Get Past the First Date

A guy I met in a bar in college took me out for a few casual drinks on our first date. I was nervous but he seemed really nice. As the wine and the conversation flowed, we decided to move on to another bar. He turned to get his coat off the back of his chair and I noticed that he had a long strip of hair reaching down the back of his neck. He saw me notice and stroked it. Plain faced, he said "I wanted to make a good impression, so I got my sister to straighten my hair."

Although I put up with the rest of the night, my mind was made up and I never returned his phone call the next day.

So why was I so fussy? Why did I reject a perfectly intelligent, good looking and funny guy? The reason why, is that I found something that I thought was a bit weird, turned it into a huge deal and probably gave up a very good thing. Girls are idealists. We expect every aspect of a man to be our perfect match on a first date.




I would never classify myself as shallow. I like my guys to be thinkers and I like to laugh. There is one common thing in every female, however. The first date is a time when every detail, every action and every point of conversation is logged and assessed to a point of obsession. Through no obvious fault of their own, many guys lose out to the fickle nature of a woman when they have done as little as wear white socks with black trousers.

It's a common phenomenon that you will hear from any girl. A Brad Pitt face and body double could be rejected because he wore shoes with a pointed toe. A man with the best sense of humor could lose out because he slurped his beer.

"It is a tragic and laughable idea to dismiss
someone on such a superficial level, but it happens everywhere, everyday."

Ask any woman who has been on a blind date. Mutual friends who see the guy and girl as a wonderful match may have hooked them up. Immediately, the woman has grand preconceptions of her perfect man turning up at to meet her. The face has already been created in her mind, the progress of the night, the flowing conversation and the dancing and the intimate gazes are anticipated with excitement.

First dates are more often a lot more hard work than you would think. They can be very awkward. Conversations can have excruciating pauses. Both guy and girl can be too tentative to speak, or may babble on like a broken record. These things do not fit the ideology of a first date, and often they do not lead onto a second date. As a woman, I can admit that we lack persistence to see the beauty in things we do not immediately like. On the successful occasion that a woman can overcome her objections and go for the second date, suddenly a bit of hair straightening can be seen as funny, or those weird shoes come second to a beautiful smile.

To summarize: girls are fussy when it comes to meeting new a guy. If you can recognize this and handle it well (refer to it, joke about it) then you'll likely get another chance to prove how great you really are, despite the coffee stains on your shirt.



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What Guys Said 6

  • That's why I never date any girl I haven't already known for a good couple of weeks, and why I never make it an official date.

    I wish us guys got more credit for stumbling through the female minefield to actual relationships ya know? :)

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  • Thanks for the info in the article. If you could have provided more on how to "handle it well" besides referring to and joking about it, that would have been awesome!

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  • Thats why most girls end up alone or dating pricks...there is no such thing as perfect...you either accept them for what they are or learn how to accept people more...no one is going to live up to expectaions if you keep then so high....

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  • As a veteran of the dating wars, I can say this happens more often than not. Excellent article!

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  • Until I read the part of how to handle it ..... I thought your article was worthless.... I appreciate year input..... but such girls who are ultra picky end up with absoloute jerks or alone. Men are human and we make mistakes...

    For me... as long as I like the girls face , general outline of her body.. she dresses normally... then she has a shot with me .. even though if she went out of the bathroom with toilet paper rolling out of her skirt!!!

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  • I agree with noricat, as I was in this situation last night on the first date that I had - we clicked on several levels conversationally, but for me the physical attraction just wasn't there. I'm wondering how to phrase it when I tell her though, as she seems to be a good-natured person and I don't want to hurt her feelings too badly...though there's really no easy way to break that kind of news. :-(

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What Girls Said 3

  • This is SO true! I tried to convince myself that my handsome guy friend was too "shy and naive" for me... but in reality, I was just scared of getting rejected by a good guy with morals. Shame on me! I'm learning to accept the good and the bad in guys. After all, I certainly have my share of flaws!

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  • I totally agree. I always had this perfect vision of a guy before our first date - before I even met him, really. And it's so hard to live up to that vision.

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  • That's just unfair, if he didn't behave like a total idiot I would have given him a second chance. It's only human we screw things up sometimes...esp with dates.

    I was so nervous on my first date with the guy I'm dating just now I could hardly speak, if he hadn't asked me out again he would have never found out what kind of girl I really am.

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