparison to their own'

    person c:

    'person who says they have a preference but is really a closet racist'

    do you know they are a closet racist or are you assuming they are a closet racist. how do you know person b is not a closet racist since neither person b nor person c say explicitly racist things.

    does person c say things such as:

    ' "I have a -insert race other than their own- friend"


    "I have a preference, I can't be racist!" '

    or are they saying things like,

    ' "Black people are criminals and ghetto".

    "Hispanics are dirty and loud".

    "All Asians look alike. They are only good for submission."

    "White people smell like wet dog. They are stuck up and snobby." '

    because there is an obvious contradiction between saying things non-racially explicit on one hand and saying things that are racially explicit on the other hand.

    either person c is out in the open about their racism or you don't know that they are racist.

    also, are you really fine with person b having racial preferences or are you just saying that so you can attack person c (who is not really that different from person b).

    • Hi there,
      I'll be glad to clear this up for you. There are no contradictions in this article, it's just that you are not interpreting it well.
      Some people simply find certain facial features more attractive than others.
      It's pretty much like you finding a slim woman more attractive than one who is overweight.
      Do you hold any negative feelings about women that carry a little extra weight? No.
      It's just the person that appeals to you more is similar in body build to you (both people are suitable weight for their height)
      Someone that is discriminatory openly states stereotypes about those they are unwilling to give a chance to (person c).
      Since I am speaking about covert racism, this is the type of discrimination that is usually overlooked.
      This person may say offensive things in a joking manner to mask their hatred that they feel towards a certain group inside. people that are covert racist aren't open about it, the racism they display is usually subtle and not open.
      As a black

    • Show All
    • I don't need to list a ton of scenarios to make my point.
      I clearly stated this woman was rude to people of color but nice to her own.
      That's pretty blatant if you ask me.
      You can feel comfortable with your own but why speak down to others?

    • Ok, fair enough if you are certain that the behaviour is rudeness / hostility as opposed to incompatibility arising from difference in language and culture. If you are sure that is the case, then I can agree that this is covert racism and that in this sense person c can be distinguished from person b in a situation where we are dealing with certainties rather than assumptions about the underlying motives or agendas a person may have. We can agree, therefore and I am sorry to hear that as a black woman you encounter this behaviour regularly - it shouldn't happen.

  • it's a bit more nuanced than that.

    there's also person d) who i've seen a lot around here who only date one race and that race isn't their own. lots of black girls wondering if white guys will date them.

    also, i think people in group b) would also make racist jokes because they are aware of race on some level. unless you're color blind you can't really avoid it though it doesn't make you racist unless you choose to hate because of it

    • "Lots of black girls wondering if white guys will date them."

      They're not wondering because they're actually interested in being with white guys, they're wondering because they want white guys to tell them that they're desirable. Black women are so bothered by being a second (or third) choice for so many black men that they're desperate to get some sense of validation. If they really wanted to date white guys, you'd see a lot more white guy/black girl couples around. The fact is, there aren't many out there, and that's proof that black women still aren't interested in non-black guys.

    • Show All
    • Okay , thanks for adding your view in this discussion.
      <3 i must say, I am seeing a side of you I like in this post.
      Me and you have butt heads numerous times.
      I admire your view when it is delivered in a way that can effectively be heard instead of being one that condemns.

    • ahhhh what is happening to meeee haha

  • People might not be "born racist" but according to some groups, 3 month old babies are keenly aware of race.

    And in all seriousness, why do you or anyone else really care if someone has "racist" biases in dating? I mean, seriously?

    Here. I am extremely racist. I'm white, and one of the reasons I only ask out white girls is that when I have kids one day, I want them to be white and have my good looks, and carry on my proud white bloodline lol. That, and I think hot white girls are way hotter than girls of other races.

    There, perfect example of overt racism in dating, lmao. Now my question is, why do you care?

    Does it disturb you that not enough black guys can sleep with white girls yet, or something? I just don't get your logic. Why does it even concern you?

    I mean, people have more reason to ban gay marriage based on STD medication costs to society, than you do to be worried that not enough people are having interracial sex.

    • No they aren't. True science will posts sources. Racism is a byproduct of ignorance.

    • Show All
    • I'll rephrase for you, @ThePostMan.

      "Racism is a byproduct if ignorance."

      Ignorance of what, specifically?

    • Well, you believe and posted a racist rant that has no scientific basis and tried to pass it off as fact to justify you believe that you are better than someone else, based solely on the color of your skin.

      Real scientists share their sources and methods of testing because only when your results can be duplicated by others under the same condition, does your science become valid. Until then, it's just a belief.

  • The only preference I have is dating within the 'human race'

  • Great take. As someone who doesn't have a racial preference, it's always interesting hearing the reasoning behind it when people do.

    I'd date a woman of any ethnic background but the odds are higher for some over others simply due to the environment I'm in.

  • "They do not feel other races are inferior in comparison to their own."

    It would be so cool if judgmental people could understand this about people who prefer their own or a certain other race. Like, I'm pretty certain I'm mostly attracted to white women only. I 'could' date a black woman (not that I will, there aren't any from where I'm from) but I wouldn't settle down with her. Does that mean I think she's inferior to a white woman? No. I'm just being pragmatic over the fact that I want my predecessors to have white genes. Why? Because I'm white. It has nothing to do with superiority or inferiority - just want my kids to look like me and my ancestors. That's it.

    • Although your preferences may not be understood by some. I admire you for expressing your views on this.
      As long as you harbor no hate or resentment towards others then by definition you are not racist.

    • Show All
    • I don't get it why I was downvoted do much? Are people really that sensitive?

    • #UpVote + I can respect it LOL

  • Wow this actually made a lot of sense.

  • I tend to date my own kind. I find it better and feel more compelled and comfortable dating my own women like most people do. I think its natural to date within your own race.

  • I date within my race and though I'm not raciest I don't care who thinks I am that's their problem.

  • So out of groups B & C who will not date others of other races do you think more people are in group C or in group B?

    • Good question.
      From experience, I'd have to say more people are in group C just some remain in-denial about their feelings.

  • I wholeheartedly agree with your MyTake and you make a lot of valid points. Me personally I am willing to date anyone of any race so I identify as Person A. I am an open minded individual as I'm willing to learn about whomever I am dating and I don't have a preference when it comes to having a partner. I will say that there are a quite a few of people who are Person C but I tune these individuals out.

    Also @gobsmacked3 great minds think alike.

  • Guys there are so many beautiful women out there! Why only limit yourself to one race? I dont understand it. Great take btw!

  • I did a take on this recently and the unconsciously racist. You will be harassed for posting this.

  • Many racist black men date white women.

  • Why is that every time interracial relationships are brought up it always involves white people?

    Black/Asian relationships are virtually non existent yet nobody seems to give a crap or even mention it. Do blacks and Asian have a secret pact that they will stay away from each other?

    • This must be a response to other users because I didn't label an identity of a couple.
      But anyway my observation is the same as yours. I notice that too

  • What do I come under? I am White but I am not really interested in my own race of women unless they are the same nationality as me or come from the same cultural back ground. I find Eastern European women to be incompatible with me culturally.

    I like all races of women and would date all races of women including white, though they are not my #1 preference.

  • I'm white and I don't find black girls attractive at all. The closest I'm attracted is hispanic.

  • I think this is the best take that I've read about this topic thus far. Since I've seen a lot of "PERSON C's" on the web + somewhat in real life. And IMHO the best way to "pull them out of the shadows" is to make them mad. So you can see if the racial slurs will come spewing out of their mouths (usually does) shortly after.

    Cuz they'll usually do everything in power to justify their "preference" when IMHO it's not a "preference". But just them trying to take the #PC route about it. Since if you asked them to "truthfully" write down their preferences on a piece of paper it wouldn't look anything like mine of Black, Asian, Arab, Indian, Latino, White.

    But something like "blackx4, and Asian (really written there to fool us into thinking that they do truly have preferences. When in the end, it's all nothing but PC BS because they're scared catching flak for it LOL). nice take.

    • I ignored your bullets points on the "person C's"... sorry LOL

    • Show All
    • Nope, I still feel the same way about them. And tbh I kinda ignored your bullet points on purpose. Cuz your/the generic run in the mill "person C" will usually live in an all ___ community with maybe 1 token friend, right? Who he nor his family really likes in the 1st place. But they'll choose to keep em around for the "I have a ___ BFF" for arguments IMHO HAHAHA

    • Most "person C's" only fuck their race I'm sure LOL.

      BFF" arguments *

  • no im not racist i just dont find some races attractive...

    • That was what I said in this article

    • Show All
    • You don't look as if you've missed a meal. I wouldn't worry about food if I were you

    • thanks im bulking

  • More from Guys

What Girls Said 18

  • Nice myTake. This isn't related to race but I've been called a bi-phobe because I said I only date heterosexuals. *shrug*

    • What? Lol.
      I've only heard of homophobe when someone openly discriminates against them.
      But bi phone? Solely based off of the fact that you are straight makes no sense

    • Show All
    • Labels have huge impact when they aren't thrown around for just anything. If someone is openly discriminating then it's common they will be called a lot of different things. But simply being straight and called that is odd. Maybe those people were joking.

    • Heh, yeah. Unfortunately they weren't joking. I've stopped caring about it though. The people who say it always compare it to racism. :/

  • This was well written and I think you made a lot of good points, good work.

  • Oh my, I totally agree with you. There's people who say they don't date black girls because of the stereotypes projected by society. That we are loud, sassy and whatnot. It is wrong to assume these things about all of us because of the stereotypes projected by society and to not date is because of it. If you don't find us attractive that is one thing, but to not date is because you want "pure" babies and because of our supposed demeanor then that's another thing entirely.

    • I guess some people think it's okay to stereotype people based on that actions of a few. Again, I never said that's it's wrong to have a preference, but when you based that preference off of stereotypes, then that is when it crosses the line as racist.

  • As a black female I'm pretty open to dating a guy of any race. As long as he's cute and his personality matches up. I have gone through phases were I was specifically crushing on guy's of one race. Like right now I've really got a thing for guy's of my own face

  • Would I be person A or C? I'm pretty much open to dating any race besides white people. I would prefer to be married to a black man and build my legacy with him though. In the end though I'd probably date or marry any race as long as he's not white. I don't hate white people and I'm not racists towards them I just couldn't date them. I don't find them physically attractive and to me their personalities aren't really attractive either. I don't think I'm racists though as I talk to and hang around everyone although I didn't want to state this originally in my comment since you said they hide behind the I have this race friend argument. It's true though I don't dislike them I just couldn't date them.

  • Why is it that almost every guy that commented on this made it about not dating black girls specifically... Lol I agree with this!

  • Or... I simply don't find the majority of black guys and Asian guys I've met to be attractive. I do not say the types of things you mention, I do not have a problem with marrying someone of another race - I just tend not to find them attractive. Some yes. Most no. I specifically have a thing for British guys and I think it's because the majority of my background is genetically British. I love the eye shape.

    • I guess that's close to B but not quite - I do find a lot of middle eastern and south Asian guys attractive. Just not east Asian or African. And I did read the whole thing but was thinking I would fall under C by virtue of not quite being A or B... but I guess not.

    • Thanks for being honest with your response.
      I would think you're somewhat of a mix between a and b.
      You love your own. You find them the most attractive.
      You are open to dating outside of your race even if that is not your physical preference.

  • Lol so many passive aggressive people in the comments, because you're saying they might be covert racists.

    Which outcome is really better? Making overt racism socially acceptable again, so covert racists can come out to play or staying on this course, where they are just as angry as you are, because the gool ole days are no more where they "can be themselves"?

  • What category would people who have a preference to another race because of the physical be?

  • I agree with this post, however I find it really really hard to determine who's having a racial preference and who's just really racist..

    • Because covert racism is usually masked , it is hard to spot.
      If someone says they do not date a race and then follows that line with negative stigmas, stereotypes , and insults then it's clear what to see this person is. He or she feels themselves superior , that is the reason why they will not date someone who is not their race.

      Someone who has a racial preference (and solely that ), has nothing to say negatively about other races they simply share more of an attraction to their own than others.

    • Show All
    • What race was it?

    • @RainbowFanGirl I don't know as he was anonymous ( like they usually are) and just said "certain race"

  • I don't think I can marry a person of the same race or ethnic background, because I'm already an ethnic minority in this country. So, I'd be more than happy if someone of a different ethnic background would at least be willing to marry me.

  • I'm half white but won't date white lol. It's still my own race, so it's not like I'm refusing to date outside my race or am a closet racist. I just don't find the skin tone that attractive and don't like purple/pink dicks, they don't look good to me at all.
    Really, I'm as much white as I am my other race, I'm 50/50 so I'm both.

    • Wow I never knew color of my dick mattered too until I read your opinion lol...

    • Don't worry, to most people it doesn't. And to some, they really prefer the color of a white guys dick.

  • Lol. Most girls got the point of this take but signifigant amount of guys comment shit like " you can't tell me who to fuck or date. I don't find black women attractive. I own nothing to them. I want my kids to be white and be proud of being white"

    And these guys belong to group C.

  • My gosh lol. Why are people including black women in their comments. This black woman doesn't five 2 craps if you dont find me attractive because I am black. Who are you again? No one

    • Haha Ikr! I realized that too. I dont know why they are saying "black women" in the first place.

    • Show All
    • RIGHT? LOL

    • @Afrochick Yes girl. These dudes are something else lol. Was I supposed to cry because some dudes dont like me because of my skin color? Not my fault they're missing out lol

  • What's up with most guys being so salty over this? Lmao.

  • How come you only posted a racist photo with a black person? Where are the other race examples of photos that you listed?

    • I listed examples.
      I didn't want to post four to five pics for each race. One photo is good enough to show examples of racism that are out there.
      I don't need to over power this take by showing large amounts of photos , when we all are aware of exists.

  • From what I have seen, those who say they are in category B are really category C in denial.

    That said, very well written and balanced take as always. *This* is the kind of content that deserves accolades and site-wide recognition.

    • Thanks :)

      I would refer to those in category B as close minded.
      Some of them are just not open to the idea.
      They do not posses any hatred however which is why I cannot view them as racist.

      There's really a fine line between the two which makes it hard to label for others.

    • I understand completely. For me, it's the difference between racism and internalized racism. If you can't find a single person you find attractive within a particular race, are you really seeing those people clearly, you know what I mean?

      It is indeed a huge waste of energy to hate.

    • I understand your view as well. I can see why you think of it that way.

  • I agree 100%